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Disrupting negative cycles is not easy. When I am caught in a negative cycle it really affects all aspects of my life and I become in many ways a different person. The rules seem to change. And it feels as if there is a heavy weight pressing down on me. It makes normal everyday things an effort, even thinking clearly is a challenge.
I think that many of us don’t want to admit it but I believe that Going through a negative cycle is part of the human experience..it is quote unquote normal… and I’m far more interested in the the personal struggles that we all go through than in being presented with perfect people all the time.
Chapters:
00:00 – Why this is important
02:43 – Movement
04:48 – Environment
06:30 – Sleep
07:20 – Skills
#negativecycles #gettingoverit #recovery
22 Comments
Good morning all! I know this is a bit of a departure from my usual content but I felt the need to make it as I see quite a few people in my private life struggling (me included) and hope to reach others going through a similar phase. Thank you for your patience.
Moving and thoughtful video. As usual. To your observations, I remember when I first met my wife, we were chatting about our various trajectories in life and the stories and experiences that underpinned and informed who we were. She was sobbing when listening to me tell mine. I genuinely thought she was crying because we had made a connection and realised we were falling in love. Years later she told me she was crying because she felt so sorry for me and what I had gone through and witnessed. Her nickname for me is "The Donkey" for no other reason than the most important way that I have coped with everything you describe is by doing my job, no matter what. Being the best soldier I could be, the best son, the best brother, the best father, the best husband – almost as importantly, surrounding yourself with people who share such unfashionable virtues as stoicism, self sacrifice, duty, obligation, courage, a quiet, firm, almost stubborn commitment to morality at all costs, fidelity and an absence of self pity.
On another note – when you need respite or inspiration I agree with you about exercise. I was walking in the Saudi Arabian desert yesterday and 4 hours in, in complete solitude, something resembling clarity and calm confidence came back.
Keep up the good work.
Thank you for this. I really like these more introspective stories. Even if I don't share the same feelings, they help me to gain understanding for other people's experience.
I went through the same miserables like you decribed it and I still do. Doing similar migation actions. Makes me weak sonetimes.
…the Friday-Taunus-Harley-Rider
It is always lovely to listen to you…. Do you also have an instagram account?
Hello Ben, thanks for that video!
It's a good example of reflecting the experience of feeling down, frustrated and depressed. Also in my experience your recommendations can actually help. Particularly physical activity, even if it's just going for a walk. That has been very effective for me when I've combined it with a small trip eg. to another place or to somewhere with beautiful nature (in my case the Alps, Lake Constance, Lindau, Ulm). I have a kind of list of things in my head of which I want to take pictures with a camera. Doing that can push away all troubling thoughts because it urges me to focus on something completely different. There's even a characteristic German phrase about that: Wenn dir die Decke auf den Kopf fällt, wird's Zeit draussen frische Luft zu schnappen. If the ceiling is dropping on your head it's time to catch some fresh air outside.
Good and sufficient sleep is easily overlooked, yet really essential.
Finally I would like to add another "trick": stop comparing yourself or your situation with others, stop judging yourself and your mood. As you've said, it impossible to stay positive, euphoric, active, creative and all the other nice adjectives constantly all the time. If nothing else feeling down can be just a sign that your body and/or your soul needs a break. Sometimes that feeling down appears sooner that I can realize that I've neglected taking breaks in time or often enough.
Thank you very much for your open words. You moved me
💚
Hi again, I subbed after your video about working in a toxic environment as you nailed every single aspect of it perfectly. As for the topic of this video, you also nailed it and this is something a lot of us grapple with, of course to different degrees, but it's hard to express when you feel like you have to constantly put on a tough "front".
Going back to my comment in your other video, when I walked out of that job I hid in my flat for the best part of three weeks and very rarely went outside (only at night to go to the supermarket) and didn't talk to anyone. This is a bit of a pattern with me and I know how to break it… sort of, butthe anxiety of anyone seeing me in such a bad place gave me more anxiety. Long story short, I broke this behaviour and started going on long walks again, visiting new places, interacting with people again even though this isn't so important as I'ma bit of an intorvert.
