London Taxi Driver EXPOSES Uber | Joe Marler’s Things People Do

Ever wondered what it’s like to be a London Cab Driver? Joe Marler and Tom Fordyce sit down with Lee, a third-generation cab driver who tells them all about ‘the knowledge’, how to deal with drunk passengers and his problem with Uber!

Joe Marler’s Things People Do is a weekly podcast hosted by Joe Marler and Tom Fordyce about the weird and wonderful things that people do! Each week, Joe and Tom interview a special guest with an unusual story, career or hobby.

Formerly, The Joe Marler Show

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If I want a black cab as my car I can just buy it yeah you got you got a l VC and buy a black cab how much brand new one’s £70,000 [ __ ] hang on you get a Tesla for that I’m Lee and I’m a London

Taxi driver do you ever get fed up of being asked if you’ve been busy Peter K does a brilliant sketch on it he gets in the back of his local cab and don’t ask him don’t ask him don’t ask him been busy what about some famous celebs a

Couple of your makes in the cabin have you very well spoken young man and his attractive young lady he asked me if anyone has ever done it in the back of your C I say my good man answered question I’ve always wanted answer do mind have I fingered my lady friend

Backi of your car I put a bit of L Richie on him for him a nice Touch hi you are watching things people do with me jamala on YouTube click like or subscribe only click like if you like it in fact no click like if you don’t like it cuz we all lie sometimes click subscribe if you want to be subscribed [ __ ] I’m out of breath

Enjoy hello Lee how are you I’m good thank you very much yourself yeah good Joe we’ve been looking forward to having a cabie yeah on the Pod for a long time we’ve got a lot of questions we’ve also got a lot of questions from our listeners Lee

Where should we start with this Joe because you know the way that my brain works and when we have a guest on I always like to ask where they from and how they got here and somewhere in my head Lee that equates to me thinking

Could I be a cabby so how important is that famous memory of cabis and how important is the knowledge still these days I think the knowledge is important because it’s a tradition um yeah everyone can use a SAT now we’ve all got Google Maps on our phone um and they’re

They’re a brilliant aid but the romance of getting in a London cab s go wherever Kennon film studios Harolds you know you haven’t got to worry the cab driver goes yes thanks very much boom and off you go any other form of Transport you’re going to use or any form of Road Transport

Like the other firm that I won’t mention uh we’ll get on to there maybe not um uh they’ve got to ask you spell the address and then they’re going to follow the satav there’s road closures we don’t get it right we’re not perfect um by any stretch but we have we have that

Knowledge that we can get and go um we use a map still they don’t give me wrong I’ve been driving a cab 20 years and I’ve probably forgotten more than I remember but you don’t go to m that often don’t go Alexander Palace that often don’t go strapford that often when

The Olympics is on I never went to the Olympics once with all those people that came and watched the the Olympics in 2012 I never went once I’ve been there twice since um to drop off at the shopping center at Westfield there but the satav say it’s a great aid but when you

I don’t know if you travel you go to New York you’re getting a Yellow Cab it’s not to the standard of a black cab it’s not as roomy as a black cab and they generally don’t know where they’re going either so it’s the same here you come you turn up at Heath Ro

You’re an American Tourist London first time you’re get in the famous black C you say you staying at the Hilton Park Lane and off he goes he doesn’t ask you how to spell it he doesn’t go what’s that do off he goes and fair enough that’s an easy run you know straight

Down the M4 up the crall road High Park Corner Park Lane do the go on Park Lane and left into the four Court by the Hilton part Lane what’s going on there then we’ve just seen the knowledge in action Joe yes but as Lee said that so

Convincingly oh see what did that no uh as he said it so convincingly did it twice move on okay that we and we we don’t know it that he could actually be just bluffing us I could trace that in my mind as you said it was it was it right feels right yes

Even up to the u-turn on part Lane it does feel right actually got go yeah and there’s a thingy under there’s a underground car park in there on that middle bit that’s why you have to do the thing oh yeah no he’s right what about

This test then is there like a black cab dest the knowledge of London it’s the toughest thing I’ve ever done it is so hard um I never wanted to be a black cab driver never wanted to do it I’m third generation Granddad drove a cab for 48

Years did he yeah my my dad and his two older brothers they both done the knowledge um my dad done it in 22 months uh then me and my brother I I was with a I was with a give you a bit of a long

Story I suppose I was with uh with my son’s mom uh she threw me out and uh I went back home to live with Mom and Dad in the Box room which was absolutely [ __ ] um and my dad said to me I was an estate agent at the time I was earning

Good money and uh he said what are you going to do with your life well you know 22 23 and I’m earning money I’m not a bum and he said why don’t you think about doing a knowledge and I looked oh it’s called the knowledge yeah the

Knowledge he said um you got a month to think about it if you don’t want to do the knowledge you can move out like wow thanks yeah oh Dad just having a bit of a [ __ ] struggle here mate you know what I mean help me out so I spent uh I

Spent a month looking my wounds had to think about it and I went spoke to him I said you’re right I’ll give it a go he’s like nah she ain’t giving it a go you’re going to do it whether it takes you three years five years 10 years he said

You’re going to do it he said if I’ve done it your uncles have done it your granddad done it he said you’re going to do it he said your brother’s already on it he’s going to to start it on the 1st of April so 1st of April

200 2001 we uh we started the knowledge my brother and I bought um bought a couple of mopeds Honda C90 if you want to see what Honda C90 looks like when it’s falling out the back of someone have a look at me on a bike like that it

