Ranking Tour de France Bikes With My Wife

lovely bikes for going fast and almost none that fit a woman of average height.

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Today we’re ranking tour to France bikes with my wife. It says on the script, “Say hello Dr. Danny.” Hello, Dr. Danny. How do you want the internet to know you? I’m an A&E doctor. Or for all the UK listeners and an emergency room doctor for all the US. I apologize in advance for any shots fired at your favorite bicycles. I have no idea what she’s going to say. Both of us are going to rank the new Tour to France bikes out of 10. But first, you should probably rate your bike knowledge out of 10. My bike knowledge out of 10. I know what a derailer is. That’s high. I think that’s high. This is like three. No, I was going to say like that’s like a six. No. How many people in the How many people like out in the street know what a derailure is? Is it railier? Yeah, I said it weird. I don’t know. Probably not a lot, but I don’t know a lot of other things that I should know though. First bike on the list is a team Visma Lisa bike Sllo S5. What do I get to rank this out of? My own ranking out of 10. Okay. Out of 10. Yeah. Do I get categories? This is getting This is getting complicated. We’ve watched a little bit of the Tour to France show. Oh, pro show. So, you know who rides this bike? No. Oh, I don’t know. I don’t know half their names. Is it like It’s probably Pagotaa or someone like No, no, no. This is his rival. This is This is Vingo. Vingo. Vingo. Pronunciation spot on. This bike might not actually be his one, but this is his what he’s riding. His team bike in those colors. Maybe not in the mountain stages cuz this one is an S5, which is their Aero bike. So, it’s that’s why all the tubes are fat and the fork is really wide. I don’t know. I I don’t really like it. So, I like the coloring. So, it gets a solid 5.2 2 out of 10 for me. 5.2. Yeah, that’s savage. I’m not going to influence your rating. I’m just going to add a um an interesting a really interesting fact about each one of the bikes. The Seell S5, the seat tube angle on every single size is 73°. Why would I care about that? 5.2. Seven out of 10. Okay, next up we have the Sudal Quickstep Specialized S Works Tarmac SL8. What are you saying? Because Specializ is for what they do to Central American workers, but I really like their like paint jobs that they do and I like the look of their bikes. Ethically, it should get a zero out of 10 in my opinion. There’s going to be more than one. There’s more than one team in the Tour of France by Specialized as well. So, you’re going to have to I mean, okay, but you treat them both the same. If I’m respecting the art and not the artist, it’s an eight out of 10 for me. Eight out of 10. I love the coloring. And I love teal. It’s like the color of the ocean. Look at the perfect background, too. And so much of the stuff that you can see on this picture is Specialized. The the um tires, Turbo Cotton, the Rover wheels, they’re made by Specialized. The shoes, they’re made by Specialized. And then obviously all the stuff that’s attached to the bike, which is the same for most of these handlebar, stem, seat post, saddle, that’s all Specialized as well. But if you look at the fork too, it has like it almost looks pink. Like the rating, it’s like pink and teal. My two favorite colors. M 8.1 out of 10. 8.1. 8.1. But zero out of 10. Really? Yeah. Oh, okay. I’m going straight down the middle. Five. Five. That’s not bad. Five isn’t bad. That’s what I thought. A seven. It was so ugly. Me and Jimmy do these rating videos sometimes. And a five is neutral. Five means neutral. Like you don’t like it, you don’t dislike it. It just exists. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that’s what an S Works has become. The other one you like. It was so ugly. What one? The Sevel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But ugly is is when I Okay. Emily has banned us using the words ugly even though we keep using them. But I don’t use it in a negative way. Ugliness correlates with how fast a bike is because of aerodynamics. So that first bike, the Sevel, it’s all big and bulbous and flat tubes. The ugliness is a good thing, but it’s not the shape that’s ugly. It’s the paint job. The yellow is wrong. I think the yellow is wrong. It needs to be like warmer. There’s probably some sort of sponsor reason that one of their sponsors is that like black and yellow. Horrendous yellow, but