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#脱口秀 #喜剧综艺 #搞笑片段 #爆笑合集 #综艺剪辑#喜剧之王单口季#综艺#爆笑#欢乐日常#喜剧演员 #脱口秀大会 #即兴喜剧 #嘴强王者 #爆梗时刻#StandUpComedy #ChineseComedy #FunnyMoments #LOL #ComedySkits#FullVersion #ComedyShow #VarietyChallenge #RoastBattle #ShortComedy#庞博 #PangBo #杨笠 #YangLi #李雪琴 #LiXueqin #池子 #ChiZi #赵晓卉 #ZhaoXiaohui #周奇墨 #王建国 #呼兰 #喜剧之王单口季#周星驰#杨天真#郭麒麟#徐峥#吴镇宇#房主任#纯享版 #欢乐无限 #日常吐槽 #笑到流泪

Hello. I… Hello, my name is Liu Zheng. I’ve been talking about one-sided comedy for ten years. Yes. But this is my first time a one-sided comedy show. To be honest, I’m very nervous. And look at our team. Friends. Our team is empty. The director told us Mr. Liu, remember the process. When you go on stage, Go away from your leader. just say hello to Seoul nuna. I’m so nervous. I was worried before I came. I was worried. I’m worried that my face I look really ugly on camera. [ He’s handsome.] It ‘s ugly. This is the ugly part . You can see that this face is square . a new East teacher. Dong Woo-hui. Na Young-ho. I… The interview from New East to the Great Wall. See if you can into that dent. When it gets stuck, Just like that. When I came here, the crew asked me Because the crew knew with Zhou Qimo. So the crew asked how you treat Zhou Qimo. Is he the best friend in this circle ? Everyone, ask this question . bike. Sometimes, experienced something together. Whoever can make it a joke depends on who gets the shared bike first. and talk on the microphone. We grew up grew up riding a shared bike. So you should ask me The best friend in this circle That could be shared bike. I… I really like sharing bicycles .
Everyone . I even got a bike card . pay. That app told me not to pay. You only need to spend 16.5 yuan to get a bike card. It’s free for 30 days. Just ride it. You have no idea how casual I am. I just got a bike card, everyone. There ‘s a magic spell on a bike card. Which brand did you sign ? is peeling at the door. Did you do it? Yes. Hurry, paint me in green. Make it green. It’s too late. Hug a blue car. Hwang Ga-ram is green. Hold him there. I didn’t expect I would be stuck I will be stuck to ride. I really … Before I get the card, everyone . kidnapped by capital. I’m… I’m going out to pick a shared bike. I feel like the female lead to pick out clothes in the morning. I saw dozens of blue cars hundreds of green cars, There’s nothing I can ride. No matter how far the destination is, I walk to my destination. I don’t think I got a gym card. Sometimes, when you see someone you see someone riding a yellow shared bike in front of you. Sorrow comes from it I don’t know when I’ll cry. Look at him and say, Why? Just one step away? If I go the way you go first, everything you have now is mine. This is my attitude towards Zhou Qimo . Just kidding . Because if you offend other people, it will hurt your feelings. If you offend a single-mouthed comedian, Does he really want to steal the shared bike from you? You ca n’t win him back. Sometimes , Everyone , there’s a situation . slowly. I wasn’t riding the bike along the way. I was looking at this car. Slowly. It’s slow. He doesn’t stop at the destination and spins around. After that Spread your hands when you turn. Soul riding. After that, I was so excited that I couldn’t let go. Lock the car. No parking. We have to search the nearest parking point . Search . really locks a car. I don’t want to leave. I look back step by step. Because you do n’t know in this life. a yellow shared bike . You stand in the wind and look at that car . it. I got ridden. You think too Much. Although the shared bike we can scan More and more. More and less. Let’s start over. Hello, I’m Liu Zheng. Just now. Although we can scan the shared bike now are getting less and less. But I sincerely hope all single-mouthed comedians can always scan to catch up with the show. Thank you, I ‘m Liu Zheng . Jianing will never get to see him. Then, I’m just kidding. Not in the next 30 years. My name is Liu Yang. For the past two years, I’ve been participating in shows and the label I’ve gotten most often is being intense. I am indeed very busy, my schedule is always packed . more relaxed than I am, even my dad is more laid-back than me. It’s hard to understand, but he really is more relaxed than I am. About my name, my father named me, with this character ‘Yang’. This character ‘Yang’ means sunny day. Some people hear this and say, what a beautiful meaning, does it represent your father’s wonderful expectations for you? Actually, no, because this character was a mistake made by the registration officer. At most, it represents the registration officer’s good wishes for me. The character my dad actually chose was ‘Yang’ (飏). It comes from ‘The Return’ poem, ‘ The boat floats lightly in the distance.’ It means free -spirited . free-spirited, casual, and not fussy. My dad should be the one named Liu Yang (飏). I’m so busy, I should be called Liu Mang (Busy). Even my fans are more relaxed than I am, which I really can’t understand. Recently, I posted a joke online, and someone left a comment insulting me. He said this was the least funny thing he’d ever seen. More than 20 of my fans rushed to that post and under his comment, they posted links to my Spring Festival Gala performance. They even tagged him specifically, saying ‘What about this one?’ Someone shoots a bullet at me, and my fans upgrade it to a nuclear bomb. Participating in this show is also like joining various variety shows, where I get criticized for not being relaxed. Last year, I won the championship on ‘Comedy Night.’ At the end, holding the championship trophy, I gave my acceptance speech and was too choked up to speak. A comment floated by saying, ‘If he were more relaxed, he could achieve even better results.’ I already won first place, man! What would be better results? Naming the show after me? Then, in this show as well. Last year when I was on this show, there was a scene where I was writing jokes for the show, doing nothing else, just writing jokes. Then a bunch of comments floated by saying, “Liu Yang is just too uptight.” Come on, how am I supposed to be relaxed? I almost tore it up. I’m not writing anymore. The director said, “Go on stage and tell jokes.” I said, “I won’t. I’ll just stand there on stage, super relaxed.” I’ll go on stage, wave my hands, and just… I’ll go on stage and just have fun. I’ll go on stage and do performance art. After I get on stage, I’ll say, “Hello everyone, actually today I’m here to give you all New Year’s greetings!” “Firecrackers bid farewell to the old year, Snowflakes welcome the spring, Master Yang takes the stage, And Liu Yang takes the stage every audience member will make a fortune!” Your cheers are making me reflect. I should have performed this at the Spring Festival Gala! Anyway, I started learning how to be relaxed. Started learning to be relaxed, but couldn’t learn it at all. Those online relaxation tutorials just made me more tense. I found a tutorial called “Easily Achieve a Sense of Relaxation, Just Need to Complete These 21 Things Every Day.” I need to speak quickly today because I still have 16 things left to do. I also followed some relaxation influencers. Have you all seen them? Those relaxation