The time has come for drastic change and this is not running away from my problems, it's realising that my environment really is the problem. With negative cycles I think tha the more you have, the easier it is to. spot the signs of depressive episode so you learn to build and equip yourself with tools to deal with it. They're still going to happen from time to time but they're not going to be as terrifying as that first episode you ever had, particularly if you're alone in a foreign environment.
Thank you again for your videos, you have a real gift for expressing these difficult issues and thanks again for the advice.
I understand exactly what you mean when you say that it is extremely difficult to break out of a negative cycle. When one is talking about a negative cycle, one is often talking about experiencing a depression, though not always. By the way, when I use the word ‘depression’, I am not using it in the clinical sense; rather, I am using it in the general sense of the word. Perhaps one could say that one is extremely down. One sees no light at the end of the tunnel.
In my opinion, this is far more common than many people realise. Most people go through such periods in their lives, I believe. I certainly have. In fact, I have been through an extremely “negative cycle” in recent times, and for a very protracted period, too. Years, in fact. It was caused by bereavement. If this weren’t an open forum, I would be willing to talk about it.
After a death of someone very close to you, it is normal to grieve. In this case, it was my long-term partner, who died. Worse still, he died before my very eyes. I was traumatised by the experience. The story is much longer and far more complicated than this, but for obvious reasons, I am unwilling to write in detail about it on this open forum. But please believe me when I tell you that I know exactly what you are talking about when you say how difficult it is to start to feel normal again after such negative events. Such experiences can cause paralysis in so many ways.
I have always got over negative events and experiences alone. For me, seeking out professional help would be the very last resort.
In today’s world, they frequently talk about mental health issues. That, to me, is wrong. Yes, of course many people have mental health issues; but falling into depression after a bereavement of a loved one, for example, is not, in my opinion, anything but normal. In fact, not feeling depressed after losing one’s partner would be abnormal in my eyes, and a cause for concern.
By nature, I have always been rather sensitive. I believe that you are too. Sensitive people are usually hit harder by negative experiences. They are more easily hurt and can fall into depression or negative cycles more quickly and more easily than tougher people.
My advice to you would be to identify the cause of the negative cycle and try an do something about it. Loneliness can be one cause, for example. When that is the cause, going for a walk can help. As can other physical activities. But such activities are not going to address the root cause of the problem. Such activities are, at best, palliatives. They are not solutions.
Whenever possible, one should find the solution; and when found, try and put the solution into practice.
I wish you all the best. And remember this: A problem shared is a problem halved. Toi, toi, toi !
Thank you so much for this video. It felt needed for me as I'm going throught the end of a pretty rought depressive episode. The section about movement resonates with me even though I couldn't articulated it properly, so truly, thank you
A major part of your success in a video like this is your voice. You have a soft and gentle tone that is unusual on YouTube. It adds weight and sincerity to what you say in a manner that my soul accepts like a dry garden accepts a gentle rain shower. I feel like I have a friend, even though I have not met you in person. Wishing you continued success.
Great description of the mental inner world of thoughts. Shinrin Yoku (jap. "Waldbaden") helps to fight this kind of depression. I suffer from that kind of overthinking since many years. And it results as you mentioned in bad sleep which does not provide sufficient recharge for the following day. The vicious circle furthermore continues as you cannot perform as usually do. Physical and mental strength are lower and if you are in a competitive working environment you lose ground. That was my experience. I have lived almost a decade in Switzerland and missed dirty old Frankfurt were I originate from. Our area here has a lot more open space and is not so dense and over-restricted like around Zürich. BTW I do not want to leave unnoticed that Switzerland has many advantages. Anyway, being a kind of “homesick” was a major contributor but not the only.
As you told about your stay in China and now in Frankfurt it seems that there some soul connection is missing as family, relatives etc. This is the second part of my correlation. Being without social or familiar bonding, not being embedded and not having strong roots lets you float around like a ballon letted go. For sure I know the differences after certain social defeats.
But we are where we are and now it is about making the best of it, being fulfilled and aiming high. “Weine nicht über verschüttete Milch” is the best line setting even if it is difficult to get there especially without having a soul-mate to exchange and interact with.
Coming back to Shinrin Yoku… This helps me a lot and after having had physical activities in the Taunus I am recharged and can have a good night sleep. Honestly I have to overcome myself if weather conditions are too bad.