it should be like a slightly warmer, not like greeny yellow. And it’s greeny yellow. And it should be. Next up is EF Education Easy Posts Cannondale Super 6 Evo Lab 71. Lab 71 just means the top level of carbon. Who rides this one? EF Pro Cycling. Wait, that was the guy who won the Irish guy. Yes, yesterday. Is it Is he on this bike? Maybe this video isn’t going out straight away, but yesterday. Ben Healey is the guy you’re talking about. He won a stage of the tour to France yesterday, and he is all about the aerrow gains. I’m not sure. This is how out of the loop I am. Cannondale used to make a dedicated arrow bike, but I think now they’re just on these. It was called the system six and maybe it’s been maybe they don’t make it anymore. I should know about Canada. I did a video on them recently. That’s terrible. It’s so embarrassing. I really like this bike. I think it looks super sleek. Maybe it’s also like the photo cuz it kind of the black parts like blend into the background. It makes it look really cool. Mhm. for me. And the pink bottles are a bonus. 8.7 out of 10. It’s pretty. The writing of the Canondell is like very kind of classic. It’s not in your face. It’s nice. It’s a nice bike. It’s Helvetica. It’s what we use on Cape Media as well. Uh the tires are tan walls, so they’re like the yellowy side. And the last bike had that as well. Do you Is that your preference or Probably not. No, you go black. I think black. But I like But it looks nice on this cuz I feel like if you did black, it would be like too much black and you just look like you’re riding a fork in the dark. They are a really cool team. I’m going to give it a 7.8. Ah, yeah. We’re aligning. We’re aligning. That’s why we’re married. Next up, we have UAE Team Emirates XRG Kono Y1RS. This is one of the most expensive bikes on the list. It’s like the ugliest one we’ve seen. And there’s two pictures here. The first one is Tade Picatch’s world champion edition cuz he’s world champ. So he wears the white jersey with the rainbow stripes. Yeah. And then uh the standard UAE Karago. Oh, see I hate that. I hate when it like has the little like wavy thing on the tube like Pinterella does that and I don’t like that. I think it’s ugly. Mhm. Sorry. Sorry. Penello. It’s exactly what I was talking about a minute ago. This is like peak. It’s probably an extremely fast bike, but in order to be so fast, it has to be so ugly. But it’s kind of so ugly it goes back around the scale and becomes all right. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don’t care about going fast. I ride down the beach path. But you go even faster on the beach path. That That’s where it would be so fast. I don’t care how fast I go on the beach path. Just enjoy my ride. This is like This is the ugliest one. I don’t like this bike. So, you wouldn’t buy this for $14,666? I wouldn’t buy this for $1,000. What do you think? What do you think of the wheels? Especially No, I like those wheels. Those wheels are kind of cool. Especially the World Champs ones. No, the World Champ wheels are cool. And you can’t upset Giles. Our friend Giles rides these wheels. So, if you said you didn’t like these wheels, he’d be very sad. Go on, give it a rating. Oh, it goes under five for me for sure. 4.1. Next up, Inamar One’s Cube Lightning Con 68X Aerobike. And this is one of the cheaper ones on the list at only $8,000. That’s not cheap. I would never pay that for a bike. Mhm. Ever. Mhm. I like this one. I like the shape. I like the coloring. I like the black wheels. And it’s kind of I think they’re reflective almost. Yeah. It’s like chrome. chrome. Those are kind of cool. Um, I like this one a lot. This is good. This is good. This is a a solid like 8.1. I am not a fan of the fade paint jobs. Oh, I do. You like them? I just think it’s Maybe I’ve just looked at it too many times on two so many different bikes. They’re like I think it’s quite a quick It’s maybe not the most expensive way to paint a bike, but still looks premium. So, a lot of brands do it. And it’s just a fade from one color to black. So, one solid color is better looking. 100%. Yes. I disagree. 