influencers, all their videos are desperately trying to show how effortless they are. There’s this one relaxation influencer, all of his videos are just him playing golf, horseback riding, hiking, walking along the beach while drinking champagne. After doing all these “relaxing” activities, his WeChat step count is at least 20,000 steps, 48,000 if he doesn’t ride horses. Even… At the end of each video, he even shouts, saying “True relaxation is understanding that there’s nothing you must do.” This supposedly relaxed influencer posts daily. Isn’t that something he must do? Daily updates! And at the end of each video, he says, “Friends, please give me a like.” I never like his posts because there’s nothing I must do. is about his trip to Spain. He says, “Only after coming to Spain did I realize that true relaxation is in Spain.” I almost believed it, but I didn’t, because I’ve actually been to Spain. In Spain, you can’t just relax, you can’t even let your guard down. While walking down the street, is your bag still there? When I was searching for travel tips, I knew something was off when one guide warned, “Be extremely careful, theft in Spain, robbery in France.” I wondered if these were special tourist attractions. After arriving, our guide said, “Getting robbed elsewhere doesn’t count as real theft, you must experience the craftsmanship of old Spain.” Spain’s reputation for pickpocketing is well-deserved. On my first day there, my portable WiFi was stolen. Here’s how it happened: I was scrolling on my phone in Madrid, when a social media app recommended a post saying “War tenning: In Spain, these items are most likely to be stolen.” I thought, I better check this out quickly, but suddenly I couldn’t open anything. My portable WiFi had started moving on its own. That blogger also mentioned that the most relaxing thing is a summer afternoon lying on Spanish grass for an entire day. Impossible! You can’t possibly lie there, it’s too hot. The city I visited could reach temperatures of 45 degrees. Do you know what 45 degrees feels like? I’m not exaggerating at all, I saw someone walking their dog, and the dog was hopping along. I wondered if it was actually a kangaroo. Visiting Spain, I was hot as hell. And 45 degrees wasn’t even the worst part. The scariest thing was when our guide told me that to avoid declaring heat holidays, the weather forecast would never go above 45 degrees. In other words, no matter how hot it actually was outside, if you checked the forecast, it would say 45 degrees . phosphorus grandpa. Red phosphorus grandpa would need 260 degrees to ignite. In this kind of weather, lying down for a whole day isn’t an option, you either lie down briefly, or you lie down forever. You might plan to rest briefly, but end up staying forever, lying next to the white phosphorus grandpa, getting instantly cremated. Without a trace. Later I asked a friend, “Why do people need to learn how to relax?” My friend told me, “Look at Su Shi.” He was demoted multiple times in his life but he didn’t care at all and continued his lavish spending buying 300 lychees to eat every day. It’s because he was relaxed. I said, ‘That’s great, let’s quickly check out The Biography of Su Dongpo.’ Everyone, only after reading the book carefully did I realize let me share some knowledge with you. Su Shi, who supposedly didn’t care at all about being demoted, wrote nearly 200 poems after his first demotion to Huangzhou just to express how much he didn’t care about being demoted. I said, ‘Is it possible that the Emperor never intended to demote him so many times? Maybe he just wanted more content.’ The Emperor asks, ‘Is Su Shi writing still?’ ‘No, he’s not.’ ‘Demote him to Hainan then.’ Then later I thought, if I really can’t learn it, then so be it. If I’m tense, then I’m tense. I shouldn’t care so much about what others think. Think about my idol, Van Gogh. He also endured endless criticism and attacks throughout his life, but he didn’t care at all because everyone spoke to him, Van Gogh only heard half of it . relaxation is having the freedom to choose your own lifestyle. So I’ve decided to freely choose to live a tense life. (Good) And think about it, Van Gogh too, it was because he freely chose his own lifestyle that he ultimately became Van Gogh. So today, I want to openly admit that the reason I am Liu Yang as I am now is precisely because someone made a typo when registering my household. As you all know, last year I participated in two excellent shows. I achieved some modest success. I even published a book. It’s called ‘Am I the Only One Who Feels Offended?’ And then. But honestly, I got many more opportunities. So many opportunities that now I can even act in some TV
shows and movies . way, if you want to see my character in the theater, I’d have to go with you. I’d sit next to you and when the moment comes, I’d say. You’d say. That one. That’s my character, that’s how small it was . But honestly, these opportunities are very rare . afraid that if I did anything, they would replace me. I even, I’m not kidding, really, I didn’t even dare to eat. The staff said, Mr. Liu, please have some lunch. I said I never eat meals. I was terrified that if I ate anything they’d say, ‘This actor is actually eating?’ Get rid of him immediately and bring someone without a mouth instead.’ I was extremely nervous especially when I saw that microphone . about I found it incredibly stressful. It wasn’t for any other reason it was because it was too far away from me. I kept thinking, with the mic so far away if my lines weren’t picked up they’d think it was my fault as an actor and replace me. What would I do then? So my thought was that while filming I should try to stay as close to it as possible. So whenever I spoke, I’d be like ‘What are you trying to do?’ And then they’d say ‘What are you doing? Suddenly wanting to kiss me?’ That’s what they thought. But sometimes the most stressful part was that sometimes they would attach the mic directly to your skin. It sticks right on your skin which was really stressful because I sweat a lot. So the mic wouldn’t stay attached at all because I sweat so much. Of course, it’s not my fault it’s my genes to blame because my surname is Liu and the dynasty when the Lius were emperors was the Han Dynasty. What does that mean? Sweaty and damp. Whenever they attached the mic as soon as it was on my body it would slide down to my belly button immediately drop right into my navel. It was like the mic was saying ‘Alright we’ve heard enough from the mouth let’s hear what the belly button has to say.’ And it would fall down every single time. How did I discover this? It was the director after shooting a few takes he came over to me and said ‘Mr. Liu your performance is excellent Your expressions and movements are perfect but if you have any issues with our script could you please discuss it with us? Don’t just delete lines.’ I said, ‘Am I crazy? I only have three lines in total what would be the point of deleting one?’ Do I prefer even numbers or something? Fine, I’ll explain. He said, ‘Watch the playback’ and when I did oh my goodness, everyone. I didn’t just delete lines I was making strange noises too. When the mic slips down my voice starts to drag more and more gradually fading away and after a moment of silence there’s this growl from my throat just sitting there Because my mic was falling off Whenever I speak, it’s like ‘How do you look today’ The reason for that sound throat was because my stomach was growling My stomach was growling because I hadn’t eaten I didn’t eat the boxed lunch I angry got a boxed lunch Then I told the sound engineer I said, ‘Teacher can you help me fix this what should I do about it constantly falling down?’ The sound engineer said ‘Teacher Liu, no worries I’ve got something good for you’ ‘This is really strong’ I said, ‘I’m not touching anything strong I just entered the film industry trying to ruin my career?’ ‘Don’t think because I’m from stand-up comedy that I’m naive our industry has plenty of cautionary tales’ He said, ‘No this is a chest strap it holds really tight’ I said, ‘Speak clearly how many years would that get you?’ So anyway what is this chest strap? Well, everyone, it’s like this it’s similar to a measuring tape a flesh-colored band that wraps tightly around your chest and fastens securely It holds the mic directly clipped to the chest strap no matter how much you sweat I said, ‘That’s amazing’ He said, ‘What’s even better is in the entire crew you’re the only one who has it’ I said, ‘Then I better make good use of it The next day with my I gave the lines director different takes I even switched the wording around saying, ‘You today why do you look so strange?’ I was using all kinds of crisp pronunciations After the scene the director came over and said ‘Teacher Liu, very good your expressions and movements were on point your lines were especially clear but…’ ‘If you want to change the character’s personality could you please discuss it with us first instead of making such bold changes?’ I said, ‘No, what did I change?’ He said, ‘Didn’t you turn him into a complete pervert?’ I said, ‘No, Director I don’t understand I come here and either I’m cutting lines to even numbers or turning characters into perverts what am I some kind of mathematical formula?’ The director said , ‘Come watch the playback ‘ When I watched the playback Everyone , I ‘m such a weirdo . mic, I just use my pecs, bam, and clamp it tight. That’s bull. That’s total bull. Complete nonsense. Seeing my pecs is harder than seeing my character on screen. Anyway, in the morning it’s extremely tight, but as the muscle pump subsides, my muscles shrink back a bit. So my chest strap starts to slip down a little . When I deliver my lines, I’m like, ‘Why do you look so strange now, is there something different about me?’ Why can’t you look me in the eye? I mean, this is really hard to look at. And the key thing is I can’t explain it to everyone because I’m the only one in the crew who has it. I can’t just say before shooting, ‘Everyone, before we start, let me say something, this is a mic. ‘ calls his bra Mike.’ Not only wearing women’s underwear, but naming the underwear, and giving it a man’s name. Mike. At least call it Michelle. Xiao Hai only wears it for 8 hours, but he keeps it on all the time. I told the sound engineer, I said, ‘Teacher, look at this Michelle problem, can you fix it?’ The sound engineer said, ‘I really can’t do anything, let’s just leave it like this. I’ll find you two more chest straps, you can put them over your shoulders, then it won’t slip.’ I said that would look even more like it. From behind it would look identical. From the front people would think I’m wearing it backwards. I might as well just buy one to wear, at least it has padding inside to absorb my sweat. Fortunately, everyone, the good news is, my character wasn’t replaced in the end because it was completely cut out. When I heard the bad news, I thought to myself, I should have seen it coming, because during filming there were already signs. At that time, I couldn’t tell you which movie it was, but it doesn’t matter now, it’s been cut, and nobody knows which movie it was anyway. Now whenever I eat lychees, I cry. So they say ‘only concubines smile,’ but who has heard Liu Yang cry? In that moment, I secretly swore to myself, I said someday, I’ll eat my fill of crew box lunches. And if that day really comes, I hope I can give everyone a proper reintroduction. Hello everyone, my name is Liu Yang. Actually , I am an actor. Thank you all, I ‘m Liu Yang, thank you . (Can’t tell) It would be a miracle if you could tell. You can tell. I had SMILE laser surgery, and the reason I had the surgery is very simple. After performing at the Spring Festival Gala, I couldn’t see the path ahead clearly anymore. I was really nervous about having this surgery. I wanted to check social media first I wanted to search what SMILE laser surgery was really like. Once I searched, I found all kinds of opinions. Ser , folks . deteriorates and you can’t focus properly anymore. Others said after the surgery, they could finally wear sunglasses and start their second life. There was another post saying after getting SMILE laser surgery, they immediately regretted it. When I clicked on it, they regretted not doing it sooner. Later , I had a friend . if you’ve heard about this. There’s a famous one let me tell you about it. The most famous one is the story of Qingdao’s sewer system. Have you all heard of it? (No) You came to the right place, after you leave today, you’ll be the most knowledgeable person about Qingdao’s sewer system. They say Qingdao’s sewers have never clogged for all these years. No matter how heavy the rain, whoosh, it just drains away. The Bohai Sea could be there, whoosh, it just drains away. Sometimes a car passes by, whoosh, it’s gone. Why is it so amazing? Because it was built by Germans back then. They say it was built so well that when one sewer pipe broke down one day, when they opened up that sewer, all the sewer workers in Qingdao were completely stunned. They had never seen those parts before. At that time, they had no choice, they couldn’t fix it, so they had to call the Germans. Strangely enough, they couldn’t fix sewers, but they could speak German. After calling, they cursed at the Germans saying. *…￥8#￥8, the damn sewer is broken. Danke . The Germans said, ‘Don’t panic.’ ‘ Sewers are bound to break eventually.’ ‘ We anticipated this outcome years ago . ‘ oilpaper package. Once they unwrapped it, it contained the sewer parts. After replacing them, the sewer was as good as new. My goodness, everyone, this story is completely ridiculous. Everyone, please don’t believe it. Some audience members are already taking notes, like I’m some expert on German sewage systems. Please don’t believe it. But honestly, as ridiculous as this story is, when you’re about to see a German doctor for surgery, you kind of hope it’s true. Because if it were true, folks, my eyes would be in such good hands. A decade later, my eyes suddenly fail, and doctors across the country are helpless. No choice but to call the Germans. I don’t speak German, so I have to find a Qingdao sewer worker to make the call to Germany. The sewer worker calls and says: *…￥8# ￥ 8 The sewer ‘s fixed , but my eyes are ruined . Danke . will be as good as new. The German doctor was sentenced to life imprisonment for illegally storing corneas. Then, when I went to that hospital, I discovered the biggest problem wasn’t about medical skills at all, that wasn’t a concern, what worried me most was how to communicate with the Germans. My goodness, our communication was something else. In German? I don’t speak German. In Chinese? He thought he could speak Chinese. As we tried to communicate, I was completely stuck, so I suggested we use English, since I’ve taught English for over a decade . slowly, I should understand. Everyone, the German accent wasn’t a problem at all, but vocabulary was the real issue! I couldn’t understand a single medical term. The doctor described to me the entire SMILE laser surgery procedure. I didn’t understand anything from ‘SMILE laser surgery’ onwards. Let me explain something to you all the English name for ReLEx SMILE surgery is SMILE . ‘nein nein nein’ (no no no). You SMILE (meaning the surgery). I said, ‘I am smiling.’ I was almost laughing out loud. If I smiled any wider it would hurt enough to make me cry, so… Finally, I had no choice I found a random nurse in the hospital. I said, ‘Excuse me could you please be our interpreter?’ The nurse said ‘Yes.’ Those two words stung me. I’m over 30 have taught English for more than a decade yet couldn’t communicate in English. That nurse looked barely over 20 but could translate German so I was extremely respectful. I said to the nurse, ‘Um could you please ask if my night glare will be severe?’ The nurse asked the doctor ‘Will his night… will… will it be se… will it be severe?’ I said, ‘What part of that couldn’t I have said myself ? ‘ risks. Everyone, you should understand I couldn’t bear the risks of laser eye surgery because we already have a blind stand-up comedian. Not only is he blind but he’s already written most of the jokes and placed third with this bit last year. If something went wrong for me it would literally be a waste of my eyesight. So I kept asking the nurse I said, ‘Um could you tell me again about the risks are there any risks ? ‘ actually a pair of sunglasses just like a blind person would wear. I said, ‘Tell me again about there being no risks you’d better tell me these sunglasses are only meant to tell me…’ His night blindness was cured at your hospital, so he doesn’t need these sunglasses anymore. He said Mr. Liu really has nothing to worry about. If you have any concerns, feel free to ask. So I said, let me ask you, what if during the surgery I blink my eyes? If I blink, you might cut my eyelid. I’d be like a fish afterward, staring like this all day long. He said, ‘Mr. Liu,’ his exact words. ‘Mr. Liu, you really don’t need to worry, during the surgery we’ll have something to keep your eyes open.’ I said , ‘You’d better really keep my eyes open then.’ While lying on the operating table, he said , ‘Mr. Snip, snip, all done. Later I realized I was overthinking, everyone, just overthinking. The surgery was very successful. One second after the surgery, the German doctor told me the operation was successful . The translator came running over . first?’ I asked, ‘But what?’ He said, ‘But… you’ll be 38 by the end of the year. Around 40, you’ll start experiencing presbyopia symptoms.’ I asked, ‘Is that serious?’ He said, ‘No, just wear glasses and you’ll be fine.’ Thank you everyone, I’m Master Liu Yang, thank you all. Hello, everyone. I’m Liu Ziming. Now I can tell you This year, two shows at the same time. And the wedding and this wedding note. two shows together. I was on these two shows last year. Sometimes you went to New Year’s Eve continuously. New Year’s Eve. What’s wrong with this stage? Don’t tell me going to be a director later? You went through two years in a row for two years. you ‘ll feel like you ‘re carrying two platforms a mission to live in harmony . are like this. It can move It can move a bit. It can move. This is okay. I didn’t want to treat it. Because sometimes when I walk, can you help me if there’s a car in the back. But it’s different recently. It’s ringing recently. When you bend your legs, when you bend your legs. I have to go to the hospital. A friend of mine recommended me a specialist account. Special need expert. 500 yuan. Everyone , I’m thinking if one account is more expensive than 500 yuan, you’d better tell me I’ve never heard of. If you say you’re old, I’m not leaving. The expert said you’d better you’d better get surgery immediately. That’s great. Where is the best person in your hospital? He said he was right in front of you. Then come to me. My knees are applauding for you. Now I… And this. This expert came here to check my knees. When he squats down, I didn’t lie at all. His knees are louder than mine . Please get up . ringing. and why I had to get surgery on him. I didn’t hear anything. Because his knees were too loud. Neither of us walk in the room at the same time. People say It’s swinging. There are people from Tianjin. At the same time, he said you can choose rehabilitation training. Rehabilitation training is like this. Relax the muscles on the outside of the thigh. Push your knees back. I chose this . the rehabilitation department, I felt something was wrong. It doesn’t look like a ward. It’s like a theme park with ten tortures. There’s no bed. They are all torture tools. Put them there. There ‘s an old man is playing the car split project. Four people held him there . The membrane knife is used and the membrane knife, I have a new understanding of myself. I realized my tears grow on my thighs. Oh, my God. The shave almost broke me down. He shaved a small tank. With this shave, I said, I’ll go. Did the knife open? He said , “Does your leg still hurt?” Hey, is your leg still there ? He said , of course . that much. He said it doesn’t hurt anymore. That’s great. You’re really amazing. It doesn’t hurt at all. He said, let’s start . Let’s begin. Start now. He pressed it with his elbow. I thought my elbow Can it
hurt more than a membrane knife ? I have two more new stories. A talk show for the disabled. It’s time to wash the cards. Press the first one for me. I didn’t feel pain. I saw my grandma directly. Then press it. I saw my other ancestors my great grandma, Liu Bei, Liu Bang. Liu Bang said the wind is blowing and the clouds are flying. If this continues, he’ll kill our little Liu Zheng. The point is He ‘s still chatting with me despite the pain. Is this the right time to talk ? It hurts the most. First, Trident nerve pain. Pull your face when it hurts. Headache It’s unbearable. Second , with hemorrhoids. It ‘s known as a lumbar clinging dragon . A drop of sweat will sting . wrong. He started to ask about me. The question is done. He’s asking me questions about me. Brother, it hurts so much. Don’t ask me questions. It ‘s really like torture. Every question he asked me, every question he asked me. I did n’t have time to make up lies . Do you guys very humorous? I said it’s very humorous He often makes people laugh with one sentence. Really. You’re bragging. Everyone
