Top Gear News Outtakes

Oh whoa good news super we’re not interested in these good news now I know could he just bear with me on this one okay I’m now going to explain why we live in a stupid country okay it was a man we got a picture in here this week he appeared in court charged

With driving his motor bility scooter okay while three times over the drink-drive limit so he was banned from driving for a year but the magistrate said you can carry on using your Motability scooter now stop and think about that for a moment because if he was drink driving then it’s a car it’s

Much so therefore you lose your license so how can we still allowed to use it in which case what they’re saying is it isn’t it’s not so you will isn’t it and let me make in his license take this license away he says it’s fair enough now I’m sorry it isn’t it’s iniquitous

It’s absolutely it’s like I walk home from the pub and they say are you over the drink-drive limit yeah but I’m walking doesn’t matter and they take my license away but say it’s okay you can carry on walking but actually it’s slightly worse than that in a way

Because that that Motability scooter is walking as far as he’s concerned that is his equivalent of walking preserve disabled so by by banning him from driving for being drunk that they’re they’re discriminating against disabled people that’s actually what’s happening there it’s Isis back it’s driving already isn’t it is Louis li-ion

Reasonably Britain is now the worst country in the world it’s a cheering out I’m sorry but it is is just when that sort of thing happens in the manga that’s fair enough it isn’t fair enough he should have left over the desk and rung the neck of the magistrate

You GT cars what isn’t it occur not not left of not lads got somehow druvan is but you say easy to car or isn’t it a car because if it isn’t a car give him his license back as he wasn’t drink driving I just say probably not just say it’s oh

By the way Kristin Scott Thomas has been in touch and she invited just you to a karaoke night just yeah it’s tonight but she has said she can really go for a man who can sing really so you know we’ve loud voice doesn’t have to be tuned full

Just built it out loud some Tom Jones numbers could I do Williams do something it can you what do will young operate all these are my cuz I think if you’re gonna hospitals have something done there’ll be strangers it’s kind of antiseptic and in person whereas if we

Do if it’s done by a nice with friendship we can we can do it for you with friendship and a spoon and your beat you’ll be grateful ok white instead of only an abuse at each other why don’t we do this Rockwell you I’ve just noticed if I started winking at millions

Of people doing this change trust me right let’s get on with the proper news and we start with roadside news you see little chef’s have decided to get Heston Blumenthal in to revamp the famous Olympic breakfast which is very popular but perceived as rather unhealthy what he’s done is drizzled it with extra

Words so you see in it now it has in the old Olympic the old Olympic breakfast you used to get British pork sausage you know get outdoor weird British pork sausage is to get certainly can I just say outdoor red sausage yes keeps pigs in their house Popeyes pop

From Richard obviously and do have horse in your house on occasion as an indoor horse has been no so you used to get to rashes of back bacon but now you’re gonna get to rashes of wiltshire cured back bacon and used to just get mushrooms but now you get

Yes you used to get mushrooms something comes out of your iron face is it leprosy just tell me spray is it is it it’s just an eye infection no evil see you sound like a broken gate creaking in the wind you’re rotting in front what are they called mushrooms just angry now

Mushrooms have become roasted field mushrooms I ate food Tom sorry okay you know Aston Martin laid off 600 people this week why didn’t they just change the name of the db9 to a organic free-range Oxford db9 know anything sells better if you give it a Canty in

Its names no no it doesn’t depends which counter you’re talking about I’m not gonna buy a Jaggi or West Midlands yeah some counties have more glamour than a little by a misson palace no it’s got to be the right County or anything from Norfolk so that was again just dogs can

Hear that bit this is temporary that’s on the other hand our suspects it’s gonna get bigger and bigger until all right it told me other omni’s worried if he does go to the doctors with it they might cut off the wrong bit throw him

Away come back it could be the size of a cauliflower this time next week tune in what if it gets big enough to have to dress it with clothes it won’t be an eyepatch it’ll be an eye box you’ll be wearing the big eye bags oh good one solving your buttons have

Come undone on your shirt and it’s distracting me quite mad I will just have the corner of my I could just see two breasts you know Hale they’re not that’s the ridiculous thing I’m not ill at all I mean good good good I don’t mind you’ve not so James can’t

See that great postulates thing mmm he’s just giving your breasts leprosy okay you two who is the best motorcyclist of all time Rossi probably their Mike Hailwood my killed you both wrong in fact the greatest motorcyclist who ever lived is an Indian chap that I found on the

Internet this week just have a look at this he is writing a line okay you’re probably thinking what’s so great ready look at this this is texting and he’s lying down those how’s he making the I mean I’ve got to ask you okay what if there’s an emergency and this being

India is likely to be one about here how does he break I don’t know because there’s nowhere near any of the things he needs some pretty near like his brakes and clutches he’ll have to get back on the bike first and then enjoy his crash well well done you know I’ve

