I listened on the phone while someone tried to R*P3 my Girlfriend: With Kelly Harris

In this episode we are joined with Kelly Harris. Kelly shares her story from her addiction to pain medication, breaking free from domestic abuse to the awful experience her and her partner went through and much more…

For more information and resources on supporting survivors of domestic abuse in the UK and battling drug addiction, please visit:

Women’s Aid: A leading organization working to end domestic abuse against women and children. Helpline: 0808 2000 247

National Domestic Abuse Helpline: Helpline: 0808 2000 247

Refuge: Providing support and information for women and children experiencing domestic violence. Helpline: 0808 2000 247

NHS Drug Addiction: https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/drug-addiction-getting-help/

Talk to Frank: https://www.talktofrank.com/

UK Addiction Treatment Centres: https://www.ukat.co.uk/

Remember, you’re not alone, and there are resources available to help you or someone you know navigate through difficult situations.

Welcome back guys to the bear and Scully podcast with me Sean scolan AKA Scully oh man AKA The Bear Eden the face for radio behind the scenes and today we are joined with Kelly haris Kelly welcome to the show hi thanks very much for having me Kelly there’s in over that’s it done

Now it’s just three people sitting around the table chatting well thanks very much there you go and now over to you Kelly yeah Kelly thank you very much for coming up and uh we are going to get into it but once again this is another uh podcast that features R addiction so

Before we get going and I will say to any of you that are watching we will include links and help and websites that we you may find useful you may find some of this triggering and hopefully hopefully you find some of it helpful and uh but always get that out the road

First Kelly because I think it’s important to remind people that there is help out there and there is there is things you can do but before we get on to all that there and we normally go back to the very start with our guess and find out where you grew up and uh

Yep well first of all it be triggering for me too so we’re all in this together um I’m from newon just outside Belfast grew up there my whole life um 31 will be 32 in May um had a very very good upbringing very very well loved family home you know parents still together

Still together to stay I was at uh grew up in a very loyalist estate with par militaries but I was clueless to this I was always hidden in shelter from everything that was going on around you know I didn’t spend my first 11th night

Here till I was 16 I was always away my mom always had his out of that you know never one US brought up any around any of that or to do with any of that or anything of the sort so I was always very hidden and sheltered I grew up with

My granny she was uh an alcoholic my whole life Sly nice she passed away uh but so I was always very very aware of addiction and I was one of these people that says you know I have seen this my whole life that’ll never be me I will never get in those

Circumstances and never say never you know you never know what’s going to happen it it is always nice to get a brief idea of where people are from and people will know but we we we do have obviously conversations before we come in but um you know going back there

Before you got involved in your addiction yeah um you you also had a couple of turbulent relationships when you were younger well yeah that’s what actually started off the addiction but I didn’t realize that until the major issue happened you know it started a pattern which then I relied on later on

In life and it got me into the trouble I was in but uh so I was in an abusive relationship just turned 17 she was 21 um I wasn’t always as manly looking ey so to speak I was a bit more girly so she was would say would be the manlier

One and I at this time I didn’t you know really stand up for myself or speak for for myself you know it was just everything just went over my head but uh I was locked in her flat uh when she went out partying all night I lost three

Really good jobs because of her because I wasn’t allowed out of the house I Haven to ringing sick to work you know it felt so embarrassed even ringing in say I’m locked in the flat I can’t get out you know like what what do they say and what’s the employer going to think

Of that so I ended up I was Security in the airport lost my job there because of her I lost a really good an apprenticeship with NI trucks because of it as well cuz I just wasn’t allowed to be out by myself around people I was completely isolated from my family you

Know I didn’t see them for most of the time I was with her I think that lasted for a year um and around the same time what do you mean lo you were actually physically locked in the yeah yeah so like she would have went out the night

Before and locked the door on our way out and it was a third three-story flat she was she was a third story up so she would locked the door and the way out told me I’ll be home to let you out for work never shut up you know I tried

There times I tried to get out the windows and all but there’s no far skip so it was three story drop you’re looking down the drop and there was just no chance I was just going up but and if I did try and stand up to her you know

Uh and back then there was none of this narcissist you know that wasn’t R back then n this awareness about narcissist or coercive control or anything like that so I was clueless I just thought it was a toxic I knew it was toxic but I didn’t realize how bad it was until I

Actually started treatment with later on down the line that’s what made me realize I’d already been through trauma before the initial trauma and that’s where I adopted the pattern of then taking tablets because when I was while I was in that abusive relationship with her I have polycistic overies which give

You really really painful periods and uh so every time during the month that month time of the month came I was couldn’t wait for it to come um opioid it was only 30 over 500 C at the time that’s what it started off on and I

Could not wait for them to get delivered every month because give you that euphoric feeling and just get you a way bit out of the state of mind you’re in and not thinking about the abuse you were going through at the time like I wasn’t allowed to eat until she could

Say I was allowed to eat when she was having to go to work I was having to go and do her her dad owned an illegal diesel yard so when she was working she would have brought me around with her but she would have sat in her hole and I

Would have had to done the work but I didn’t getar for it you know my pay was you’re getting fed today and that was that so that triggered the the start of taking tablets to try and kill an emotional pain but at the time I didn’t realize

That I was just taking my tablets on when it’s needed and uh it just Spar from there so I couldn’t wait for them to come around every month but the longer that went on the less relief you were getting from the S you were taking so then instead of taking two tablets

Every four hours I was taking four tablets every four hours then it went to six tablets every four hours then it went to you know I got 30 a month and the 30 was only do me one day 10 at a time I was taking it 10 in the morning

10 in the afternoon 10 night before I went to bed just to try and take me away because I was taking so much then it could indic Cas of I wasn’t getting prescribed enough so I then had to turn to the streets and start baning them off

The streets just to give myself some sort of relief but even when I was in all this I I didn’t realize you know this was going on in my head I’m in pain and I need to take these yeah might be taking more than I was supposed to but I

Was just doing what I was told to do you know so I rationalized that with that I eventually I got out of that relationship uh as I say about a year later it was the weekend after my 18th birthday she knew well she it was the

First time I was getting out away from her I hadn’t been out of the house basically in the year you know didn’t have no friends didn’t have my family around me nothing so when I got free from this I just thought that’s me I’m going I’m partying I’m enjoying myself

