How to fix Numb Penis Syndrome on the bike (may not work in other cases)

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Well hello and welcome to my latest video I’ve not made a video for a while and I thought as it is now Christmas Eve you would want something to watch on Christmas Day rather than being bored by your family so I thought I’ll do something for my loyal audience who I

Hope has not deserted me in the time I’ve been away now the reason I’ve been away all and it’s it’s delicate subject time okay what US YouTubers are pleased to call DST delicate subject time and the fact is I’ve been doing a bit of cycling not a lot actually and the

Reason I haven’t been doing a lot of cycling is I’ve been suffering from what is colloquially known amongst the PO pelaton as NPS and NPS as you all know and this is largely although not entirely um a video for the gentleman amongst the audience is known as numb

Penis syndrome and I’ve been trying various things to address this particular down below issue as we YouTubers call it so I thought I’d go through with you uh some of the ways in which you uh can deal uh with numb penis syndrome or NPS which is how I shall

Refer to it in future so I don’t keep on saying penis on a YouTube video because I appreciate that the algorithm there was a boy at my school called algorithm and I appreciate that the algorithms may decide to block this from uh impressionable uh older years so uh how

Do we deal with it well let’s start off with the you know let’s start let’s get to the heart of the matter lock the thing off okay now Julia I know it’s Christmas but these are drastic measures well you may not know this but there was a very

Famous cyclist by name of Lance Armstrong who was prepared to do anything to make himself win seven tours to France and one of the things he contemplated although never actually did was to Lop it off so what he actually did was he took vast amounts of drugs

Which had the same effect because his penis did I wasn’t going to say that word drop off but he did win seven tours to France although they took it away from him but he’d already lost his appendage and there’s a mole there but I’m not quite sure what it is so I

Suggest you don’t go down the nearly Lance Armstrong path but if you are going to do it use a use a Cleaver or use even um what US YouTubers call Shears okay and get rid of the thing it just causes your endless trouble anyway let’s think of other ways shall we and the

Next thing is you want you want a bit of padding on your saddle and I found that a roll of toy toilet paper okay you go you put that not not on it but you put it between your legs and that protects the pressure that the saddle applies to

Your panum which is the cause of NPS okay so you can use a toilet Boll and this is quite an expensive toilet wall you might prefer to get something from uh uh from Little or or fortam and Mason perhaps that is more suitable to your particular budget but anyway toilet Mall

Very good choice the next thing that I’ve tried and I’ve tried this a number of years actually and that is uh SW figer now there are various uh various Lubes on the market I’ve I’ve been to Boots and I’ve I’ve tried there I’ve been to various uh sexual product

Outlets and tried their various Loops but I have found that swar figer is the best thing because if you slap it on and you got to slap it on and it’s quite enjoyable when you’re slapping it on you can tell me but you slap on the old

Figure and it has two benefits okay okay not only does it act as a perfect Loop but it keeps Yourself clean all right now you will know gentlemen possibly ladies because of course you don’t wear underwear when you wear your bib shorts you go for a ride you come back home and

You think God I don’t remember having that last night but if you have Bops if you I’ve lost the top now anyway if you want to see what sword figure like you get your hand in there don’t get your bits in there get your hand in there

Slather it on your hand and then slather it down down between your legs and not toally does it keep you clean but it keeps you well padded or or lubed up and there go don’t don’t kids sniff the SW figure it’s not good for you now the other

Thing of course is that the real cause of NPS is sitting on the saddle so it struck me why don’t we do away with the saddle all right so this is the saddle that I was riding on okay that nice old-fashioned yellow um I can’t read that turbo Turbo Turbo Turbo

Turbo Turbo sadd saddle is the saddle that I was riding on and your perum okay your perum is the bit uh it’s the bit between your your your testic clay and your your your you know your your your number two outlet and it’s where your your your body kind

Of presses down and when you get pressure on that that’s what causes NPS so I thought if it’s the saddle that’s the cause why not get rid of the saddle you see and that’s going to solve the main problem now I did find and and I must warn you about this depending on

The design of your seat post okay I don’t have a seat post here so let’s imagine this is the the seat let’s imagine this is the seat post okay this is the seat post here you see and normally you’d put the saddle on it I

Got the saddle in it well I can use this saddle here you put the saddle on the top like that okay you know how it works okay so there’s a seat post with a saddle on it take the saddle off and you don’t have that pressure on your Paran

Now I will advise that sitting on this for any length of time is in itself quite Pleasant no no quite unpleasant sorry got confused there quite unpleasant so you may find that the you know the Cure is worse than the disease you know you know that that saying by

Doctors you know the operation was a success but the patient died so the removing the saddle success uh unpleasant feeling down below or Pleasant feeling down below depending on your particular choice in life patient died all right so there we have it NPS how to sort out your Christmas and if you’re watching

This uh either uh before or after The King’s Speech do does the king does the King give a speech I I don’t know I’ve never watched I never watched the late Queens speech uh I have no intention of watching The Late Kings or even the most recent Kings or any subsequent Kings

Come to that uh Speech so if you want to avoid what ing uh The King’s Speech uh all of the queen speeches incidentally are available on I player for a small subscription um if you want to avoid that and you want to watch Julian’s video about how to avoid NPS and you may

Have thought hang on a minute Julian this is a bit this is a bit Rich because gcn have just done a video on this very subject now I did say in one of my recent videos that all of my best ideas and many of my worst ideas actually come

From copying other YouTubers videos and I mean I don’t mind saying that because I know lots of people copy my videos and why shouldn’t I copy their video so you might want to watch the gcn video and then watch my video you might want to watch my video and then watch the gcn

Video might want to watch my video instead of the gcn video or you might want to watch gcn because you don’t want to watch my video but if you’ve got this far you’re kind of stuck because we’re actually at the end so I’d like to thank everybody who has subscribed or

Has watched one of my videos over the course of 2023 and has contributed through their advertising revenue for me and they being enabled to uh donate some money to the food bank and I would like to hope that in 2024 I shall make more videos for your enjoyment and that you will

Join me and you have a very festive U tide or Christmas or whatever it is and if you don’t celebrate the birth of our dear Lord lady Jesus then enjoy yourself nonetheless and please please please please make sure you eat too much because that is the only way you’re

Going to get through Christmas with your family so thanks for watching see you next time that’s not a reference to NPS by the way