The Psycho Cyclists of Amsterdam! – Trevor Noah

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‘Any Questions’ from the tour here…

The kid is not my son! – from Washington, D.C. – https://youtu.be/S2Crrpp7MNQ
Mom roasts her son at my show! – from Seattle, WA – https://youtu.be/jk6dGXJnWcI
Jon Stewart going back to The Daily Show! – from Austin, TX – https://youtu.be/Zx_S8vpMXK4
How could Chris Rock do that to me? – from Baltimore, MD – https://youtu.be/fBQU0QKyZfo

More videos…

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“Springbok Bafana” https://youtu.be/6bolC02Sht0
“Service With A Smile” https://youtu.be/wV2k_PtRoL8
“Funny, Funny” https://youtu.be/-ZnGZVZ56ts
“Zambia loves escalators, just don’t be gay” https://youtu.be/L3SIdXPtB0M

From “There’s A Gupta On My Stoep”
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“White People Can’t March” https://youtu.be/h7iDUOG3XNE
“Trump VS. Jong-Un VS. Zuma / Donald & Melania Are Fighting” https://youtu.be/FxvQlH4WoSY

From “That’s Racist”
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From “The Daywalker”
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From “Crazy Normal”
“Death At A Funeral” https://youtu.be/B50sVK_VT4A
“Attention All Passengers” https://youtu.be/Ms6W9zgjN9E
“Jacob Zuma’s Speech” https://youtu.be/WNwJXPcrves

From “Lost In Translation”
“Flying Into America” https://youtu.be/KxoktuehP3c
“Getting Pulled Over In America” https://youtu.be/jFwBWfIoqYg
“In Contact With Ebola” https://youtu.be/oKbC3DBqXQc
“Mexican Jedi” https://youtu.be/9ESi7NfEbWE

From “Pay Back The Funny”
“The Presidential Eye Roll” https://youtu.be/pPb3UJiH6uQ
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“Emojis & Selfies: Cellphones Are Robbing Us” https://youtu.be/2r3qk7ifgI4
“My Red Carpet Trauma” https://youtu.be/XRVXhZckSa8

From “Nation Wild Comedy”
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“Don’t Hate On The Vuvuzela” https://youtu.be/zu4btYowL10

From “African American”
“Good Credit, Buy Anything!” https://youtu.be/NvLtjOiMDYE
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“Sports in America” https://youtu.be/M3Rde73r8cQ
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“Idris Elba as James Bond?” https://youtu.be/SgoC_eSYx0U
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“First Visit To Australia” https://youtu.be/YZQ7NL-o6E8