Got that old motto gutsy which i think is sort of cool and laid back you know California it’s like sitting in church compared with that bloke that is the best bit of motorcycling I’ve ever seen so my eyeball well I must do you think I can see out of this block very nickel

You can’t see this see this is it weeping stuff or have you had it varnished so it’s all nice and sure listen and can I just get it back on oh I could just rinse off the bit of makeup that’s covering your huge spot can we

Just forget our real this is nobody’s it so no but that’s got makeup on it I’m just joining your some points a ting redness of it it’s a supernumerary hedge I think it winked at you I think it’s the Super Bee replenish and it’s going to swell sighs

Another one that could be ah but it’ll be okay same size as that thank you this is the Citroen hypnose it’s an experimental car me interesting as its fitted with a camera inside on the roof which looks at your face it reads your emotions they say and then it adjusts

The cabin lighting and fragrance accordingly so it changes the smell according to your mood yes and the lighting what does angry smell like do you do that what the scared smell like I know what it smells like how do you represent regret with cabin la Cruz they they haven’t actually worked

This smells funny I know I was displeased with money postman this morning a friendship they yeah they haven’t actually worked out the details but that’s what they say will do I think it would be better if it was sort of wired into the stereo systems of your

Wife left you could play Phil Collins that would be better I can’t sing anything so I’m not going to sing you if you leave me now as Chicago actually yeah take away the biggest but why am I saying this to you don’t say this to you James no they’ve

Got brochure news I have got brochure news consumer news Sony we’re often criticized for not to doing on top gear this is the brochure for the BMW 3-series now there’s a range of options on this car there are 13 colours there are eight or nine interior trim colors

And there are five different finishes for the wood on the dashboard so BMW of helpfully made one of those charts that show you what you can have with what putting a little black blob do you know what I mean next to the things you can have and here is the chart

They are blob what you can essentially have anything that’s you know just that’s just a waste of paper yeah exactly you’re wrong you see look there no blob they’ve done that whole page just to tell you you can’t what’s that then well that means if you are thinking of buying

A 3-series you cannot have beige vertex upholstery with any color and burr walnut wood see that’s just fascism isn’t it to spot the one missing blah missing the flame I did that a structure they say how many revs my own portion this is share that search is there I

Think they did that page realize that everything was available with everything and thought that’s embarrassing so they deliberately took when out to make the page that relevant I bet if you go in the mouth well they did it real off the wall probably yeah I bet you’re going last for it you can

Have it right now listen you know the government has pledged to have the amount of carbon dioxide that we all make bar well within the next 17 years okay now there’s this woman on the climate change committee which is a sort of government thing she says that we’ve

All basically all of us including you with you personally for days I’ve got to buy an electric vehicle and she says these electric vehicles are going to run on novel batteries charged by carbon-free electricity that we shall somehow make without harming any fluffy polar bears or anything what does she

Mean by novel batteries no well obviously she has no idea how these batteries will actually work other than the fact they’re going to be running on magic and made in the forest my god blues she hasn’t really worked out the details of this they sort of worked for

Citroen you know isn’t is he good-looking is she was good-looking I’ve actually got a picture over here well maybe she’s funny rich really dirty not enough this is the woman that’s going to ruin your life maybe she’s all of those things I would rather I’m going to need someone to spit

In my mouth could you do it okay it’s not gonna be so sorry well you’re topping up on somebody else’s spit yes and the Catalunya racetrack near Barcelona they have finally decided there now permitting and I’m quoting here you see they’re finally permitted human rate remains to be

Scattered on the track you can scatter human remains all over so precision that means really bad racing crashes are now allowed for the first no Richard I think it means after you’re dead if you’re a fan of the track you can be you know I’ll scattered on it

How I see yeah well then that said you have to be cremated or you could just go down there and be part of the tyre wall I like to just think what they mean is that when something’s dead you can scatter their ashes on their favorite

Bit of the track be lethal because we oh he’s in the lead he’s in the lead oh no is skidded off on a bit of Frank Dobson from badly in his ill health minister yeah you suggesting the former health ministers will be son Redman contender

Is going to be yes was the first name that came to – fantastic I think it’s a good idea well if there’s a really bad oil spill on one of the corners they could just sit soak it up with soak it up with Frankie Howard I was gonna say what he

Would have wanted Frankie how both of these names coming from he boat Don I’ve had this idea though honestly I think about this just the other day when I died okay I want them to put my body in Peter Mandelson’s front room just to be an organ I think it was

Annoying because I bet he’s got a really minimalist house just have you they’re not preserved or anything they know when all his friends come back and they’d say what’s that Charlie class please Rocky not mummified yes row just literally he’s made a star no Freddie look he’s

