Two Unprepared Comedians Have 8 Hours To Plan the Perfect Holiday | All Plans On Deck | Channel 4

Hayley Morris & Louise Young are heading on a trip to Europe. However, they’re already on the ferry and haven’t got any plans! The two comedians have the trip from Dover to Calais to speak to fellow passengers to create an ultimate holiday itinerary. The fearless comedians must find something to do, something to see, something to eat and something to drink. The pressure is on with the itineraries being judged by local experts.

With only 8 hours to complete the challenge, can Hayley and Louise plan the perfect trip? It’s the perfect city break in Bruges versus an idyllic escape to Lille in this episode of All Plans On Deck in partnership with P&O Ferries.

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Beer or wine? I might have to mix it tonight, I think. Drink some water
in between. I’m not here
for the culture. We’re going on
holiday to Europe, and we’ve got absolutely
no plans for what to do once we get there. We only have the time
it takes to get from Dover to Calais to create the ultimate itinerary for our trip. Best plan wins and time starts now ‘cause, we’re already on the ferry! So the challenge is: We gotta to find
something to do, something to see. Something to eat,
something to drink. And our itineraries are going to be judged by local experts. Yes. And we’ve
got eight hours to complete the plan. That’s it. So let’s go get chatting. Let’s do it! I don’t want to
bump into Hayley. It’s like seeing the bride
before the wedding. That’s Louise Young, one of the hottest
stand up comedians in the game. She’s also one of the most charismatic people you’ll ever meet. She’ll probably
end up leading a stag by the time
we get to Calais. And that’s Hayley Morris. She’s got possibly
the world’s most relatable inner monologue, and she’s all over
my TikTok feed. Hayley’s not much of a people person. She prefers hanging out
with her dog, Donny. But do not
underestimate her. While I got my bearings, Louise approached
a man with a very specific itinerary. Where are you going to go
when you get to France? I’m gonna go to the
town of Saint-Omer, which is my own
fictitious town of Santa-Marie-Sur-Seine. I’m writing a book about five small black cats who get into all sorts
of adventures, and they have a fine
time in Saint-Omer. I am not dressed in my
dog t-shirt for nothing. I’ve got a plan. I know there’s a pet
lounge on board. That is where I’m going to feel most at home, surrounded by emotional support of the dogs, talking to people that
are just like me, a dog owner. I spy some dogs. Hello, Maisie. [Dog sniffs] Emotional support. Very much what
I need right now. Maisie was giving therapy vibes, not travel tips. Next! Where should I go that’s going to be
the most interesting? Well, Calais is the
gateway to Europe and I really think you
ought to go to Bruges. This lovely small statue, he’s called Manneken Pis. That is something to see. And it’s small? Yeah, we thought he was bigger than that but, I think he’s only about that big. He’s not– Ah, deceived
by the pictures. While Hayley was getting catfished by a statue, I spotted a potential
travel agent. I’m trying to get some suggestions together for a brilliant day
out in France. What would you
go and see? I heard there’s some
cool street art in Lille. Street art’s quite
cool actually. Do you often graffiti? Whilst Louise was endangering passengers’ immigration status. I was still in
the pet lounge with a Scottish couple
and their dogs. There’s a frite museum. A frite museum?! And you could learn about how they’re made, as well as sample
them on site. It’s like a learning experience, isn’t it? I was well and truly
up and running! Something to see:
A pissing statue. Something to eat: Frites at the
frites museum. These two look
quite cool, actually. Cool people know what
to do with themselves. After exchanging compliments on each other’s
impeccable style, I asked this couple
where they were heading. We’re going to be
going to Lille. Lille is a place that’s
been suggested and it sounds like it’s
really cool in Lille. All right, I might have
to choose Lille. Lille sounds cute. And it’s less than 1.5
hours away from Calais. W-w-w-wait! For like 10 minutes extra driving, you can go to a -whole new country.
-Hold on Hayley, I’ve got more
important questions to ask this couple. Oh, best thing to drink when I’m there? Oh, we’re going to have to pick a nice red wine. -What do you think?
-A bordeaux! -Yeah a bordeaux, yes.
-Surely? A Domaine de la Romanée-Conti. Zoot alors!
That sounds good. Feeling inspired I
took to the deck for a much needed break. I am thinking of
going to Bruges. I hear that there’s a really good cycling tour. How do you feel about cycling in jeans? Think that’s going
to be a good– Erm. You might want to, especially with
the weather, you might be a bit -hot and sweaty.