100%. I think that’s boring. Unless it’s a really pretty fun color and then maybe it’s better. Your your like subscribers are going to roast me in the comments cuz all I care about is the paint job. No, you cared about tambool tires. You cared about the shape of the frame. The thing is with all of these bikes, they’re all designed to be aerodynamic. All of the tubes are quite fat, which doesn’t always lend itself to an aesthetically pleasing bike traditionally. Did you know you see like Giles’s bike round tubed? A lot of the bikes in Bike Fit James’ shop, round tubes, and people like that because it’s traditional, but maybe it’s just rose tinted spectacles. What? Oh, rose tinted spectacles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just couldn’t understand you. I’m like, what? This happens sometimes. Not that often, surprisingly. You must watch a lot of English TV. I don’t. Oh, wait. Do I? Yeah, I do. Yeah, you do. Yeah. Lord of the Rings is set in England, isn’t it? Always playing. Middle Earth exclusively speaks English or Elvish. Well, do the orcs have a language as well? No, they speak English in the movies. Yeah, just angry. Yeah. Uh, seven 7.2. I’m going back down a whole point. I I like it less the more I look at it. $8,000 sounds like an insane amount of money for a bike, but considering this is a world tour to France bike, that is kind of good compared to the other ones. Therefore, I’m going to up my score and give it an 8.1. Wow. Next up, we have Bahin Victorious Marida Reacto. Another aero bike. These guys own a huge portion of Specialized. It used to be like almost 50% of Specialized and they’ve knocked it down to like 35% or something now. Uh they also make the high-end Specialized bikes. This one’s nicer. It’s kind of boring, but I do like the accent colors like like on the wheels. I bet it looks cool when you’re riding it. I thought you like teal. It’s like a perfect Yeah, I like the accent colors. It’s white. It’s a white bike with like a little bit of teal. Give me like a full teal bike. Do you think it’s silly how big that logo is that when your crank is covering the bottom of the down tube, you won’t be able to see the M? Cuz that’s a common thing. If you look at the logo placement on a lot of these bikes, you’re like, why have they put it there? I don’t like the logo. That was what I was going to say. I don’t like the logo. I don’t really even like the logo on the wheels. I just like the teal accent. They look better if it was filled in uh wheel logos. I think I think it would look better without logos. Just black words. Yeah. 6.8. 6.5. No, that’s harsh. I’ll give it a seven. I’ll give it a seven. Next up, one. Well, I know you’re going to be nasty about this one now. Inos Grenaders Pinella Dogma F. One of the few bikes on this list that actually goes down small enough for you to ride. In fact, it was one that bike fitter recommended you. The Cannondale doesn’t. The Canidel won’t. This Dogma, they go down to one of the sizes. It has like a three 350 mil reach, so it’s really small. It’s great. Yeah. Oh, great. And and small bikes look better. I do not Everyone knows this. I do not like this bike. You know why? It’s wavy tuby. Wavy toy. Wavy tuby. Like the tube is like I don’t like it. Have you seen the old Pinterelloos? How wavy they are? Yeah. The worst. They used to be like a whole Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don’t like it. It’s a paint fade. The fade doesn’t do it any favors. The one I rode was purple all the way. That was nice. That one was nicer. Yeah, this is what I mean. It looks better if they’re just one color. No, I don’t think it’s the one color thing. I think it’s the color choice. Like blurpool. Blur. Blural is it is the technical name for that color. I’m sure. Say blueberry. Blueberry. Blueberry. What’s wrong with that? It’s a blueberry. Blueberry aluminum. I love this bike. I’ve ridden this bike. The handlebars are the best handlebars I’ve ever used in the in the world. But those handlebars cost the same cost probably twice the price of your bike. If this was the Blurool, I’d be giving it a 8 out of 10 because it’s this color. I would give it a 7 out of 10. It gets like some brownie points for being available in a size that most average women are. I just don’t like it. I like the photo. The photo’s nice. Yeah, out of all the photos I’ve selected, the backdrop of this is incredible. In fact, it’s making me second guess whether this is the latest dogma or I’ve just found it on Google images and was very tired last night when I was putting together this video. Um, but they never seem to change their bike, so it’s probably just that it gets a 5.1. I don’t hate it because it fits the right size, but I don’t like it. The Red Bull Bora Hands Grow Specialized S Works SLA. Do you think being sponsored by Red Bull is makes it cooler or less