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– But now we are here in Amsterdam. Yes. The best damn of them all. What a good time it’s
been. What a good time. I’m glad, I’m glad I came
here early on this trip because I got a few days
of the good weather. I’ve heard so many rumors about it. Every time I come here,
people are like, ah, you should have come. You should have come a few weeks ago. People in the Netherlands
talk about their weather. Like a child who doesn’t
know where their dad is. No, he was here. He was
here. But you didn’t see him. He was here. Mommy said he’s coming back. It’s not just, you know what it is? It’s not just the rain that gets me here. It’s like a depressing season that sets over the entire place. You know, the entire thing. It’s just like, like I’m,
I’m used to rain. Okay? I grew up in South Africa,
in Johannesburg, right? We have a lot of rain, right? Yeah. I live in New York City
now. We get a lot of rain. But you know what happens is
the clouds come in, it rains, and then it leaves, even
if it rains for long. If you look into the
distance, you can see parts of the sky in other cities
that have no clouds here. It descends upon the entire Netherlands. Like an ancient wizard has cast a spell. You look as far as you can,
like two days ago when it hit, when it hit like properly, it hit. I looked out of my window and I was like, this is not possible. This, there are no clouds.
It is just cloud. It’s gray. There’s no shape, there’s
nothing. You can’t see anything. It’s just gray as far as your eye can see from
one corner to the next. And then the worst thing is,
it’s not rain, but it’s rain. Just enough rain that you get wet. Not enough that you need an umbrella. You just walk around with an umbrella. You feel like an idiot. You close it up, it’s drenched all over your face. Tiny little droplets. Ah, ah. You can’t do anything. You don’t
wanna be outside, you know? But you don’t wanna stay inside. It’s like depressing the whole time. The whole time I, I was, I was
in this weather for two days. For two days. I was in this weather. I was sitting inside, I was looking at it, I was walking outside. I was feeling it. And in
two days, in two days, I felt something deep inside me. I was like, go, go. And
I was like, now I get it. Now I get why the Dutch
colonized. I get it. I get it, man. Woo. We, ooh, don’t even play games with me. Amsterdam. If I lived here for six months after month seven, I
would be like, ah, Ana, oh, Ville near the
countries of other Mensa. – Oh, – Oh, that’s probably
what happened, right? Yeah. ’cause like, ’cause it
didn’t happen the other way around because it’s not, it’s not like, it’s not like anyone from
Surinam was landing here, right? There’s no African boats arriving here. Africans weren’t building boats. They were having a good
time eating mangoes, enjoying the sunshine. The Dutch were like, we can’t stay in this weather for any longer. I’m sick of this. And they set sail, ah, the Dutch, it really is interesting. You know, when, when we
think about colonization, colonization really
intrigues me as a concept. You know, not just like how it happened, but how we treated today. You know, I, I can feel some
of the white people tensing up. Relax. It’s a comedy show. Relax, relax. I saw your shoulders, ma’am.
You were like, eh, you’re like, ah, he’s, he’s coming for us now. No, relax. It’s a comedy show
for one hour. I forgive you. It’s all right. Relax. No. Like,
okay, so here’s what it is. Here’s what it is for me. Right? Right. I travel to many places around the world. I do comedy shows, and I’ll
always announce that I’m going to a country to perform. What I find intriguing is
certain countries get certain responses every single time. Every single time, right? And a lot of those countries
will get a negative response, right? So recently, like this was
like about a month ago, I was doing shows in Germany,
and the same way I do every year, I announced, I
said, I’m going to Berlin and Stuttgart excited
to be coming to Germany. And without fail, without fail,
under my Instagram comments, under my Facebook comments,
whatever social media I used, people will commenting underneath – Those
– Nazis. I hope you tell them that they’re Nazis. Trevor, don’t forget to remind
them what they did, Trevor. You tell them that they’re
Nazis. Trevor. I was like, what? Like what? Which part of
my comedy show do you think this is gonna be happening in? Come on. Good, good
evening, Germany, you Nazis. But that’s all I get in the comments. People will be like, yo, man, you know, I, they don’t even laugh. They, they shouldn’t laugh. They don’t have a sense of humor. Those Nazis don’t ever
forget what they did. Trevor. And I understand it. I do understand it. But what I find interesting
is that I’ll travel to other countries that
also have a harrowing past. You know? And this is
not a moment to compare, like the numbers and the No, no, no. I just traveled to places where
they have a harrowing past. And I’ve noticed I don’t get
any of the same backlash. Like when I said I was
coming to the Netherlands, people would just like,
oh, enjoy the canals. Woo. Yes. Yes. Oh, Trevor. Yeah. Enjoy riding the bicycles. Woo hoo. Bring me back some weeds. I was like, what? What is it? What is it? Like, how come some countries have this and some countries don’t? And I was in Germany for about a week and being there for a week, I
got to sample how they live. You know, what they
do, what they don’t do. And after having a meal there one day I think I figured it out. I think I figured out why some
European nations have been able to shake off most of
their colonial baggage. And some have kept more of it than others. You know, the history of what they did. And it all lies in the food. And my grandmother taught me this lesson when I was really young. And I didn’t understand it.
I was too young to get it. My grandmother used to love cooking for me and the entire family. She’s the greatest cook ever. She’d cook for all of us
on a Sunday by herself. Didn’t want anyone else in the kitchen. ’cause she didn’t want anyone taking credit for what she made. The only person who was
allowed to be with her was me. And so m and my
grandmother in the kitchen. And she loved me. I was
her favorite grandchild ’cause I could eat the most. And so she would gimme the
food while she’s cooking. She’s like, what do you think? And I was like, mm, I’m not sure. And she’d gimme again. I’d
be like, mm, I’m not sure. And she’d be like, I
eat so naughty Trevor. And then she’d make some more food. She’d make some more food. And then one day out of the blue, my gran was busy cooking
everything, making everything. And she turned and she gave it to me. And I was like, mm,
that’s so good, granny. And she said, Lee, you know what, Trevor, can I tell you a secret? If you know how to cook, well you can make someone forget