. That day, about pain that day. I asked a friend why did n’t he pierce his ears ? your legs. Bro piercing his ears Hit both sides. Earbone nail Nose nail, nose ring. A tattoo. wisdom teeth. Four wisdom teeth. The appendix is ​​also cut. appendicitis. It’s too late. Pull it out. Pull. The point is The rehabilitation training is so painful. Can you imagine how painful my knees are ? Not at all. Not at all . It just rings . haven’t solved in your life, Don’t solve them. Just put it there. Because sometimes it costs more to solve it. Just like me now. I spend one day every week to do rehabilitation training. Six days left. Thank you . I’m Chief Liu Zheng. Thank you. Hello, I’m Chief Liu Zheng . The difference this year is not a little bit. There was a round of previous shows. I’ll do it one by one. I lose every time. I’m going to the waiting room. Just like going home. The only thing I’m waiting for is to introduce to the newcomers. Tell them You can get water here. You can use your phone. You ‘re crying here. No one can find out. Oh my god. It’s really better than I didn’t have than the audience . It’s an offensive art book. And this is not it offended me for the first time. It kept pushing me a combination shampoo. I hope I can buy it. A combination shampoo It ‘s shampoo and shower Because it thinks I’m a lazy person. When I take a shower, I don’t want to press the bottle twice. I said I won’t buy it . shower, and hair care combination. It’s hard for you to imagine who doesn’t separate shampoo and shower. He needs haircare. I said I won’t buy it . The most terrible thing is to recommend a combination shampoo . Fifth combination. Shampoo. Wash my face . Then a book recommended me a perfect solution. It recommends me when I work out. swimming glasses. Everyone.
Have you ever worn a mask to work out? My eyes. There’s no water in the eyes Because it ‘s obvious Water is in my head. Sweat ca n’t get into my eyes . and work out. [7] If I only wear a mask to exercise, people will think I’m sick. But if I wear all the fitness, people will think I’m a lost person. When I entered the gym, What? Where’s the sea? No. Wrong again. Since we’re here, Let’s practice a group. You know. Why did you recommend me if you knew? It recommends me to wear this mask when I take a shower. Everyone, this is really touched my bottom line. I’m thinking if I don’t wear it, Just close your eyes. Just close your eyes. Water can’t go into my eyes. I’ll wash with my eyes closed. I close my eyes. Water wet my body. When I was about to wash my hair, I found I can’t tell which is shampoo . I regret not buying that. a combination shampoo . shampoo. Not even a Braille. It’s useless to have Braille. There are many places with Braille. can’t solve the problem. For example, the button of the elevator. There’s a Braille on the button. Then the blind will know Which floor should I press? It’s perfect. But can you please and give her a voice message? Tell them Which floor is it parked now? If you stop a few more times when the elevator door opens, I don’t even know where I am . B4. Everyone next to me is shocked. Tell me, I’ll go. Blind people need to drive? The blind And I think this is the world. It’s always close. almost solved the problem. Just like my life. Me too. I almost to protect myself. I ‘m like this. I was I planned to I planned to perform abroad . it. Five big rings together. It’s like you’re holding in your hand. The attack of that thing. If others come to rob me, I punched him I saved 200 yuan in my pocket and I can pay him 20,000 medical expenses. It’s very useful. But this thing I was thinking I said it was almost I almost got it. Because if I buy it , I can only put it in my bag. knife, I said okay. How dare you rob me? You don’t know what’s in my bag, do you? Give me a knife. The zipper is stuck. Sir, wait a moment. Darn it. Another stab. Brother! Stop it . Brother. There ‘s a cloth bag inside. Why are there so many ropes ? Brother . Stop it . to death? You heard Did you hear it? (No.) So scary. I like iQIYI. I’ll do it again. They… Later I thought I might as well learn some real martial arts to protect myself. I really want to learn something a national name and a martial arts name. It sounds amazing. What Brazil jutsu ? Ba-rou . Thai boxing . see Bolt got beaten? Not even once. The fist over there Bolt is 20 meters away. If you want to hit Bolt, you need to inject stimulant first. And I can prove running is the best way to protect yourself. Next, you need to focus to catch up. It ‘s like this. There was a history During the slave system , Every day , from Africa . The rugby champion is in America. The basketball champion is in America. The champion is in America. But the champion of marathon In Africa, running is the best way to protect yourself. But even the best way to defend yourself Almost. Because the shoes I usually wear are like this. I can’t run fast. If I bring sneakers, I can only put them in my bag. When someone robs, Hey, okay. You’re here again. Hey He stabbed me again . It’s the wound from last time. It ‘s a tiger . should’ve bought a combination. I’m here. My goodness. What is this? The second round of manuscript I don’t need it anymore. Brother, take it. Brother, take it. to win the championship for me. Look at my body and say, I ca n’t win the championship even if I get the manuscript . you all know, he has a pair of wax-made wings. And he flies too high. The sun melted his wings. He fell from the sky and died. Everyone kept laughing at his failure. But in my opinion, he has many excellent strengths. For example, he loves flying . He goes forward bravely. process, he’s just who loves flying. This season is over. Thank you so much for the last two seasons. I hope I can be a person who loves flying on the comedy stage. Chief Liu Zheng. Hello, I’m Liu Zheng. He came all the way to show off. My teeth hit the microphone just now . The Final . pretending now. You know When answering reporters’ questions. The reporters asked how it feels How does it feel? Hey. Uh… It’s a sense of weightlessness. What does he mean? He’s just floating. What does it mean? The biggest change this year is I’m a father this year. Thank you. I have a son. named Ye. His birth is very interesting . Let me tell you . I’m not afraid. Because I don’t celebrate the festival. I have a cold knowledge with you. You’re right on the scene. A baby who just had a full moon. He can’t talk. Many people don’t know about this. In the first full moon, we took him home . I was holding my son in the elevator . can’t talk. He can cry a lot. He can’t help crying. I tried my best. I don’t know what to do. You hold her and cry. Comfort the baby and cry. You toss it here and he cries. He cries with one hand. He dribbles the ball and cries. I don’t know what to do. When he cried the most, I suddenly realized Oh no. I ‘ll take the train with him. I ‘ll be cursed to death . a strategy. Guoguo and I will take the high-speed train together. I want to take it before else. before else. Pretend you don’t know my son. When my son cried, I stood up. Whose kid? The kid is crying beside me. No one can cheer me up . No one is coaxing me . don’t even know this kid. How old are you? How old are you? And… Ever since I had a child, I started to understand on high-speed rails and planes. on the train and plane must have tried his best to keep the phone be quiet. They coax them at home. They can’t comfort them at all. Can you stop broadcasting your phone? Stop it . We wo n’t do it after this . can’t be helped. He can’t stand up like me. Whose phone is this No one wants it . No one wants it. No way . Someone will want it. He