-Yeah. Hot and sweaty in Bruges. Not my usual city break vibe, but itinerary… Done! I’ve got Bruges. I’ve got something to do.
Something to see. Something to eat. I think I’m gonna go and have a little, a little chill, regain a bit of my social battery and just relax. Hayley’s relaxing now she thinks her
itinerary’s sorted. Whilst I’m still stuck choosing my
something to eat. I need to gather every suggestion I can. As long as it’s
not watermelon. I can’t stand the stuff. What would be your most perfect thing to eat when you get to France? A tasty lamb-type-treat. Breads, cheeses, saucisson. I’ll just grab a
local croissant. Escargot, like snails. Frog legs? Have you had frog’s legs? Yeah, they’re like chicken. Look at me hustling. Judges take note. And Hayley still
had her feet up. Erm… OK, I’m going to go find something to drink. I need something to
drink in Bruges? -No, no.
-No. Sorry. Okay. Any chance you’ve
been to Bruges? -No.
-No, not been to Bruges? OK, perfect. Thank you! OK, has anyone in here been to Bruges? Anyone in here
been to Bruges? You know what
I’m thinking? Impressing the judges
with some gifts. I think it would
be fantastic. Everyone loves a gift. I need something sophisticated, classy, elegant. This is perfect. So classy. C’est magnifi… That’s not the
French for that. A bit of bribery
never hurt anyone! You looked like you
needed a friend. Sparks were flying, but I quickly got back on my “can’t find a drink in Bruges” drama. Obviously Belgium’s well known for its beers. -You’ll have a great time!
-Drink beer. -Drink beer?
-Yeah. Beer. With presents
for the judges and a cool day in
Lille planned, it was time for me
to finally take a break. Hola! See if I can find at least
one more suggestion– It’s finished!
It’s done. I think I’ve absolutely smashed that. That is time for us to
get off the boat. That was the fastest
90 minutes of my life. Now, bring on the judges. That was so quick. I don’t even feel like
we made it here, but we’re here. I had a lot of, kind of, out there suggestions, but I think I’ve got a good, I think I’ve got
a strong ‘itin’, that’s short for itinerary. How are you going to pitch yourself to the judges? I’ve got this beret. Feel like that might be a little bit pick me but– Hang on.
Are these–? -Oh, my God.
-Are these the local judges here? An actual mime. I mean, the producers did say they’d be local, but I didn’t think we’d be going so local. They may as well have a string of onions around their neck. Let’s give them our best itineraries we’ve got. May the best man win.
Let’s do this. So I have brought some gifts along for everyone. Just remember this when it comes to judging who’s plan is better. Merci. You’re very welcome.
I’m very generous. My plan that I’m proposing that me and Hayley
have to do is we’re going to go to Lille, which is not an obvious
kind of, place to go. I want to do a walking tour of the graffiti
and the street art. I would like to see
the architecture. Love a bit of architecture. Even if it makes us,
sort of, cry in terror, I will eat a snail. I think it’s the right
thing to do. I just want to honour your ways
and your morals. What we’re going to
drink is a very fancy French wine from Bordeaux. Yes. Remember those gifts. And what do you think about my plan, everyone? I think that was
not a good thing. For my plan, my itinerary. Rather than us
staying in France and annoying you all, I’m going to take us out and head on
over to Bruges, see your cousins
in Belgium. While we’re there,
we’re going to go to the frites museum. We’re going to get a
little education, and then we’re going to
go on a little bike tour around Bruges. Might even see
the pissing statue. I’ve heard that’s all
the rave in Bruges. And then we’re going
to end the day with a locally brewed Bruges beer. What do we think? Merci! Donny’s getting all
the compliments. I mean, I feel like I’m getting a good
reaction here. This is quite upsetting. A flower! Thank you so much. Does that mean I’ve won? That’s enough. -Have I won?
-I’ll have these back. Thank you. Waste of time. Waste of money. -Goodbye. Au revoir.
-Let’s get this show on the road. We are going to Bruges. Merci! Right, get that beret off.
We are going to Bruges. I kind of don’t want
to take it off now, I feel like it’s part
of my personality. I’m disappointed, but I am quite looking forward to a good bike ride. Just like this gentleman. Oh, we’re going to
look just like this. Minus all the fishing. A scenic drive later and
we were in Bruges. We had six hours
to see everything and trust me,
we’d need it because the place was absolutely unreal. So this is Bruges. I mean, pretty good
from me I would say. Do you know what?