cool? Less cool. Less cool. Yeah, Red Bull’s like almost the worst energy drink now. You can get way cooler, way better energy drinks. Monster. Yeah, Monster’s lower. That’s why it’s like it’s like Monster. Monster and Rockstar are both like making a tower at the bottom for Red Bull. You’d want to be sponsored by Celsius. Sponsor me. sponsor the whole hospital. All the doctors love Celsius. Doesn’t it give you like shaky hands? So when you’re like sewing up someone’s face because that’s what you do like knitting. It doesn’t give me the jitters that like Red Bull gives me like it makes me feel anxious. Whereas like Celsius, I feel like amped and alive. All right. Yeah. If I had an energy drink, I want it I want to know it’s working from jitters. I’m going higher than the last Specialized because something about this bike just speaks to me. Although it doesn’t have the tan walls. No, we’re still going higher. Six out of 10. I like the shape of this one better than the other one. Like I like the tubes and the It’s the same It’s the same bike. Oh It’s just a bad picture. This Well, the shape looks different on here. I like the coloring except for the Red Bull logo. Um, and I like the wheels better on this one actually. I don’t care for the tan thing. It can look nice, but I don’t care for it. Okay. So, the tan walls are strangely lighter. It’s a conspiracy that we discovered in the bike shop recently. Some of them are painted on. They’re like fake tan walls, but generally a tan wool version of the same tire is lighter than the black one. This is confirmed conspiracy. That is confirmed conspiracy, but it’ll be thinner material and then you might punch her. Why would I care about the weight of my wheels or my tires? That’s a valid point. I do not care. I like the black. It looks better. Um, I think I gave the last one like an 8.1. Ah, except the stupid Red Bull logo ruins it. The Red Bull logo ruins it for me. If it didn’t have the Red Bull logo, it’d be higher than the other one. If it had a Celsius logo, what would the score be? It would still be low cuz I It shouldn’t have a logo that’s not the bike logo on it. Well, it’s a sponsored. It’s It’s a tour to France bike, isn’t it? They have to get the Red will pay a lot of money for that logo. 8.0. The wheels are better than the last S Works one that I liked. Next up is the Little Trek Mone. This is kind of cool looking. At least it’s interesting. This is inspired by the artist Ari Matis and it’s a Trek Mone, which Have you noticed a very strange thing about this? Um, the strange thing about it. Yeah, you can’t really see it from this angle. Oh, that’s so cool. Okay, I like this one better now. You like the speed hole? Yeah, I think it’s cool. You hate it. You don’t like it. I don’t like it. I don’t think I want a big hole in my bike. But as we discussed earlier, ugliness equals speed. Therefore, it’s probably very, very fast. I think it’s really pretty, and I think it makes it more unique, and I like interesting things that are more unique. And I like that it like I like that it pays homage to a great artist. So, I’m give it an 8.3. I’m going give an 8.3. All black wheels, tires, not wheels. I’m shedding. You got hair. I’m shedding everywhere. My t-shirt’s also attracting little white fluffs from Zombo. Probably from me. I got the the Coke’s giving me burps. We should have had this. We should have had the Celsius powder and then it wouldn’t make me all gassy. Oh, the Celsius powder is so good. Celsius comes in both cans and powder. The powders are cheaper if you swipe up. No, the powders are cheaper. Just so you know, if you drink enough of them like I do. What’s the um the bit around a nipple called? The areola. Yeah, I always think that’s the wheels sound like that. Aolus. They’ve been called that for years. That wheel that’s made by So Bontreger or Bontreger. I actually don’t know how you pronounce it. Is a Trek brand as well. So a bit like Specialized. They they make everything under the sun. That would be a Bontreger saddle as well. That is N out of 10. Wife approved. Next up, Groupama FDJ’s Villia Filante. Villia, I like your Villar bike. It’s like the light blue one. It’s so sparkly. It’s pretty. You rode it for a bit and it was two sizes too big. Yes. And I crashed and I bent the derailure. The derailer. There was a clipless incident. It wasn’t a cra it wasn’t a crash. It was a crash. It was like a toppled over. And I like the wheels in general. They have like that little chrome