Meet Charlie, a survivor whose story is nothing short of powerful. After facing childhood trauma, years of addiction, and deep mental health struggles, she found the strength to turn her life around. In this brutally honest and moving interview, Charlie opens up about her past, her recovery, and how she’s now using her lived experience to support others—especially women—facing similar battles. Her journey is one of resilience, hope, and the transformative impact of community and connection. If you’re looking for a real story of recovery, healing, and empowerment, this one will stay with you.
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Welcome back to the YouTube channel. And on
today’s podcast, I actually I’m I’m going to how can I say I’m actually it’s a pleasure to
have this person on. Um, and you’ll get to listen to the journey and and how powerful her story is
that’s going to be able to manifest with a lot of people, especially females out there. So, today
I would like to welcome the wonderful Charlie. Hi. How are you? I’m good, thanks. I’m more
nervous than you are here for some reason. Um, so obviously you’ve seen a previous podcast.
Um, and then I think I reached out to you, didn’t I? And I said, “Oh, look, I’d love to have
you on.” And you was like, but then I think what was more surprising is because how welcoming
you was cuz you were like, “Oh, I’d love to.” So I was like, “Oh, right. Okay.” Yeah. Um, so
yeah. And obviously, you know, the situation, it’s not about glamorize glamorizing anything.
It’s not about, you know, it’s more demystifying and giving information how people can and people
listening to your journey as well, which I think is important. You understand that I have the one
question for you and at the end you can ask me any question you want. There’s no questions off
topic, so you can ask me. I remembered it now. I forgot it. It’s all right. We’ve got plenty
of time. Um, so my first question, Charlie, is who are you? Uh, well, I’m Charlie. Um, it
depends who you ask really. But me personally, uh, yeah, I was I was an addict. I was an addict
for a very long time. I was an addict from 15 and um I’m two years clean next week. Congratulations.
And it’s the longest I’ve ever been clean in my adult life. So I’m just like learning how to live
really. and how to live and cope with my emotions and my feelings and my I’m very impulsive and
that’s got me in a lot of trouble in the past and it’s learning how to check in with myself
and think before I do things which I never be was able to do till I went to rehab. Okay. Well, I’m
obviously we’re going to we’ll get to that. So, can I just can I take you back in time? Um because
obviously one of the key things that we do is I I don’t research people. So I don’t look into
anything. I don’t look at previous posts or anything like that because I want to learn myself
and I think a lot of people do this researching and I think you kind of guide you in where you
want to go. So I I try not to do it. So what I would say is can we go back in time? Yeah. So, can
we go back to obviously I know you’re not going to remember being born, but like your like the family
environment like mom, dad, brother, sisters, like what was growing up and it cuz you’re my era,
aren’t you? So, you’re more like So, you’d have gone u primary, middle, high. Yeah. Yeah. So,
should we go to up to just leaving middle? So, that mean 13 then, won’t it? So, we go through I
started going a bit wrong though while I were at middle school. Okay. Uh my parents they they all
say I’m weird cuz I remember the exact day that my parents separated and my parents separated on
14th October 1987. I took my first ecstasy ecstasy pill the next day. Wow. Yeah. Okay. So I start I
started with weed and stuff but my mom I love it to bits. Um my dad or a daddy’s girl and there
was trouble in their relationship and my dad had uh other girlfriends and I was keeping quiet about
dad seeing girlfriend friends and I actually kept quiet to my mom till I were 19. The first time I’d
got released from all the way prison and uh I went to my mom’s and I got drunk with my mom and I
went mom I caught dad in bed with her and she like yeah I know she left her in bed and I’d been
lying to my mom and all the time she knew and all the time she’d known. Oh wow. So it’s only like
when I did the aces and learned out because my my mom I loved to bits but when I was a teenager
I couldn’t stand her and that’s not a nice thing to say but I my dad were perfect. It was all my
mom’s fault. It was my mom that took me away from my dad, you know, and my relationship now was
brilliant with my mom and but for a long time it weren’t good. I mean, the first time I ever got
violent cuz obviously I had to look into it all. um was when mama we had a phone call my dad was
supposed to be taking me fair and we got a phone call and this woman my dad’s on phone this woman’s
going thinking that my dad were on phone to my mom she’s going she didn’t know I am but I’m sleeping
with Steven and I just exploded and back then in 80s you remember the old saloon doors that people
used to have well we had them ragged ragged it off a wall and smashed it all smash all phone
Okay. So, so the turning point for you was your mom and dad. So, before that was it a like good
family home? Was it you? Oh, I had I The thing was my dad were a policeman. It he were on drug
squad and then my dad when he left Drug Squad, he own pubs and nightclubs. But I as a child,
I was seeing things that I shouldn’t have seen. But it’s my sister, my big sister, God bless, she
was doing stuff to try and protect me. And it’s like years later now that I’m cleaning. I go, “Oh,
do you remember when they wrote guns in safe?” She go, “How did you know that?” Wow. And as a
police officer, he he want a police officer then, but he own pubs and nightclubs, but like they were
supposedly going to be an armed robbery. So my dad didn’t like they want none of that pressure pads.
It all lads for Migy. We were sat in the nightclub waiting for it to happen. Right. Okay. You know,
me and my dad were very because a lot of me dad’s staff were actually people that he nicked. Okay.
Because cuz back in ‘ 80s and ‘ 90s it was a mutual respect thing back then. It were different.
Is it just you and your sister at home? Uh well I do have another sister. This this is the thing
with my dad. There’s I have another sister that I don’t have anything to do with. Okay. And I think
there’s a week or something between the birthdays and I got different mothers. Oh, okay. Right.