I’m not having to deal with us no more I’m out of it so the weekend after me 18th birthday I went out but it already been out the night before so this night I wasn’t drinking I was driving and it only had one drinks one and a half

Drinks cuz it was still down from the night before and she lo and behold she had followed me there and i’ seen her through a few times throughout the night she come up to me and she says you know you better not dance with anybody I’m

Watching you you know um if I see you talking to anybody you’ll they’ll get it and you’ll get it just trying to intimidate me the whole night and it came to the end of the night and I left picked up my car and I was doing a loop

I was in the Kremlin I was doing a loop around her one my system to pick up my cousin cuz I seen him out and I was giving him a left home and I had drove past Union Street and as I was driving past my ax was standing at the taxi D

Doors now there’s taxi D doors there’s a path and then there’s a road so she was right in the doors and I could hear her squealing and shouting and pointing at the car and I got to the end the RO and something in me just went what the [ __ ]

Am I still pting up with this for and I stuck the car and revers and went to reverse back now I thought I was reversing back to it out and me and her was going to get do a scrap here and I was completely fine with that because I

Just had enough I and she was with all her mates group of them about 10 of them and I I didn’t care I did not care I like if I get right here and I get my B SP in I don’t care I’m standing up for

Myself you know I’m not letting her do this to me no more and as I reversed back I seen her move from the taxi D doors and as soon as I seen I slammed on my bricks I didn’t know anything had happened but as soon as I my car came to

Stop all her friends surrounded the car and started beting the car so there was damage all down the side from where our friends were kicking and all so I just drove off cuz they were all attack in the car so I just drove off and I didn’t

Know anything that happened I but I was in a State of Shock cuz everything it went on drove straight home I woke my mom up and I says I I don’t know what’s just happened to her but the car’s been attacked and I don’t know if I’ve hit

Her or enough but I reversed back and she moved and I don’t know what happened Mom and she went well you can’t go back now what are we gonna do and I says I don’t know my dad says Kelly just calm down right if anything happened someone

Will come to the door we find out about it and I says right that’s right so I went to bed get up the next morning 11:00 and the or the morning it was and still nobody had came to the door so I thought to myself nothing’s happened you know it’s

Just been a case of I’ve reversed down they hit the car I’m not going to worry about damage to the car you know that’s not MH you know I I got away so but an hour later R the door look outside and the police were stand at the door and I was

Like colors drained from my face I knew I knew at the time is is going to be something bad because I knew what she was like even if something didn’t happen I was thinking to myself she have done something to look like it all happened blah blah blah they were came out there

Left me for attempted murder they she went to the police or the police had arrived on the scene I don’t know what happened that night because I obviously I drove off but from what I heard after the bar staff had rang the police because of the commotion I said and they

Came to the scene and they had rang her an ambulance but from what they could see there was not well there was you know not no physical damage she was missing the shoe apparently it was in the police report her shoe had came off um the ambulance brought her to the

Hospital and she left the hospital and apparently she went back later on the next day with broken nose broken teeth broken jaw had to get her jaw W shut um when we went out and checked the around the car the only thing at the back of my

Car that there was was a footprint on the boat no dents no damage a footprint and I was driving a we 206 and this girl was a big girl like and she would have maybe been about 5′ 10 so if I was R him

Back and I hit you I’m going to hit your abdom you know if you’re that tall or anything but footprint was on the car and I came to the conclusion that she’s jumped out they kick the car and she’s hit herself in the face but it wasn’t

Until I actually sat down and thought about it and uh I realized you know her dad was involved in wouldn’t be the paries be the IRA and they’re all into the dodgy schemes and all our family I mean not uh whatever they do I don’t know but uh I

My I think that she has left the hospital got a beaten and I went back to then say I done that damage for an insurance claim and that’s is what happened like I got the came to the door to leftt me for attempted murder she

Said I tried to kill her um my bar got the charges reduced to gbh with intent uh dangerous driving reversing down to oneway Street and possession of offensive weapon ask me what the offensive weapon was my car and what was your sentence for that I got a suspended sentence no I didn’t

Sorry wasn’t spend sentence I done community service for that when it was later on another charge I got spend sentence for community service I done 440 hours I got but I was able to run one over the top of the other so I ended

Up doing 220 hours um but I I you know I was happy enough that but I was happy enough I held my hands up obviously because I did reverse down that street my intention was to get out and fight with her not to hit her with a car but

You know if it happened it happened so I obviously held my hands up to it cuz I didn’t mean to hit the girl you know it was never my intention to reverse down that street and hit somebody in my car yes I was reversing down street and yes

I was going to get out and get into a fight but that was that was that was it I did not want to harm anybody in my car and not at me for ages so when after that and I was waiting to go to tral and

All of that well not tral because I play guilty but waiting to go to court for that um you know I get into partying then cooking the weekends drinking I was working from Monday to Saturday and then doing a community service on a Sunday so

I didn’t have no days off so I just used cocaine to stay we in between Sor right were you still on uh pain medication all this as well I was only taking them whenever I was prescribed him but then again still ban extra you know that way how much would you been buying

At the start maybe well I would go through I would have been through three strips a day like I said so 10 30 a day so I would have done that for maybe 5 days straight and I did worry every day that was going to overdo some paracin like that was a

Big big concern you took 3500 mgram of cura 30 over 500 so 30 milligram of Codine and oh 500 Mig of par right and you you took 30 tablets of that a day yep and that was little compared to what I end up on yeah that was nothing that’s that’s 15 that’s

15,000 Mig of of poral yep and 150 of korma yep and in my head how did I spaced it right is that is that not an overdose on its own yeah it should be but because I had built on that I didn’t just start start taking things you did

30 the day at once it built went from two tablets every 4 hours to four tablets every 4 hours to six tablets every 4 hours and I get up but when I get up to that stage I was spacing b more in my head that was okay you know

I’ve less of a risk of overdosing because I’m spacing them out taking them in the morning taking them at tea time then taking them early hours you know before went to bed and then obviously then you’re waiting the court uh you’re waiting for the sentencing um you’re partying you’re taking drugs

Along with that into the mix that did you know you had a problem at this point no oblivious oblivious to it didn’t think I had a problem because I was just Bann I was ban painkillers I knew it was B pangl and knew I was wrong but in my