thing, like a little chrome accent. Mika is the wheel brand. And it’s actually owned by Villia as well. They used to ride Shimano wheels last year. Uh this is the Falante. They also This is supposed to be the Aero one and it’s quite pleasing to the eye. Yeah, I think for an aero bike. They also do the Vertical which we tested and that’s like the out and-out climbing one. So some of the team will be riding that as well. Mark Cavendish won his stage win record on this exact model. But he had like a fancy one, didn’t he? Yeah, he and it was different colors. Different team. And that team is now further down this list and you’ll see they’ve changed bike sponsor to something drastically different. 7.1. It’s nice. I agree. Next we have Alpasin Dernik’s Canyon Airroad CFR. Do you think you can guess what I’m going to say about this bike? Boring. This is so boring and ugly. Ugly. Maybe it’s the quality of the photo you took. I didn’t take it to show me to show me the photo I stole from Canyon’s website. And the Canyon logo like is just always so aggressive. I I just don’t like it. The the crank will cover up the sea. Yeah. Yeah. Which you complained about before. You can’t Little Zift logo. You’re going to get upset about that because it’s not the bike brand. No, because it’s not in your face and annoying. A 3.5. Would it change your rating if I told you that the handlebars have little screws that you undo and then they can become narrower or wider? No. 3.5. Three. So savage. 3.5. So savage. It’s higher than Specialized for me. I like the camo style. Like digital camo or whatever. And then you’ll be almost invisible when you ride in the city. So 7.8. Oh my god. If you’re invisible when you’re riding in the city, you’re going to get hit by a car and then go to the ER. A& and just to spite you, I might cut your bib shorts off. Oh, tell the story about your boa. The dials on the shoes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, like they were going to cut the What are What’s the like actual stringy things that you tighten? Boas. That’s what they’re called. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I had a cyclist coming into the ER and nobody could figure out how to like undo his shoes and so I was like, “Wait, don’t cut it. Those are expensive.” I know how expensive they are, so I showed everyone how to pop them off. He was very thankful and I saved his bib shorts. Next up is TUDA Pro Cycling’s BMC T- Machine R1. Guess what BMC stands for? Bugly Muggly Cycleist cycling bicycle manufacturing company. Ooh, just like GMC. DT Swiss wheels. Very reliable 3D printed saddle. slightly rarer pedals considering most people on uh speed play or Shimano pedals or look these are time pedals which have like a weird leaf spring thing which means the float is really odd. So they feel a bit uh so it was the same company and they split and now they both exist and call themselves time which is confusing. Are you surprised that I keep pulling some of these weird things out that you’re going to actually listen to? Your bike knowledge is high. Your bike knowledge is too damn high. This is a 2.6. I think it’s so The logo’s The bike is ugly. Oh, shoot. Do I have to stop saying Emily, I’m so sorry. I’ll bleep it out. I’ll just bleep it out. No, people are going to think I’m like cursing. Welcome back to the world tour BMC. They they haven’t been sponsoring a team for a while, so they’ve now just come back. I’m sorry. Now I feel bad. It still gets a 2 point. What did I say? 2.8. I quite like the BMC. They’re a bit angular and a bit modern looking, but there’s some cool different stuff on there. And it’s certainly not offensive. I wish it didn’t have red on it. If it was all just black seven. I would like it more if it had all black. The red is or shoot. Should I say something else? Should we give you a new word to say? Um, frog. Oh, this one’s cool. Team Jolula’s Giant Propel. The biggest They’re literally the giantest bike company in the world. The biggest bike company in the world. Giant. Mhm. Mhm. That’s funny. Um, I like this bike automatically. It’s more interesting. It’s pretty. I love the paint job. The kit from this team is also sick. Just like all purple. Oh yeah, it’s good. See, look at the wheels. Kadex. I was going to ask you if that’s what it said. It says Kadex 7.9. Again, if the frame was all purple, I don’t mind the different shades of purple, but then the fact that it just then goes fades into gray. And if it was all purple, I would be