So my servant, my big sister though, she even when I in addiction, my sister had this ability
to find me and guaranteed wherever whatever trap house I were in Christmas Christmas day or Boxing
Day, my sister would be coming through that door with Christmas dinner to make sure that I’d eaten
that day. Wow, that’s lovely. It no matter where you are. My sister my sister’s been my number one
cheerleader there. And I do, you know, it’s mad. She still has the same phone number from back
in the day cuz she knows I know it. She’d never change your phone number. You’ll know that off by
art. Yeah. And the house number is still the same. Oh wow. Cuz she knows that I know that off by
heart. So we have a turning point, don’t we? Where mom and dad split up and it’s a turning point for
you. But would so are you saying there’s a little bit cuz you did say you said something along the
lines of you you didn’t like your mom because you believed your mom was taking or pushing your dad
away from her. Yeah. But not realizing really my mom was going through hell. Yeah. Yeah. That’s
what I mean. Yeah. And my mom was using alcohol to cope with it. Okay. Because it it much as I
had everything and I had horses and I had all the rest of it. I was with my nana Pat from like
Thursday till Sunday. And I can remember as as a kid my cousins on my mom’s side cuz my mom’s from
down south and my my dad’s a were a leads lad from Armley. It it were very much like um I didn’t talk
I spoke different to all my cousins, you know. My cousins were all CL. I mean, now obviously I know
I’ve got dyslexia and I’ve got ADHD and stuff. So, I know the reasons why I act out. I’ve got that
defiance disorder. You know, you you you tell me to do something, I’m going to do the total
opposite cuz it’s just the way I was. It’s just in you. But now I know there’s reasonings behind
my behaviors and but back then they didn’t give you them. There won’t well there was nothing
like all your ADHDs and all that they weren’t even heard of. So that’s where you’re seeing so
I’m guessing that’s where you’re seeing your mom use alcohol to control the or to cover the pain
that she’s going through or cover the trauma that she’s going through and then it’s a turning point
for you in your life. But she she want an angel ei yeah it balanced itself out at times. So what
happens to you from there? Did you go move on to to to high school? Um I were at middle school and
um when they split up. So you’re around 13 now, aren’t you? Yeah. And then I started getting
bullied because I I’ve been his tall since like 10. Okay. So I I told mom I’m going to be 7′ 6″
because everyone’s grow like that. Mine were like that. Okay. Yeah. And uh yeah, so I had to see a
doctor and I had injections and that to slow your growth. To slow me growth down. Yeah. Oh wow. I’ve
never even heard I’ve never heard of that. Yeah. I I used to have to go out. But because I was
more developed, I also became a bit of a target for bullies. Okay. And I got bullied in middle
school until I exploded and then I never got bullied again. Okay. So you lashed out and then he
stopped. Yeah. Yeah. So that’s in middle school. That’s in middle school. And then I went to high
school and Yeah. And it’s mad because it was my teachers in high school that noticed that thought
I were on drugs and pulled my parents in. I’ve got no I’m not. I’m not. And it was I’ll never
forget her name. It was Mrs. Singleton at Abbey Grange. Oh, did you was you and Abbey Grange? Oh,
okay. So, but even then, like we used to get let out different times cuz we used to carry on with
Lawnswood school. Even then it became my thing. I used to walk through Lawnswood school with me tie
on just to see if anyone do you know what I mean? Yeah. Cuz that’s what sort of I tell you a story
actually. I I got sent to Lawnswood school. So, it used to go third, fourth, and fifth in it. Well,
all my family, all my dad’s side of the family was all like Woodhouse High Park and they all went
to Lawnswood. So, they had it in there and dad go there. Only lasted the first year though. I only
lasted third year and then I ended up at Allerton Grange. But I remember Abbey Grange. But for us,
Abbey Grange was a posh school in our in our eyes. Like Abbey Grange was a posh school back then. So
you went to Abbey Grange. Um any GCSEs? Did you see it through? Yeah. Yeah, I did my GCSEs, but
uh I didn’t get the grades that they thought I would because by this point, I mean, I went into
my French exam absolutely spandoo, absolutely spangled. Okay. Uh my sociology absolutely drunk
out my head, you know. Okay. Um so the substance misuse had already started by by high school. I
I I used to go my nana parts used to climb out the window and be gone. I’d go to gallery then go
euphoria then or juice and then I’d come and I’ honestly they used to like them circle windbreaker
things where I used to hide behind there soon she went out with dog getting in cuz we’re too
spangled to get back in house I mean just just for the camera we were talking juice that back then
these was like um illegal blues was one so like sorry they call them illegal drinking dens I think
that’s what they call them now but they quite a few weren’t there. So you had like the likes of
Sunny’s, Cliffs, Maxis, Maxis, Juice, and they were all quite uh what were cowboys. They were
quite quite close, weren’t they? Um Oh, wow. Okay. So finished. So I’m guess so. Sorry. When you’re
in school, what is what’s your ambition? You know, cuz most people in school, they go cuz I’m cuz I’m
cuz I’m just saying like obviously you’ve got the good upbringing. You I didn’t even tell you. Okay.
Guess guess what? I did for my work experience. You’re a police officer. I went with police. Yeah.
Cuz I wanted to be a police woman. Yeah. But we see what it is is honestly it makes sense because
your dad’s your hero. Yeah. So why would you not want to be with especially your dad was quite
high up within the police force. So obviously that gives you that I know that you got that you got
that. I’m sure your dad’s in your ear going join the police force. You know I can I even though
I doing mad things I didn’t c and everything. Oh wow. Okay. So, the plan was Yeah. to be a
police officer and then I met David and it just all went to pop. Okay. So, this is after school.