Head I was saying to myself the doctor’s giving me these for a reason yes okay I’m ban extra just cuz I need more cuz they’re not doing what they did for me at the start cuz as weever hang if you take something for so long the effects

Get less and less and you need more and more so that’s how it ended up that way but overdoing and Par was a daily thought of M that’s what I was thinking every day and that’s how I ended up switching to something stronger but so

It didn’t have Parc on it so it had less chance of overdose so then how did that continue then after after you You’ had been sentenced for well it actually dropped off for a while so when I get sentenced for it that was it yes it didn’t mean to

Hit her with my a car but in my head I seen it as a way this is going to break me free from her there’s no way that she can get in contact with me or I’ll be able to get in contact with her so that’s a clean break didn’t mean to H

Her my car yes but at least that’s me away and done I did if I hit her in my car I held my hands up I held my hands up in court cuz there was no CCTV or anything so I say you know if that’s what happened that’s what happened you

Know I’m guilty I did reverse down that street and it was my intention to get out and have a fight but I didn’t mean to hit her and um but four years after that when I get sentenced uh she got back in contact with me you know she

Came back and started oh I’m so sorry for what I put you through I realized now what I’ve done you know I shouldn’t have done this to you I shouldn’t have done that to you I am so sorry I deserved everything that happened to me

But in my in my head I thought to myself if she really thought I reversed down that street and hit her intentionally she would never be on the phone here trying get back and contact with me so that in my head confirmated that something else has

Happened was there a part of you that wasn’t sure whether you done it or not yes 100% to this day I’ll tell you I’m I I’m certain that it wasn’t me done that damage to her but there had to be an element of Doubt where you’re like did I

Hit her or did I not yeah for the F for the till she got back and contact me from the day it happened till she got back and contact me there was that day yeah yeah I I thought something else would happen but I was always did I

Didn’t I I could have maybe I did adrenaline’s up anger in thoughts out you’ve you’ve slammed the car reverse you went up and this has happened and the commotion it obviously was a very volatile toxic relationship then this has all come toe when when what what was the feeling when

You got a message I tiet it was out of the blue that’s four years later yeah and it’s sort of calmed down you’re not as you’re not as dependent or maybe you still are as I was dependent right up I was still dependent on partying and

Using drugs in a way I shouldn’t be right up until she messaged me because I had so much guilt of maybe I did do that like you were saying there was doubt in my head if it did or it didn’t but the way the way I seen her behavior even if

I did H with hit her with a car I knew that she would have added more damage you know that way to get a bit of money you know so even if I did hit her I thought she You’ done more so yes there was that doubt but it was a doubt

Of did a hit her didn’t hit her but it was never a doubt I knew I could never have done that amount of damage there would be damage to my car if I broke her out broke her teeth broke her jaw you know but what it’s hard to think that

Somebody would have went away and got a kicking just to get more money 40 Grand I would get a kicking for 40 Grand I know sorry said that to go away and say right bust up my jaw or my face there so I can get a few more pound

Yeah it’s a big statement it’s a big jump to make and I’m not denying I don’t know the situation I don’t know her I don’t know you so I’m just saying it just for listening when you’re saying that went away just went away and got a

Hiding well she came to the hospital she went to the hospital from the incident cuz the police had been rang and they must have rang an ambulance so I know she went to the hospital straight after she left the hospital and didn’t go back to over 24 hours later and she didn’t

Have the injuries the first time no well then surely they couldn’t if she’s been in but they she hadn’t been processed she was sitting in the waiting room so they she hadn’t got no scans done she hadn’t got anything done so we don’t know then whether she did or not no but

She left and came back but with more what I mean is we we don’t know at this point to say that and and I’m just being fair to because we don’t know that she didn’t have them injuries she could have very well had them injuries and she’s run away and come back um

But I’m not I’m hey I’m not doubting what people are willing to do so you could be 100% absolutely correct and 40 actually you know what I’ve taking kicking for n I’m taking kick for being a smart ass so I might as well take them

For money but um I just want to get the an idea of the scene so then um she’s got back in contact with you yep and you went wait a [ __ ] minute I knew I didn’t do all that you said y um forly did you engage in conversation

Did you meet her I did did I did engage in conversation because I wanted even though I had doubts that I’d done that damage at the end of the day I still didn’t want her or and I didn’t have you know any feelings or you know all that

Was long gone but I just if I had hit her with a car I wanted to apologize for that cuz that’s not the type of person I am you know I wouldn’t intentionally reverse TR Street to hit somebody with a car you know that way so if I did do

That I wanted to say sorry for what I had done and then when when you realized I didn’t [ __ ] do that and she’s obviously apologized I at this point had she received a compostion for no and what she knew she was waiting on it well and what and do you know how

Much you got 40 Grand so it was 40 Grand yeah [ __ ] 40 Grand she got back in contact with me give me all the sories all the s stories of the day or it’ll be different I want try and again you know

And I did I fa for it I did I say you know right okay but then she knew that the money was coming in she thought I was going to stick around because of the money and I had went out with my friend one day it was a fell and I have been

Gay from I could walk I was born gay I’ll tell you that now and uh I had went out for with my fellows my friend that was a fell to do I can’t even remember what it was but it was only out for an

Hour and he came back and as soon as I walked in the door H me dig to the face well you didn’t leaving the house you shouldn’t have be left here I you know all that had you you had moved back with her then not moved in with her but you

Know I would back I was in her house with her and left to go do something with my friend and came back cuz it wasn’t it wasn’t night time you know it was during the day and had to come back then to then do whatever me and her was

Going to do that day and I wasn’t allowed to be away with her so I got to dig to the face and that was the last time seen her she thought I was going to stick around because she was getting the money but

Which is weird to me and I I have to say that you know the the perpetrator and the victim are going to get together and spend the conversation I’m sure this probably happens and and thing it just seems that she’s obviously claimed of you as a your insurance and and and also

I need to say Ken to be clear and for on this if if you struck this woman with a car and she sustained the imag from that she’s more entitled oh I know personal injury and I’m just saying that we’ve made this and very much a suspective

