Recorded live in the famed “Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death” capital city of Virginia, please join us for a cordial evening of spirited conversation about art, politics, and culture. After the dessert course, we shall retire to the parlour for a snifter of cognac and a lively debate about the finer points of testicular-grooming, Timothée Chalamet’s bird-like features, and wired nipples.
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About the Podcast:
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya features a pair of grizzled gay ghouls sitting on chairs, holding microphones, and discussing their fabulous lives in Tinseltown. (featuring occasional forays into movies, television shows, and air-conditioning) The New York Times called them models, moguls, actors, influencers, drag queens, RuPaul’s Drag Race contestants, and even humanoids. If one thing can be said about these two preternaturally gorgeous queens’ podcast, it’s that Trixie and Katya find the sheer, unadulterated beauty of pure insanity. Tune in every week to experience the auditory pleasure that is The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya.
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today’s episode of the bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at Green Chef you guys green Chef the number one meal kit for eating cleanly delivering pre-portioned and prepped quality Whole Foods with limited processed ingredients I love green Chef I have to tell you guys at first I love green Chef cuz it was delicious at first I loved it cuz it was affordable at first I loved it cuz it started to introduce me to new foods now I love it because my Foundation of being a pretty good cook now is from years of green Chef I mean doing green Chef making these 30 minute recipes from very beautiful clean or like certified organic ingredients has made me just confident confident in the kitchen nourish your body with chef-crafted nutritionist approved recipes packed with clean ingredients April is Earth month and sustainability is the core to the green Chef brand green Chef offsets 100% of delivery emissions and 100% of plastic in each box go to greenchef.com bd50 and use the code bald 50 to get 50% off plus 20% off your next 2 months that’s greenchef.com bd50 and use the code bald 50 to get 50% off plus 20% off your next 2 months green Chef the number one meal kit for eating [Music] well oh my God Richmond we finally [ __ ] made it it’s been 84 years we I we could not if what would you have actually yeah sit down get back in here he was in the parking lot he was like they’re not going to show yeah they’re not even going to come I get it what would you guys have done I’ve been sick as you know if you listen to the Pod and I was really sick last week and David was like just cancel I said you don’t understand the people of Richmond are going to pull out my uterus yep World War I that [ __ ] don’t show up it’s a wrap that’s should we just sit [ __ ] oh now this is nice this is nice furniture this is nice furniture this yes yes um other cities they’ve had us on [ __ ] lawn chairs and folding tables okay like this is not bad this is not bad this is a yeah this is a step up because we that last set of furniture was definitely at odds with our girlish fragile young sophisticated figures this is a little more um dignified um but not by much I could but the armrest is a little like I could I could just fall over at any moment oh there is no armrest it’s just it’s for gay people it’s just oh yeah it’s it’s by wow you could never believe you did it this timeone girl you know what David had me [ __ ] watching last night that new Lindsay Lohan Irish movie The what it’s exactly what you [ __ ] think it is what leprechaun 4 I know do you know what it’s like for me to come home from my long day at Netflix and sit down and David puts on a Lindsay Lohan romantic comedy like I don’t get this at work now in the movie she like makes a wish and her wish comes true and this guy wants to marry her but then after that she meets someone else and falls in love with him cuz girl I I don’t know what [ __ ] stay-at-home Millennial [ __ ] is watching these Lindsay Lohan movies I’m happy for you I know that you’re trying to suckle on the te the fate and just like you’re like is it mean girls no is it mean girl that what about what was the what was that one what was that one what was that one where oh where she’s the the skiing one where she loses her the Amnesia one yeah if Lindsay Lohan is not bundled and I’m talking like 16 full packs of like long I mean like 48 in red hair and suffering from Amnesia on a ski slope I’m not interested what the [ __ ] was that was that called like uh what was that called it was called it was literally called like skiing into Amnesia I’m not kidding it was it was like cuz this movie was called like Irish wish I’m not kidding which sounds like I don’t know a shot at a bar or something like I oh yeah well you know what a New Jersey Turnpike is oh my God you don’t are you serious what happens oh this is so gross so a New Jersey Turnpike is when it’s a shot but it’s a shot at the bar at the end of the night when the bartender rings out the bar rag into a shot glass that’s a New Jersey Turnpike sure like you wouldn’t drink it like you wouldn’t drink it I heard that we got here the driver told me there was a convention here last week a nerd convention no no well looks like it’s here again this week honey yeah I thought it was just the hot [ __ ] convention the big which what brings me to her first topic wait wait back to Lindsay hold on hold on hold on yeah yeah sure Irish wish so she’s Irish in this movie and she wishes she wishes she’s Irish and she wishes she’s Irish and of course she has like I’m not kidding 75 in like TS medison red bundles to the knees yes her the trailer for her wig or her hair is like bigger than the trailer for her body that’s what’s so great about that and so who is the antagonist in this film fate life you know because she goes to Ireland and she’s Irish so they have her in like [ __ ] like patio Mali like [ __ ] Tartan like bundled up white girl [ __ ] and it’s it’s sorry white girl you know and yeah Dr is fierce you know um and they’re bundled up and then I don’t know what happens she makes a wish and then they Grant the wish but then she’s conflicted about it and the thing about Lindsay is we know and we’ve supported her through the years the thing about her is every time she comes on camera my God is she still beautiful oh hell yeah but when people say it they say it like she looks great despite everything you know what I mean yes yes and I’m like look at that [ __ ] she looks great despite no she looks just great All Odds she just looks great that’s like when they say she was there like about me you know it’s like Against All Odds she should what you do is brave brave the courage courage what would your autobiography be if you were a film star of hidden meaning you know David Sil already listened to it 100% listen to the Rupal audio book The House of hidden meanings and now do we have eyes on these meanings do we have have do we have we ascertained what the real meaning of these meanings are and where are they hidden are they hidden in her tucking panty by chance it sounds like the hidden menu at Starbucks you know what I mean it sounds like a bouncy castle behind a Chuck-E-Cheese or something yeah or like the room of requirement it’s giving very like Harry Potter tea yeah yeah the house of hidden meanings oh God what mama what is the what is the hidden meaning I haven’t found I haven’t read it yet but I’m I’m going to Mary she was New York Times number one bestseller give it up for rup Paul come on Ruth Paul come on people we have rup Paul people she’s here she’s not here tonight could you imagine no that I would we would it’s like um like in Harry poy we the the the dementor chill would come through the uh like like do you do you smell something so you smell yeah oh God you think this is air conditioning if Rupa was here y’all would have [ __ ] icicles hanging from your nose it would Jack and what’s her name Rose yes Jack and Rose it would be Jack’s and Rose everywhere El oh mama when that they don’t know they they know I mean we’ve talked about ad nauseum but that temperature gun that temperature gun yeah that temperature gun that’s the only gun that’s the NRA for me it’s temperature guns d Queens the temperature guns I’m like we should have a right to bear arms you know what I mean this you know Richmond you guys have guns here oh yeah oh crap she’s like what you do my favorite thing is the guns and try tyum love oh I love that I mean Mary I’m a secret red Stater I’m a secret red Stater I’m I’m I’m I’m Old Country Buffet I’m like I’m like I got chewing tobacco on the airplane I’m doing like um corn cob pipes I got like overalls in the hotel I am you do have a corn cob pipe if only it was just a corn cob pipe [ __ ] are you kidding me we would have been in Richmond no but we are here you think by the way it took us three chances to get here you think rul would come on the first try are you kidding me you wait 6 to 8 years like an oriental rug for that to show up hello Mama I I need a gun I need a gun I need a gun I want to get a gun I want to get a big ooh o I want to get one of the well for I’m G have three guns well I just got married thank you so much for congratulating me um it’s still being sized so it’s not on the other uh hand plus he’s from France so it’s a little bit different um but I’m going to get um I’m going to get one of those like holster garter guns like the little teeny weenies but that also is like a you can the bottom will open up and has breath mints in it yeah and then I’m going to get one see you know like from the James Bond movies where like it comes out of your bra so like you can and then I’m just going to get a big old bazooka like do you think that Austin Powers is a James Bond movie it kind of is it’s the gay James Bond movie I suppose you’re right wait it’s not oh wait wait wait octo octop [ __ ] octo [ __ ] no that is James I know that’s weirder than but does that mean you have eight [ __ ] or your [ __ ] has tentacles these are the questions that I hope are answered in the house of hidden meanings audio book chapter one octop [ __ ] was like was was that film like did that like was that the like sort of the announcement of the Octo mom was that like a harbinger of things to come like what does I mean I know we have Google but I still love to wonder and then not know like octo [ __ ] octo [ __ ] isn’t that [ __ ] crazy maybe there’s eight of them or maybe an octop well don’t I don’t know don’t octopuses have beaks does your [ __ ] have a beak Mama this [ __ ] is fully beaked fully beaked fully beaked fully beaked tonight honey beak it up y can we be vulnerable and talk about the rich flight experience that we had yeah I I don’t know if that’s vulnerable but yes absolutely we can when you talk about I feel like when we talk about a rich thing happening I know that some of you had a tendency to disconnect but I just want you to know that I think that