No, this when I was 15. This is like just before I did my GCSEs and that. But he would come pick
me up. Nowadays it called grooming. Yeah. Like I I I was 15 and he were like 28. Okay. And it be
coming and picking me up in stolen cars and Yeah. And then of course my mom and dad just said you’re
not allowed to see him. So that were it then. And then my mom got that desperate with my behavior.
She actually contacted social services and said I need help. And I’ll never forget they came around
to house. We lived in Cookridge and uh by the way another posh area back then and uh they told me I
could leave home at 16. Yeah, you could. Yeah. So that were it two months before my 16th birthday.
I’d gone off and I were living with him and uh I could remember him taking me back to go get
me GS results and me thinking I would go good, you know, car and that and just madness. And
like my mom said, within three months I were gone. It took three months of being around
him. And cuz you got to think a lot of people, like you said it yourself, a lot of people would
call that grooming now. The thing that’s that’s bad for our generation is we go cuz back then
it was the norm for certain things. Do you know what I mean? I’m not saying it was right. I’m
just saying it was norm for these older men to be caught in these younger women. If you if you
were in high school and you had a boyfriend with a car and he were older than you, it like And it
won’t frown upon. No, it won’t. And it was still grooming then. It was still grooming there. So you
meet David, you’re off with David. Yeah. Um do you ever go back home after that? No, I’ve never been
home since. So that’s your relationship. You’re you’re fully involved with with David. Um is there
still a thing where you’re still wanting to be in the police force or is that No. So that’s gone
already. So I’m guessing now you’re not subjected, but you’re now seeing a lot of things that being
from the area that you’re from, you’re not used to seeing those things, are you? So you’re now seeing
a lot more things with this is how naive I was. He was smoking heroin and telling me cannabis oil
and because he smoked it in front of his mom, I thought he was telling the truth. So I thought
I would try in the cannabis oil. Wow. That’s how naive I was. Wow. And then I’ll never forget it.
You know, you remember Prince Albert on end there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It’s right on the end here
as well. Yeah. Well, this day I he were like, “Come on, get up. Get up.” And I were like, “No,
I need a bath. I need to put my makeup on and all that.” And then like he’d been giving me it. And
this morning I I woke up and I went, “I’ve got flu. I’m not going anywhere. I ache all over.”
He went, “Come with me. You’ll feel all right.” And I’ll never forget being parked in car side of
there smoking and he’s going, “Here, have some of this.” And I went, “No, no, I don’t. I don’t want
none. I don’t want none.” And he went, “Have some of this. It’ll make you feel better.” And I had
some. And I threw up this green stuff. And I’m going, “No, I don’t want.” He went, “Have some
more.” And I can remember shivering and I went, “This ain’t cannabis oil, is it?” And he just
turned around, “You won’t leave me now, will you, bitch?” Wow. So he trapped you. Oh, definitely.
Definitely. But the thing was I wanted to dream of turning the bad boy and you know and Yeah. Yeah.
So again cuz he’s he he’s portraying himself as this bad man. You’re naively going I’ll change
him. I’ll change. But really what he’s doing is playing a game on you manipulating to it. And then
and you are 16 17 here. Yeah. Yeah. And then to I was Yeah. 16 definitely. But then I stayed with
him and I started talking cars and doing all that dribble. And then to make it worse, I married him.
But I was so manipulated into marrying him because I never I went up to Armley jail on my birthday
and it was my 18th birthday and he went, “Oh, uh, will you marry me in front of the same room?” And
that, “Oh, yeah. I’ll marry you.” Yeah, you know, cuz everyone were looking at me like, “Yeah, yeah,
I’ll marry in about four years time if you look.” And then the next thing I knew, his mom had booked
it. His mom had sorted everything out and his mom even chose my wedding dress. I had no input
because his mom like hoping that I could change him, I think. And yeah. So, how long did that
relationship last? Once I married him, I I were only with it cuz my wedding night was the first
night that he beat me. Okay. And he he used to do really bad stuff to me. Um he used to smother
me and like honestly we don’t we we genuinely don’t need to I don’t want you to to ret trigger
yourself or anything like Definitely not. So it I just went through hell with him, but being a big
girl and don’t get me wrong, you could have a bit of a go. I could have a go myself and it we’d be
taking uh bats to each other and you know it was a it was a very volatile violent relationship and
then I’ll never forget I were up on Hamilton A and we just uh Bobby and I and this lad walked in and
uh it do you know Evo with bit blonde hair? No, big lad. I’ll show you a picture of him after,
but uh Edo had just been released from prison. It bonfire night. Uh yeah, bonfire night.
I got married in January and I met Evo on Bonfire Night 1995 and I never went home. So
you never went back home to your husband? No. And I was with for 28 years. Oh wow. Okay. So
you’ve gone So you’ve left the I mean for one of a better word it was a man that groomed
you from the ages of 15 manipulated you into taking heroin. Yeah. Then manipulated you into
marrying him and then obviously subjected you to violence. The the the mad thing was when I when
I met a girl who me I said can you not Dave? She went yeah. I went yeah I’ll go out with him. You
you wanted somebody to protect you didn’t. Yeah, because obviously you’re in the relationship.