Looked like it was part of me and it was uncomfortable you keed a Honda SC basically yes that’s impressive first day um I’m trying to think the first run we um trying to think where we started cuz Dad plotted our runs for us you get given when you sign up to do the

Knowledge you get given it’s called a blue book it’s not blue it’s gray well I when I done it was gray when dad got his it was blue it was pink so I don’t know why it’s called the Blue Book someone out there might correct me if I think of

A blue book it’s just like a Mayfair or a club a jazz pamphlet what what’s a jazz pamphlet it’s one of those magazines one of those special magazines it’s called a jazz pamphlet I’ve never heard of that jazz I’ve never heard of that brand sorry so it’s a blue book

It’s not it’s a blue book but it’s not a blue book it’s gray and it used to be pink which isn’t confusing but yeah exactly so you got your blue book they making it hard already aren’t they um so you get given this book it’s about about

That big um about A3 size you open it up and the first run is Manor House station to Gibson square and my dad took the book away and it’s got a long one like Mana house is not Central London it’s north London North London that giv

Which is is L just off the Seven Sisters you’re so excited you’re going to put me we could do a good [ __ ] 15 20 minutes of you just going hang on a minute if you go down and then you go down beckfield and and then com garden and then guess I I

Used to have when I lived in London on the wall of my flat I had a massive map of London and it was basically the a head of London with all its beautiful colors and everything else but it was a sort of thing you’d see a mini cab

Office and I used to love it Jo cuz I was cycle everywhere in London didn’t have a car you’re one of those yeah we’ll get we’ll get on to that we are still going to we are going to be friendly and I would love Joe just plotting and because you could put

Together these little roots and yeah some of the roots you go on your bike might be different to a cab but there was something beautiful about linking up all the different places in London isn’t it that’s exactly what we had we had to buy um a map and it’s

Probably well I know it’s about that big by that much cuz I threw it at my brother what meter and a half by a meter Meer and a half wide by a meter high and thank on say that again what is that big the map London you we have to learn the

Blue Book gives you runs all across London and it’s a six mile radius of Charing Cross station why does it start at Ching cross is that the most Central most Central is it I use Tron cross quite a lot I don’t know what what why

Is that a thing is that a thing I think it’s just the middle point of London isn’t it is it how far south we going uh is that like Crystal Palace and as far east as Stratford and as far west as chisik roundabout roughly You’ got that

Map set up yeah you’ve got the map it was uh it’s on a hard ball it stood on the radiator in um my brother’s bedroom and uh once you get given you Blue Book dad set us out five runs so we start West London and we sort go out around

London and then the fifth run would bring us back West whether we finished in chisik kenson as far west as he could get so you go home uh we both Rod together our first day was was very eventful um I’ve come off my bike in Hanover gate Regent Park in front of

Another cab in front of a cab driver which he thought was absolutely hysterical Honda C90 I don’t know if you’ve ever ridden one but it’s sort of an automatic clutch and gearbox and I was in second gear going into the park and we sat at the lights the lights went

Green as I went to G still in second GE so struggling kicked it down in the first and it just took off from underneath me and I’m doing a pouette on my left knee to holding brand new jeans um my brother thought it was hysterical

Cab driver looking at me said keep at it son since our first day got a long way to go then haven’t you and off he went um and then we was at the north side of oxal bridge gra the road and uh my brother was sitting next to a Jag with

Lights he’s done exactly the same thing but as he kicked it down his bike has took off and instead of pointing the bike at me and hitting me with a bike he’s tipped it towards the Jag guy sitting in the back of the Jag like that

And thank God this the driver of the Jag went and he dumped he literally dumped the front wheel where the window would have been so that was our first day out um told Dad dad was in hysterics um I think most knowledge boys and girls that

Have been out there that have done it on a scooter have probably had similar you know experiences so it’s that hard to do like you said it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do well once we got home um you get they call it string or

Cotton so you’ll have your two points so your starting point point a point B and then you call the run so as I’m calling the run my brother will be on the map following it on the map what you said about you trace your line and you try

And keep it as tight to the cotton as possible the idea of London cab is to go the shortest quickest rout which is it yes is it is definitely definitely okay so I guess the most the most expensive time on in the cab is the

First six to S pound after that it it’s cheaper in a sense because when you get in a cab when you got in your cab today the flag for will be 380 right hang on let’s let’s explain that cuz I’ve I’ve written down here um

Meter settings MH so when I get in that cab and I look up and the meters go in there it starts at380 now and why why is that the flag that’s the flag F that’s your that’s your minimum what’s it called a flag fall flag fall back in the

Day um my granddad’s day you the meter used to be sat on the side and it had like a a stick would stand out and it looked like a flag so as soon as you got in boom Oh knocked down dropped the flag down okay and then the me would start

Running and it’s always been 380 no oh no didn’t do it back in them days oh um our lovely mayor of London often gives us a pay rise but not often enough hang on who who pays you the mayor of London and the Metropolitan Police set our and

The public Carriage office transport for London they set our tariff we have nothing to do as an individual cab driver with what that meter says or does so you you don’t have like you can’t change can you toxit by putting two passengers passenger numbers up there or

If they’ve got extra bags no or if they’re a heft no if you go okay we’ll put that up six people pay the same price as one person in a Black Cab when you look at when you’re next to get in a black cab and the meter on

You’ll see that there are two round it’s on mine I’ve got a signus meter but on you’ll have two round dots and they’re wax and they’re sealed if they’re tampered with we could lose our license because it implies that we’ve messed about with a meter so Joe slightly different today ordinarily Ryan