this is as crazy as you [ __ ] will yes we got this thing where they pick you up at your house and take you to a secret lounge at the airport that’s not the airport and then at the last second they take you through a private TSA and drive you to the side of the plane yeah but and then you climb in but but with you’re there’s a detail that she’s leaving out which I find particularly pertinent to um the interest of our audience well you did not experience this but when they picked me up I was nude and and that driver picked me up like a six-pack he had three and he more fingers the octop pusy two hands like a claw machine you know those claw machines like that he picked up and he flung me like at least 35 ft into that limousine which thank God the the top was open cuz I just slid right through right and of course there was a red dress just like Pretty Woman waiting for me and I put it on and we had a whole thing we [ __ ] like 13 hours before we got to the airport I love that yeah for just uh was like $10,000 extra is is the deal I I don’t want to say where we’re staying but I heard that our hotel has a fancy staircase a mama mama do you guys know about that Mama if the staircase from your favorite Civil War film let’s just say I will be tumbling down that staircase this evening in my finest come hither Confederate gown try and take him try and take him they’re like yeah you’re fine yeah that’s would I whip out my 13 and 1/2 inch dick I go try and take it they’re like we’re fine we’re good no thank you why is my like Southern accent you know what it is it’s 1000b sisters th try to being my size a me you don’t know I love those [ __ ] I lost 300b wait but ma’am you gained 300 lb like no I lost it that is so wild to me thousand PB sisters well it’s they’re not each a thousand they’re like they’re like six of one half a dozen the other oh that makes a lot more sense and together they’re more powerful well like the octop [ __ ] is that’s like eight [ __ ] that all add up to some one big chunk a big powerful [ __ ] huge powerful [ __ ] um um uh oh you know what it occurred to me earlier what if that cardi B song um was like my [ __ ] tight like the nun you know like the nun from The Conjuring Universe because that woman’s [ __ ] is probably pretty tight cuz she mostly does anal that nun shows up and you think she’s about to kill you and then she licks her two GR fingers and starts finger banging her and she’s one of those people who says I know my body and so she pulls out her fingers and it’s just [ __ ] turds I love those [ __ ] I know my body really pudding cup really you don’t know [ __ ] well you do know [ __ ] you don’t know Amy you don’t know I’m sorry what no no no don’t apologize don’t don’t you dare apologize you just you are continuing a line of inquiry that is so important and near and dear to my heart which is we need to really drastically pivot from violence to sex and we need to do it we need to start in the horror Arena and it starts with the home it starts at home it starts at home it all starts at home long bundled tracks Irish wishes everything like that starts at home and it really need to Pivot we need to all this gratuitous violence needs to just just you know it needs to transition very gracefully and seamlessly into gratuitous sexual explicit content and not not behind a pay wall no well it depends on how you Define violence cuz like I don’t know um a World War Z or like an end of the world movie we’re talking millions of deaths but like Scream one I looked it up today eight deaths that’s it eight I think that’s reasonable yes but where okay so where so here’s the like the French kind of have they’re right at the crossroads okay the French people are at the crossroads because I watched um years and years ago I watched um a movie that starts with an old rusty uh pickup truck in some field and there’s a guy in there doing something you think he’s like whacking it you know cuz it’s kind of like you know the shot is set up in just such a way and then you come to find out that maybe 10 15 seconds he’s not just whacking it he’s actually [ __ ] a severed head sure because the because when he’s done just pops it right out the window right I kind of get it have you ever tried to clean a flashlight oh yeah oh yeah yeah it is like yoga I mean you stretch it over your head you’re like you know Weir it’s so weird it is so weird all you know for I pick up one end of the pocket [ __ ] and I blow like a trumpet and the jiz just shoots you know I unfortunately try being my size Amy is this what you guys waited months for months months Mary I listen I answered I well if we would have canceled tonight do you know we could have never shown our face in the great state of Richmond ever again no we’d have to be yeah where in the World is Carmen TR Diego that’s what we’d have to do we’d have to get take our AR-15s and we’d have to book it to Buenos Aries or some [ __ ] but wait wait I almost answered the door for a package whilst having a uh I suppose you would call it a flesh a flesh slate but but it’s not like it’s one of those sleeves sure just like a um like a clear silicone sleeve that you kind of like put on your yeah penis and and it’s it’s not flesh colored no no it’s just clear it’s totally clear and I like I I was in the bathroom just you know thinking about stuff and like I had it on and and then there was like ding dong and I thought okay and so I go I just put it in I had my little panties on of course and so I stuffed it in there and then I went to the door and I looked down and it was it was just a little it was a little too prominent a little too richo a little too sweet yeah and I cuz like I am obsessed with it well are you a tucked down person or are you under the under the waistband person did you know you take your [ __ ] and you pull it or you stretch it around and tie your hair up with it know no it was through the hole right through the hole Yeah like I’ve cut holes in all of my Underpants she could just come right through yeah yeah I don’t know I don’t know why sex toys are flesh colored in general I watch a lot of solo porn victimless crime victimless crime and there’s a there’s a there’s there’s what I would say too much I can’t believe we haven’t talked about this I think there’s too much when you used to have Jennifer with a G and it’s a full-size torso I get it it’s a little Bone Collector excuse your mouth I get it she has no bones she’s very soft and fleshy she has no arms or legs she has no agency victimless crime well she also has no mouth let her speak let women speak than okay okay fair enough fair enough silencing women’s heading women exactly but there’s too many of this it looks like a dick toy but it’s like 116th of a human it’s like a butt a little butt the size of like a loaf of bread oh that’s like some [ __ ] leprechaun luchan [ __ ] you know what I’m talking about are you a representative of the community no I think somebody has answers on the front row that’s the Irish wish what oh [ __ ] oh wow she’s getting the extender out this is my boom mic you guys this is how I get in touch with the people why does it why does it feel like take me down to the paradise city okay why do you think the people are [ __ ] the tiny booties this’s [ __ ] tight like the nun they’re just a size oh they’re the perfect size that woman would be 12 in tall Irish wish I mean I’m not even into guys under 5’6 so like if the booty is like this big I’m like so are we Irish wish is Avatar it would be like if it would be like if it would be like if what’s her name she’s an avatar um Sigourney Weaver it’d be like a Sigourney Weaver in her Avatar body [ __ ] a person I don’t see the problem with death oh that big blue [ __ ] cuz you know she’s got a [Music] [Applause] [ __ ] today’s episode of ball in the beautiful brought to you by Zach dock oh my God I could not be the more perfect person to talk to you about this for a number of reasons I have found sometimes when you’re the patient you feel like you’re the wrong patient but in reality it means you just haven’t matched yourself with the right doctor I’ve had doctors who aren’t educated in like gay stuff and like the clueless look on their face sometimes you’re like okay I need to get out of here um or let’s say you have somebody where you’re looking for a really holistic approach and like you want to use food as medicine and that doctor is maybe not that approach I mean there’s a million ways you and a doctor could be incompatible instead of putting yourself through that process check out Zach doc Baby treat yourself I mean the access to the right healthc care provider shouldn’t feel like a treat it should be like something we all do but it really is is the ultimate ultimate ultimate little 10-minute foot massage to yourself when looking to get a little bit of help with your health what I love about it is it’s a free app Zach do is free and you can search and compare highly rated in network doctors for you and you can instantly book them online I’m don’t want to be a baby but if I can’t book with my doctor on an app or online it’s a no-o for me that process is so important to me being able to like schedule my health without even jump on the phone or something or send an email is life changing like I love my dentist but I can’t book appointments online and I compared to my doctor where I can I’m like that is so much better for me I also love it because all the doctors have verified reviews from real patients so sometimes you just it takes a patient telling you their experience with a doctor to make you feel really confident it’s already hard enough to talk to doctors but if you can just start on the right foot by having a similar style or a doctor who has your approach you’d like it makes such a difference and the typical waight time is only 72 hours with Zach do like anywhere between 24 and 72 even same day appointments are possible like the idea of being sick and waiting like 2 weeks to see somebody like no we’re not doing that go to Zach do.com bald and download the Zach do app for free then find and book a topr rated doctor today you don’t even need a discount code because it’s free Zach do.com bald Zach dooc zoc do.com bald today’s episode of the bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at Green Chef you guys green Chef the number one meal kit for eating cleanly delivering pre-portioned and prepped quality Whole Foods with limited processed ingredients I love green Chef I have to tell you guys at first I love green Chef cuz it was delicious at first I loved it cuz it was affordable at first I loved it cuz it started to introduce me to new foods now I love it because my Foundation of being a pretty good cook now is from years of green Chef I mean doing green Chef making these 30 minute recipes from very beautiful clean or like certified organic ingredients has made me just confident confident in the kitchen nourish your body with chef-crafted nutritionist approved recipes packed with clean ingredients what I love about it is the kitchen the the dinners I mean I spend 30 minutes max in the kitchen and a lot of lunches are 10 I mean to be honest