I’ll give him his due, you know, my life could have got been a lot worse. You know, there
many girls that managed to get through what I’ve I’ve got through without doing even worse
things than what’s happened to me, you know, and I’ve I’m lucky I’ve come out unscathed from
having to sell myself or anything like that. Yeah. But yeah, I might have done other things,
but I in that way he always protected me and never let anything like that happen to me. Yeah. Well,
I’m I’m like I like I like the way you’ve just put that then because again when you’re looking at it
through what you subjected through at a young age, most people of the generation you’re from would
have gone to the selling the selling the body and and certain places where where you could
and obviously there’s times where there have been things where you cuz you touched on where
you went to Holl do you say you went to prison. So obviously we we know that you’ve been to
prison, you’ve admitted that and then we also can say that you mentioned about a talk you’d be
in. So there would be a criminal activity, but that’s only because you’ve got a you by now you’ve
got a habit, haven’t you? So you’ve got a feature and again for the camera we always say we’re not
glamorizing. So it’s not something that we go into in detail. Do you know what I mean? So you’re with
the the new fella. How was that relationship? Uh, I’d say it was pretty. I mean, we were up to no
good. There’s no other way going about it. You got to survive, aren’t you? And you’ve got habit
to feed and habit to feed and I’m doing all sorts. But in I’d say like the last 10 years, he started
drinking. Okay. Then he turned very controlling and manipulative. But I never even realized all
this till I went and did the freedom program. Okay. I never and when I like they were talking
about a controller and I’m thinking that’s ever that’s and it proper blew me head off and I went
it really really upset me. So cuz I didn’t even like realize. Yeah. I just thought he would you
know cuz you’re in the relationship at the time, aren’t you? Um, okay. So, there has to be a time
where where does the when does that relationship when does that end and what makes that end? Is
it is there somebody else that comes into the picture or is it just a that just that just stops?
Um, right. Um, this one on the 23rd of July 203 um Evo um were poorly. It were going
yellow and I’ve been trying to get him to go to hospital. Okay. And he wouldn’t
go because he didn’t want to rattle in hospital even though he knows I’d turned up
and I would have done cuz this is the thing I I I score for him. He’d score it. It’s because
you because you you understand the pain that they’re actually going through. So it’s one of
them where you go, I understand that pain you’re going through. I’m going to help you. So I went to
go score and we had some gear and then he said go get me your meth done and I’ll go went and got
me done because I would have done anything he said and I realized that with the control he had
over me because I would have done anything that man said I’d jump through fire. I really and I’ve
done silly things cuz he said, do you know what I mean? But I went off and I got my methadone and
this is the thing. I even went and got someone to sit with him because then he wanted some pregabs.
Go get me some pregabs and I’ll go to hospital. So I’ve he’s had one bottle of methadone and
I’ve gone off got him pregab and got stone and that come back and I’ll never forget I was sat on
the sofa I’ just had a pipe I just looked over at him and he stopped breathing so I’ve got him off
the sofa and I’m giving him mouth to mouth but you know when iPhones when the speaker goes yes the
speaker had gone on my phone so I couldn’t ring 999 so I pray on next door to phone 999. Now I
put me dog away and I’ll tell you about my dog but I put dog away and she were a bit protective
next door neighbors come in now the lad that was in the house with me for some reason when I’ve
been bent down giving mouth to mouth the lad has opened the door to where the dog was and they let
the dog out. So the dogs leapt over me and Evo and grabbed my next door neighbor by hip and took him
to the ground. So me mate were just totally nutly, froze, just couldn’t couldn’t move. So I’ve had to
stop doing it, get the dog off, put the dog away, but all this has happened while he’s on the phone
to 999. Wow. Okay. So then I’m giving him mouth to mouth and ambulance has turned up. Ambulance
won’t come in cuz of the dog. I’ve got I’ve got a dangerous dog marker against my name as it is
and against my address and she’s just bailing somebody 17 minutes it took the police to come.
Wow. And they came in and said he were dead. So then they’ve got me outside. My whole world, the
the my safety, my the my person that I’ve spent all my adult life with is gone and I’m an absolute
wreck. And then they come and say they arrested me on suspicion of murder. Now, I had sent one
of his friends, another friend had come and I’d said to him, “Get the dog out the back door.
They’re going to take the dog. They’re going to seize the dog.” So, we may have gone and got the
dog out the back door and he heard them talking on the corner about Nick on suspicion of murder.
So, he gone and got the dog and stood at the end of the street. Trouble were when they said they
were going to arrest me on suspicion of murder, I absolutely exploded. attacked the police.
The CS gas me. The dogs heard me scream. The dogs yanked out of his hands and bit a police
officer. So then my dogs being seized. I’m locked up for suspicion of murder and I was very much
I didn’t talk to the police. Do you know what I mean? Everything with no reply got released.
But because hope my dog had been seized before, I knew which kennel’s hope had been to and I knew
the police went to do assessments on the morning cuz she’d been seized and she would run at litter.
Her Pitbull measurements were millimeters under so I got her back. Okay. But she was a Pitbull. She
was a Pitbull. She would just run at litter and uh I kept on ringing up and ringing up every
morning 10:00. Is he there yet? Is he doing assessment on hope? And after a week I got and
he were there and I went can I talk to him? So they’ve gone and asked him anyway he said come
yeah talk to me and uh I said you do know the circumstances of a biting don’t you? And he
went yeah she’s bit two kids on cross park. I went whoa backtrack hang on a minute just let me
get in touch with my solicitor. My I got in touch with my solicitor. They phoned up asked for the
paperwork to be emailed to him. this were about half 11. I got a phone call pick up from police
station at 2:00. Needless to say, no nothing. So I also know that West York police were trying to
get my dog out of the picture cuz when they come to bust my house cuz they had dangerous dog
markers, they just couldn’t come through the door. Very smart on your part then. So yeah. So
you’ve got you’ve got a dog as a as a protector. So I had a few. Okay. Um, so what happens with
that case? That case is obviously dropped then, isn’t it? Uh, no. No. I got um I were on bail for
well, they were probably looking after looking out looking for me for about 9 months, but when they
eventually found me, I thought, right, this is it. But it was the first time I ever rang my stepdad.