About this has being about a personal injury CL I’m just saying if she’s been struck with a c and she had uh injuries that have been sustained from this she is entitled as everyone is no 100% but it’s a it’s a very weird scenario then that when the money’s coming down she’s

Contacting you and and like the perpetrator and but it just obviously the physical violence was in the relationship ship and and then this was the straw so then you just cut ties That was us were done was there an element of closure then from that there was that was all

Closure I needed and then yeah okay I still went out with my friends at the weekend I would have done cocaine recreationally but it was nowhere near like I was doing because I was punishing myself because like I say like you said there about if I did hit her she was

100% entitled to that yeah and that’s why I at me alive in case I did do that damage to somebody you know and that’s what kept me in that state for so long but then when she got back in contact with me it ring bells my head and I sort

Of let that go I was able to let that go knowing what you know now would you have pleaded guilty till till that or would you have for I I still would have played guilty because yes I do I I 100% my theory is I reversed down cuz I was

Watching her in that Wing I was watching her in the rear viw mirror the whole time like I said there’s a taxi that with door then we’re talking the length of this table for a path then the road I was watching her the whole time and as

Soon as she moved from that door I hit my brakes and like I said there was no damage to the back of my car bar one footprint wasn’t wasn’t dented wasn’t nothing it was just my card being dirty and the footprint had came up in the car

So I thought she’s jumped out acting a b girl the kick the car I haven’t came to a stop my foot’s had her or my car’s hit her foot and she’s kneed herself in the face and that’s how she’s got it so my I went along with that that’s what I

Thought happened for so long and if that like that could have happened but there’s no way I would think it would do the amount of damage that it had done so then all that there you’ve got your closure you’ve moved on and you’re you’re out party and you’re still taking

Recreational do but are you still then beating yourself are you still taking the the they cot them all as much or not not as much but I’ve still taken them I’m prescribed you Pol politic over and so you’re obviously still in pain yeah so you you you still seeing a doctor or

Or gynecologist someone to do with that so you’re obviously still in pain but you’re now not taking them other than what you really need them right but even when I got the that point that I was taking that money it wasn’t taking away my pain because it was giving me a h it

Wasn’t taking away my pain the par seed would have took my pain away faster than the coding because my body was getting dependent on it so it wasn’t used as a painkiller but I didn’t know I didn’t know my body was getting the pain on it

Yeah I would have been a bit Moody for a few days when it run out waiting on the next month but that was that was it how many years was your prescription rerunning for that um from I was 17 right up until I went into hollyw in

2021 what what age were you when you were admitted to hola two years ago so 29 so from your 17 12 years yeah so what at any point is there a recall when you’re taking an opioid is there a point where your doctor supposed to take you back in and

Ask you you know is there alternative things is there stuff we can do because op dediction is obviously well documented now and and a very clear thing does the doctor just a is that an auto renew in your sh and uh that wasn’t that what we talked about wasn’t

The main addiction issue that I’m going to talk about but an injury happened stand around that and all I done was give me more so instead to give me 30 they give me my 30 for my polictics over oves and they give me a month worth so a box for me other

P and what happened how did this so then so that’s okay so right we’re now we We’ve Come Away from all that there and uh you’re you’re you’ve you’ve come back cut back in your use of the co horal and all is good and all was going well and then what what had

Happened well like I say with that happened with her uh anything but from it happened till the ex got back in contact I couldn’t I didn’t couldn’t hold on a relationship you know trust not everything was out the window anything that even friends anything tried to happen to me it got blocked out

A wall went up and it didn’t come down till she text you know till she got back in contact and that was dealt with so that was okay me and my current partner Megan met in 2016 at the start of it and we went out on her birthday 10th of September in

2016 and we’ been out and she wanted to leave she was obviously would all had a bit of a drink you know she wanted to leave and she just left but I didn’t realize and I then I realized she was away I went outside the club to ring her

To see where she was and our mate had only lived 2 mile down the road and he was meant to be picking us up so she had started making her way to his house and I had ring her and I says where are you and she says I’m just walking down the

Back of your get here and going to go on the gares and I says Megan you’re not walking down there by yourself turn around and I’ll beat you halfway on the way back and I’ll walk down me I’ll ring Gary and get him to pick us up and the

Way down as soon she says right okay and as soon as she says okay all I heard was a fella shouting [ __ ] and then Megan just started squealing I mean I’ve never heard squs like this before and still this day I would hear that you’re on the phone yeah

Okay I’m on the phone she had told me her location and the fella all I heard was [ __ ] then I just heard her start squealing so I was say I don’t know what’s going on I just knew she was in distress with the squals stuck the phone

In the pocket didn’t even hang up had it on L speak stuck in phone in my pocket cuz I could sort of hear the squealing in the distance you know not on the phone she wasn’t far away from she was half a mile away okay she was half a

Mile away but she was squealing that loud you could hear squeals in the distance but I near location so phone went in the pocket and I just ran as fast I I can’t run and save my life I don’t even know how I got there but I

Got there um and when I got there she was in and out of Consciousness on the floor a fell had beat her and and he was trying to repper he uh was pin off the main road trying to get her out of sight to do

What he could do she had full hand print bruises around the bottom both her legs where had been dragging her her clothes were ripped down she was wearing like a bodysuit or a playsuit you know when them like baby girls that button underneath and it was ripped all up the

Side and her uh leather skirt had ripped as well and uh I you see me it was all caught on CCTV like and so I run and I’m running down the street and as I’m running down the street I’m looking behind me cuz I’m running down the street and I’m looking

And all I can see is people peering out around her fences watching all this going on so there was had anyone gone to her a before you got there no so you were the first person on on the scene yeah there was people watching they were stand

Inside their gate CED open watching it going on nobody helped nobody done nothing but he acted like it was a domestic cuz even when I on the scene he obviously didn’t know she was on the phone with me he didn’t know that I was anything to do with her and he was like

She’s my girl she we’re just having a fight [ __ ] away off or whatever and I was like I S it’s my [ __ ] girl I said your girl you know and he like a [ __ ] off yeah H bastards where used from manway cuz she had been walking in a

Catholic area and it’s right Bes said a Protestant an area where the rat loads and uh so he had come and attacked her thinking she was Catholic and to try and get what he wanted off her and what did you do then when you arriv and scene I arriv on scene you see