Does our job for us by indeed he does loads of questions which we generally then ignore and do our own things fair enough what Ryan has done today is he asked patreons of things people do to do his job for him lazy Bast we have got a lot of questions from our listeners

Should we go through a few of them I’m going to start you don’t in fact don’t hit me hit Lee I’m not going to hit Lee but I going to ask you this question Le on behalf of Don John newold who says what’s the worst type of Passenger chatty one or the silent

One I prefer the chatty ones because if you’re sitting there with a silent passenger or you can do is feel the their eyes burning in the back of your head um and often The Quiet Ones might have Google Maps on and you hear that every now and again go off do you that’s

A bit cheap so you do you feel that yeah yeah yeah you probably feel uncomfortable yeah um if it’s especially if it’s a a bit of a different run you you you get what’s like a working area like I said the six mile radius is out here but you don’t

Really go to mil you don’t go to Crystal Palace that often you might go chis it quite regular um but you don’t go to the far out it’s the for me I start in the morning I go over PNE Bridge about up past 5 six o’clock in the morning it

Will be a Fulham to Mayfair Fulham to the city they’re pretty straightforward runs and most people will talk to you um they will ask you I always you know morning do and I ask them do they have a preferred route because the end of the

Day they do that run that run more often than I do you I’ve done the knowledge and I probably do know the better route as far as I’m concerned but if they do the run five days a week they go from Fulham to um don’t know say Steven Road

Fulham to Barkley Square oh are they have their set route yeah they know that where the traffic lights are sticky they they might have had Road works the week before they have their own way um Fulham Road Kings Road SLO square that way wow

I’d love to be in the back of your cab and pay that price oops what is the matter with you you obviously go around the back of the hurlingham and then go through the park and end up in bridge over the one from Steven he drove over I don’t know where

Steven Fu Ste is that par road yeah oh okay I don’t know is is there a bridge there’s lots of bridges in London is there that’s the hardest thing with the knowledge is hang on on the knowledge how long did it take you three years three months so you passed the

Knowledge three years three months started on the we actually started on the 2nd of April and I passed out on the 24th of June 2004 and are you see are you doing other jobs while you’re doing that you can’t be a cabby till you’ve got the knowledge you can’t you can’t

Drive or you can drive a London cab but you can’t work a London cab you’re not licensed to work a London cab until you’ve done the knowledge um I was very fortunate um my mom and dad put me and my brother through the knowledge I worked on a Saturday um showing houses

For an estate agents um earning 65 Co a week living in the Box room um every now and again Dad would take me and my brother down the pub uh have a couple of pints but it was Monday to Friday you worked at like a full-time job go out on

The bike 9 o’clock in the morning get your runs done once uh once we’ve done our runs there’s another side to it you have to put in to do what’s called the map test um I don’t know if it’s changed now I am going back 20 years I understand there’s

A slight change in the way they do things but I think the map test is still there um when you put into to do the map test your first part of the map test is a list of 10 points and I can’t for Life me remember all nine of them but the

First one for me was the fridge nightclub and where is it brickton Hill AK lane or brickton road or where was it it’s now if you’re coming heading south from um brickson station I know is what’s the name of the road it’s on it’s on the

Right hand side you go past the church and it’s on the right hand side and you arrive at aane it’s not you go past aane it’s not aane what were the other options you gave me Brixton Hill or Brixton Road brickton hill brickton hill begin well it begins at that nightclub

Cuz that is where the nightclub is it’s Brixton Hill you can tell in the way he said Hill and road is it that was the first one I got asked did you yeah um then you flip that one you’ve done done the T 10 questions you flip that over

And you get given six runs and they give you three different ways to run it and you have to pick which is the shortest quickest cheapest route once you’ve done that you then get given you turn the next page over and that’s where it’s got

The name the map test and there’ll be a picture of a map about that big on the A4 how big’s that what about that big inches so CU if people are listen to this uh sorry yeah um what two three inches by four inches on an A4 page sort

Of took up the top half of an A4 page and it’ll have eight um points so nightclub theater restaurant uh bar police station there the points of interest hotel and it’ll have two rows on it and you had to put you had to mark them on the blank page where they were

To within 2 mil what the [ __ ] is this test that is mental you get a blank PE piece of paper you got to try and Tom Hanks in the dinino memorize [ __ ] onto the page and you go yeah that’s where hamsted Heath is well it’s it’s a

Small area I was lucky if you look at the map of London the old witch is quite it stands out doesn’t it it’s a big sort of reversed L um with the elbow on it um and that was what my map was I had Parker Street on there the Lum theater

The strand Palace Hotel rules restaurant trying to think of the other ones that are on there and I think you have to get over over 70% to pass that so once you’ve passed that test you then have to go and have an all exam every 56 days so

You’re sitting a in a normal office space probably as far apart from the examiner as me and Joe are and he’ll have a Macbook out in front of him and he’ll ask you to take him from point A to point B you have to call that run so

My first run that I was ever asked was by an examiner Miss Sadler and she asked me to take me take her from Baron’s Court Tube Station to labat Grove Police Station G onist bear in mind I haven’t lived in London for 12 years and only

Lived in London for 10 years if I’m going from Baron’s Court I’m probably going up uh past Olympia would I go up that way get it brilliant where we came from there then to labber Grove so Olympia and I wriggle and waggle through to Shepherd’s Bush yeah we wiggle Camp

Drivers wiggle yeah and then from Shepherd’s Bush to labrick Grove um well it’s changed now because the bus station’s there now isn’t it which wasn’t there before when I lived in London it’s really boring part of podcast yeah but it’s not just about the listeners is it it’s about you and I can