giving it 9 out of 10, but I’m going to give it a 7 out of 10. I’m going to give it a 75 because of the fade, the paint fade. If it was all purple, it would be more boring. Okay. Airbnb Hotels Bianke Ultra RC. When this came out, people the response was savage. Why? The front end, the stem. Oh, that that that that that. Oh, okay. The frame’s like a little weird looking like to look at, but not so much. It’s not wavy wavy. It’s a little weird, but it’s not wavy. So, I don’t dislike it. I love the color of this bike. Chilst. We just had the biggest bike brand in the world. This is the oldest bike brand in the world. Look how pretty it looks though that still exists and are still trading today at least. The chilles color. Nobody knows the origins and as to why. Now people at Bianke can’t agree as to the oranges of the of the paint. It was either old military paint which they mix with white. It was maybe based on the sky above Milan or it was maybe Queen Margarita’s eye color which was the Italian queen at the time. It looks like Tiffany blue. It changes though. There’s a few different panone. So over the years based on like what they had lying around, but it looks good always. I like this. Um and I actually do like the what’s it called? The yellow. I actually do like it on this one. The tannies. Yes. I like that it’s unique. I love that the bar tape is also not black. Like I like that the bar tape is a different color. I know that that’s not what people like, but I like different colored bar tape. I like different colored bar tape. And I I used to have white saddle white bar tape and that was always a thing, but then you’d have to change it as these people probably have to do on the team. Yeah. And wash it every single day. Otherwise, it’s terrible. Get a little bit nasty. This is a good This is a solid 8.0. This is good. It’d be better if the frame was a little less weird, but like it’s really good. I think it’s cool. Weird is the right word, isn’t it? It’s weird. It’s not frog. It’s weird. It’s not frog. I was like frog. I’ve been putting together a video about Bianke, and I think it’s grown on me. I think it’s cool. I think it’s interesting. It’s interesting to look at. I feel like every time I look back at the photo, I see something new that I’m like, “Huh, it’s Marmite.” Do you get that reference? I do not like Marmite. Well, yeah. You either love it or hate it. That’s the point. Okay. But I like this. Yeah. So, you love it. But I hate Marmite. Yeah. purely for the color. It’s higher than the Specialized, which was a five. So, it’s going to be 6.6. Movies Stars Team Canyon Aero CFR. If you thought the last one was boring, I think this one takes it. I actually had I struggled finding the latest a photo of the latest tour to France bike cuz I was Some of them had the old Stram on. I wasn’t sure. I think this is right. Is this the coloring? Yeah, it’s just I think it’s a very very dark blue. That’s blue. Maybe it looks better in person, but this is quite boring. This is like 1.9. This is below two. This is sub two. Pick better colors. The Kathlon AG2R Lamondial Van Ryel RCRF. It’s a nice bike. I think it’s a solid bike. I think it’s a good It’s a solid 7.5 for me. Currently, we have a tour to France show which is called the Wild Ones Pro Show. Live every single day offering highlights from the tour to France. And to make that show happen, we had to get some sponsors and one of them is Decathlon Van Risel specifically. Therefore, I cannot make a rating because it would be biased because they have made the Wild Ones Pro Show possible. I will add one comment though of just facts, not opinion. Those wheels are about 1,300 quid, whereas some of the wheels in the tour to France that perform arguably similarly cost like £5,000. I wouldn’t pay for that. A bike that costs that much. That’s insane. The Kofodis look 795 Blade RS. Look. Look. I think these are cool. These are top tier. God tier cool. God tier cool. God tier cool. Every single Tour to France team except for this team is running Stram or Shimano parts. You know, all the gears, all the brakes. Oh, okay. Okay. This is the only team running Campanolo and they’ve they’re back in the race after not being in it for a few years, which I think deserves points. Even though we put them very low down the coral when we reviewed their old group set. The new one I have high hopes for. We haven’t got our hands on it yet, which is on this bike. It’s another artist inspired thing. Mondreanne. Uh I