Uh all caught in CCTV there’s a big police um CCTV pole camera down exactly where it happened and it was all caught on you see him following behind her sneakily following behind her and then attacking her and you can see her holding the phone up there ear talking

To me you see the amons fighting then you see me coming on the sing and he lifts his head cuz he sees the noise and I just hit him the hardest biggest punch I hand the face and he landed on his back and he jumps up and by the stage

I’m trying to pull she’s still in out of Consciousness so I’m trying to pull her from the road into a garden to get a bit of safy because in that area there’s big mass of fences I mean they’re they’re like two houses High that’s how high the

Fences are CU it’s a big area where they’re at um so I got her into the garden and he’s still luning and coming and me and him I got her into a garden me and him get into a fight out in the street he then turns and runs away

Because he he obviously saying that I wasn’t going to give up you know and I didn’t care her I got I was defending her you know so um he runs away I then go into the megans in house by the stage with um a a girl and her daughter and the

Husband was there too and they were helping and they rang the police and they rang the ambulance while I was out uh fighting with him but he run away and the daughter must have came out and looked up the street and there was a crowd of people coming down to see what

Was going on they panicked here come the orange man here come the orange man get them out get them out talking about us so we’re right on the street again and when he seen us come back out on the street he turned to come back two Patty wagons came driving down

And I started waving him down on the road and he was going they’re all right they’re all right we having them on and they did they drove on um the police end up a car pulled up not long after that and Megan was that bad and out Consciousness the the police said

Couldn’t wait in an ambulance put us both into the back to the police car and brought us to the hospital Jesus and what what injuries did Megan stand all that Megan they thought she had a fractured skull but thankfully she didn’t she had bruises and things bruises and handprints all over her body

From her head to her toes but she’s got bulging pullups disc in her back knife from it because he was uh the thought they had a fractured skull cuz he was slamming her head you see in the CCTV he’s got her head and her hand slamming it off the brick wall

To try and get him out of Consciousness to him pill her um so she’s bulging pull ups this in her back knife from it her lower back and she’s developed sacral joint dysfunction in her hips as well I don’t know how their injuries has persisted but it’s probably when he’s

Been trying to force our legs open and tell me the police so this guy obviously run away at this stage but did the police arrest him at that yeah because I knew I I knew his F you knew he was I knew his name I knew his F I didn’t knew

His name he was pretty well known in the area for being a bad boy you know one of them ones so I had to know who he was I was was able to tell the police’s name and the police went and lifted him they came to our house well they came to Megan’s

House sorry the next day uh to do take pictures of all their injuries and stuff and uh the policeman had told us when you we asked did you get him yeah we got him um did have you interviewed him yet yeah we interviewed him had to cut the

Interview short he says why and he says um because his interview just consisted of he was lying back on the chair like I don’t know yet [ __ ] I couldn’t tell you where I was a mate I don’t [ __ ] know just get Mar this room just didn’t have

A c word didn’t have a c word and it was actually his mom that pushed and pushed and pushed for him to get prosecuted for it his mother pushed for him to be prosecuted yep cuz you said if that’s what he’s able to do in his own area what would he do

Elsewhere but there CCTV footage of all this yeah so so it’s his his account really matters for all if you can see what’s happened yeah but I want to go back just before we get into that there nobody done nothing nobody done nothing all watching I thought it was domestics

Who didn’t want to intervene um so then the the police have charged this guy yeah um they what what did they charge him with basically nothing because he wasn’t able to the because I got the scene so fast and got him off her before he was able to get

Any further than he did he couldn’t even get charged for attempted rap he got charged for uh assault assault what do you mean he can’t get charged with AED rap just because he’s been stopped because he got stopped before the chance of getting her neers off or so far you know it only

Escalated to the part where he had beat her he got her un and he was getting her away right so I had interviewed intervened before he got any further so they couldn’t prove that’s what he wanted to do but it was clear he shed a blow job before he started beting

Her [ __ ] this country sometimes angers me and Beggar’s belief at the at the judicial system and how it happens it can always be their fault either and I know there’s thresholds with things and and the thing but you just sometimes you got to to ask yourself you know there’s

CCTV a woman’s being assaulted at night you know our clothes being ripped the the motor the end goal becomes more obvious of what it is you know what would you would you been better waiting a bit till he start watch watch her sex be sexually assaulted before he stop till you intervene so

That the charge could be worse yeah it it me and Sean have often spoke on this about the frustration that especially in sexual assaults and and ab and the way this country looks and Views that but we can’t always blame that how were the police when you dealt with them were

They proactive oh the police were great they want they wanted to go after them because this is what we find a lot and and some people take the frustration with the police and we find here a lot of people say look it’s them [ __ ] trying their best to get these people

Done it’s the [ __ ] system that that’s closing It Off from what they can their hands are tied so they the policeman walked into her house the next morning and the first thing he done was shook my hand to me well done because and he had he tried to have

A joke Delight in the situation to say oh girl I wouldn’t want to see you in the dark alley anyway you know try lighting the situation about but the police were really good um they done everything that possibly could you know at that point they probably viewed the

CCTV yeah they’ seen everything I don’t know why my brain’s working this way to try to get somebody convicted for something that they’ve actually done but did he actually say that um he attacked Megan because she was Catholic no no well that night mhm the way the way he

Was speaking and the way he was getting on it it was portrayed that was the reason he done it they was Catholic but he didn’t he didn’t the police he didn’t speak to the police it was I don’t know because in my head that’s a different thing because that’s a sectarian hit

Crime that is chargeable that’s though they did they brought him for aarian HP crime that’s what he was Char chares right right and and it even [ __ ] gets weirder I don’t think he would give a [ __ ] no he wouldn’t care at that point he didn’t care what Megan was or who or believe

But that I take it you’re you’re down the shore Road you’re at a flash point there and there’s there’s a lot of North Queen Street Okay so we’re we’re we’re at a point where there is a flash point and there’s peace walls and there’s divides and there’s always ongoing

Trouble and this is just an like a different side effect is it but it doesn’t take away from there’s a young girl on the ground being beat so what happened then when this went to court so we went to court uh what was the charges that he had been charged with that you

Were now in court with dbh um secretari H crime and that was it right okay so we went to court he didn’t even have to stand tral he don’t have fit the play uh tral to say Well it so it’s it’s I didn’t understand it either