can only tell others to say sorry. My phone is out of battery . we’ll make a joke right away. The atmosphere of crying is dissolved. For example, I once my best friend’s wedding. I was really touched on the stage. I sat on the table my tears rolled in my eyes. Then someone next to me asked, Are you touched? Hey . Why do n’t you serve the food ? a C-section. She doesn’t allow me to go into the delivery room I was very anxious in front of the delivery room I don’t know when the baby will be born There won’t be a countdown. Put it there . Three, two, one. You ‘re a father, aren’t you ? There ‘s no such thing . Liu, you can come in. I said there was a cat in my house. The nurse told me when I came in. Mr. Liu, congratulations. The mother and son are safe. Let me see if my wife is safe. That’s great. I said let me take a look at my son. pointing at something red. Say this I said “Ho”. This is me, my God. Why are you… It’s hard to describe It’s a hairless cat. Just throw it over there. A baby The fetus hair like this. It feels like by the world. I can’t control my limbs. Swing around. And his face is wrinkled. Eyes wide It’s like he’s back to his ancestors. The whole baby When I look at the baby, I said , “Hey . ” emotion tells me he’s so pretty. I want to block bullets for him. When my rationality and sensibility intertwine, my tears flushed. Tears roll in my eyes. Then the nurse asked me if I had a name. I did. Red-Haired Gorilla. It ‘s cold . Hong. You like it. Chen Xinhong. Since the birth of this joke, since I was born. But this is a love letter a love letter to Chen Xinhong. And he was in the postpartum center. I get emotional easily. I put him in the maternity center and put it at the nurse station. a row of glass walls. and a row of babies at the back . Dad. Keep appealing. When I was touched, when my eyes were twitching, the nurse came out and said, What are you doing here? Well , I’m here to pick a baby. The nurse didn’t accept the joke. I can only do it myself . I said no . age to work. Then come to my house to see him. They were playing in the wild. I was confused at that moment. I was confused. Because this is my son just like me when I was young. When my parents were teasing him, I suddenly realized this is the first time from this perspective, my parents teasing me when I was a baby . some natural rules. I was thinking I couldn’t express my love because I couldn’t speak. After he can talk, I told my parents. So one moment, don’t try to say anything to my parents. I can’t say it. Tears roll in my eyes I was about to say, Then my parents turned around and said, What’s wrong? Hey . he looks like a red-haired gorilla. Thank you . Liu Zheng. I’m very happy. I’m very happy to be here. Because this year, I participated in two comedy shows. and got some some small achievements. Okay, great achievements. After achieving something, I was very happy. Because I think it’s great. more people know me. You can finally my old works. I didn’t expect would care about me. more old works. My fans [showed me the video] I taught English in New East and upload it to major websites. Working day and night . of Comedy Single Season] Seven people are watching. Hey. Who’s the one who’s draining it for? If this continues, I’ll sign the show. I’ll change the name first. I won’t call it ” King of Comedy Single Season”. You have to remember the word “King of Comedy ” . Learning English like this It’s like underground style. I’m very emotional, everyone. It’s my first time. I’ve heard of it before. underground rapper. The underground dancer. I just realized that… it’s an underground teacher. His personal message has changed too. Now I receive more than 30 private messages every day . are all English questions . about for ten years. There used to be many private messages in private messages. It’s normal. Because in our industry, will make the audience unhappy. I remember a private message. I still remember what he said. Because he was so unique. He scolded the second half the first half. I made up a joke online . me. And my offline performance Online performance you make the audience angry. and scold you online. When I was offline, a observation comedy. You observed it well. That’s what I said. Let me repeat it for you. Everyone I told you I bought a pack of peanuts. Just a big bag of peanuts In a transparent bag Each one is full of peanuts . this item, contains peanuts. I mocked you. I said you are extra. Who are you showing it to? I got scolded. Someone scolded me in private. When he came up, he said, The tone in my head The tone of imagination. In fact, he is… And… He said, ” Hey . ” and ate peanuts. Can you take responsibility if something happens? I may offend you in the talk show, but please respect him . The end of the private message is him . ate peanuts will be stupid enough to buy peanuts. It’s written on the front. peanuts. How do I look inside? Why is it peanuts? Take one and ask the foreigners. What’s this? What is this? The foreigner said This is peanuts. And people who are allergic to peanuts will say Is there peanuts here? Once I open it, There are peanuts . Holmes. I just opened a book It says Sherlock Holmes walked into the room. A soldier. Walk towards him. He reached out his hand and said, Holmes, hello. I’m your assistant. Screw you! You want to kill me? But some people also say But this is just a manufacturer . to avoid taking responsibility . angry. We have to write Attention, an allergic hint. Like this. Just kidding. In the main performance, We… We can joke. The audience No kidding Don’t make jokes And that ‘s not the worst. I’ve seen I’ve seen very ironic. It ‘s called criticism. will make you progress . Just get scolded . ahead. Point a message. The swear words float in a fast way. Trash. Think about it. If those masters If I’m still alive, no one can be more successful. will be cursed to death. Can you imagine Van Gogh living until now? Van Gogh started drawing at 27. Suicide at 37. Living in the era of Internet. I was 27 years old. Suicide at the end of the year. I don’t even want the year-end bonus. Van Gogh drew a sunflower. I can imagine what he looks like on Weibo. Van Gogh put a sunflower. He said it’s not bad, right? Tell me down there. Just a passerby. Ask if you don’t know. Who likes Van Gogh? Is this a sunflower? Eat something nice Family One ear to avoid lightning. Van Gogh disappeared on the spot. Van Gogh didn’t even finish drawing the sunflower . I’ve been thinking too much. It’s even worse to live till now. Can you imagine Qu Yuan is still alive? Everyone. If Qu Yuan with Weibo, The Dragon Boat Festival. Qu Yuan. The first time On the day of Weibo comments, When? When is the Dragon Boat Festival? Qu Yuan posted on Weibo. So angry. I was isolated by Duke Chu Huai again. Someone below . Who asked you? Don’t you feel responsible Are n’t you responsible? Why didn’t he push others out ? Just you ? fish. I’m the only one who thinks… Dan Oh. Should I say, “Dan