Alain de Botton is a philosopher, author, and founder of The School of Life.
Healing yourself is one of the most transformative journeys you can undertake. From nurturing your inner voice to improving relationships, how can we embrace healing to not only grow personally but also show up better for those around us?
Expect to learn where bad inner voices come from and how to hear a negative voice, why we struggle to connect with our emotions, if there is a danger of intellectualising challenges of emotion for smart people, Alain’s advice for obsessive people who want to let go a little more, advice for an anxious person dealing with an avoidant one, why we get stuck in unhappy relationships, how to improve your self worth and much more…
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00:00 Where Do Bad Inner Voices Come From?
08:22 Healing a Negative Inner Voice
22:31 Why Do We Struggle to Fully Connect With Our Emotions?
28:14 The Danger of Intellectualising Emotions
36:01 Letting Go as an Obsessive Person
43:06 Openness & Transparency in Relationships
52:13 Advice for People in an Anxious-Avoidant Relationship
58:37 How Malleable Are Attachment Styles?
1:08:42 Embracing Playfulness in a Serious World
1:12:26 How Childhood Impacts Adult Relationships
1:16:02 Why People Get Stuck in Unhappy Relationships
1:22:33 Our Tendency to People-Please
1:29:59 Taking Ownership of Your Patterns
1:37:12 Are Deep Thinkers More Lonely?
1:41:05 What Drives Alain?
1:51:51 Where to Find Alain
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20 Comments
I’ve wanted to record this episode for 10 years. Alain de Botton joins me today on Modern Wisdom 🚀
During the lowest points of my life, Alain’s voice and lessons have probably been the first place I’ve turned to get some clarity and reassurance. He genuinely sees the human condition with a level of transparency that no one else does. He’s helped me through breakups, grief, depression, jealousy, loneliness, injury, surgery and so much more. Getting to sit down with him was a dream.
Expect to learn where bad inner voices come from, why we struggle to connect with our emotions, if there is a danger of intellectualising feeling problems for smart people, Alain’s advice for obsessives who want to let go a little more, advice for an anxious person dealing with an avoidant one, why we get stuck in unhappy relationships, how to improve your self worth and much more…
I think I did justice to the completely obsessive one-sided parasocial relationship I’ve had with this man and his words over the last decade. It’s a special episode for me. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. It’s live now x
Here's the timestamps:
00:00 Where Do Bad Inner Voices Come From?
08:22 Healing a Negative Inner Voice
22:31 Why Do We Struggle to Fully Connect With Our Emotions?
28:14 The Danger of Intellectualising Emotions
36:01 Letting Go as an Obsessive Person
43:06 Openness & Transparency in Relationships
52:13 Advice for People in an Anxious-Avoidant Relationship
58:37 How Malleable Are Attachment Styles?
1:08:42 Embracing Playfulness in a Serious World
1:12:26 How Childhood Impacts Adult Relationships
1:16:02 Why People Get Stuck in Unhappy Relationships
1:22:33 Our Tendency to People-Please
1:29:59 Taking Ownership of Your Patterns
1:37:12 Are Deep Thinkers More Lonely?
1:41:05 What Drives Alain?
1:51:51 Where to Find Alain
Alain de Botton is great, but it's so rare to see a host who deals with modern psychology and spirituality, and can ask the right questions. Amazing episode.
Thanks Alain!
I hate your commercials. I pay YouTube to avoid them and you're still throwing them in my face. Ugh
Better things to say, but I don't have it
Goodness, this for FREE! Wonderful.
Ship of Fouls, painting by Bosch
This guy is unbelievable! So grateful for Alain!
What about the principle of the prodigal's son?
What about the influences of Holywood, tv programmes, media, influencers telling us how we should be.
What about generational difference and what is truth?
How can anyone know what is true if there are no truths anymore. Everyone is king?
What if there is no highest thing anymore except ourselves ?
What about secrets and lies, selfishness, not wanting to know?
What about bad therapist, the people pleasers, that say what you want to hear, that destroy many.
Using language is a terrible way to reflect on who you are. It is entirely limiting. This is why true meditation can be so much more effective. The great Indian spiritual masters knew this.
Do us a favor. Never quote Mike Maron. He's an unfunny loser. Absolute trash. Spare us please
I ve been following Alain few years now .. and for today's modern day life Alain ,You make sooo much sense!!! Its a comfort to know someone has an understanding of us tainted unlucky or perhaps lucky ones who get to feel more deeply because of how life treated us.. .. Bless You
Actually i have to point out ,that sometimes we gain all the insights . But still reality is partner s dont always understand , and the reaction often can be.. okay ,yeah we understand all that ,but grow up thats all in the past now .. And in my experience those wounds or scars still do exist and kind of haunt ones life .. perhaps we never heal completely even tho we get awareness of what went wrong…
They present the absurdity of this creation . There is good logic in their thinking. The real error is that they believe this the best thing that God could create.
wow
Thank you for pointing out the relationship between vocabulary and breadth of thoughts. It's also why kids that are falling behind need access to speech therapy early!
Absolutely brilliant! Thank you for posting!
I am so relived Alain talking about why hanging in their with people is not the worst thing. I used to feel bad for not giving up fast enough hon toxic friendships but its something I am working towards
so many months ago this came out, and I happen upon it march 3rd 2026. they mention that the astrophysicist Brian cox used to be a rock star, so I look him up. Just so happens "by pure coincidence" that march 3rd is his birthday.
creepy. love it.
never heard someone say absolutely nothing in so much words before
Always learning….even in my 70s. Thank you for this episode. Very informative!