See how I can see how happy you are to try and go through this so it is for you like Just Go With It I’ve got to be honest though like Le this because I take pleasure in knowing very little or thinking I know a lot but I’ve obviously

Know a little the amount of brain power this takes the knowledge so there so I don’t know how old you are but Joe there was a famous cabie when I was younger who won Mastermind he’s called Fred house go right and he won Mastermind in 1980 and he obviously had the knowledge

And people used that lead didn’t they as example of this is the brain power required to plot your way around a city as complex as London it’s the start of it as you say you stand and look at your map like you said about the

Map it sits in front of you and you just excuse the language but [ __ ] me am I going to learn that and I actually thought there’s got to be a trick there’s got to be a point they go you’ve been out for six months well done off

You go no it it is is um it’s a bastard and I was going through a bit of um a bit of a rough old time is something you said about um your mental health and we are going back 20 years ago um and I do

I am grateful for everything my mom and dad did for me when they they took me in after after where I was and I was in a bad bad place and all through the knowledge I was going to see my son at the weekend and it was tough it wasn’t

It wasn’t the most um friendly situation and handing your child back at the end of a Sunday after playing football with him just having a great day n for world you sit on this Honda C90 for ke it yeah basically yeah man you insert a Honda

Sea nightly up yeah um for best part of 6 seven hours in all weathers as well um it really wasn’t good for me and I think a big blessing for me was I met my wife um whilst I was doing a knowledge she uh

She was in a pub with a friend that she never goes in this Pub and I was working off a I was working off a speeding fine I was working in a pub and my my P I was working with he said we’re going to go down the Albany in twickingham

Um play a bit of Po defense and and I met my wife and I don’t know if if I didn’t meet my wife I think I might have disappeared uh it was I was on the verge of running away I didn’t realize what I was going through um I didn’t want to

Let my mom and dad down especially my dad my granddad was still around he was still driving a cab the embarrassment if I had to give up that was a thing is giving up not you don’t fail the knowledge you just give up you you just

Can’t stomach it anymore and I am so glad I did I’m so glad I did I’m so glad I met my wife obviously I’ve got I got four girls at home with her and I I just love my job I genuinely don’t be wrong win the lottery I I’ll give it up

Tomorrow probably quite happily Drive the cab through & front window if I’m honest with you but uh I actually love the job iot the people I meet um I haven’t had many bad customers I’ve had I’ve had some interesting ones I’ve had some colorful ones well we’re both

Really pleased that you did decide to stay otherwise you wouldn’t [ __ ] be here us now talking Lot B is our favorite to do absolute favorite things to do whilst we’re on that then talking about people that you’ve add in you prefer the chatty ones yeah I prefer I

Do you like being chatted too always always are do you instigate the chat or do you wait for them to I’ll always chat I just think it’s one of those things where the world is a nicer place if you have conversations with people it’s like this whole point of this podcast yeah

It’s talk to people you haven’t met before because it’s going to make the world your your personal World a friendly and nicer place just makes you feel better going off of it in fact I remember having a taxi driver have you ever had any other what was the job

Before um Black Cab driving I was an estate agent painting painting spray cars and have you ever ever had any um side jobs alongside your black cab driving lately no only only coaching only doing a bit of the coaching um but that basically covered your expenses but

No I’ve once I got my license I was I was out and out and running um I say it was quite a strange the first day out um the tradition in the Black Cab trade and I hope hope a lot of cab drivers still do

It is the your first day on the cab your first ride you give it away for nothing okay so but what if you get really unlucky on that first day and someone says I want you to take me from Crystal Palace all the way up to Edinburgh Edinburgh where no where’s North London

Alexandre Palace where’s South London Chris which you’re in it Kennington yeah is that South London I thought we in the central just class of South London is it yeah that’s what I was saying the cabbies don’t go south of the river do they and you’re south of the river and I

Assure you we do I was going to say I get a cabier all the time be [ __ ] to walk I’m we already south of the river if you’re at London Bridge hang where the [ __ ] is this River where’s the T no am I always south of the river depends

Where you are well if I’ve come into London Bridge yes yes well depends where where you I don’t know where you coming in from Kent s yeah tumbridge Wales tumbridge Wales so you’re already south of the river okay if I went to Charon cross am I North of the river yes you

Are oh yeah so I’ve gone North you know the last bit of the train journey yeah literally the last like 500 meters where you cross a large expans of water as the train comes into chain cross oh yeah so usually all final destinations the north of the river no no water London Bridge

This is a [ __ ] [ __ ] system why why don’t you have the river around like he want an orbital River that’s what they should have done cuz that would have protected them more from the walls and [ __ ] would it not off which Wass like when they Moes would rescue them and you

Know you can’t get in here bu did they right yeah fair enough [ __ ] hell moat in the sky anyway yeah you give away your first fair but what if you’re the Unlucky [ __ ] that’s got to go from north to south of the river well that’s still not

Going to be it still won’t be a lot oh okay my first ride was uh you talking specifically Black Cab here yeah yeah what was your first ride Tom no we’re not Joe let’s go back to some questions from our Patron shall we all right yeah

This is a nice one from Matt gun Lee Now Matt says have you ever given a ride to a couple that’s had a proper domestic if so do you offer an opinion no um not not to my excuse upon knowledge um I have had someone ask if they could get rather

Amorous in the back of the they’ve asked I suppose they asked asked you or their partner um they asked me I picked them up a beach and placed going a n in Hill start fingering each what in a nutshell yeah what how’ you bre how’ you Broach