even the 30 minute meals I’m usually out of there and eating in 25 and everything you need to make food is delivered and it’s super convenient and wholesome I mean it’s pre-measured ingredients sometimes it’s even pre- chopped custom sauce is pre-made in house and what I love about it too is the ingredient cards that they come with I have all of mine saved up over the years so if there’s anything I ever want to make again I can actually just take that recipe car grocery shopping and make the same exact meal the mole roasted carrots I’ve made three times the broccoli cheddar soup I’ve made twice some of it is just worth doing again I also love that there’s a lot of different options like there’s plant-based keto Mediterranean calorie smart I mean gluten-free you guys I’m newly gluten-free and dairy free and my brain’s not even big enough to go to the grocery store and figure out what that means so I can’t tell you how easy it is to just be able to have green Chef show me inspired eating options that go along with my dietary restrictions April is Earth month and sustainability is the core to the green Chef brand green Chef offsets 100% of delivery emissions and 100% of plastic in each box go to greenchef.com bald 50 and use the code bald 50 to get 50% off plus 20% off your next 2 months that’s greenchef.com bald 50 and use the code bald 50 to get 50% off plus 20% off your next 2 months green Chef the number one meal kit for eating well you know isn’t it wild isn’t it wild isn’t it crazy like girl it’s just it’s I I’m we’re so gay in these chairs we’re so it’s giving Wendy we’re very Wy it’s um apparently clap if you think she should [Applause] suffer did you guys watch the Wendy documentary they should have a Wendy THB sister crossover I the 1000b Wendy the 1000b Wendy sister the the the the what and then the the the trilogy cuz you know we have to do like you know once we establish the world we have to really Bank on it be Wendy plus the um ,000 sisters versus octopusy versus the world like drag race yes oh my God yeah so wait can you please answer me something I know we’re both a distinguished alumni of that television program however I do I I I I I I have a hard time understanding what is this world war Motif I don’t know like I don’t know also Canada versus the world let me tell you something about Canada I I Nobody’s Perfect on this Earth but Canada they don’t they don’t have a lot of beef you know in terms of like worldly stuff like like why why is Canada vers why Canada why verse the world like what going to gra they’re going to grab Seline they’re going to grab Avil and some poutine and just go we are coming for you whatever you know they’re going to get right in your face ask you for a cigarette in a weird French accent and that’s about it it’s so strange well but nobody’s more ruthless than the [ __ ] Canadian immigration have you guys ever tried to go to Canada they have all six fingers up your [ __ ] at immigration it’s like the thing this morning like they they take you pick you up like a six-pack they throw you in the interrogation tank they’re doing a [ __ ] family tree lineage they’re doing they got the Hollywood medium they they’re doing such a deep what did you call it a Scotty a what an Irish background check a Cory a Corey sorry Scotty I don’t know Scot you got to pass a Scotty yeah you got to pass a Scotty they’re doing a p test they’re doing a stool sample and you’re like I’m here for one night to lip sync at a gay bar what could happen oh my God I mean I love um CU I still don’t I mean whenever any Customs guy or you know Customs person excuse me like asks me what I do for a living it’s so it is always still after all these years of little touch and go about like what exactly well you know I it’s like I I want to have fun with it but I’m also tired and then I just don’t want to get in trouble but I also like I don’t want to lie but I also want to tell the truth so I just you know honey I’ve worked with you eight years and I’m not sure what you’re doing so like so I mean I feel like the like what do you do in the country and you go well I do a lot of things I mean it’s kind of a mixed media artist um a little bit of an experimental sort of a disruptor really you know it’s like it’s like it’s like what is your name what do you want it to be what’s your name Candy yes oh Taffy Taffy you guys not if can I just say I want to say this off mic cuz I want you to feel it when I get my [ __ ] the way you will all see it the way I will I will I will Miley Cyprus wrecking ball swing Cypress Cypress cypess Hill cyp I forgot that she come from Cypress Hill with the F the most [ __ ] the most [ __ ] most [ __ ] dilated stopping lubricated I’ll take this whole theater in with you in it it will be the thing to end worlds realities collapsing can versus the Octo [ __ ] Canada also you’re you’re going to have clear hot shorts on going through immigration clear plastic hot shorts on going through immigration like ma’am what do you do for a living and they’re and you’re you’re just going to [ __ ] they’re going give one good look at that smoking hot [ __ ] and all that condensation developing South have you ever heard the word southmouth the term Richmond is the South mouth honey y’all like sucking dick out there yeah how many of you eat [ __ ] and how many of you will just do whatever you’re happy to be involved yeah keep an open mind eating tonight you’re eating tonight I was reading an article in Men’s Health Magazine about getting older just today on the airplane and they said that you can’t measure older people’s well they were talking about certain presidential candidates in debates whether or not they’re too old to run a country yeah well what one one clear sign is the the the the cold gray skin but that’s you know go right they were saying that old people like you should measure their mental acuity by how open-minded they are to new ideas rather than like how quickly they can like I don’t know solve a [ __ ] puzzle right cuz they said old people’s when their brains stop taking new information solving puzzles learning new things that’s when they start to get old I also learned that your brain after 30 shrinks by 3% every year and then once you get past 70 it switches to five waa and they also said that I hate to tell you they also said that alcohol is a neurotoxin that shrinks the brain faster so some of you drinkers have little walnuts in there now yeah but if you own a gun it’s fine well you can’t even blow your own brains out you could miss oh that’s you Dam it that’s you know what that is a really good point that you bring up growing old is it’s not for the faint of heart and to your point I have you know how you baby proof a house right I do the opposite I old prevent a house so I have a lot of um mismatched furniture that is on Wheels it it and then I grease all the surfaces so things slide around all the time and I constantly have to be quite literally and figuratively on my toes and kind of ready for anything and um you know getting up from the bed to go to the bathroom at the night is it’s Canada versus the world you never know what you’re going to get so I you know keeps me young and spry and ability my ability to learn new things [Applause] you this is a very poignant discussion we’re having about getting older I will say you do like to explore levels in your home I’ve been there a few times where you’ve been on the counter oh ABS well how walk you’re on the counter I’m surveying what do you think the what do you think the the mama bird does in the nest but she’s not sitting on the counter she’s like standing on the counter no I’m squatting squatting I’m we don’t squat enough in the west we don’t we really don’t we don’t no we really don’t no I’m serious I mean we we we have a we have an old like we when we were on Trixie and Kau you live did anybody see that tour there was this woman who did Hospitality for us Lindsay and she’s like super Yogi super breathy breathy woo woo woooo to the million right crystal J to egg up the [ __ ] all of it right and she will text me sometimes take a moment to breathe love it and depending on the day even though I love her depending on the day I’ll be like breathe for what if she gets me in the wrong mood I’m like breathe for what [ __ ] and now I text her have you held your breath yet [ __ ] but she’s right stretching every day and breathing mom I’ll never forget where were you on the night that someone told you we don’t squat enough in the west I’ll never forget my time this is it for them yeah and it’s you because think about it think about it pardon the vulgarity see now this is some of the this is part of the problem is that we have policed our genitals to the point that we don’t allow ourselves you don’t have to film perverts God what are you g to jerk it to this later Christ I’m just gonna I’m just going to like Tastefully um conceal my genitals what would you guys do so what would you do what would you do if a big [ __ ] log hit the ground right now would you think it was my [ __ ] what would I know what would you do if a claw came up from under this rug grabbed it me by the [ __ ] and sucked me back down to hell yeah absolutely see see the low center of gravity we’ve got some mobility in the hip joints we’re really perched for to go back to go forward to go side to side this is this is really where it all happens it’s where you connect yeah and you connect oh yeah get mindfulness mindfulness yes it’s like um when they say um uh uh totally yes it’s like that wait a minute did you see this clip on drag race of this person Q who’s coming out about their HIV status on camera which takes a lot of Bravery right of course because there’s too much stigma around such a completely normal thing sorry and she’s like yeah my my status it’s a really long monologue and plan goes like yeah girl spill tea love love spill the tea cells it’s really well I you know what it it is so and we talking about this before we’re going to talk about it again but um it is so wild how that particular portion of that show is it’s like it’s so funny cuz The Young and the Restless The Young and the Restless it’s just like you know um young boy applies makeup to face and then from the Shadows a sniper gun comes out it’s like hey go talk to that one about the time she was assaulted or it’s like it’s just something so serious so crazy it’s so wild toally it’s crazy and you know I you do want to be vulnerable but certain things I don’t want to talk about on camera so I should have just like picked a I should have you guys know I love scream I should have just been like yeah turns out my boyfriend yeah and his friend loved horror movies a little too much and they killed all of my friends yeah yeah yeah and then you’ll never guess I went to college and he killed all my friends again and then the third time it happened it was my brother yeah it’s like like and let the music play you know like yeah will you help me buckle my shoe it’s like Trixie go ask Ki what her sign is and be like well I’m the Zodiac Killer actually it’s like it’s like I wish you know if I knew then what I know now I just would have