And cuz people were talking double figures and that to me and I’m like, “Listen, I’ve only ever
done four year. They’re talking double figures. This is getting ridiculous. Will you help me?”
Because I were only trying to get him to hospital and it’s the first time ever. My stepdad who is
is is ever helped me with a case. So your mom had remarried. Yeah. My mom had remarried. Yeah.
Um and my my stepdad helped and I I went in crown court and it had been uh dropped to supplying
resulting in the death of the methadone me and my stepdad there. Sorry. Sorry. So can we go back?
So your charge was dropped from murder and it was charged to possession well or intend to supply. I
I got released while we were doing autopsy. Okay. And the thing was they lost his body for 4 weeks
because CO had just been they had the the morgues were full. They didn’t know where his body was for
4 weeks. That’s why I couldn’t go view him. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Um they found him in Wakefield from
Leeds. Yeah. Because all the morgues were full in Leeds. They sent him to Wakefield, but nobody knew
where he was. Wow. So his whole So his own family, you nobody else could actually Well, he he hadn’t
had any contact with his own family. 28 years had only met his mom twice. Wow. So he actually lost
his body for 4 weeks. Four weeks. Yeah. So wait a minute. So how did they identify him then?
They think they did the autopsy and when the funeral parlor like went to go get him, he won St.
gyms and that’s when it all went Yeah. Okay. So, we fast forwarded a bit. So, we’ve now your your
stepdad helps you. Yeah. Um, so first time you call out for help, he he comes and helps you.
You’re in crown court cuz originally you’re on bail for murder and then obviously once
you get to crown court then I were on bail but under investigation. Okay. Or pending further
investigation. Right. Okay. Um, and I spoke to my stepdad and I went to Crown Court and all I can
say my stepdad and my mom wrote me a brilliant letter and by this point I had totally given up
to be honest. I didn’t want to live. I didn’t want to live. Well, like you say that the the man
who’ been majority I was sticking anything and everything in me. If in doubt, I’ll try it. You
know, like that. And this judge, I’m up in Crown Court and I said, “Judge, can I just say something
to you, please?” So, I went Yeah. I went, “I know they’re going on like I’m supplying loads of
supplying drugs and it can I just say that I used to give Evo heroin and he’d give me it like you
take your wife a cup of tea on a morning.” I said that’s how we were. And I don’t know something in
the judge just made it he just turned around and he went as this woman ever been to rehab and at
that point I’m thinking you know I’ll go to rehab and I’ll do that. Yeah. So they adjourned it for
uh 5 months for me to like see whether I’d engage with services and that cuz I would go if I get my
mess script but you know that was just going in but whether I’d actually do do something about it
and I still I have to say if it was for the Joanna project I got involved with Joanna Project because
where we were living at the time in Beeston we had working girls living with us and I’d just done
a sentence just before COVID lockdown. town and Joanna Project was the only like outreach people
that was still allowed to move about during CO. So because theoretically even though everyone had a
bed set, I’d been released homeless and that they started helping me. Okay. And I had a wonderful
worker called Jackie and I used to have to go to one to one meetings and used to have to go to
a rehab prep group. This poor worker Jackie used to thing and I be I’m at so and so. Oh, mine would
you know and this woman would come and sit outside trap houses waiting for me to come out or I’d be
there and I’d be I just need to give this guy his money going over to the car going and I’m just
going to get changed and washed you know going in house and disappearing for half an hour. So
this Jackie never gave up on you did she? Jackie. What a honest to God, what a wonderful woman. Uh,
and it’s mad cuz when I done my year clean day, I uh went to Ellen Road, you know, for the
graduation from Forward Leads and Jackie, my guest. That’s brilliant there. Okay. So, obviously
there’s a story here where we want to cover. So, this judge Yeah. He’s put it out there. Has it
as Have you been So, had you ever been to rehab before that? No. Okay. Yeah. Nobody had ever said
to me I’d been on methadone 22 years. Nobody had ever said to me anything. I didn’t like I thought
that were for rich people. And this judge now has turned around and said, “Has this woman ever been
to rehab?” So what happens then? So you start engaging with this five month period. But you’ve
got ups and downs. You But you’ve got Jackie. You got Jack. To be honest, I were very deceitful and
I was still using and I um but Jackie never gave up hope on me. Laura Lawrence never give up hope
on me. And I can remember I’ve been going to these meetings and and this I’ll never forget it cuz
I wrote it down as my darkest day in addiction. And I were trying to get myself. I were in a bath
trying to get a vein. And I was just screaming to God saying, “Just take me all let me get myself.
Just one or I got myself like sat down and thought maybe maybe I should give this rehab a go.” Do
you know what I mean? Because I think we often and I said it to you before off camera where often
people have that that breaking point or that light bulb moment. So what’s yours? What’s your breaking
point where you go or is it a light bulb moment where you go listen I can’t keep doing this? I
need to change my life around. What what is that that that that in the bath was a big point point
for me? I still had that side of me that was, oh, we’ll just go do what judge says so we don’t
have to go to jail. So, you know, there was I still had that mentality. And I can remember
one of the rehabs I went to go look at at the time used to take dogs and I thought great, I’ll
take hope and hope will probably get me kicked out for being aggressive and then I’ll be all right
because it’s right back way to get back to leads cuz I still had that in me. And then Hope had to
be put down on 28th of February. She got she got a tumor. So by this point, everyone’s died in July.