So weird the the police’s words to me were he played on his mental health and his learning difficulties he done an IQ test and his IQ was below 60 and he was playing on his mental health so he didn’t actually have to St on tral we

Just had to go and there was uh the jury and it was a case of well done it a really didn’t so he didn’t have to plead guilty or not guilty it was up to the jury to decide whether he was guilty or not guilty regardless of his ple he

Couldn’t give a play okay okay he wasn’t fit to give a play that that affects the sentence then y because he can’t just cop the play and then go so that obviously then it what was your mindset because you knew this was going to be played down because the this is already

Getting reduced well I was already getting no no one was going to be disappointed but I didn’t know what was going to happen when I got there I was shocked were you asked to take a stand I was asked to take a stand and what was what was their line of defense then

That I was one committing ban assault I knew this was going to go this way and did did the judge allow that no so what did they say then um I the judge didn’t want me to answer but as soon as they had said Miss hor isn’t that true that

When you arrive in the scene that you’re the only one committing batter and assault in the CCTV and I had immediately just come out with figh ORF flight what you want me to do stand and let him and the judge agreed the judge says Kelly get off this I’ve got a we

Tissue here the judge says Kelly get down off the stand no that’s not happening this young lady done what she needed to do to protect herself and her partner the court has watched the CCTV yeah the jurors were CR the jurs regret all he was find

Guilty Y and and what was then his SS treatment he didn’t get in prison no he got got treatment so you can attempt to rip a woman beat her tra her off the street and you don’t see a [ __ ] Dan 8 for no got three years supervision three what does that

Actually mean that he has to once a week he has to speak to like he doesn’t actually have probation but he has to check in with a pration officer once a week he’s to check in with like a mental health um professional so a doctor a psychiatrist or like a therapist I think

It was once every two weeks that was it so he this is this is the way this world [ __ ] works now this is obviously massively traumatic it’s a very traumatic situation for you very traumatic for Megan she’s been attacked and and sometimes it’s harder for you being the second Tre

Victim because she’s the victim and we automatically know she’s the victim of that crime and this is this is we we people will run to help and people will and the funniest thing about this is and I’m not mean funny [ __ ] term to use he’s going to receive help yeah twice a

Week yeah for the next 3 years yeah did you get any offer of help no Megan got offer I I didn’t see myself as a victim you know and then I ended up with PTSD because of that incident but I beat myself up for so long for feeling the

Way I did because it didn’t happen to me why am I the one feeling this way it should be her you know she was one to be she was one that was nearly raped it was her all this happened to I have no right

To feel the way I do no no no just take a we second and uh I just want to say this you were very much the victim of what had happened to you there’s no there’s no doubt in my mind that this is no matter in What scenario you come into

That when someone perpetrates a crime uh especially one of physical violence they’re the one that Engineers everything they’re the one that creates all this the victims are the people that get the fall out from it you your partner so but even in that you you’ve just watched your loved one getting hurt

And bothered and injured you you have every reason to feel exactly how you felt because you You’ seen that all unfolding in front of you and like you’re there you were there to protect her and you did you protect her from that awful person so like say saying that you shouldn’t be feeling

That way 100% you should be feeling that way you have the right to feel that way I know you say that but it was so [ __ ] up in my head as in a way of I didn’t realize i’ already been through trauma with the abusive abusive relationship

Until I get into treatment for the PTSD that I have now and it’s only then I learned that I had already been through something and that’s what messed me up more because I was saying to myself but I’ve already been through all this trauma and it didn’t affect

Me I watch me go through trauma and I’ve got PTSD from it but I wasn’t I didn’t know you know I didn’t know much about mental health I didn’t know you get PTSD from secondary you know even you can get PTSD even from me telling you that story

People can get PTSD and I wasn’t aware of that you know so and it takes a while for them symptoms to actually build up and start so it wasn’t until he was he was in court in the 6th of December 2017 so what happened September 2016 he was

In court by December 2017 because he had to do all these see a doctors see if he was fit to play and all this so it get dragged out a we bit then I’m on the stand and I’m being made out to be the perpetrator as well

So I had all this going through my head then I was feeling like I’m not supposed to be feeling any sort of way I need to be strong for her you know if I break down while she’s like this who’s going to be standing for us so I was trying to

Keep on a brave face and it wasn’t until 2018 that my PTSD symptoms started and it triggered triggered that pattern that i’ already went through of taking tablets for my emotional pain so after before you got triggered um I just want to go back with we but Megan obviously suffered suffered physical

Injuries yeah and was in a lot of pain with her back she was prescribed heavy medication yeah she was prescribed oxycotton first which would be one of the top painkillers then she went on to be prescribed vental patches which is the strongest painkiller opioid you can

Get and they even go to far as say that venl and venal patches now you can get America is all about this venal powder but it’s not pharmaceutical it’s all synthetic that they make in their kitchen where that’s and that’s another thing I uh excuse my addiction by saying

I’m not buying drugs off the street I’m getting them from a pharmacy I know what I’m taking but they say that uh venl and oxycotton is actually stronger than heroin because it is a pharmaceutical drug you know what you’re getting every single time and she was on obviously that

Wouldn’t have been a long-term P plan but uh Megan then became addicted till dependent she became dependent on them where I abused them so just I sound stupid here when someone says they become dependent I’m someone says they abused them what’s the difference in there I didn’t need to

Take them I was taking them for an emotional pain you don’t take painkillers for an emotional pain she was taking for her injuries that she sustained during the attack so because it was such a strong painkiller she was having to take after so long 21 days you

Do something for 21 days in a row that’s a habit formed so she her body then became dependent on her P medication so say she forgot to pick up her prescription or lost it or anah hang of sorts she would get so sick you know I

Was the same way but I was abusing him so I was taking him for an emotional mental pain were you taking some of hers I was stealing hers right sh and how did that all did was making aware of this at the time no not start and then she was you know

Obviously because she was getting sick cuz I was stealing her painkillers you know so she caught on obviously cuz she they were going missing but then again I didn’t want to bother her with any troubles I was going through because look what she was going through look what just were both going