made it all up girl I would have made it how’ you sleep last night well this guy in an old hat and a stripe sweater kept visiting me in my dreams and trying to kill me it’s like oh it’s like Kaji hurry up to your makeup I’m sorry I’m T you know I’m going as fast as I can I was just busy up all night [ __ ] a decapitated head out of a who’s head well okay so this is really interesting this is actually a good ethical question you have to [ __ ] a head yeah whose head is it whose head is it anyway it’s tough cuz it’s like on one hand if it’s someone you hate you’re like yeah [ __ ] them on the other hand if it’s someone you always want to [ __ ] at least you get you know yeah Edith Head the old C no no the um thank you for the one person who knows about old movies you the this is a spoiler um I’m going to spoil the the [ __ ] decapitated head um it turns out apparently very well apparently um it was so it was a ruse the good old Switcheroo Swit have they done a switcher rusical yet I would love that I would like that too where they don’t actually have to sing hello um but but it the head so it turns out that the the the main character who is like you know uh she was getting attacked by all you know it she was her it she was the attacker the the the victim was the per I think the Killer is here tonight yes that what would you do if a decapitated head just like they should chucked the [ __ ] head right my face love throw it over here although we learned from Kathy Griffin don’t [ __ ] with decapitated heads don’t [ __ ] with decapitated heads yeah if you happen to find yourself [ __ ] head just toss it out the window and move on move on don’t do it Jackie hi it’s me a little girl what small steps do you take throughout your routine to be a little better than yesterday spring is in full bloom I know about spring because because I’m in school cuz I’m a little girl are your finances bloing too with the chime secured credit Builder Visa credit card it’s easy to start building credit with everyday purchases and regular ontime payments with no annual fees or interest and I can’t afford any fees or interest because I’m just a little girl and if your credit score grows so could your opportunities for lower rates on loans like for our car or home I wish everything was lower like the countertops because I’m so short because I’m a little girl chime credit building Visa credit card has no annual fees interest or credit check to apply use it everywhere Visa credit cards are accepted build credit using your own money it makes me feel like a big girl get paid up to 2 days early with direct deposit with a qualifying direct deposit you can get access to your money sooner um I like getting my money sooner because my mom when she takes me to a Toys R R Us I like to spend some my own money because I’m a little girl use chime to pay anyone chime members or not and cash out your money fee free with chime secure credit card you can start improving your credit scores right away get started today at chime.com Bald that’s chime.com bald chimee feels like progress the chime credit Builder Visa credit card is issued by the bankor Bank NA or stride Bank NA members FDIC spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply out of network ATM withdrawal OTC Advanced fees May apply terms and conditions apply go to chime.com disclosures for details wait I I’m so I feel so foolish I forgot to mention how absolutely ravishing you look this evening young man you guys you look gorgeous as well oh stop I’ll say my flight landed at 5:45 I didn’t start makeup till 6:40 I’ve been here for 3 weeks yeah I’ve been here for 3 weeks I had to start girl it takes a lot of gumption a lot of elbow grease and a lot of can do Spirit to get this all thing oh yes um do you know we had Doula peep on the YouTube channel today I sure do Albania if you guys could understand the absolute like itania in the mirror straight to camera I was like don’t call her dap oh my God what the [ __ ] is her act name I called her dup peep for so long her name is such a fragmented shattered piece of my memory you know and I refuse for some reason maybe old brain I I can’t I think of her as two people like I can’t get in my head because of Duo I think of it’s it’s a it’s a it’s a two lips yeah and then also and I think oh maybe it’s like Little Bo Peep as a doula you know Doula peep like what if Little Bo Peep was helping fairy Souls into in out of this world like via natural child birth at home right you know doula oh a doula yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well you know we used to call we used to tell Kelly mantel she was our death Doula death Doula yeah very real thing by the way she’d be like I love performing with you guys we’re like you’re not here to perform with us you’re here to help us into the next stage of our life you’re here for the graceful transition into the Afterlife Mary so how so how many Souls did she Ferry into the into the Beyond Kelly no no Doula oh D she was good you know I I did try to spar with her a little bit and she had a long press day so I she did have fun with me but I was like she a like you’re Albanian how how is Albany you know she was just like it’s not [ __ ] funny and I was like you’re right I mean she’s right it’s not funny I mean maybe I just wasn’t funny yeah but there’s a yes and there’s a no butd you know you just got to say yes to life well I know a lot of people who find her so beautiful of course we all do but in person course we in person my God ugly bag of nickels oh no in person I was like oh my God the face the eyes the she oh my God oh my God is it good or bad you oh I haven’t gotten there yet in person now I feel like on drag race when the judge is like when you came out at first I was like this is going to be so good in that whole 30 seconds your tampon flies up and in out of you like you’re like yeah the Doula appears reappears yeah it’s it’s it’s yeah oh yeah and you know who’s the master that [ __ ] Michelle yes Michelle is the Queen of the Universe even I would be like the queen of unpredictability yeah she’d be like it was so bad that it was good and that was bad and also I don’t know if this is if it’s wrong to say spoiling the magic of Television but sometimes they give two opinions oh my goodness a let’s say a um opinion a and opinion B be just in case do you know what I’m talking about just in case just in case so it’s like you come out there you’re like you were amazing and then a pause something in the ear you were awful it was like I mean it sometimes it can be as dramatic as you know you absolutely took my breath away I am just I am Gob smacked by your beauty your talent your effervescent Aura it was just oh I love you and then you look and smell like my cat’s ass it is a wild it’s so and you don’t I mean really talk about o I got to chill mama got chill it’s tough man what kind of Judge would you be would you be friendly or would you be like the Hostile one I would be I would be the antagonist so I would be I would be the um you know you have point the what do you call Devil’s Advocate so I whatever the judge whatever like the um the overarching statement or the the uh of like the consensus of the judging panel would be I would go wildly against it so if someone was like you advocate for the devil thank you thank you yes um and I would uh I would be like so say the most beautiful thing just to ever grace the runway came down and be like I’m going to be constructive here you should kill yourself right have you guys ever seen that amazing clip of rub where she’s like that’s crazy what she say oh that’s stupid you should kill yourself on un alive oh no un alive yourself Mama un alive is a euphemism that we can throw in that bin with the decapitated [ __ ] head un alive un alived We Gather here on the St to say goodbye to our mother who un alived like I don’t you need a doula for that you need a doula for that one unived miss miss Doula I am so happy to call her Doula peep it was so close congratulations I kept being like so you like I really kept like don’t do but I read on Wikipedia that she has embraced being called dleep cuz how could you not if Wendy Williams called me Tracy Martella or something I’d be like that’s it you go down to City Hall you get it changed so what is her name just out of curiosity Lia it is a word it means love oh it’s not a stage name that’s no it’s a real name oh my God I thought it was like Aaron Johnson or something no well I love when dry Queen’s names are their Kelly Mantle’s name is Kelly mant how about nor she does not even bother with the witness protection program she’s like this is me [ __ ] anybody octopussy she could be the Octo mom um what about um uh uh uh uh are drag names getting better or worse worse they are worse right worse well I thought they they peaked back in 2005 they peaked back in 2005 that’s when I came across the um the wonderful uh Sight and Sounds of Miss Lisa new car right Lisa new car that’s the best drag name ever Lisa new car sounds like a person is a perfect pun right from the new car yeah yeah you know Bob new car at least his father what about Mike Hunt you know I’m never aren’t you guys happy you waited for us to come I am aren’t you aren’t you happy let me tell y’all something right now I am never going to let this go Mike Hunt that is funny it’s classic comedy and if you bring it into the televis television Arena you imagine you have a headset on be like does anybody have eyes on Mike Hunt okay flying in Mike Hunt that’s great I love it I love it cuz there are many M Michaels out there with the last name hunt whose parents did not fully think it through and you know what they have to do right now they got a backpack they got to pick a drag name they got to this is my son chandelier you know just pick pick a woman a woman’s name something so [ __ ] crazy happened this weekend my brother visited me and her brother visited her oh same time same time but the weirder thing is that we never saw them in the same room at the same time what did you guys do we vibed he drank beer and I regaled him with stories that’s it yeah mine was so my brother is a very particular type of person let’s just say that he’s um a person who does um I don’t know a meditation meditation retreats to the tune of 90 silent days in a row and then there’s this there’s a lot of jux toos happening within the immediate family lot of jux toos so what’s the profile of your brother he wanted to go see he wanted me to go with him to see this thing called letter Kenny oh my God no way I have jerked off to that show but I think it’s I think it’s a I think it’s straight oh it certainly it certainly is yeah wait wait is it a show or a movie I don’t know I was I wasn’t involved are there young boys playing sports I took them to dve and Busters okay I thought like what’s the what’s the crossroads between me being just you know a crossdresser and him being him Busters Dave well you have Dave and yeah it is the perfect We Found Love in a hopeless place that is the meeting point for a lot of doulas actually a lot of douas they whe around when we rolled into the prize room and he goes how many