don’t know how to say his first name. Pierre Pier. Pierre. Pierre. Dutch guy. And they used to do madder paint jobs in this which were cooler. There’s a lot of black now going on. It’s very safe. Yeah. But look at the spokes. Oh, that’s cool. I didn’t even notice that. Okay. We put these wheels boras. So, they’re campag wheels. We put them as god tier on our cool wall. Okay. Okay. So, the I’m I’m going to revise cuz I just completely like But that’s the thing. I keep looking at the Look, 12 of these bikes got stolen. Yeah, I know. And they all got returned. They got returned. They No, not returned. They they got returned to the team by the police. They got found. Some of them were in a forest and then some of them were caught at the border. People trying to smuggle them out of France and the team got all of them returned. I thought you were going to say like, “Oh, the people who stole them felt bad and they were Imagine we can’t do that to a small team like Kofodus.” No, I like this better now that I noticed that. It gets a 7.0. Seven. I’m going high. 8.8. Wow. I think that’s your highest. Maybe that’s your highest. I can’t remember what happens five minutes ago. The XDS Astana team. XDS Carbon Tech XLAB 89. And this is the first fully Chinese branded bike to make it into the world tour. This is a lot of X in the title. There’s a whole lot of X X. I think it’s a branding mistake because if you Google XLAB, nothing comes up because it’s like S Works. That’s what they’ve tried to do. What are you laughing at? So Astana, that was Mark Cavendish’s team last year, and they were on Villia, which is like a bike brand with Italian, a lot of history. Yes. And this is kind of the opposite opposite thing, but clearly still a very fast bike. It’s been raced in the World Tour. I don’t like the logo. We haven’t got many results yet. I don’t like the logo. Agreed. I think the paint job looks cheap, too. Like that. I know they’re trying to do like some cool sort of like spongy pattern thing, but then they just gave up. But it’s like Yeah, but then it’s like they just stopped. 4.8. It’s cool to see something a little bit different. And I know the prices of these are not as bad as some of the really expensive bikes. So, for that reason, it’s getting a 6.8. Team Total Energies Envy Melee. What do you think of that? There’s a lot there’s a whole lot of Envy. They were just a wheel manufacturer until a few years ago when they started making frames. And the wheels are all made in the USA still. I do like the little secret turquoise at the bottom though. Secret turquoise. This is blue. This is blue. Blue. Oh yeah. Blue. Blue. Blue. This is turquoise. 7.2. Despite it being the Rolex of cycling, I really like Envy stuff. I like the branding. I think the frame’s nice. I think the paint job’s nice, but then why is that just like stuck on as an afterthought? I hate that. Seems such a It’s like, oh we’ve got to put total energy on it. Let’s just get some stickers. And then they they done the same thing on the Inos shorts as well as if it’s just like a stuck on. Maybe it is. Maybe they had loads of spare cash like last minute and they’re like, “Oh, let’s put some extra sponsorship in.” Oh, they’ve got those handlebars where you have to put the bar top on backwards. It would have been really high. Sticker lets it down a bit. It’s going to be a 7.1. Team Picnics Lapiier Zelius DRS. This is a new bike from uh Lapiier. I think it has what can only be described as a scaffolding like extended oo seat stay. I like that they made this as as an allaround bike. So, it’s supposed to be good for climbing and for arrowess. And the idea of that seat stay thing is comfort, but they always say that in the marketing, don’t they? I like that. I actually like the seat stay part. I don’t really like the coloring. I mean, it’s like Okay, that means it’s a five. No, but I like the I like the You like the seat? Scaffolding. Scaffolding. Okay. Okay. Um 5.2. I don’t know the price, but based on Lapia’s other offerings, I’m going to say it’s probably one of the more affordable bikes. Again, therefore, I’m going to bump up my score very slightly. It’s going to be a 7.3. Oh, you like this? Yeah. Premier Tech Factor Ostrov. What do you think? Oh, I like this one. You can’t see from the photo, but it’s got an extremely thin seat post to be arrow. You know, I don’t care about that. This is cool. I like the wheels, actually. I didn’t think I would like that, but I think they’re kind of cool