That very wellp spoken young man and his attractive young lady picked him up in beach and place on a Sunday evening and he asked me if anyone has ever done it in the back of your cab I say my good man i’ answered question I’ve always

Wanted to answer do matter if I fingered my leg back seat of your car I can’t believe you’ve said that in that voice he’s great yes Tom yes it’s usually me I thought you have done the accent no I like it Tom you do more finger I love it he’s come slow Ranger

On us hasn’t he did you say yes to him I said no not to my knowledge but feel free as long as you as long as you T so did you say FY or feel free I said feel free if it’s filthy yes if it’s standard

No I said but do tidy up after yourselves when you finished and did they I put a bit of Lon or Richie on them for him that’s a nice touch did you just find it on I put a CD in for him did you and there was a lot of conversation and

Towing and throwing and after the cab didn’t start rocking I asked is everything okay and he said no she’s bottled it I don’t know what’s happened he’s I I lost it he might been some rich what line of track did he go for the juices fled I think I think it might

Have been Penny Lover oh I don’t know Penny Lover well you wouldn’t would you what you mean by that well cuz you think yeah they all seeing all dance in Oracle of music and all you actually [ __ ] know is Bob Dylan and the Bloody beetles how Bloody

Overrated are both of those this is an unexpected J for me we’re getting on really well and launched in I don’t know quite an Arcane line of wit track that you don’t know either yeah I do how’s it go yeah that’s it she’s a pen wow right okay so they were getting

Jiggy with it but didn’t get jiggy with it no no are there fines for let’s say he had left a mess he or she had left a mess or as turns out she says no thank you and he vomits what is the standard I think I haven’t because I’ve I only I

Enforced it once in my life I had a I had a veto taxi which they don’t have open what’s a veto taxi the Mercedes veto um it’s the van taxi um they they don’t sell them anymore they stopped selling them in 2017 but they don’t have

An opening window and I picked up Four Lads five Lads that have been to the Oxford Cambridge boat race at 4:00 in the morning bloody hell they went to the regata was it is it a regata not really okay they went to the boat race they

Went to the boat race um they were rather rather well oiled and one of them sounded like he was going to make a mess so I did say look if you’re going to throw up I’ll pull over it’s not a problem no no he’s fine he’s fine so

Rather than turning intercom off and having the radio on I left the intercom on uh and turned the radio off so I could hear him and all a sudden I’ve heard so I is he going to be no no he’s all right too late oh he’s everywhere there was carrots and onions

Everywhere God and you enforced a fine on that one you had to yeah 45 it was back then 45 what’s it up to now then I think I think it’s 65 I don’t I think it’s 45 is not much cuz the stench of a

Vomit is going to stay in your cab for a long time yeah I had to go to the sanctuaries on the LA Richmond Road and I hos it down and I I I had um the one the one um in partney on the Rich Road yes the s’s local that’s the one he’s

Getting there he’s getting there well on Tom got pleased di myself that was the first job on a on a Sunday morning um does your cab swallow your farts does that mean as in you know the front bit of your car what is that called the cab what’s

The front bit of your car you know the bit that’s blocked off yeah the front of the C front isn’t it it’s front if you want to be really fles you call it a cockpit but okay does your cockpit swallow your farts because I have never

Smell a black cab driver’s fart or or actually I’ve never smell a black cab driver cuz I can’t I can’t get I can’t get it so what is there some sort of like basically if if none of the windows are open and I open my window every

Smell that’s in the back of the cab comes through oh and it’s lovely first thing in the morning when you get the the ladies going to the offices and they their perfume and the amount of times you get a compliment from the next passenger they get in your cabin it’s

Like oh wow your cab smells lovely thank you very much that’s dkm y lady just put on you know so there is that side of it but you don’t ever go oh thank you very much that’s why never take the compliment sometimes if I’m doing their luggage helping their luggage you know

With helping the ladies or people with their luggage go oh you smell nice what have you got on so you get that every now and again there is a joke there but I can’t say it you can say what you want he says it all the time um what about other weird

Or bad customer experiences I’ve got sick [ __ ] finger in we seem to have covered two of the three anyone [ __ ] themselves in you I had a guy that I took down to um your neck of the woods tomb Bridge Wells I picked him up in C oh so you do

Leave London yeah I’ll go anyway I’ve been to Plymouth I’ve been to Leicester um the Plymouth one was brilliant um but I Fair yeah why I don’t mean fair or unfair but what was the fair I don’t usually discuss my money but that one um 500

Quid that was uh I’ve been working all day it was a bad day my wife was down in t visiting her family and Tottenham had just got beat by Arsenal 1 N I was supposed to be um I supposed to be going to northward to meet up with a paline as

Tottenham fan and watch the game but I was I went to Heath thr and I got stuck on locals so when you come out heo if you should arrive at he and say I need to go to the stoop the cab driver that’s a local so the cab driver gets an hour

To get you from your terminal to the quins and back to terminal of his choice and he doesn’t have to go back through the feeder Park oh so I’ve been stuck on locals I’ve been at hounds low I’ve been at Windor I’ve been at twick and just

Kept going um I then was listening to the Spurs game on the radio they lost and at half past 5 rather tired bit cheesed off um a guy came out really smart looking guy um an Arab looking guy loveely skin gray hair chalk stripe suit

Just looked how I when I look when I grow older but I haven’t got the hair anymore so when I grow up I wanted to look like him think he might struggle with the Arab part as well but he he shoved a bit of paper in front of me and

Just grunted at me and I wasn’t really in the mood to be of giving a good service and I just went where and he went here gets the paper and all I do all I did was see the um the post code PL that’s Plymouth so I said that’s an