Tyson, my other dogs died in in uh December. Then Hope’s died. Then I’ve lost the house. Okay. So
my whole life’s gone. I’m on my mate Sophie and me going out grafting every day. And I just I I
was just broken. I I’ve been a broken woman for a long time, but that were broken stood on and
jumped on, you know. And uh Laura Lawrence said, “Please just come look at this place. Please
before you go back to court, come look at this place. I really want you to go look at this
place.” And I’ll never forget it. gone to Little Dale Rehab, which is where Tommy went. Okay. And
it was Tommy that had also had a conversation with me about going to Little Dale, thinking that it’d
suit me better for the calmness. Good man. Oh, I love Tommy bits. Tommy’s one of my go-to people
whenever me head’s going west thing. If ever he says my phone’s always there for him cuz you are
who you have it with in recovery. Definitely. So, I’ve gone I wouldn’t get out of the car. I don’t
want all these people looking at me, you know, and it took them 45 minutes to get me out of car
and they only got me out of car cuz I wanted a [ __ ] and I weren’t allowed to smoke in a car.
So, I’ve gone up and I’ll never forget they’ve got like a little bus shelter back door and there
was a stone and on that stone it said hope. Well, I’ve got hope there for my hope. Yeah. And I I
took it as a sign. Whatever, however you look at it, I took it as a sign in my higher power,
whatever you want to say, ever my dogs telling me to go there. And it was best thing I ever did.
So, what’s life like for you now then? It’s good, man. It’s good. Yeah. Don’t get me wrong. I mean,
it was Evo’s anniversary last week and my head fell off even though it’s 3 years. My head fell
off because uh I had real guilt and shame this year. Okay. Like first year I I was just off me.
Second year I me third year it like Yeah. And the guilt and the shame and do you know what I mean?
Because at the end of the day, if I had given him my methadone, it wouldn’t have happened. But
the thing was, the man were yellow, his eyes were yellow, and he wouldn’t go to hospital. I’ve
been trying for a week to get him to hospital. And you know the and if the lad that had sat left to
sit with him the what ifs and because I overthink everything the what ifs that were going through me
head and but I got me sent up and had a good chat with one of my housemates. I went to a meeting
had a good chat with my sponsor who were doing a share. So I spoke to someone else cuz although
I I had done the steps I did community community therapeutic community and I was adamant I wasn’t
going to do the steps cuz I was going to ask you if you done the 12 I was adamant I w but I used
to go to the meetings for connection right cuz I believe the opposite of addiction is connection
I’m very much for that. And like I said, my go-to people and I go this one meeting. I absolutely
totally can relate to all the people that go. I’ve met an amazing inspirational woman who was whose
story isn’t much different to mine. And I thought, yeah, maybe. And the other thing was I like out
of rehab I was in supported housing and then I’m in another supported housing and I was doing lots
of things for other people and they’re recovering and I thought maybe I need to do something just
to keep on top of mind even though I’m going to meetings and stuff you know maybe I need to just
peel back a bit. Do you know what I think in life we have um successes, don’t we? But sometimes
a success is when you hear somebody else speak of you. And what was what was quite kind of
hit for me a little bit is when cuz obviously originally you came when you came here you was
with your is it your niece? Yeah. She came with your knees and the word that and the words that
she said about you. I was watching you although I was listening to her speak. I was watching
you and it kind smiling like that now. Like you’ve done the exact same thing where you’ve
got this grin. Yeah. Because obviously she says about what you did for her which has made
her positive and made her live a good life. all all my nieces because the thing was I weren’t
there for my nieces when they were growing up and the the oldest two of the twins. I’d never met
the kids when I were in rehab that Christmas I were in rehab. I met my great niece and nephew
and they were six and seven. Okay. Wow. Because of my addiction when my sister had cancer. I went
there for them kids. Do you know what I mean? But I’m lucky that my family and my nieces because
I’ve improved on my life are now letting me see the kids. I mean, you should have seen me. I got
a text off my sister the other week and she went, “Will you stay in my house while builders here
because I need someone I can trust.” I were like, “Pe?” Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Back in
day I wouldn’t have known where she lived, you know? No. little things and it’s like I had a
I were with my nieces on the birthday and then cuz Evo died on the 23rd and it’s my dad’s anniversary
on the 27th. Okay, it’s kids birthday on 25th. They’re twins. So we 26th, sorry. So we spent
the day together at a theme park and that and do you know what? I took a picture and I put it
on my TikTok and I put nobody loves you in a trap house like this because but it’s it’s the little
things now. It’s like whenever I talk to people cuz I volunteer with probation uh Lancaster women
have been absolutely amazing. Um I’m starting volunteering with them starting I’m going to start
going prisons and that cuz I’m on license. Um, I got 29 months suspended for 2 years when I
got and me rehab order and that’s up on 1st of September and I’m going to go start talking to
girls and they put my story out on laptops in style prison. Oh yeah. So that’s why when they’re
in the cells they can they can go on there. So if they’ve borrowed a computer so they can watch my
story. Okay. and the governor just happened to be in there when they showed it to like the first
six and they were saying how inspirational and that I were and how if I could do it they could
do it. So yeah, but I it’s like my recovery is my it’s it’s it gives me that warm feeling and the
way I described it the the other day my sponsor is I’m getting goosebumps now cuz that warm
feeling hero when you see me I’m getting it from helping other people. Yeah. Let me tell you,