looking. They’re made by Factor as well. Owned by Factor Black ink. I love the paint job. I think it’s super fun. Almost looks like roses and water. It’s really pretty. Um, and I like that the logo is actually not like black or white. It’s like chromy. I think this is a nice bike. I like this. 7.8. The wheels could not be shiny in I think I prefer the matte. I think that’s a little weird. Yeah. Uh, spokes look pretty cool. Big fat spokes. Yeah, it’s inoffensive, but the paint job is sick. Even though it is a fade. Maybe I’m coming around to this. I’m going to give it a eight. Lotto’s Orbeea Orca Aerobike. It just looks like the focus from earlier. It looks just like it. This literally whatever I gave the focus and put it here. Put it here. Here. I’ve got to go back in the edit and find out what you what you said. So, I’m showing you a picture now from the product page cuz you can buy this bike exactly as a replica team bike with the uh wait with the frog bottles that aren’t allowed to be used in the tour to France cuz they act as fairings. So it makes the whole bike faster. But if you were to buy it, you could buy it with those funny shaped bottles and maybe a tool pack underneath the down tube. I think that’s what that is. The red just makes no sense. Like all one color. All one color. No, it doesn’t have to be all one color. But it’s just like that doesn’t even match the tone of that red like the rest of the maroon on the bike. I don’t even know why they did that. Like why would you do that? Because the team jersey and everything is very red. They want it to match, don’t they? So that that’ll be the reasoning, but do something else like put the red somewhere like more logical. I don’t know. It’s just like a random like red. What do you think of the wheels with the big circles on? Oh, I don’t mind that. Be kind of funky looking. I still don’t like this bike. Whatever I gave the other one here. M 6.5. I think this is the last one on the list. We’ve made it. We made it. 22 bikes. Is it 22? The Uno X Mobility Ridley Noah Fast 3.0. Can I guess what you’re going to say about this bike? You may guess. So, Arrow looks weird, but like ugly or frog makes things faster typically, so that gets a higher rating. I love the yellow, but it should just be all one color. So, I’m going to give it a 7.7. Is that what you basically? Yeah. I can only add things now. Head tube. Look how big that is. That’s frog but kind of gnarly. So, it’s cool. The oversized pulley third party thing they’ve attached to the derailer by ceramic ceramic speed. I think that is. I don’t like those things. And in a professional setting, I understand they might be more efficient, but they almost always mess with your shifting. So, like a person looking at this being inspired to go and put it on their bike might then have problems. And it’s just like ah I found a funny picture of this bike. Okay. For riders who can’t ride with a slammed stem like at the front there with it low down. Do you want to see what it looks like? Oh, it’s just like a big banana. Oh, it’s like boop. Oh, okay. Is that exciting? Is that good? Is that bad? It also looks frog. I have to be consistent and I’ve docked points for fade paints in the past. Therefore, I have to knock this one down and it’s going to have to be below a specialized. Even though I do look at that and I go that is looks like it would be very fun to ride. So your rating 4.9. Oh wo. It’s really low. Okay. I was super off. Okay. It is cool though. Maybe I’m Maybe I’m being maybe I’m being unfair. I don’t think it’s cool. I think it’s weird. But I love the photo. The lighting’s gorgeous. One of the It’s probably the nicest photo. Could we add points for that? No. Cuz it’s not the bike. It’s the photo. If you got rid of the bike, I’d like the photo probably more. I don’t typically like yellow on a bike. It’s gold though, isn’t it? It’s not gold. It wants to be gold. It’s yellow. You showed me that picture. It’s yellow. I think it’s like a 5.1. It’s like I don’t hate it and I don’t dislike it. We don’t hate anything and I’ve already apologized in advance. We love all bikes. If we’ve made fun of your bike, I’m sorry. Roast me in the comments. Send your complaints to 1234 fake street 90210. Well, thank you for having me. Next time we’ll have to flip it around and I can rank injuries. Guessing what pieces of doctor’s equipment are used for. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let us know in the comments if you want to see that. [Music]