Half a long way Governor yes how much so looked and we have a price guide at he thr wasn’t in the pice guide so I put the post code in Google maps and I got the mileage and then I found the closest mileage to it which I think was

Liverpool um and I said look your mileage Liverpool thinking he’s not going to go because it’s a bingo price isn’t it uh and I said look it’s £700 too much but my wife is in t visiting her cousins so I thought I’ll go there I’ve had a good day on the cab really

Because I’ve taken all these locals um so I said how much do you want to pay he went 500 when yeah you’ll do me so got him in we went to the on the Perimeter Road filled up with diesel um bought him a bottle of water which is

Very generous of me as he’s about to pay me 500 quid and um off we marched put music on didn’t want to talk which in this case was quite nice um we got to the big Services what’s that down the um you the you jib off down by brist

Don’t you whatever that big service is there do you want a coffee or a tea or no no we pleas we keep going and it’s uh the old Plymouth era drum had a load of new houses on and uh the the postcode he gave me I wasn’t of anywhere we was just

Stuck in the middle of a not in the middle of a roundabout and uh I rang his rang the number that he’ given me and it was his son-in-law he said oh no go to the roundabout take a left take a left and there he was he’s visiting his

Grandchild for the first time and you just robbed him of 500 I wouldn’t say I robbed him I done him a favor J um and he he paid me in cash and then I say congratulations for your grand daughter and he he pressed another 20

Quid of me hand a I was 24 minutes from the Golden Sands holiday result where my wife and my daughter and that was 2013 and that was it was just and I I went and got myself two points and ordered a bit of Santa eat and I sat and

Watched them they didn’t know I was there and then my eldest walked past me where you going she like Dad my wife where you doing here I think well this could have gone wrong if she would one another the holiday reps couldn’t it that would have been a been a real

Bad day Arsenal lose Arsenal beat Spurs and you find out your wife seeing a holiday rep but no it was a good day all around there’s a question from one of our patrons here Jo which I think gets to the heart of maybe the relationship

Lee and I might have had when I lived in London this is from Grant Bailey and Grant Bailey simply asked Le what do you really think of cyclist in London I actually I haven’t got a problem with the majority of them because it’s one less car on the road which makes traffic

Easier cuz let’s face it you Les um congestion charging hasn’t done it uh what I’d I’d appreciate from cyclists is if they actually used the cycle lanes that were provided for them um you get it in you get it in High Park you get it in Park Lane you know we’ve paid for

Them why not use them they’re there for your safety that’s the way we was sold them look at part Lane part Lane’s gone from four lanes down to one in theory you got a bus lane and one other and then you’ll have a cyclist riding along

When there’s a bus lane right there um that and they scream about needing room which when I’ve got a 70,000 cab I give you as much room as humanly possible I don’t get too close to you because at the end of the day nobody wouldn’t if I

Hit you that’s the way most cab drivers look at it it is frustrating when they jump a red light and you’re going through a green and again it’s a small minority there’s bad cab drivers out there there’s bad policemen out there there’s bad there’s bad in every job

Um but if if it’s there for your safety then it’s there to help you surely so try and Adar to it so I I’m not against cyclist at all and I’m I’m genuine to that um generally they don’t they don’t really get in your way that’s the nice

Thing they do go but just you know be a bit more mindful of other people you happy with that I am Jo it’s it’s 12 years since I lived in London and I always enjoyed cycling around London because it was really quick efficient way of getting around and um I hear what

Lee saying I think it’s just that point that it’s when people say cyclist are B ends or cyclist that cyclist not a unified population you get you get nice people who cyclist and you get people who going to jump red light so it’s we don’t tar people with the same brush and

The same have you had any run-ins with any cab drivers no I always found I always found cab drivers were really good because they understood they understood the rules of the road they were familiar with the roads of London um I never had a problem with a cab

Sometimes you’d have a problem with someone getting out of a cab if they opened a a cab door and they shouldn’t do yeah yeah I’ve had that a couple of times where the passengers opened the door and you you you put your foot on the brake straight away and it locks the

Door again so because at the end of the day a cab driver is paying for that cab mine’s it’s my cab I’ve I’ve I’m giving well Volvo car finance have lent me the money and I give him a lump some each mon I was going to ask that like can

Anyone buy a black cab yeah of course you can well if I want if I want a black cab as my car I can just buy it yeah you got you got a l VC and buy a black cab how much a brand new one’s £70,000 hangang on and I’m getting the full

Works of that is it is it got the seats that flap down you got that’s your has it got a meter in there that I can pretend to be a cabbie in it will it will be a working C but you won’t be able to work it oh um well because I

Can’t work stuff or because I don’t know about your ability there but no you’re not allowed to work the cab you’re not allowed to apply for hire right okay but I can have it as my car yeah you could you could buy one as a car oh I mean

[ __ ] 70 grand you think what you can buy for £70,000 hang on you can get a Tesla for that what’s the top speed of a black cap don’t know if I’m allowed to tell you that get your in trouble is it I guess is it normal yeah

That’s what I’m asking yeah yeah it’s just yeah these electric ones are are wow yeah they’re so quiet as well and they turn they turn on beauti the 25t Turning Circle yeah you spin it it’s which I missed when I had the Mercedes veto that had rear whe steer um so you

Had to press the button and the rear wheels would kick and then you could do the turnning circle whereas the TX is hang on a minute this is your dream your rear wheels turn yeah so you know if you’re behind um a big arctic Lori and he’s

Trying to turn you’ll see his wheels a kick so it gives him a better turning Circle so the front wheels will lock and then the the rear wheels will turn as well hang on my pencil my front wheels turn the Turning no your front wheels will turn because