tickets you have I said well I come here a lot he goes how many tickets you have I said 14,000 I don’t like to FL throw my money around but in the dve and Busters prize room I got the fur I got the full set jaor yeah completely I’m slapping cops did you know ja jaor slapped a cop did you know J Gabor slapped a police officer I did not know that J I woke up the other day and David gay as hell is watching a documentary about ja Gabor slapping a police officer I think that’s whatever is beyond Bravo that’s the next version of gayest thing we she also she also You Know Rich old social she also released a workout tape do you know about Jah gabor’s workout tape it’s simple darling and it’s just her in like a leotard with like jewels and like many muscled oiled men around her doing all the stuff and she’s like yes no yes no well she was an actress and we we’ve transitioned to real old gays now cuz Dave’s got me watching old Hollywood so now we’re just 70 we’re just 70 we’re just tiny wrinkled penises and just body smells you got like like look at that AA Garder huh wow look at that s shice she she sure can twirl with a hoer and you take another sip of your highball girl he showed me this movie though that that eight which and it was called oh my God what was it called vertigo oh yeah I know never seen it oh [ __ ] vertigo was Miss puss is that Tippy hedrin is that Tippy hedrin that’s the bird no it was another woman Kim Janet leim no Kim Novak Kim Novak Kim no so [ __ ] good and I won’t ruin it for you but there’s death and then there’s a fake death and then there’s a hair color change it was very and then there’s a lot of it was very body heat it was like almost an erotic Thriller for that time I guess you know that is let me tell you something about the erotic Thriller uh-huh where is she she’s got to come back we again like the you know of course vertigal what was that not 50s 19 what’s the year on that one I think it was 1820 I’m not really sure what was it 198 1958 who this little film nerd [ __ ] who knew who knew who knew you better work [ __ ] how did you know I mean what she’s like easy I’ve been on my phone the whole show you guys are [ __ ] boring you know that is so Fierce we got to get YouTube down here to film this [ __ ] we got that is so [ __ ] Fierce love that the other day the show how did you know I don’t want to speak ill of the dead but the other day at I show she’s not dead that girl Kim no that this girl yelled something and we like kind of responded to her and she walked for in CER and I swear to God she was about to crawl on the stage I was like no no no no no no yeah it’s not When Animals Attack we can’t we can’t break the fourth wall here if that wall gets broken heads could come off and they will get you know what we can’t do all that you know if I had to redo the Bongos video which I’m thank God I don’t and I won’t I won’t but I would do B speed it up with the head yeah but it would be the nun’s head this [ __ ] tight like the nun okay listen I I need you to tell me to explain to me what was the what was the what is the Genesis of that particular tune because as as lovely as cardi B and Megan the stallion r that particular song I find mysterious in nature just it’s it’s just its existence in general it is a I feel like if there were a a separate theme song for Canada versus The World perhaps that would be it what is that song Why was it made it’s truly befuddling to me and right at the beginning this is fire the D is fire the D is fire maybe she Gypsy Rose Lee should remake Bongos what do you think about the Gypsy Rose Lee like um gy uh Gypsy Rose blanch not Gypsy Ros Lee Gypsy Rose Blanchard who’s wait who’s Gypsy Ros Lee is when is it my turn but I get a drink for myself oh yeah it’s not that not that oh the the the the yeah what do you think about her The View Press tour I think she’s fabulous for it I think that she should go um I think that she should go all the way to the top of the reality TV Mountain I think she should do SS huh Hollywood Squares Hollywood Squares 1000b sisters remake A vertigo um and then we’ll cap her um and then she will be the final sort of like button on the transition from um violence to sex in media like overall you know CU what she killed her mom can I tell you my Pro my problem with vertigo was um two fear Heights no the thing is I get dizzy when I look down don’t look down he keeps walking upstairs and looking down like it was the 50s it was a different time well they didn’t have the internet ex all they could do was look around I mean they could have asked her yeah and then she could have Googled it well then we’re watching this film called uh back window rear window rear window not back window that sounds like porn back sorry back door back door back Divas by Alfred Hitchcock yeah but the scope of the set the set takes place with this guy looking out a window and it’s a whole neighborhood in like New York or something and now every film is just actors with pingpong balls on and a green screen wait what excuse me and now every film is just people in green screen suits with the ping pong balls in their face and they’re not called pingpong balls but you know what I mean when you’re like hey I’m backstage in a Marvel movie and they just have like dots on their face and pingpong balls and they’re like you know got to give they they have to give that [ __ ] a rest the green suits with the wires and they got the dots all over them bring back the Practical effects honey [ __ ] right wouldn’t you rather it look a little fake but like be real absolutely I I mean listen I the amount of times I cannot tell you that I have jerked it to Hercules from 1958 actually from 1958 regge Park you better look them up you better Google them right now you um all practical effects all exquisitely rendered not a green screen in sight they didn’t even know about telephones back then it was a whole different thing this man this man appears this the musculature of this man literally every [ __ ] in that uh theater the time it premiered soaking wet every even the lesbians oh W every every [ __ ] wet dick hard cuz the lesbians sometimes they’ll latch on to a guy fierer the lesbians are like Timothy El is ours I’m like that dude they’re like that like that soft woman she’s ours like that little bird boy that’s mine oh hey that’s mine you know we’re obsessed with Tim CH his name is Tim chal it’s na it’s [ __ ] na [ __ ] Tim CH love I mean he he definitely is I mean cuz he is ruling the box office right now and he is poised and pumped in Prime to start at a remake n n 2 out of the woods yeah maybe it’s a musical take it’s like a kind of a musical yes like into the woods but then out of the woods and then we have now you know what I did with my brother I watched Dune to you [ __ ] [ __ ] with your brother and when I say I watched Dune 2 I don’t really mean I watched it I the level of goonery that was I was like I mean youall know about gooning obviously but I was like I had to control my impulses because I wanted to just go and and rub the skin off with in the theater I enjoyed that movie so much no one was safe no one was safe I was like I I don’t know what I’m going to do I I I don’t know this is a level of of of of visual and auditory pleasure hitherto unexperienced by me those costumes those costumes [ __ ] wet [ __ ] every [ __ ] was wet in that theater every [ __ ] was soaking wet girl speaking of [ __ ] costumes the [ __ ] Marathon Red by my house yesterday down right by my house in La down the Hollywood Boulevard there’s a marathon in La yes I couldn’t do it because my injury depressed but I signed up and couldn’t do it so you better believe they deducted $0000 from my account thank you thank you for charity you know charity I just wanted my vest or whatever right and they running and because it’s St Patrick’s Day people in let’s there’s waves of it right so the first wave was like the ultra athletes right and the people who win marathons look like they are on death’s door well I love those are mys bone sticking out sun damage freckles the size of a [ __ ] pepperoni just dead yes Mel of Noma Mel of n girl to St Mel OFA in doctor sleep when they’re cycling out you could see the skull like that’s what these people look like right and then the next wave is the normal people who maybe run it in like 4 Hour 5 hours whatever and then the next wave let’s say this wasn’t exactly the elite athlete crowd cuz it kind of goes in waves and I’m watching right and I’m watching I watch this guy he’s like 48 and he’s running he’s like an older guy and he just kind of stops and looks around and he I’m at the dut shop looking out the window they didn’t have gluten-free donut so I’m just taking in the air right I’m just breathing cuz I have to go no Dairy and no gluten now which means you just breathe photosynthesis and breathing seeds seeds and Gatorade seeds and Gatorade and you can sniff Celsius sometimes that’s it [ __ ] horrible no gluten Mary gluten no gluten which is I guess bread I don’t know so this guy walks over to the dut shop he’s in the race he has one of those numbers on and he goes up to the count and I just go so did you quit like I had to know I go did you just quit he goes no no no I just want to get a coffee I was like okay love that okay so then my friend buys the coffee for him and then he gets a dut and then I thought how’s he going to run in the race and drink his coffee it’s going to look like America runs on donut like whatever he goes and sits on the curb and people are running by and he’s in his Marathon outfit he’s just having a coffee and a donut and I said that is the [ __ ] energy [ __ ] like4 or $500 to sign up for the race to sit and just love wait so I was like are you going to finish he was like We’ll see and I said okay oh I love you better work [ __ ] I love or or not you better yeah you better you better chill out what do can you cheat during the marathon well I mean you could like I guess get in a car and like but you cheat yourself oh you do yeah and you don’t want to cheat yourself could you a skateboard no it’s a different thing maybe well you know the marathon started because people ran from I think Athens to Marathon one guy ran from Athens to Marathon one shot and when he got there he dropped dead and died yeah and then other people started saying let’s do that let’s do that is that [ __ ] crazy I mean I love that stuff because I I mean in core memory ooh ooh core memory ooh ooh ooh it’s fatback television screen 199 something and we’re watching the footage oh my God the person who’s who won the marathon has [ __ ] herself it [ __ ] everywhere hard hard turds no no it’s running down the legs and it’s but I’m obsessed it gets churned oh yes oh she becomes the neutr bullet like she shreds the [ __ ] she’s a ninja the the the the it’s ag1 when it comes out [ __ ] it’s I’m obsessed with those Hurricane Relief blankets that they have to give them like the myar blankets to to give them like they are like it’s Jack and Rose like they’ve just been plucked from the thing and they’re like here um you um uh Survivor please wear this thing you you what what what is that please