Yeah im 41 now but in 2021 I was 37, I was fitter than I've ever been, sober as fuck, riding at wkend over partying and riding at a level I never had. Ready for full speed again but I am I just hanging on to what used to be? Makes me feel butt naked bare asking this on here but I need to know, reddit is the realest bmx community I've ever come across. 🤟💪🙏❤️
Here's what I wrote a month ago. the 1st pic is seconds after my second KO slam :
Fuck those two nights at ramp 1 in 2021, worst injuries I've ever had in 30 years riding and they was only 4 weeks apart. From those heights let me tell you that floor hits VOODOO hard from up there, so brutal you don't know your own name is, can't even begin to fumble at trying to distinguish what dimension or year your actually present in with more than half your mind and body offline as fuck.
Some riders laugh or look at us lot for dropping in as soon as one of goes down. Every now and then those seconds are important and a familiar touch and voice mean everything to whoever is suffering.
I swear if anyone else tells me there's no pressure to ride fast again I won't hold my tongue anymore. If your saying that then there's zero doubt in my mind that you don't even begin to understand what riding "ALL IN" means to me and what it takes from me mentally to push through the fear knowing full well that the next big slam is only around the corner somewhere unexpected.
That moment that rears it's crusty head out of nowhere and i just say "fuck it" to myself and every single sound stops as my vision tunnels to absolutely fuck all with your concentration just pin pointed in a horror movie style glitchy and jittery way on the feeling of what's happening and desperately but patiently waiting to spot the landing before I make any wrong movements.
I love you all that have said it but please just don't say anything in future when I'm acting weird and been twitchy as fuck. I'll send it in my own time ❤️ without any added overthinking.
I'm ready to go all in again but every fucking time I think about it or start to ride fast again I do one run that reminds me I've still got it in me then almost instantly my hands get so sweaty I can't hold the bars, my heartbeats that loud in my head i can't concentrate properly. It exhausts me in a matter of minutes and I just have to leave the situation right there.
Nobody's really going to like or understand this post properly but a handful will and I want to thank all those riders that have stuck by me and supported me even if it has just been through replying to my drink and drug fuelled messages or more recently just frustrated ones… you all know who you are and even though our riding circles don't get on due to some people's ego's and jealousy I know one thing is that I'm only spending my time riding with those that had the time for me over the last 4 years whatever condition of mind i was in……. to the riders that have blocked, talked shit or mostly looked down at me over this period you won't share a ramp with me anyway because I'll just say what everyone else is thinking 😉 🖕 go ruin someone else's night on a different deck
by rohera4130
8 Comments
Sir, this is a Wendy’s.
I didn’t understand you, I don’t know about singles and it was translated badly
🫂
No homo
I know what it means To Go All In. We ride bikes to the extreme and we also get concussions and TBIs… take care of yourself man
No one can tell you what you need to do. That is entirely up to you. I haven’t rode in years at least 10. But BMX was my life. I’m 39 now and took a spill on an electric skateboard over the summer that put me in the hospital for three days in the ICU. My life is entirely different now because of that fall. I still can’t smell and most likely never will again. Ive suffered hearing loss from it, and I’m afraid to even hop on a bike at this point. The thing is, I’m lucky to be alive after that fall. I couldn’t imagine what life would be like for my family if that had happened. Best of luck with whatever path you chose.
Go fast, ride hard, it’s all a calculated risk. Some days it works, some days it doesn’t. The grounds hard once you’ve hit your head off of it a few times. Part of going all in as you put it is knowing it’s ok to come back and get after it another day.
Controversial take, but thanks for sharing.
It might be hard for people here to relate to such extreme crashes, and your writing was a little hard to follow in places. That said, it’s well worth posting. Talking these things out matters.
You may actually be dealing with PTSD from those crashes. A lot of people misunderstand what recovery looks like.
Recovery does NOT usually mean:
• Forgetting the trauma
• Never being triggered again
• Feeling like “it never happened”
Recovery DOES look like:
• Triggers losing their power
• Memories feeling distant instead of overwhelming
• Being able to stay present when reminded
• Your nervous system spending more time calm than on edge
• Feeling like you again, not defined by the trauma
You seem bitter which is understandable. Try and be kind to yourself. I know riding can feel like everything bit father time comes for us all and even without the crash you would have to learn to ride slower. My advice is learn to ride for a long time is worth way more than sending it hard and losing your health and no longer being able to ride at all.