You’re doing a turn but they’re locked yeah you put on a full lock that when you so that’s full locked and then my back’s just moving so my front’s not moving no no no no what how do these [ __ ] Wheels work do they go like 360

No no no so for for the listeners it’s not a great visual is it um so you turn your wheels to turn yeah well your real wheels will then turn as well you hit the button and the actuator sets it and then you can do the do the

Turn do you need these on your golf [ __ ] I don’t have it anymore a polo no don’t have that anymore what have you got now I got a uh monster truck and I you haven’t gone for I traded in the polo for a Ford Ranger yes yeah right

Like proper kitted out yeah proper and the the the full beams I’ve got on the top Deliverance lights yeah Deliverance literally the lights like light up the whole of the [ __ ] town I think they’re illegal but then I was like I don’t think your headlights can be

Illegal can be can they probably no cuz you don’t have drive with your fog lights on there you go but I don’t so you’ve just got massive [ __ ] off lights that much much brighter it’s the opposite to the Polo now so but yes I still need the wheels to move a bit

Better because my parking’s [ __ ] Dreadful so can I get these 360 wheels go get the go and get actuators fitted but it’s not worth it I’m thinking about trading it in for this this cab anyway do do your doors go backwards you got suicide doors yeah but sorry why are

They called them suicide doors I don’t know I don’t know where that title’s come from but [ __ ] strange the old the old Fairways um the are everyone when they think of a black cab they think of the old Fairways the FX 4S um the doors used to open out and so the

Inside of the door was facing forward yeah so the driver’s door would open and you could literally see the a pillar in the front of the cab um then to get the fairways off the road the FX4 um and the fairways off the road they said that the

Suicide doors are dangerous so you then got the tx1 was brought in in it’s 1998 I think the first one 97 the first TX what and the doors open normally and they open normally yeah oh um and now the txe the electric one that I drive

You’ve got them you come back it’s a suicide door yeah I like them ones I don’t know why they’re just they’re they’re good for when you do get the odd stoppy passenger that gets out and leaves the door because you just sort of throw the cab forward hit the brakes and the door

[Laughter] shuts and you can also reach out and if it’s raining and you don’t want to get out really to help the door you can lean out open the door up and then they get in and shut the door themselves trick to the trade that’s what we’re having

Should we have a little break and then when we come back I want to delve deep into the little bit of beef between black cab drivers and other you’re not going to swear at me are you other other taxi services that shall not be named but will be named in part

Two Joe I got to be honest you are looking magnificent today what about you you’re looking lovely too I wonder if it’s anything to do with our new wardrobe from Hera I think you might be right Joe like when you told me I needed a new wardrobe I was slightly skeptical because it’s

Really hard to find something that works for you but also works for me that’s the thing though mate Hera offer good quality attainable clothing and whilst they do specialize in Denim and comfortable sweats they’ve got a wide range and versatile collection for both men and women well that’s good news mate

Honestly their stuff is great it fits lovely it looks great and it’s super comfy where can people find Hera Joe you can go and treat yourself to a brand new look at herac clothing.com that is h r a clothing.com hey want to jumper as nice as mine go to Hera clothing.com

Bye I’m dancing like this cuz I feel so good and I feel so good cuz got my hair a clothes on if you want to feel as good as I do look as good as I do in this Hera hoodie that I’ve got got a hero.com her Hera heror that’s h e ao.com

Those were the adverts Joe I’ve got a crazy idea that You’ got to play the part of the person running Uber sorry Uber and Lee can play the part of Lee Lee’s just set up a little bit harder and just like as soon as you said Uber he was like

[ __ ] hell who wants to start you want to defend Uber or Lee you want to dive in and put the boot in on Uber I’d like to see I’d like to see um Joe’s reasoning for Uber okay uh so Lee my def my support of uber

Is if if I need to get a taxi somewhere mhm so if I need to get a taxi from say here Kenton field Studio to London Kings Cross mhm is that where is London Kings Cross North North West North North Central London okay so I need to get

There and as soon as we finished here I need to get that taxi to go and get my train but I and I’m desperate to get this train cuz it’s the only train I can get at 7:30 mhm and it’s pissing it down outside as well sleep actually in fact

No it’s [ __ ] snowing S no no I quite like snow it’s it’s sleep and it’s [ __ ] wind it’s coming inside yeah it’s [ __ ] horrible biblical weather yeah that’s it and then I need to get there but I can’t be waiting outside trying to wave down you get pneumonia I

Get cold my toes frostbite all that stff and I’ve got to get there I’ve got to get there for 7:30 all right so the easiest option would be for me to just get on my phone get on my app with my 4.92 star rating wow you use it a lot and

Umig for you to get in and get an Uber XL that must be that must be comfortable when a PRI I get an Uber XL [ __ ] and uh and then he get on your own can’t you he’s he’s arriving he’ll be here in 2 minutes and then he’ll pick me up and

Then he’ll take me to my drop off and I’ll be there whereas if I was just waiting around for a black cab driver I could be waiting down kenon Road I could be waiting a good 10 15 minutes or one that is why I will put forward my use of

Uber that’s your your repost that’s your one and only reason for using Uber um there’s no there’s no black cabs available to me in Heath in fact there’s no Uber available to me in he that’s not a good thing it’s just a little bit more convenient and I’m not sure if this is

Definite but off the top of my head it seems cheaper am I you go my turn yeah right uh straight away beat Uber you got free now you got Get Taxi you got taxi now you got taxi app all apps black cabs oh [ __ ] that was