Already so we do a bit more no I tell you what we’re going to stop doing the news now okay yes let’s get back towards cars and we’ve always saw that there’s absolutely no reason for anyone to buy a Persia what so you could crash it no no

Is well Persia obviously given this some thought and they’ve come up with the reason they’ve brought out this car it’s called the partner TP no no you see you’re judging before you know why Persia I think you’re gonna want it what they’ve done is fitted with like a roof

Box over the top there on the insider cuts on a long thin box which they say is perfect for the person who wants to store like a surfboard are you surface somewhere else so you’re not so when you said not anything did what you meant what not ever

So unfortunately naught percent of the British people want to buy that go looking for it somebody wants a car with a loft you could keep a surfboard II yes face is completely blind that doesn’t notice the car is as ugly as a battered ham stats to buy there I feel about this

Plate that’s some building this flying carpet II retinas will be ready in two years time oh god you know I saw that in the inevitably the daily makeup know it’s a guy okay he says that it’s going to cost half a million pounds it’s based

On a Ferrari 599 and instead of having a normal engine it’s got eight fans which sort of point backwards so you go along yeah and then when the traffic gets a bit sticky they tilt and you lift off and you can fly for seventy five miles

At a hundred miles an hour over the traffic apparently it’s the brainchild of a man called mr. Tolkien apparently you came up with the idea while he was doing his maths homework and then he thought the some antigravity shoes at a magic powered car we’ve got a picture

There actually what would more alert of the car there is a ham in the back no actually that’s dr. Mohler he’s he’s a very respected American advocate of flying cars as problem he’s been working on for about thirty years I’ve met him he’s extremely intelligent extremely capable and he believes fervently in

Alien abduction yes so he’s a legendary is a song no he’s okay he’s got a beard he’s woken up one morning but I believe in alien abduction I believe I look better with this beard can I ask the question about flying cars yeah why would you drive along the road and wait

Until the traffic got really busy and then think Lord you know this traffic is really heavy I think I’ll turn it off would you not just fly somewhere in the forest but you know that’s a brilliant point what is it’s like the flying cars why are they trying to invent it captain

Just setting off it is simple so near the end fall it’s quite empty I’ll just drive down I think what they’re after is something we already have it’s called an aeroplane yeah if you’re watching now can I just show you something have a look at this

He ever see there you are it’s that Kashmir top the old boots the looing which she is the prettiest girl I’ve seen in ages yes it’s absolute delight to have her on the show may be lovely okay what’s next now political news from this week Barack

Obama no as he walked on water channel 4 news seems to think you can know all of Lake Tahoe into wine now it seemed a fish out of bread now as he cured leprosy no none of those things ik no no it is Boris Johnson Boris he said said

And I’m really cuz he’s gone on record as saying he wants to stop punishing motorists and he says where’s that was that about thing well he says this he wants to clear the streets of traffic throttling excrescences Morris what you’ve done that maybe slipped into Latin a proper word does anybody here

Know what excrescences mean do you know what it means excrescences teeth whitening I don’t think it is that I don’t see the link there James you’re a man wearing this dead snake do you have any idea no but I think it must have the same route as

Words like I think it’s proven to do he wants to clear London mini roundabouts what’s the be honest and I thought they’d have been the sort of thing with a noticed by now if anybody out there is watching who is a Roman Emperor who knows what Boris is all about didn’t

Please write to us at BBC Top Gear where are we it’ll be it’ll be I I know it won’t it to be I I blank v11 Buddhist Lane Londinium near Colchester W XY i b11 TS drop us a line now Hey rejoice everybody listen have come up with the future the future of

Motoring here it is now listen have worked out okay that I think they’re saying over half the world’s population will live in cities within a couple of years and that unless we all start to drive something smaller there will just be complete gridlock so that’s their

Answer how small is that it’s about one foot five less than the Fiat I was looking at earlier so well there you go gridlock averted the world is saved by that okay the problem isn’t that roads are too short is it no this roads too is

Narrow yeah yeah no and I think the problem is the man responsible for this car okay I think he concentrated more on dreaming up an interesting sounding job title than he did on the car itself because he’s called Francois bangtong presuming he’s not Japanese sounds more like one of your lamb burgers

Francois Wanquan right and his job title I’m not joking his general manager exploratory and advanced planning department product strategy and product planning division Nissan Motor Company Limited what he’s gonna have chickie I am the general manager Eric’s valleys he’s never gonna pull a bird with a job

Like that is he he wouldn’t have had that job title in the ear of DiMeo tape would it it’s that stairs there if you’ve made a up at Nissen why’d you just imagine his business card taken out to get out of his pocket I gave my card look it’s articulated how many

People here are interested in buying there so that’s naught percent of the people in Britain are interested in the future of Motoring conducted a survey with which is good and that I think concludes the news this week which went well you