explain to me where can I get one of those myar capes because I love that [ __ ] you should start just using it as a real blanket that’s what I’m saying I want to I want to breathlessly like just barge into a Starbucks or like a we you know I spray my face spray my face with [ __ ] myself of course and then wrap the thing around me be like and I think as a like as a Marathon winner they have to give you something right sometimes they win 10 20 $50,000 so I I going to do that into like JC Penny like just you know Barrel through and be like can I have my money and like what are you talking about be like oh I just I just I just won the marathon and they’re like oh yeah okay and they open the Cash’s cash or what well I mean who you get the mar who do you get the money from you get a Starbucks card I guess but the people in costumes it was it was St Patrick’s Day so there’s people running with fake beards on people running there was a guy running in a green morph suit I’m like what are we doing here who you can barely get us to sitting costumes on stage no did you see the the no you wish right what’s the I did see it because it was a green morph suit except that was cut out and it was swinging a big a big hateful Club big hate a big hateful Club there was some kind I listen I was I was oh my God I was driving a car and it was horrible and I pay attention I pay attention when I drive thank you very much and I I mean I’ve got I it’s just so stressful and there was a whole there was a whole um uh group it was like it was a very confusing moment because I thought it was Halloween for a minute it must have been some kind of um I don’t know some kind of um animation anime convention you know what I’m talking about where the all these adults dressed in these um oh cosplay people yes yes that oh yes the cosplay people yes um but that’s weird but this is normal this is yeah this is really normal that was really [ __ ] bizarre but let me tell you I think I’ve have unlocked a new like um what do you call it when something really turns you on yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I think it’s the fetish I somebody screamed that right away she said fetish yeah she was waiting to say it yeah I mean she was going to Google it but that’s fine it’s like it’s it was f i h what is it when old weird bald crossdresser likes a thing in a car I I’m sorry to say this I’m um they I was I became it almost got to the point where I had to put the turn signal on pull over and then get a breath like because it was so hot to me was the costumes yeah really adults adults adult these were grown ass people over 30 but it was like I don’t know something about it these cheap like shitty Halloween costumes and I’m talking shitty nothing good about I mean it was very like very like what can we find at the local thing and like and put it together within like 15 seconds I love it shittier the better yes cuz they were like too small and they were stretched over their like um like muscular legs and you better believe I saw the full un I mean full contoured outline of many different bulging balls dick and testies just like one of them was like snaking down the wild an adult Pokemon gay who’s like so ripped and you’re like you must have been the weirdest gayest little kid cuz you’re so nice now I know and you should be a [ __ ] because you’re so you know oh my God they were it was just it was a goon Fest for the ages out there while people cosplay as us a lot and when they cosplay as me I’m like okay I get it cheap wig Amazon boots easy right yeah when people are like I cosplay as you I’m like so you put on your legit hooker outfit or and your [ __ ] wig and your black fishnets and you roll down to the convention center and just like stick your tongue out at people or or like it’s like I put on a dirty night gown no panties put 14 cigarettes in my mouth and then found a dead raccoon to fit on my I was like that’s very flattering thank you very flattering it’s like yes we all have different eras but um maybe it is always like nobody’s ever cosplaying as like the best I ever looks they’re cosplaying as like that one like s side lit high contrast photo of you in the sunlight from dragcon 2012 it’s always wet it’s always wet wet wet but they I Love Actually I was at a local coffee shop today and um one of the Baristas said you actually my friend and I dressed up as uh as you guys and the photo was quite flattering of you I was shocked the photo of me like you just said was that is that a um Law and Order SVU victim with her leg legs spread fishnets ripped with the jerks off by lowen bches in the hair you look like one of those bodies that like a jogger discovers at the top of a Law and Order yeah yeah those episodes It’s always it’s always like I’m looking for Rhonda Rhonda you mean Starlight it’s always like oh I’m looking for Jackie Jackie you mean Genesis yeah well tell her she owes me 50 bucks she used to run with the wrong crowd you know what I mean and then it’s always like I shouldn’t even be telling you this but yeah she likeed to be hit it’s then it gets really dark love yeah she was like let’s just say it was a no loads refused Kind of Night girl what about no loads refused cuz I I thought about as we loaded up to the loading dock today and I was like loading dock loading dock no loads refuse that’s like really your Cole’s cash opportunity like you know what I mean like wait a minute this Thanksgiving season Black Friday is like no loads refused Mary no loads refused you know I this Revelation along that point I could not believe it it struck me like a bag it was like a like a just like Kim Novak in vertigo or rear window whatever condoms what do you mean condoms hey condoms what’s up with that hey this is Richmond this is Richmond would you guys consider this the South oh kind of like this as far you’re like bisexual to the idea of north or south you’re like you’ll swing either way I think that gay is over I do I’m sorry kind it is though it’s I say gay is tired and it’s not that straight is wired it’s not straight it’s just are your nipples wired are your I’m so sick of are your nipples wired wired to what you need to know about this I don’t care if we’ve already talked about it we’re going to talk about it 400 times we got to [ __ ] talk about it the girls who you like us from YouTube you’re going to [ __ ] learn today [ __ ] Le nipples wired are your nipples wired you know what makes me think of like like you remember like I’m going to for my science project I’m going to power an alarm clock from a potato like think of my nipples hooked up to like a Meer lemon and like a and some or like a hamster wheel yes yes yeah generating a old timey rickety Charlie Chaplain kind of black and white electricity kind of a or like a um Wright brothers like one of those bikes with one big wheel yes yes and like tin foil hooked up to both my nipples wired in in like like what wired to what and and and it makes me well I think of the um uh the the the gay men of a certain age let’s say over 50 sure um vacationing in Provincetown Massachusetts or Fire Island New York who are um uh he or Porto via or Porto Vara or mikos Lindsay Lohan’s favorite Haun um and their nipples are like how would you describe it like fingerling fingerling grapes yeah or um baby grapes baby carrots large those big bags of like organic baby carrots that you get and they’ve just perched peaked out or like you take a hot dog and cut it in half and then just stick one it’s it’s Fierce if you if you hooked a nipple of of a of like a doberman up to a Dyson for 6 and A2 hours yeah for 3 years for years years and you pull it off and it’s like I know you like your nipples played with I’m real happy for you but at the end of the day when you walked down the beach in that tank top was it worth it Mary is it yeah was it worth it yeah is it worth it I mean it would it would pull cherry tomatoes Mama cherry tomatoes Oscar Meer wieners I mean they’re like they’re so long they’re so confrontational so confrontational you they’re assaulting they’re assaulting thank you in that sense I’m one of like the I’m like the genen Z no Kink at Pride people thank you I’m I become marjerie Taylor green I like I’m like no no no no drag reading to Children yes margerie Taylor green and bobbert saying get the [ __ ] off the TV I’m not watching that yes it’s like we’re not drag queens they’re not reading to children and we’re not doing wired nipples at pride no nope I’m going to storm the capital and I’m going to talk to Nancy Pelosi’s big huge heavy brown tanned Naturals I can’t get enough of that the best part is and the guy the guys are like are your nipples wired and if you say no now they’re disappointed cuz they’re obviously nipple people so like are you wor no my my nipples are normal they’re like okay you know it’s like might as well mop up the blood and go home seriously it’s very like I I told you about that thing right that the the the the sex the tell them oh hi tra be my side Amy well there was there like just what she’s describing there was imagine if you this is going to be a little vulgar um but you’re humping on somebody in their their butt right but there the person who is getting humped upon is insisting no the person who’s humping is insisting that the hump be tweak their nipples which if you think about it if you’re doing doggy style how do you support your are you holding on by the nipples thank you also how’s the lubrication in the shoulder joint how’s the stretch are you doing myalgia fibromyalgia do you have chronic pain rheumatoid arthritis have you done yoga recently like how how like like it’s giving caby Mama it’s giving giv Hellraiser it’s giving Hellraiser goes to yoga class it’s like Hellraiser goes to yoga class you got to do the inverted prayer thing you know you like you’re like chaturanga it’s not cute Mary just get out a third person out a third person do you know what I mean girl pull a couple clothes pins off the line Thank you thank you Dolores chip clip honey get a a chip clip hello get a chip clip and then I don’t even know I think these guys they want what they want is the chip clip tied to a door handle like a tooth coming out they want slamming yep and then the of course the the penis ball and testy all roped up in in in a you know what about [ __ ] and ball torture well Richmond the capital of [ __ ] and ball torture yeah yeah I’m sorry I’ve been turned away from you guys for so long I’m so sorry I’ll face this way now I’m sorry we’ll do like a oh got us that was rude of me oh wait wait you’d haven’t mentioned anything about my long shapely legs this evening doesn’t she look gorgeous this evening you know we’re normally gone by now but Richmond we really duped you with our multiple I think we should stay another four hours I think we should do in fact yes we’ve taken the liberty of um supergluing your chair so you cannot leave and um you know what I really we’re talking about these nipples there are nipple [ __ ] out there you know that they’re covering their nipples like ha yeah yeah that’s that’s so gross o ooh what about um you ever sucked on some titties female titties yeah