Oh is healthy?” The criticism is meaningful. But it’s meaningless to scold. If you really want to scold me, I suggest you should at least scold him in English. At least you can memorize the words. Say , but I ‘ll scold you in English . you. Hello, everyone. Hello, I’m Liu Zheng. As you know, I’ve been filming two variety shows recently. One in Beijing and one in Shanghai. So it’s basically flying back and forth. You know when you fly too much, you’ll learn a lot. I’ve learned a lot. For example, the first time I met in economy class. Have you met such a member? I was surprised at the first time. Gold card . plane takes off, you drive. The rest of you, fasten your seat belt. Mr. Li likes it. Turn and fly. That’s what I thought. Do you know what special treatment the VIP members enjoy? Nothing. The only treatment it enjoys is the flight attendant will come and tell him that everyone knows. and then ran over. That’s the news. After he came here, he was staring at Mr. Lee . Mr. Li. Hello, Mr. Li. You are of our airline company. The plane at the gate will at the Seoul Airport. The ground temperature is 23 degrees Celsius. If there’s nothing else, I’ll leave now. She left? What’s so special about this? Mr. Li is also very hasty. This is a gold card, right? It’s not respectable. I thought I should help Mr. Li. passed What should I do? What’s the temperature on the ground? Do you wear your coat? Are you wearing it or not? Mr. Li obviously has a straight waist. You can wear it. But the key is this little information. She was afraid that I would hear it. the flight attendant came over just like that agent. and came to say hello to Mr. Lee. It’s killing me. I’ve been complaining about the gold card for a while. I was punished two days ago. I took too many planes. I’ve upgraded an honorable member of the National Aviation. I’m on the plane. The flight attendant will be here soon. I said don’t come over. The flight attendant said Mr. Liu 19. I said no. If the flight attendant tells me anything, I will share it with you in time. After listening, I’ll be there at 19 pm. Seoul Airport. I want to cheer everyone the flight attendant to ease the embarrassment. Our plane It lands at the capital airport at 19 pm I’ve never heard of it. If you have no other questions, what should I do? I’m leaving. Go to hell. This is I’ve ever done. The least cost-effective card I’ve ever had I went to a scenic spot The scenery area is actually a mountain It’s a mountain but it’s actually a small slope. How high is the mountain? That mountain is 300 meters high, everyone. 100 meters. Do you know the concept? 300 meters. Su Bingtian is on the top. It only takes 27 seconds. It’s just a small mountain. and charge over 100 yuan. Then the waiter asked if you want to add 80 yuan to our fun Enjoy VIP A VIP set meal. I said, “Of course I want it.” Have fun. Playing card. Then I upgraded . a glass tunnel, right? Between two small slopes, between two small slopes. You walk up and say, I’m so scared. It’s just a piece of junk. Do you want to play? Of course. 80 yuan is wasted. I ‘ll play . But the problem is I have a serious fear of heights . about this? Take off your glasses. If you can’t see, you won’t be afraid. I’ll take off my glasses. Everyone, I still have serious light dispersion. When I take off my glasses, The glass tunnel has changed into three. Three times the fear. I had no choice . I was holding the stick . photos. Because the scenery area thinks In this situation, my face is warm and trembling. When you’re sweating, I have a thought. It’d be nice if someone took a picture of me. I ‘ll listen with my eyes closed. Chop , chop, chop. That ‘s all There ‘s a house down the window . wonderful moments you just need to spend 25 yuan to buy it back. Dream on. I won’t buy it even if you give me 25 yuan. He said he wouldn’t buy it, so he hung it up. I said buy it, boss. Bro, let’s discuss. I’ve got a better card. The most cost-effective card I’ve ever had I went to a theme park for a theme park. I won’t advertise anymore. So I won’t tell you. Which theme park is it? When I went to see Mickey Mouse, It’s inside. There’s one advantage for Do-woo’s speed card. You don’t have to line up. You went to the theme park . It’s not easy to take a look. There are five small intestines Just keep circling. The most awkward part is someone you know. When you meet each other , you will countless times . You just keep circling . The plane is tiring. Eat Remember to eat Then turn around Let’s eat now. I’ll tell you a way. I developed it myself. In a team like this, if you want to maintain your friendship, If you need to say the same thing, But you can say it in another way . I guarantee your friendship will last forever . If you want to know who it is, Let’s split in the next circle. Turn around. A flight attendant. The flight attendant said it softly. Mr. Liu. The plane at the door will at the Seoul Airport. Thank you . I ‘m Chief Liu Zheng . Hello , everyone . two variety shows at the same time and you’re still writing. And I’m recording my own broadcasters. I’m still doing my own special tour. Are you rolling because of your passion or I owe a nude loan? I… I just like rolling it. It’s mainly because when I was working, I couldn’t beat others. I was so suffocated. Everyone, I used to… my first job is in New East. You know how curly it is. It can be said Oriental Real Scroll . class. The trial class is to attract students to listen first. Buy it after listening. The next class will do. This class. Let’s start with the title. To sell my class, I’m going all out. My title is English reading understanding . five secrets. In fact, reading understanding Only two secrets . Read carefully . I understand . text. Reading understanding. No more reading. Brother, How dare you teach me no reading at all I understand it by myself. Ms. Joo Dan? Did you take this class too? And I’ll kneel down to you later. And then? There’s one more class for the teacher. This class is called the secret of English in an hour. This class takes six hours. I said there are five hours left . What are you doing? Studying English reading Five secrets ? not to sell my class. My goodness, I was shocked. The sales team leader was shocked too. Take this. My phone. I feel guilty. No one bought his class. Why bother? Is n’t it good to give time? I ‘m surprised too. To not sell my class, everyone . Just give me six . wondering what kind of student would like it? The answer is… All students. Because many students want to use the smallest effort with the smallest effort. I experienced it myself. I have a student. went to Yonghe Palace I went to Yonghe Palace in Beijing standing in front of a wishing pool . Tsinghua One yuan. From here to Tsinghua I’ll take the subway for four yuan. Are you here for money laundering. It’s killing me. After I came to this industry, This industry is more scrolling. But the curls of the one-sided comedy industry is polite . bike. As long as I can get it, no one can tell How far are we going? You may not believe me. I saw it with my own eyes. It was dark. In order to catch the microphone, we got on a shared bike. All of us can’t believe their eyes. except the dark light. Lights .