Take the U3 to Hohemark, hike to Fuchstanz or do a mountain-bike ride up there. You feel different climate sections – shivering and sweating – on muddy, steep and uneven paths. And this is to me much different than exercising in the gym. It is great and this is what I prefer to mitigate mental negative spirals.
Cheers,
The Taunus-Harley-Rider
Thank you for your channel. I find your presentations very uplifting and reassuring.
you definitely have a Genglish accent, your mannerisms and the timbre of your sentences is pretty German.
Thank you for sharing your tips on how to break out of a negative spiral. Very good tips and reminders. For me, as an immigrant in Germany for 12 years, I have learnt two other ways of coping – one is to learn to deeply feel gratitude everyday and second is to just take one step at a time, living one day at a time. The last 5 mins before I sleep and the first 5 mins of waking up are for me the most essential moments to "recaliberate" my inner self, purposely filling myself with thoughts of gratitude and positive self affirmations.
Good points you made.
I would add another one that helped me fantastically, which is >healthy food<.
It was 18 months ago that I stumbled across Dr.Robert Lustig‘s lecture on sugar, i. e. the different types of sugars, and the damage they cause.
He‘s the author of several books, one of them being >Sugar – The Bitter Truth<.
He received much of his inspiration from John Yudkin (author of >Pure, White and Deadly<) who was the pioneer and alerter to the sugar problem since the 1950s.
From then on I watched channels by Dr Eric Berg, Dr Sten Ekberg, Dr Alan Mandell among others.
Our body is a highly complex chemical factory which requires the right and right amount of nutrients. I myself have been very ignorant before and started to have random inexplicable pains here and there, had 15 kg too much weight and didn’t feel emotionally balanced and stable.
Eating the right food like fermented vegetables such as Sauerkraut from organic source (250g per day) and sprouts and leafy salads is a joy for your beneficial gut bacteria which they need in order to produce substances, the human body can’t produce by itself and can’t live without.
I highly recommend to give the above mentioned channels a try and learn what to eat, drink, and how to prepare and combine (or not combine) and what to avoid.
>Let food be thy medicine<
Have a nice weekend
Hi i am also a brit in Germany , I married to my german 🇩🇪 frau . Your videos are great help and interesting. Can you give me any tips for learning the language i am soon going to the Volkshochschule to learn to a B1 level . I need to improve alot with speaking 🇩🇪 I can read and write german to a2+1I have thought of also making videos for my life in germany .
One feedback … question. Do you know that you always incline your head to your right side?
This is so poignant, Ben. Great video and I can relate to it a lot. My brain never switches off and I over think everything so I struggle with highs and lows. I find the tips you suggetsed work for me and getting more sleep is a priority. I love writing and doing something creative to change up the routine. I ask myself every few years "am in happy? If not, why not? What can I change?" and this has kept me moving forwards and looking for solutions and learning more about myself and how I tick. It's good if you have self awareness and can see links to situations and feelings. Lovely video! Very informative and useful and hopefully will help many people. I think being isolated in a foreign country whose language isn't your own teaches you to survive and depend on yourself more. I learned through tough times being alone that only I could change my situation and mindset and I could do it at any time. I was in control of how I feel not the situation and no one else was Going to change it for me. It was just my response and feeling overwhelmed that paralyzed me temporarily but if you research and look at your options and think outside the box at how to change your situation, you will learn things aren't really as bad as our brains make us think.
This is so poignant, Ben. Great video and I can relate to it a lot. My brain never switches off and I over think everything so I struggle with highs and lows. I find the tips you suggetsed work for me and getting more sleep is a priority. I love writing and doing something creative to change up the routine. I ask myself every few years "am in happy? If not, why not? What can I change?" and this has kept me moving forwards and looking for solutions and learning more about myself and how I tick. It's good if you have self awareness and can see links to situations and feelings. Lovely video! Very informative and useful and hopefully will help many people. I think being isolated in a foreign country whose language isn't your own teaches you to survive and depend on yourself more. I learned through tough times being alone that only I could change my situation and mindset and I could do it at any time. I was in control of how I feel not the situation and no one else was Going to change it for me. It was just my response and feeling overwhelmed that paralyzed me temporarily but if you research and look at your options and think outside the box at how to change your situation, you will learn things aren't really as bad as our brains make us think.
You are just such a beautiful soul ✨️
Wishing you all the best dear ❤