Through but you seemed sometimes traumatic things like that leave you in a very lonely place where the two years experienced it but is are a different end of the bar and and sometimes these people very isolated yeah and lonely y because there you’re trying to be the

The I don’t know the more dominant or the the more the stronger person she you know as as and and we’ve seen this we’ve seen this uh time and time again people saying that they’re try to be there and they try to be and it becomes too much

In it in itself to do that yeah it it um to try and look out but but um so Megan was was on our our PN meds and then you you started taking them and had you started back with a c mall or you started buying back more stuff oh yeah I

Was buying K mall I was B well I was I did start buying Kudo before I started taking Megan’s prescription going on something stronger but like I said because I had already went through that Hab would have taken them they weren’t doing anything for me when I had to find

Something stronger still opioids still prescription but stronger so I went for the next swing up from cotal would be DHC which is the hydrocodine which would be just the coding no paral and you can get stronger form of that so instead of 30 milligram of codal or coating you got

You can go 60 or 90 or whatever you take you get 60 milligram tablets and take whatever amount so I was buying them first then I went on to buy oxies they can we bought over the CER no ban people’s prescriptions the amount of people that sell their prescriptions in

This country is unbelievable and so what have progress from going to the chemist and buying cot M to buying somebody’s act well you can’t buy 30 over 500 in the chemist either all right they’re only prescription they’re like prescription based only two so I was Bann people script off them they make

The people that I know their name their address the date of birth because I was going to pick up their script I have a I had a schedule I knew how to go to this person on a monay Monday and that would have done me to Wednesday then Wednesday

Had a collection from somebody somewhere else that maybe would have done me only a day then I would have had you know it was crazy I had a time schedule of how and when I was going to get this medication I needed because like first

Of all it was to try and kill an emotional pain but with everything you don’t get the desired effect so in the end I wasn’t numbing anything it wasn’t killing anything for me it wasn’t helping me at all all it was doing was taking away a sickness cuz when your

Body gets so dependent on that sorry the physical withdrawals you get are crazy like cannot get out of your bed sitting on the toilet with a bucket on your knee running out of both hands Agony all over you B coming out of both hands I mean you would be like that

Drop on a cold turkey or coming down from yeah just if you don’t have any so how long did this whole cycle Contin you for so it seems to you know you started back until the same routine started taking the Kota mall then you needed obviously the heavier ones so and

Buying people’s prescription so how long did that keep like um I’m I’m assuming at some point this come to the head oh yeah it did yeah came to head well I would say so when the PTSD started 2018 that’s when it started abusing it B again wasn’t cocoda M I’d already been taking

Cocoda M before that when the symptoms were starting but it came to the head like late 2018 the the PTSD I did go to try and get help it was my mom tried to get me help um but I wasn’t honest that I was taking drugs so

It wasn’t doing me no good you know I was I was so ashamed as well I thought and I was blaming myself you know how for that that happened to her I blame myself for that cuz she shouldn’t have been by herself are you more functional with the likes

Of these oxy drugs yeah like people think you take these drugs and you’re like a zombie you’re not see the first time I took an oxy I thought I could clean my house my M’s house my Granny’s house the whole Street’s house run uh the key of Hill

Which up like you feel Invincible like nothing and no one can beat you and I hate telling people how it makes you feel because see if someone sat there and me that first thing I do is [ __ ] I want to show it you know what I mean the

Only thing is you’re you’re saying that so traum dool there’s there’s cont tra I don’t traal and opioid as well so so we could say that would be on par of the same sort of effects not of oxy no not of oxy but it would have something in

That to make you slight feeling like that yeah opioid any opioids makes you feel the same but just if you go into the different drug types the stronger you get the more of a hit you get MH or the stronger the feeling the euphoric feeling that is you know because I had

Lower back pain and I took trauma doll for 3 days and I had to stop it straight away yeah cuz I bet you on the fourth day you needed it no not at all it made me feel opposite it made me feel like I was drunk it made me feel like it wasn’t

A feeling I enjoyed it was the complete opposite within 3 days of taking it I was like I’m not taking them anymore and that’s okay you could turn around and say well then my pain wasn’t you know you’re taking that for a pain so maybe somebody would stay on it for longer if

Their pain was more but I’m just trying to get my head round how how do you get how does the even though I was dependent on opioids and opat I couldn’t I couldn’t have took traod dool because trol didn’t agree with me either trol made me so

Moody you couldn’t speak to me I would have ripped anyone’s head off if they had to said boo to me you know and it made me feel like that but when I was going to end up taking the oxy Carton and then onto the fental patches I’d

Already been doing the Cod all so I wasn’t getting like the F fact you were all I was getting was the euphoric lift and it was taken away a sickness I didn’t know who there yeah and then obviously I realized when it got worse so when did it come that you had to

Reach out for help I know you you’d want to reach out there but when did it actually get to the point where you were like right it’s something else so this Road’s not I can’t continue in this road get into more trouble um was with a group of people and nobody

Could get anything from anywhere it was like in the at the end of Co you know so nobody had anything and I think there was me and five other people and they had a way of getting something you ask me to use my phone and I say yeah no B

So and and this is any a way of committing crimes and all I rationalized it in my head is yes I might have been with a group if you people are doing it but if I didn’t directly do it then that’s okay you know I’m just with them

I didn’t do that and to same way is prescription painkillers I kept on that for so long because in my head I was telling myself I’m not ban drugs off the street you know heroin or this or that so it’s okay it’s coming from a pharmacy

I know exactly what I’m taking but uh so we couldn’t get anything and um someone had a great idea I’m saying that was a great idea um has to borrow my phone yeah no problem there you go they’re ring up Del they give in some we old woman’s name date of

Birth address they must have known her they must obviously they must have known her know all this but I didn’t know who she was and they pretended to be her the delat they get a an extra script and then went down picked up the script and

We all shared it lo and behold a couple of days later the door wraps and it’s the place because my name was obviously associated with my phone number so they came and lifted me for that fraud by false rep representation I got convicted for it I was guilty of Association so I didn’t

See the point of bringing anybody else down with me I wasn’t going to T and give myself a harder time out in the streets you know with being a TI or this or that so I was part of it I held my hands up and I took the blame I got a

Suspended sentence for that and was that a one time offense so yeah you know just one time it had happened before but that was the one time that I was involved look we’re in the murky Waters of the you say it’s the one time but if you’re buying other people’s scripts and