no okay my mom um I was the only one bottle fed that makes a lot of sense doesn’t it and this happened she would pump and then bottle feed me I’m like okay so it’s really like that H it’s really like that [ __ ] you know that I cannot I know you need nutrients but don’t touch me touch me you [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] I cannot I cannot think of a windchime and not think about breast pumps I cannot I think of a a windchime if I see or hear a windchime I immediately think of a breast pump I think a breast milk being pumped because a breast pump and dump no load refused no load refus write that down Google girl yeah they should put at Best Buy they should put that on the washer and dryers no load refuse HK yes you’re um you’re wor I got one of those Smart LG washer dryers it’s so horny how the hell is she what what does she know when when she know what does she know automatically dispenses detergent get into it and get this you’re going to love this when you put clothes in there instead of saying what it is it tumbles and the screen says sensing load excuse me I’m sensing my load I’m just sensing the load I’m sensing it’s the it’s the Long Island Med very Teresa Caputo I’m sensing a load I’m sensing a load someone in your family has wired nipples someone in your family has wed nipp we have a grandfather who has wired nipples yeah Mama Mama I’m still okay uh breast pump Windchime Stephen Hawking on sex [Music] Island those are three three features of the human experience that are so unforgettably bizarre Windchime breast pump Steven Hawking sex Island I guess that’s four yeah well I think we should do I got to say something I just got to say something I what is it mean no I’m just happy to be alive great it’s very very Liza yeah with Liza is like how are you today Liza happy to be alive Ann Miller an Miller an Miller yeah absolutely we got some [ __ ] q&a’s here oh we do let’s get into it we both have long nails and hand makeup on for you people oh please look yes I went to the trouble of uh doing the nails and but I didn’t really I didn’t shave my Knuckles girls don’t you hate that don’t you hate that oh wait did you GL you glue stick it down yes you have to sensing hair sensing load sensing a load I’m really sensing a Lo are you aware at all of the insane burning hot jealousy that I experience when I think of the Kardashians not because of their success or their television tore anything like that but I when I think of the laser hair removal technology that they have um used to thank you we’ got Dr laser right here one person The Wolf Man back there is like those [ __ ] are so every follicle of unwanted hair on those [ __ ] bodies is so erased is so non-existent that it’s and it do you know when I’m in the shower squatting squatting so luridly so deeply to shave my [ __ ] and I’m like just the blood it’s like that’s the opening scene of Carrie with the you know oh it’s very very evil dead the shower just starts raining blood and you that dry [ __ ] disposable razor yeah and it’s I just I if I 12 years old if I had had access to that kind of laser hair REM of Technology none of you would be here because you want to know why cuz we’d all be in a motel and they I’ll be giving me loads because I would be my [ __ ] would be so jerked off but there would be a line around the block like [ __ ] Six Flags yeah she’s like she’s like she’s like she’s like that’s my job thank you um by the way because you know we had to reschedule I we wanted to plan something special and I will be taking loads after the show tonight no loads refus I will be sucking [ __ ] and taking loads and she will be eating [ __ ] and licking on titties and and at a when a certain uh load amount is reached I will blow some Vape smoke on your baby yes we are we will need some consent form so your families will have to be here yes okay first question have you seen de Dune part two I think we [ __ ] know the answer to that yes [ __ ] I will see it again this is from Sierra in Stanton Virginia Stanton Stant Stanton okay [ __ ] yell at me ston [ __ ] yell at me it’s called Stanton okay where’s the best place to do anal I think it feels best in the butt I was okay but where is it actually the circus you know what’s funny I used to be this person I used to be this person person because I just felt like that’s me you know but honestly I’ve become this person well I’m going to let you in on a little secret and sometimes I’m this person could you imagine like a backflip sometimes you’re pink so what about yes 100% I’m like a I’m like a so that I can like I know where I’m going and I know you know what I mean you know where I’m going yeah would you do that would I no no no not you but I mean it’s a lovely profile he would plus plus if you get tired you can just do this and they can go they can go right through the arm right into curl think outside the box safe sex yeah with condom listen with it thank you condom in the elbow hell yeah condom everywhere it’s like Naked Gun when you put a full body condom on and you just wriggle around Mary what about this what about this what about this [ __ ] you ever go to the [ __ ] doctor and they go do you use uh uh do you use condoms for sex have you been having sex and you go oh only oral and they go well oral sex is sex MH and they go so if oral sex is sex what kind of brutalism has been happening to my [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] or the doctor has the nerve to tell you to suck dick with a condom on I’m like are you out of your godamn mind are you out out of your mind go down to the 7-Eleven get one of those hot pickles don’t unwrap it and just [ __ ] your mouth with it I mean well I’m telling you I mean I I as much as I am loathed to give props to Jennifer Z you know I Jen Z is not having sex apparently um but I think that we should we should wind it even further back through those Victorian um viewing viewfinders you know where they have the little the two a peep show yes exactly and nobody gets touched we just one hand holds the thing the other hand lightly rubs down there no contact no loads no problem well that’s how the straight guys are because I you know only s you s with the straight guys because they wouldn’t know who Trixie was and they’re never going to find out and they would never tell anybody if they did find out because I’d Haven kill very discreet well they’re all discreet when I’ve disposed of the body right no but they would only want to do hand stuff because they’re convinced even a peck on the cheek with a gay person is instant AIDS instant AIDS aids for that they think instant AIDS because the only thing they know about gay people is AIDS what wired nipples wired it’s a slippery slope it’s it’s a slippery slope from wired nipples to full-blown a okay I put truck chains truck chains on my nipples D thousand PB sisters are are there they’ve got each like what we’ll get out of here I’m sorry we called you hostage like this this is horrible you hate the most from Drag Race season 16 love it is this a real question yes who do we hate the mosten thank you Jenny the most no um hate the most well I recently I I uh um uh uh is plain Jane on season who yes um she well I thought that she stole a joke from me but then I I think I might have stole it from someone yeah I when you did that joke I didn’t think it was The Cutting Edge of innovation I but that’s that’s okay well we I guess we’ll agree to disagree on that I it’s very like I just flew into town and boy are my arms tired like it’s fine oh yeah you know it’s okay oh that’s right also we work in drag where we literally impersonate people for living who owns what who owns what you also wore a wig before her what are we going to do call the lawyers I don’t know who do we hate I don’t hate any of them you guys I mean it’s a season don’t you think style Superstar Carson crley go to hell yeah well what did somebody say to Ross Matthews lick my ass remember somebody said Ross Matthews lick my ass [ __ ] or something I’ll just say that I’ll say that lick my ass you [ __ ] love something like that well they’re right gay people tired Big Balls yay or nay do you think that Ross Matthews has wired nipples listen I know that Ross Matthews the hilarious Ross Matthews his nipples are so [ __ ] wired in style super superar Carson crley has three [ __ ] rings on under that under that [ __ ] judging table and you know you know they’re vibrating girl they’re vibrating [ __ ] rings and they’re all jamming into one another cuz they got three different speeds Michelle Michelle behind the but judges she’s on a cian it’s 12 car batteries fer fer and wait the question was big balls huge huge huge I don’t want to be gross low hangers I want them dragging two blocks behind like I know and you know it is a very special moment in one’s life when one learns that you can shave those balls you don’t have to be delicate with the skin of the [Music] scrotum you can literally just wine fold yourself get a chainsaw just go to town and it’s fine it seems like oh this is going to be a problem it’s fine it’s fine it’s like um the of an elephant down there you know what’s the worst that could happen you Nick the skin the ball falls out you pick it up off the carpet it’s it’s fine it’s fine y okay what is your dream low effort [ __ ] gig this one no I’m just kidding could you imagine this one hello hello honestly sometimes at Netflix I’m like how is this our job I know I know because it’s like uh but easier they’re like you want to you want to put on a wig and watch some TV literally crazy and then we’ll feed you this weekend [ __ ] this weekend my brother was like what show do you do on Netflix and I had to explain the show and as I explained I like to watch him I was like you’re like wait wait so I have I like you do what I was like well you just like we um we we sit and we we watch we watch the shows and we talk about what we what we think about the shows and then we go home and then and then he like great um I’m a veteran and an attorney um yeah my sister’s like I cut up the dead into chunks right God I hate when you have to explain what drag is cuz it it sounds bad well it’s back to the immigration you know the the qu you know it’s like well what do I do for the right price I you just about anything yeah Trixie can you do um wait what’s your dream low effort [ __ ] gig yours oh my God are you kidding me are you joking are you joking to be the the person who lights the candles at the church I want to get paid like $400,000 for it and listen I would take it very seriously I would not I know that some of those Cathedrals have been laid waste to fire I would take it very seriously I would make sure no kids are getting [ __ ] by them priests hello you’re not going to get molested cuz you’re like 35 years too late y yeah yeah these old bones they’re unfuckable and I will are we South enough to have uh religion trauma you guys got religion trauma girl please peace be with you a girl how about this mama I had to send my friend and trusted Confidant and a partner and assistant to the store to buy me what I’ll have you guess lubricant because the Catholic