nobody would have thought I’d have helped anyone and turn them upside down and to the trainers. Do
you know what I mean? And now now I get and but don’t get me it’s like to my Tik Tockers have
gone to rehab. They’ve gone to my rehab based on based on my Tik Toks and what they’ve talking
to me. That’s that’s that’s powerful. you know, so I often ask this question. Um, and I’m actually
going to be very I’m actually when I mean I never plan my questions, but I’ve been sat here and and
I’m thinking I’ve got to come to this question and I’m going to be extremely I’m extremely intrigued
of the answer that you will give. So I’m going to fire it out anyway. So my question to you is this
is if you could change anything in your life, it’s a two-part question. If you could change
anything in your life, what would it be and why? I want to say some things, but then if I didn’t
have them things. Yeah. I wouldn’t be where I wouldn’t be where I am, you know? Yeah. Trauma
over triumph. Triumph over trauma. So, you won’t change anything? I obviously I’d have loved the
fairy tale, you know, but it want to be. I think, look, I’m going to be honest with you. Nobody’s
come on here yet and said they would they’d change anything because it takes you to the path that
you are. It takes you to where we are now. It takes you to those two Tik Tockers that have now
gone into rehab. Your journey is your journeys for a reason. In the same way you go to that place
and you won’t get out of the car for 45 minutes, you get out of the car to have a cigarette
and you see that pebble that says hope on it, you’ve got hope on your mean all these
things are all for a reason, are they? So, so I understand why and I understand why because I
wouldn’t I mean I have children so my paths always lead me to my children cuz then I wouldn’t
have my kids if I didn’t do certain things I would led there. So no one so far nobody has
um but then I’ve got a second question for you. Um what advice would you give to your younger
self? So that’s not changing anything and I’m not putting any particular age on it. It’s just
what advice would you give to your younger self? Don’t rely on a man. Don’t never But I never
did. This was this was a thing though. I always met my dad used to say never rely on a man
for money. So even when I were up to no good, I were always better. You know, I had this thing
in my head that I could always make my own money. And I I think that was also to my to my downfall
obviously but I always had that mentality but I emotionally relied. All right. Okay. If you
understand what I mean. Yeah. I do I do know what you mean. I know exactly what you mean on
the emotional side of it. So what advice would you give to your younger self then? Be more
independent and more secure in your own self. Wow. I like that. That’s quite quite powerful,
isn’t it? It’s very powerful. I’ve somewhat I had no self worth. I had no self worth whatsoever.
I can when I when I went to rehab. They said, “Oh, would you like to introduce yourself to the
community?” I went, “I’m Charlie. I’m a junk shoplifter from Leeds. Grows a bit of weed.”
That’s how I looked at myself. But when I did my completion, cuz don’t get me wrong, rehab’s
hard. you look at some stuff and I I did some stuff work and work on my and I totally refused
to do it. I’m not doing that. I’m not doing. But then as I went through rehab, little things
started going click in my head. By my completion, I was going, I’m Charlie. I’m a car caring,
kind, compassionate person, and I’m going to help others and I’m going to this and I’m going
to do that and I’m going to I couldn’t look at myself at the beginning of rehab and that that
honestly little Dale changed my life. But it all started from that judge saying, “Has this woman
ever been to rehab?” And that’s why I do I do gratitude list cuz I was so resentful. I was
very resentful and my family of what my life I was so resentful. So I do gratitude list every
day. And do you know what that judge is always at the top of my list? Yeah. Cuz he started, didn’t
he? Yeah. He started the ball rule. If that man hadn’t uttered those words to me, I’d have been
in jail again or dead. Well, yeah, probably. I again I think I’m I’m going to go back as well
cuz there was a bit where I tried to change the date on you slightly and you was like nah I
can’t do that cuz you was obviously with your with your family and and your friends and it even
in your messages you sounded excited for what you were doing like you’re just up here for a couple
of days. So I want to thank you cuz I know that your little time window that you had and you’ve
give the time out for for me but I have to say I’ve just won a ticket to ADMT and lead campus so
I’m staying an extra night now. Well that’s the universe giving back. Yeah it is. Yeah 100%.
Wow. Okay. Um right time has come for you to um ask me your question now. So I I have this
fear, right, of coming back to leads. Okay. Yeah. And of getting dragged into stuff. Yeah.
How have you managed to come home and stay safe? Because there always somebody from back in
the day and all that jazz. That’s that’s the way I look at it. Like I have like I
have a proper fear when I come to lead. I think everybody can see. I’m I’m Yeah, it’s
a What’s the question again? How do you keep yourself safe from not getting dra dragged into
drama? And so yeah, right. So I think what it is is mine started whilst wh while still being away
where I sent a message cuz obviously I explained to you what my turning point was from the letter
and from then I sent a message out from there like listen I’m done. I you know maybe people was more
thankful that I said I was done but I was done and I didn’t I didn’t deviate from that path. I I
genuinely didn’t deviate from it. If I saw people, I blatantly ignored them or I would wait for a
reaction. So, because I was always a person that was first, I would I I started drawing back. So,
I would I wouldn’t give a reaction. I’d see them, but then I would turn away like I’m not really
like I don’t want it and I would continue on my path. And luckily enough for me, nobody ever
engaged anything or said anything to me. I’ve had this stare where you, you know, stare down
or something. But I think me personally, I just, and I say this all the time, a lot of people
say, “Oh, I saw you the other day.” And I go, “I didn’t see you.” Because my path is I drive.