The other one I was going to go you guys haven’t got an app we have we got what four off the top of my head are they’re all black cab driving AB yes you got the sherbet one you got comab have got one so there’s six I work on Taxi now which

Is run by um a a black cab driver is his thing uh you got free now which also offers you the opportunity to use a scooter or another um Ride app or ride oh uh and then you got Get Taxi which is black taxis so it does exactly what Uber says

But you get a professional driver who knows where they’re going your chance to respond there please Lee you can okay um but unfortunately I didn’t know Joe blogs doesn’t know about taxi now get taxi so you like need to do a [ __ ] better job at advertising that right so

This is where the Black Cab trade loses because every black cab driver is their own individual business I don’t work for anyone I work for me so if I accept a job um on free now or get or taxi now I take that job for for me

Um whereas Uber has its own marketing vehicle they’re they’re advertising all the time which they do I see it all the time um taxi now uh taxi now are advertising a lot on Facebook free now um are advertising on some games on apps uh they’re on TV I’ve seen a couple of

Free now adverts on TV and get have St started advertising on a few platforms but the one I know they advertise on is the um Tube map cuz I checked the tube map on a Saturday morning to see what tubes are down what stations to try and

Hit find a bit of work and they give when you open the lot open the app up it will fry just eat something else and get taxi of advertised on that so in terms of apps we compete with Uber no problem at all so if you was sat here and I need

To get my train at Kings Cross at halfast 7 and you went on on to free now or get or taxi now I need a cab straight away you can away you go and you’ll probably get there a little bit quicker because we can use the bus lanes they

Can’t we haven’t got a is that true yeah so from here where are we so you might go you might go black fries bridge to Kings Cross there’s bus lane on black fries Bridge well um all the way out to fendom Road you go that and what do you

Say about price-wise in terms of my um statement that uh Uber’s cheaper not always if they’re busy and it’s snowing and it’s sleting and there’s rain’s coming in sideways and it’s biblical weather they start sech charging and you lot don’t sirch charge no you’ve told me that that’s a flat fee it doesn’t

Regardless of passengers baggage where whether I’ve got bomb’s gone off if um if you you’re uh able to you can Google when there was a bomb go off at turnam Green a couple of years ago um Uber was SE charging black cab drivers were taking Tak people away for nothing

Getting them home [ __ ] yeah I’m going to go quick fire questions Z for my patrons well hang on you’ve just put like did I get any chance to go and support Uber back I think Lee’s put you away but what would your rep be my repost would be I’m [ __ ] just

Downloaded Get Taxi uh free now taxi service and it’s [ __ ] fantastic I’m in I’ve signed up I’m getting it ready for my my journey I’ve got electric Black Cab I’ve got ride I’ve got Comfort I’ve got black cab I’ve got electric ride I’ve got an XL Black Cab probably

Be booking that one the pricing reable you’ll be in the back of a be in the back of a TX you’ll be C okay and there’s also I could get an e scooter maybe I’ll give that one oh though I’ve got a wheelie can I do an E scooter with

Wheel is your wheels what the wheelie really angle it off the side no yeah I what like and go with it or you could sit on it with me also one of the apps gives you an idea of price as well yeah this one this one’s great give me yeah

Very reasonable and now basically going to say [ __ ] off Uber I hope that I’ve converted at least one of you un Lesly Unfortunately they offer to sponsor the show fulltime then we might have to have a different conversation where I say I love you Uber until that point until

That point [ __ ] off Uber power to you quick fire questions from our patreons from Allison George Lee do you ever get fed up of being asked if you’ve been busy no because it’s a conversation start Peter K does a brilliant sketch on it he does a brilliant sketch he gets in

The back of his local cab up in Bolton and don’t ask him don’t ask him don’t ask him been busy mate yeah it’s not been too bad been out long Yeah couple of hours it’s a conversation start it’s nice what about some famous celebs have

You had any famous faces in in the back of your cab a couple of your mates in the cab have you yeah Jason Leonard picked up J oh [ __ ] hell I’ve picked him up twice um I picked him up many many many years ago when he lived in

Richmond just off the Q Road he came out of Richmond station pisses a pudding um no surprise there bag full of chocolate yeah he said I’m he said I’m sorry I’m not going far but I just need to go the Q Road not a problem ain’t [ __ ] walk

It it so I took him up there um I think it about six or seven quid it went yeah yeah and uh he gave me a tener and he said you like chocolate and I what do you reckon and he gave me a whisper Duo

He said there you go thanks very much uh and then I picked him up last year yeah um he now lives in Barnes I picked him his wife and his boys up all kied out in their rugby gear uh rugby tracksuits took him up some Pancras and that was

Off of that was off of three now I think um took him up there and he got out loads of kit bags like you guys you don’t carry small kit dgs so put them on the curb side and he said I’ll put a tip on there I said no I’ve picked you up

Before and I reg the story to him and I said tip I’ve had whisper Duo he went I must have liked you because I don’t give away chocolate so he was a good lad um Jan Franco Zola took him there was a golf show the man loves his golf took

Him to a golf show from Stanford bridge to um EXL and real nice guy signed a program for my boy my X5 was a season ticket holder at Chelsea so I don’t know if he got that that autograph um probably the biggest aist was Kuba Gooding Jr

Oh that’s big time were you tempted to say the J gu a line when you ask for the fair show me show me the money show me the money show me the money I was but I didn’t Tom I think this could well be the last

Time I use Uber think you’ve changed I hope so you’ve switched Lee thank you so much mate you appreciate it you’re welcome thank you thank you [ __ ] brilliant