Church chopped my little baby dick off we honestly could start a I would literally do a podcast about circumcision with you I would it’s [ __ ] genital mutilation make it stop make it stop the Octo mom um honestly we’ve been pitched a lot of gigs that get pitched to us as low effort gigs like write a book we walked down that alley twice and got robbed both times yeah just take 50 loads in in A and P with wired nipples it’s fine or when we do you remember when we did substack no we did substack we had to write multiple articles a week I swear to God I felt like I was no yeah I’d ra I think it was on par like I’d rather be waterboarded with Pig’s blood it was so it was so hard as soon as my mind was like I was Carrie Bradshaw like couldn’t help but Wonder truly two days later it would be like you owe another article I’m like about what about what the news the weather like yeah at 3:00 a.m. I’d have a butter knife it just be girl that scene in Carrie where she has the seam ripper and she’s stabbing her leg and she goes these are times yes seriously that’s me Mary that’s me oh I can’t take it I think there’s one more um this I love worst tour bus experience Where Do We Begin can I say that last year when we were on tour some fan just got on her bus just walked on and was so confident that people walked her walked to the back of the bus and no one said anything well they were confused because as they found us [ __ ] at 3 no oh what about when my [ __ ] bus blew a tire at 6:00 in the morning on the highway in Miami [ __ ] do you I moros ass out there on the [ __ ] I was like I was like blazing hot sun 6:30 in the morning in Miami freeway cars racing back like at 80 M hour and we’re just like Mary the fact that we’re not dead ooh that’s a miracle oh it’s a miracle that’s so Fierce it’s so horrible live horrible also you’re not supposed to poop on those tour buses and when I was doing the group tours inevitably some drunk crossdresser would [ __ ] on the bus we would all get in trouble that that’s right there is a fierce that is the policy we have to send the tur away for like paternity testing so we can place blame what pet peeve should become classified as a crime well circumcision I don’t I think that’s beyond pet peeve um this standing at the front of the gate when it’s not your boarding group at the airport what are you doing why don’t they board like I know it’s like why don’t they do it the opposite oldest to Young oh no I act don’t joke about that don’t J joke about that I think that’s Fierce babies in the back oldie up front and I honestly feel like and I don’t care if you’re traveling with you got a I don’t care I don’t care who your kid is I don’t care who your kid is you get one kick on the back of my seat you get one before you literally get [ __ ] Reagan from The Exorcist me bald as hell like yeah yeah [ __ ] turn around I’m that chickf sauce girl like like I’m not doing it baby’s eyes snatched out like L driver [Applause] tongue ripped out used as a and then the baby is flung to the front of the to First Class of the delicacy yeah crud I love Yeah Trixie how’s your weed Journey going you guys I quit weed several months ago I’m so sorry I know I know they don’t care our apolog you guys are so afraid of getting arrested here you’re like I’ve never done a weed no is it not legal here is it legal here it is it’s legal okay is cocaine legal here yet just kidding and what about murder is murder fine okay Jordan and Caitlyn from Richmond need to know gay son or thought daughter whoa whoa oh that’s so easy we should say this we should say on the count of three one two 3 thought daughter yeah of course absolutely because listen come on is it even a question look at the look at the material oh if I had if I had a daughter first grade oh is that a Bratz doll yeah yeah two hairong extensions titties pushed up uh kicked out of kicked out of preschool for bottom lashes on girl thongs thongs yeah like don’t you desexualize my inappropriately sexualized sexualize my daughter she gets to work she gets to school on a poll but still but still listen I need you all to to Google Sarah Google over there you need to like spearhead this our final thought for the evening because you really need to come in hot here she needs to Circle back and follow this is a this is this is a matter of supreme administrative importance if you’re not familiar with the dance mom’s clip of the the that Abby Lee Miller choreographed a dance piece for these children that was about abducted children a crime a true crime performance art dance piece that is so haunting where have the children gone I believe it’s called it is the audio alone it is so next level that was the Pinnacle of human civilization that was and y’all need to go home do this you’ll she she’ll take care of it she’ll have a flyer on the way out you need to do that and you need to know what time it is cuz it is wild wild country It’s The Old Country Buffet it’s no loads refused it’s like X-Men versus no loads for Old Men yes yeah it’s m that’s wired that’s wired anyway you guys this is a part of the show where we’re going to stand up we’re going to walk to there and you guys are going to clap yes and you’re going to clap until we are gone let me say that again yes you’re going to clap until we are gone yes and then you may go home yes yes yes but before we do that we would love to express our deepest and most sincere thanks for you joining us here after canceling 500 times yeah I mean last year we did a 100 Trixie and katas never missed one show we I’m sorry we canceled on you twice that’s [ __ ] up it was no it was Nancy Pelosi’s big Italian Naturals you can blame it on the that’s it’s just come on okay so here we go it’s happening ready we’re going to stand up you guys are going to clap [Applause] okay thank you [Music] and don’t stop Sil we’re [Music] [Music] on
46 Comments
“She has no mouth.. let her speak” I about near laughed my ass through the wall
The movie Katya mentions is called High Tension (2003).
I LOVE KAYTA because she is my idol like oh my gosh I am so in love with her kayta if you see my comment I want to know why do you look alike alyssa edwards
Why Canada because their a pacifist country at least in my eyes because every well so many at the very least Americans who wanted nothing to do with the Vietnam war & wanted to avoid being drafted escaped to our northern relative lol and they settled/assimilated into Canada which this is a piece of American history no one likes to own up to.
So a country with a bunch of pacisft immigrants it's no wonder they really don't have beef with any one and let's remember this is the same country that is telling their people to lock their keys onto their cars to make it easier for car thiefs to steal their cars just so they coukd avoid them breaking into their homes in search for said car keys..
Yall crazy. I love you Trixie and Katya
Haute Tension! I still contend. It is the most perfect 3/4 of a movie ever, and then, the movie is absolutely bonkers and unintelligible.
14k at Dave and Busters is not that much, or maybe it shows how addicted I am.
We love you Katya!!
we luv u katyaaa
Me, now, when anyone dies, 'he dropped dead and died'
It was Edmund Kemper who decapitated his mums head after death and the preformed fellatio with THE FUCKING HEAD!!!!
love you katya! ❤❤❤
She just wanna lay down flat watch dune dude and I hope that’s going well for her rn ❤
Firkus dragging Katya for being an addict isn't cute
so by 70 my brain shrank 120%. OK Dr. Mattel. 🧑🔬
They were looking absolutely stunning 🤩
I love when katya talks about movies idk why but she gets me together lol as someone who barely watches films thr way she describes them is so fun
Now that you've experienced Vertigo, may I recommend High Anxiety by Mel Brooks starring the great Madeline Kahn. It is a takeoff of Vertigo and one of the funniest movies I've ever seen
Circumcision is genital mutilation ❤ I’m so sorry x
16:15 how I imagine Trixie responds to a lot of things Katya says 😂😂😂
Fun fact Canada is the reason the Geneva Convention was created after WW1
1:14:21 watching this while pumping milk for my baby 😂
Addiction is a tricky, weird beast, always lurking and waiting for a little human frailty it can latch onto and exploit. Katya, you fought back, and you look wonderful. You slapped that monster around until it surrendered and shrunk into a tiny turd you flushed to oblivion. Katya: strong, loved, talented, and beautiful. Long may you reign, you Queen of Queens.
And kudos to Trixie, because I believe she loves you and is a strong force in your life. I love you both for your great hearts, bountiful talent, and tremendous comic talent. I believe the two of you will be remembered as a brilliant comedy duo who happened to be beautiful drag queens. ❤❤❤.🎉
Katya out here reminding me that SHE is the reason that I am not currently in one of the 3 places that addicts end up in. Katya, thank you for your service <3
Are your nipples wired – Trixie and Katya
I love rewatching
tf did katyas parents do to get a kid like katya and a buddhist monk like what causes that lmao
Not the T cell joke 😂 😅 really hoping for a full recovery katya ❤ we love you so much
Little girl voice sounds like Carl Wheezer and I love it so much
is gorge bush a bad name
i can sense how tense Katya is. As charismatic as she is, she is always much more nervous in front of a crowd than Trixie is. Love you so much Taurus queen
34:30 can someone tell me why Trixie exaggerates this HIV moment? What's she implying? Like she has it too?
Confrontational Nipples = great drag name?
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage the legendary, the incomparable: Confrontational Nipples!"
"Get on up!"
/pokes audience member in the eye with nipple
as a cosplayer, i can confirm you see a LOT of outlines of genitals when your at anime con, especially since so many of the adult dudes are their to harass teenage female cosplayers, especially if its a Danganronpa cosplayer, a yandere simulator cosplayer, a demon slayer cosplayer, a naruto cosplayer, or a panty & stockings cosplayer since many of those shows costumes require either bodysuits or are just overall revealing
I lived 1 hr from RVA. Now in Mesa Az. Would love to come to a live with you guys
The pod is great but I LIVE for the live episodes because they are always especially on fire in front of an audience, literally laughed til I lost my breath and had to pause to recover
Canadian TSA believes in you. Tammie Brown told y'all how to deal with your job description when dealing with immigration. C'mon, ladies. 😊❤
the movie trixie called "skiing into amnesia" is actually called "Falling For Christmas" and I don't know which one's worse GKFSMSHFKMF
On the topic of terrible names, I went to high school w a girl named Love Cox…
This crowd was not it
Mike Hunts on ice, or Mike hunt is on on the move, calling Mike hunt, can we get Mike hunt to the beaders
Oh my God, I’m so jealous. I didn’t make it out.
I really hate the little girl ads. They freak me out
Trixie southern accent …. Is giving me Leslie Jordan😂😂
i wish the la show was this interesting 😅
im so obsessed with katyas laugh