anything bad you’ve done. That’s why your grandfather
is still around. I was like, what? I didn’t understand it. How could I, I didn’t
have the right information until recently when I traveled to Europe and I actually spent time in
these different countries, spent time sampling the
culture, the life and the food. And then I got it. I got it. All the countries that
have been able to sort of like distract people are the countries that spent time in the kitchen. Yeah. Like the French, they
have one of the worst legacies of colonization ever. Yeah. But when you ask them,
you can’t stay mad at them. You’ll be like, yo French,
what did you do in Congo? They’re like, what did I do with this Qua? Ha ha, have you tasted it? Oh, cul. You go to Italians, you’re like, what did you do in East Africa? They’re like, oh, but what
did I do with this pizza? Ah, ma ma, look at this.
Pasta. Just a taste. This is the truth. Travesty. Oh my god. Ah, even the Dutch,
you got in on the game. People were like, what were you guys doing when the spice trade? And you guys like, who do
you mean with the pop cheese? You mean with our little pop
cheese? You want some poverty? The Belgians are like, have a waffle. Forget about what we did in Africa. And then you get to Germany and they’re like, would you
like to try some sauerkraut? And you taste that shit and you are like, we will never forget. Never. People get offended sometimes
when I say these things there. But it’s, but it’s a, it’s, it’s something you actually
shouldn’t be offended by. You shouldn’t be offended
by it. Because I’ve, I’ve, I’ve learned in talking
to like anthropologists and sociologists that a lot of the way people are in
their cultures comes from the weather that they were raised in. This is a true thing.
No, it’s a true thing. So for instance, I’ve
always been fascinated, like whenever I travel to Scandinavia,
you know, like Sweden and Norway and all those places I was in, I was always intrigued by
the way they speak, right? Like they, they have a very
like curt language, you know, like when you talk about,
you say Spanish, you want us to learn ’cause it like sounds good. And like Swedish for me has
always sounded the opposite. You know? It’s just got that like, like – It’s like that thing,
– You know what I mean? And I was always like, why? And it turns out, turns out that Swedish people over
generations we’re talking about like hundreds and hundreds
and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years. ’cause they lived in a
climate that was so cold. You couldn’t afford to
open your mouth wide when you speak, right? Like, like I grew up in casa culture. My mother’s tosa, my grandmother’s tossa, that’s my whole family casa. People grew up in South
Africa, warm climates. So when we speak, we open our mouths more. That’s how we greet you money. You see, it’s ’cause we’ve got warm air. We can take our time. If you’ve been to Sweden in the
winter, you understand what? You can’t wait. You can’t
mess around out there. You just gotta get ’em. – You can’t – Be messing around
when the temperatures are dropping to below zero. You can’t be coming outside.
Imagine you and Casa in Sweden. You’re gonna come out there like more, freeze the shit out of your throat. So I’m not saying you’re not kind, I’m just saying you’re
not, you’re not warm. You know, the Dutch are very,
in the time I’ve been here, you’re like very efficient. You know, very logical,
very logical people. If it doesn’t make sense to
you, it just doesn’t make sense. You know? I asked someone
yesterday, I said, Hey, why? Why does it seem like
there’s less transport? And then he was like,
because there’s a strike. That’s what he said had like a weird, it was like Dutch, but
it wasn’t Dutch accident. He was like, yeah,
because there’s a strike. I was like, okay, well well
when are they coming back? He’s like, when they come
back he was like, all right. I guess. I guess you don’t know. Dutch just very like, you know, you know when you can see it. You can see it when when
you go around Amsterdam and you watch Dutch
people riding bicycles. I’ve never been to a country where people do such a fun
activity in such a serious way. Everywhere else in the world, people on a bicycle look
like they are living the personification of happiness. ’cause that’s what a bicycle
is. It’s goofy. It’s silly. Your legs are going round and round. You are there with the
little barrel. Pring. Pring. That’s like a fun time. Yay. And then here in the
Netherlands, straight back, straight body, focus, focus, focus, focus, focus. We’re going somewhere.
Focus, focus, focus. And god forbid you step in
front of that bike. God forbid. Lemme tell you something, I
have never in my life been to a country where I
would rather step in front of a car than a bicycle. I have never in my life, every day that I’ve been out here, I’ve forgotten. I’ll step into the bicycle lane,
you see them flying at you. And for safety, I’ll jump to the cars. ’cause I know I’ve got a
better chance of surviving Your bike Riders here do not give a shit. They do not give a shit. They come at you. It’s almost like they go faster. When they see you, you
step into that lane, people lose their shit. Come at you. Full speed. Full speed. I’ve never heard of bell sound angry until I came to the Netherlands. Ang as shit. Lingling Ling Ling. One guy screamed at, he’s
like, Hey, why don’t you look? Why don’t you look behind you? I’m like, ’cause that’s
not how looking works. What do you think? I just live my life. Like I owe people money. Think I’m just walking around like this. Why don’t you look behind you? Why don’t you use your brakes? People in the Netherlands act
like this is an action movie and there’s a bomber in their
bike and they can’t stop. Or the shit will blow
up. Just hit the brakes. There’s a human being in front
of you. They pedal faster. They pedal faster. Got kids. It’s like the kids are
little torpedoes they’re gonna use on you. You’ve got your family in the front of this thing and you go faster. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yay. I’m like, are you shitting
me? The kids there with his helmet ready to kill me. Almost aiming at me like, yeah, Papa. Yeah, Papa, yeah Papa, let’s go Papa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just hit the brakes. It’s a bicycle. You can slow down. I wanna do that. I’m
actually gonna go around. I’m gonna go around Amsterdam and I’m gonna mess with people. ’cause I’ve noticed
the Dutch you guys take Sundays pretty chill. I’m gonna wait for a Sunday. I’m gonna wait for a Sunday
when you guys are enjoying yourselves, walking through the canals, having a nice time in amt. Still park. And then I’m gonna come there. I’m just gonna start walking really fast. Walking really fast. Walk straight through you
and your family while you’re sitting on those blankets. Just come straight there.