It’s not bad. And now we’re at
the frites museum. We are at the frite -museum.
-The one and only. I’ve seen that
in Blackpool. -Have you?
-Yeah. I’ve been told mayonnaise
and chips is the thing here. There was a lot to take in
at the frites museum. Turns out the Belgians are very passionate about
their chips. Do you know when I’m just sort of, like, standing around, like someone’s explaining something important. This is the type of
thing that’s happening in my head. [Laughing]
Same yeah. When we were, actually earlier on the boat asking people
questions, this– This was what
was going on. I just never knew that
such a good time could be so carb-heavy. The vibe in the
frites museum was absolutely
frying my brain, but maybe I
was just hungry. This lovely chipmaster insisted that we
sampled his goods. -Let’s go.
-Enjoy! Thank you so much. Something to
eat in Bruges. Frites. -Cheers.
-Cheers. Good decisions. I think I made a
pretty good call. Yeah, 100%. I’m happy to admit defeat. How do you feel about
that cycling tour? Ooo, good. And I’ve got
a costume change. So just give us like,
10 minutes, and then you
can follow on. Right. Whilst I was waiting for whatever the hell
Louise was up to, I met up with
our tour group and pretty quickly ran
out of small talk. I have heard Belgians
like a tight schedule. So, where is she? Oh, here we are. Wow! Are we ready to cycle? OK! -Thank you.
-She’s ready to go. I mean, this is worth
the wait to be fair. It’s a real choice, though. Well, I’m keeping
things professional. Yeah. To be honest with you,
I was going like, more Tour de France,
but it looks a bit more like a
Berlin sex club. -A little bit.
-I’m sorry about that. You follow me? We’ll follow you. I can’t remember
the last time I rode a bike. Oh, there’s a real
bump down. Here we go. Let’s go. Is Belgium attached
to Holland? Either is or it’s very close. Here at your left side you see the
Blacksmith’s Gate. This is called, in the
Flemish language, the Smedenpoort. So, a very beautiful bridge from the 13th century. Have a look.
What do you see? -A skull.
-A skull, yes. Looks like me after
last weekend. [Laughing] The tour was great, but I couldn’t stop wondering, when were we going
to see the pissing statue? So I heard a lot on the ferry about Manneken Pis. This statue of
something pissing. And it’s been sold
to me as like, the seventh wonder of the world, sort of vibes. Oh, but this is not here. This is in Brussels. But Brussels, it’s far
away from here. It’s 100 kilometres, approximately. -It’s very far away, so–
-Not on a bike. Not to bike there. -No, no, no.
-I could do it. No! Well, would you like to see something else? -Absolutely.
-Let’s go. Hayley, this is genuinely
a beautiful city. Thank you for
bringing me here. You are welcome. It’s nice cycling but, after a while it’s like: ‘Ooh I’m getting left alone with my thoughts
for too long here.’ We still had our Belgian beer to sink and I had something up
my sleeve for Louise. -The final bit, the drink. -Yeah. Which I have set up. You’ve laid this on
for us, have you? I have, got to
be very romantic. And I’ve got you
an extra special beverage there for you. What is it? That my friend,
is special for you. It is a watermelon beer. I heard you
love watermelon. You evil cow. Yeah, I thought it would
be a lovely little forfeit -I hate watermelon.
-for losing today. I can’t even have watermelon shampoo. Chin chin. -Cheers.
-Cheers. -Enjoy.
-Ew. That’s all right actually, that’s not watermelon. -Not watermelon, no.
-OK. -from Bruges.
-Oh thank God. A brewed beer
from Bruges, quite hard to say that, after you’ve had a bit of that. Yeah, don’t– Don’t drink one of
those and try that. OK, I’ll not. What a lovely
day we’ve had. I know. Ticked off
quite a lot there. I’m surprised by Belgium. I didn’t think it
was going to be– Me neither. I’m
coming back here. -You did well.
-Yeah. Something to
do: Museum. Something to
eat: Frites. Which were like, the best frites I’ve ever had. And what else? Something to
see: Skull. -Seen a skull.
-Yeah. Not a real one, but. And now here we are. We did it. In like, the most gorgeous park I’ve ever been in. It’s absolutely beautiful.
The sun’s shining. I’m in Lycra. What more can
you ask from life? Truly. [Laughing] Locally brewed
Bruges beer. Well done. The alliteration
on that one. -Well done, pet.
-Chin chin. Chin chin. -It’s still slightly horrible.
-Delish. [Laughing]