Unless I come to a junction, I don’t look left or right. I know where I’m going. I know where
I want to be. So all this peripheral stuff, I don’t really take much notice of is it has to be
on this the journey that I’m on. I I you see the I when when I in detox I had to give my phone to
my mom and my sister cuz I were good at what I did and people were phoning me up. Oh, we’ll come get
you and bringing you bring you blah blah blah cuz I were in there September. Oh, we want Charlie for
Christmas. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And even there were instance if you somebody recognized me and it were
Charlie where can I get rid of this you know and I’m like no yeah there has to be there has to be
a bit and I think what people and again you you’ll understand it more than anyone is there’s always
going to be the temptation oh yeah I’m thinking one of the worst things that’s happened to me is
um I was going through town somebody that’s known me since I was 16 was the one I went, “Do you want
to come with me?” No. Yeah. I think and and and that’s why I understand why you don’t you like you
no longer live up here, which I get it cuz I I I understand it for you. I think for me I just look
I think but all what I do believe as well though if I’m going to be totally honest with you I think
your path has changed that much now that you could I’m not saying you should but I’m saying you could
because I think you’re looked at in a different light now whereas a lot of people look to you
from the light of criminal aspects whereas I think you’ve got more people out there now if people
do go on to your TikTok you’ll see like you’ve got a lot of followers so for me you’ve got more
followers now 10 times the amount of followers, 20 times the amount of followers than what you
ever had from your past life. So I think for you, you’ve made a positive change which is only going
to hold you in high regard because the people that do matter are only saying good things about you.
The people that don’t are not. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I can’t I can’t change what my past
I’ve done the things I’ve done, but you know, I can make sure my future is better than what
it was. Of course you can. and I can make sure I’m not costing society. Do you know what I mean?
I’d rather help it. And somebody said a brilliant thing to me cuz like when I was mentoring that
if anyone fell off and that it proper affect me and rehab to say to me sometimes, leave it at the
door Charlie cuz I’d take it home and it consumed me because I overthink everything. think it what
could I have done when and it’s having to rain it back and but some somebody said brilliant
thing to me they said Charlie you can plant the seed of recovery it’s up to somebody else
to water it and make it grow. Yeah. And I look at it like that now so I’ve got a bit better but
sometimes it the first like when I first started doing it first couple really got me. Well, I
mean, I think you are most definitely an an inspiration for I think yours is multifaceted as
well because I think yours is an inspiration for people on substance misuse. I think yours is
an inspiration for domestic violence. I think yours is an inspiration for young women. M so I
would like to say for me personally I want you I would love you to carry on the path that you’re
taking and I’d love to have you back once you’ve finished your license and then you’ve got all
your other all your ducks in a row shall we say cuz I know you’ve got a few plans going forward
on what you want to be doing. Believe it or not, this is how mad my life is. When it like
honest to God, I lie in bed and I laugh to myself sometimes cuz like I was so involved with
madness and silliness. And on 25th of September, I’m doing a speech to chief constable and blooming
heads of police and youth offending and domestic violence and probation and prison governors
and it’s like well there’s that proof of how far you’ve come. Yeah. It’s like wow and again
so obviously and the fact that somebody has even asked me to speak like and before I thought nobody
wanted to listen to me you know and it’s recovery I’m not saying it’s but sometimes I just have to
reel myself in and out of I use think feel do a lot out of do you know what I mean and I use that
to like set myself back cuz trust me I I think the only time I’d ever slip back is if a man hurt one
of my nieces. Okay. I I don’t then I don’t think I think the old Charlie will come out. My mom always
said there’s a hard Charlie and a soft Charlie and I know that nasty side of me is there but I can re
it in and then talk myself out of it a lot whereas I couldn’t before. But I think anything my mom,
my sister, any But isn’t that normal? Yeah. It’s like I mean I would say the same thing like I’ve
changed my life considerably. However, you put your hand on one of my kids and I’ve got doors as
well. So I’ve got you know I’ve got my daughter. I’m not that bad really. No, no, definitely not.
Like I’d come out of retirement in a heartbeat. Yeah. You’ve been booked. I don’t want to. Just
for your camera’s there. I don’t want to. But I I totally understand. So when I’m thinking about
that for you say that to me that makes me think I’m not so I’m all right. I think you ask any man
on the street. I mean you ask I tell you what you you ask our mutual friend he’d tell you the same
thing. There’s other people there’s another person that spoke highly as well. Um Sunny u again if
you asked him same thing I think most people would when it comes to your family. Um but yeah I
it’s been an absolute pleasure having you on. Oh, it really genuinely has u and I and I like I
said, I think you are an inspiration to a lot of people now. So, I would like to say keep it
going and and I do I do once we get like about another year down the line. I actually do want
you back on just because I want to know where your path has gone after you spoke to all these
people, you finished your license and you’re working with certain you’ve got Lancashire women.
Lancashire women. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Um I’ve uh going for my training in September. Okay. Well,
that’s Yeah. But it’s like the Do you know what this were? Brilliant. Other day, the first person
that I mentored for from probation and that she’s set up her own group now in Blackpool, her own
recovery group in Blackpool. It’s like you are an inspir. That’s why I’m saying to you, Joe, you’re
an inspiration to a lot of people. Yeah. You know, it’s just, do you know what it is? I think in
life, we have this thing about success, but so what people what people don’t realize is sometimes
the successes that you have are with other people. And the successes that you have with other people,
you might never see, but that doesn’t mean to say it wasn’t successful. I know it’s it’s like
the the little messages and that that I get on TikTok and that and it’s like blooming. One of
the DJs that followed has only sent me tickets to go to Proper Fest cuz he’s so proud of me.
Well, it was like it was like um today when you said to me like you was like Kyle, can I put
it out there that I’m coming? I was like, “Yeah, of course you can.” Like you’re very like you’re
very you’ve got this thing where you’re excited about everything you’re doing when it’s positive
and you’re giving. So, listen, it’s going to shine through. And again, I want to thank you for coming
on. Thank you for having me. It’s been good.