I ‘ll take the lights for him . got hit by a car I don’t mind being hit by a car. I rode a bicycle to open a microphone. Then a truck Bang, hit me. The nurse picked up on the ambulance. When I pick it up, it won’t stop me from scrambling. I ‘ll take out my script to the nurse . Leave me alone. Take this . Open the microphone . single-tongue comedians rarely goes to team building. Because we go to team building. No one plays. We’re always wary of each other. Don’t steal the materials. Think about it. the boss suddenly fell into the water, No one will save him. The first reaction is Look at each other . Do n’t take out your laptop . mediating. but I’m actually sending it to my assistant from afar. to my assistant from afar. Write this down. I rolled it like this. Maybe after the stiff, when I saw the water surface, the boss was gone. We won’t save him now. We will only a coin into the water. God bless me to get this part . Of course . a clip, I also made a wish to get a bottle. to unify the green tea. Because it’s innovative micro fermentation. It ‘s warm and fragrant. Like the spring breeze It ‘s directly in sugar free . I ‘ve written the business segments . up when you’re dying. Laughing. Can I write this part? Thank you, I’m Liu Zheng, the king of rolling. Thank you. Hello , I’m Liu Zheng. Jiang Long just said In the last round, The last scene . The audience did n’t know . anyone. You… I’m… I’m on a diet. I’m on a diet. I hope make your face smaller. I hope my face can be smaller. I actually searched a lot of things on Xiaohongshu. And many people would say that there are many fake things online. You ca n’t trust them all. I only believe to persuade me to do what I want. So I searched on Xiaohongshu . makes sense, guys. Everyone, if I were on the stage just now, my shoulder is 2.5 meters wide. No one will pay attention to my face. The only thing you ask is that Where’s his face? Only Mr. Fan Zhi Yi would say Such a broad shoulder. I don’t even want my face. I … I searched a lot online . How to stretch your shoulders Five best moves for shoulder exercises. How about shoulder training? It’s super heavy. How do you recover from your shoulder injury? It’s raining on a cloudy day. Is it normal to hurt your shoulder? How to make your shoulder look big? How ? How to overcome anxiety How to become a monk? How can a monk practice shoulder? I decided to go to the gym . too muscle to put it down. It’s easy to attack him. Just stab him. He can’t even reach it. Wait. I can’t reach with my left hand. Because the chest muscle is big. A blind spot is here. It ‘s stressful to go to a gym like this. Because the internet said it ‘s not wrong to follow muscle maniac . skin. I want this skin to be tighter. Once when I was practicing in the gym, next to me. There’s a muscle maniac. squat over there. Do you know how heavy he squats? He squats 170 kg . What is 170 kg? Everyone , I’m 70 kg . practice. Then the big brother is over there. squat there. I ‘m next to him. with a 2.5kg dumbbells. Shaking I dare not breathe. I was afraid your oxygen. I ‘m scared of him . He’s breathing . skin, when I practice, some muscle maniac to practice with you. He’s far away. I knew he would come. Because he’s one meter away from me. My chest is already on my face. Bro Move back a little Then come here Dude. This sentence through his chest bone. He said bro Let’s practice together. You ‘re in a group and I’m in a group. It’s hard for you to reject him now. Do you understand? I said go away . practice. I can’t practice with him. If you use that weight, I can’t use it for the rest of my life. Brother is there I ‘m fan the wind. I almost caught a cold. The wind blows to the gym He’s having fun . Put it there . Bro . Take it down and take it down Bro is back I’ll start to load it up Come back when you’re done. Keep practicing. I feel like I’m a slave raised by my brother. I’m responsible for to dispel the heat. After he left, It’s so hot. This bell piece. Sometimes when he comes back, I found a lot of barbell chips. Talk to me. Say it. Come on. Sure. You also use this weight . No wonder. I used this weight. But we practiced in different ways. I used this to run back and forth. Sometimes , sometimes I suddenly realized I don’t think I should remove his film . Everyone, in a muscle maniac. A small weight bar area. Blue Sea. Those small weight bumper chips Every day Nobody cares about it. When I go there, they… It’s New Year. The one who understands them the most is here. When I went there, I came all the way here. What 2.5kg 1.25kg Pink dumbbells. Green hammer Come here. You ‘re here . Hey . Kilograms I can’t lift. Thank you very much. I’m Liu Zheng. Thank you.