We’re doing our things there and we’re being frank and honest It’s Not Guilty By Association who are involved in that you you proceeded from that you took from that you were guilty of that it’s weird because normally the [ __ ] Cs and things that c they never catch on to this so it

It people sometimes think all that was a mistake it’s because this drug the ventil patches are so they’re because they’re so strong there’s hardly anybody that’s on them see to try and find them to straight the bite off people it it’s it’s crazy like I was traveling to

Different ends of the country every other day just to get something but uh it’s monitored so much so then when it their doctor her doctors had checked the computer on the Monday morning seen she had Ry up or we had Ry up to get a

Script Ry her to see why and she says obviously it wasn’t her so then rang the police police checked the phone number phone number came back to me it’s hell I did like but a hell hands up you know didn’t fight it I but look listen cuz you [ __ ] banging the

Rights you rang and you you took it and you got caught but sometimes getting caughts the best thing that happens we find that with a lot of ones and we’ve spoke with ones and different things that that it’s the last thing and you’re like right I need to change this you

Know because it’s a common it’s a common well tell me this here just want I’m ask you this s of curiosity much are these drugs selling for no you’re not going to believe this so the oxycotton they start at 5 mgram and they go up to 120 milligram

Tablets right if you’re buying a strip of 5 migr comes 14 tablets in a strip you can buy that one strip anywhere between 30 quid to 60 quid but when you get up to 80 mgram tablets you’re paying 30 to 40 for one tablet jeez 30 and a strip of 14 they’re

Only 5 milligram so they C you can get them for about for between 30 and 60 depend you’re getting them off the 80 milligram ones 40 40 quid [ __ ] no wonder they’re they’re they’re look we know now and we only know now the opioid crisis that’s this

America we become aware of the lawsuits the the uh class actions and they’ve held their hands up and they knew at the time that these old were more addictive something like 100 times more addictive than herin yeah um that opioids and the oxy cotton and it has it ravaged America

For years um the police force was ruined because they used to the first thing they would do if any of their the police service was injured was the first thing they prescrib as these and then it became a a massive problem when did you know then you got

Caught y you’ve already had a previous year and strike to here at this point yeah and and you you know the next one you’re going to see the inside is something well it was either the inside of jail or the inside of a box I because you’re not playing with

Kotal anymore no and and I say that flippantly when I don’t mean that flippantly because you weren’t playing with them either that’s stand but but what I mean is the Auntie as we know the Auntie always goes up yeah so you’re now going after bigger stronger drugs

What happen happen then that that you decided to reach out for help like I said I just got to the point where I knew it was going to be a Jailer of box so I broke down had been like for before I actually reached out and told

My mom you know I was hiding all these things from everyone around me like I was running drugs for people I was being a taxi driver for drug dealers but I always done it outside my own area so nobody knew me because I’m very distinctive so I was in

M area people are going to know so I had to do it outside M area you know not in Belfast not new naby I was drug running I was picking up the drug dealers to go and get their big Supply to then bring back you know doing crazy stuff but

You’re not I I mean this in the most politest way yeah you’re not the most covert person I would pick to be taking me to be under the radar you’ve got a big neck that you your hair short you one down you have a tattoo down your

Side of your head I would recognize you straight away in the crowd again you you think thought myself like wer very bright brother um but then I always said I’m sure if pill stopped me I say you discriminate against me cuz I’m gay get them off the

Case no but um but like like I said yeah I always rationalize things so like I never stole sto off my mom my dad my brother my family nothing you know I never stole off people that didn’t steal off me so when people started stealing

Up like say I was going to buy something that I couldn’t get myself going to buy some oxy cotton and I couldn’t get them I would had to text somebody in know to see if they could get them and if they were getting a bad they’d be like and

Had no money be like oh yeah I can get you them I can get you say five tablets for whatever amount come around I’ll get the money go grab them and I’ll come back right no bar cuz you’re [ __ ] this your crawling the rolls you know

You can’t even sit still like yeah no bar go down and meet and give them the money and you’re sitting there for the hours and they don’t come back so I’m like right so then when they text me asking me can you get me such and such

Because they knew my character as well but that I was rationalized so much in my head they thought I wouldn’t have done it back to them which no mean I I wouldn’t you know that’s a God’s Hest truth I wouldn’t but they’re going to do

That to me I’ll do 10 times worse to you see in that though Kelly like where does the money come to fund it if we’re saying this 30 p a tablet I’m lucky in a way that not lucky but my parents support me very well and they still do

You know so I didn’t need to Ste all I need to do was ask they didn’t know what it was for but all I need to do was ask you know Mom I running money can have such and such for this or dad I running money can have such and such for

This or I need to get this for the or need to get that you know anything and because my mom and dad are so nice and they have never took drugs ever so and because they knew I grew up with my granny and addiction and had always been

Like oh no I’d never be like that you know well she didn’t think it was going in anything else but what I was saying it was going for but it was L you know Le to get what I needed was was making aware of this yeah she was and what what

Was she saying to you at the time you know what she was not bad of a state herself she was worried about herself and I don’t blame her because by this stage i’ had already been stealing her prescriptions and she had been dependent on it so I’d stole hers she was going to

Need to take something of what I got legitimately for her pain and just so happened she became dependent on her medication that’s what I mean by that she got prescribed hers for a reason I didn’t I took them to abuse them and then you have eventually then you did

Reach out yes I told my mom I told my mom first I thought because of my mom my granny was an alcoholic the whole of my mom’s life and I thought that’s why I was so scared to tell her cuz I thought she’s going to scream yell shout that’s

Me you know she’ll kill me I thought I legitimately thought she will strangle me and kill me and she didn’t I told her and the first thing she done was burst in tears and hug me and say thank you for being honest with me I’ll do

Everything I can to could you to help if there’s one thing that we’ve always found that if anybody’s ever said to us is speak to the loved one yeah tell somebody tell somebody cuz it’ll eat you alive take it from me I’ve been there and I Eat You

Alive well when you told your mom then she reached out to try and get you in somewhere yeah we rang my doctors the next day by this stage if I was taken take an oxycotton say the 80 milligram ones strip of 14 if I was taking them at this stage I

Would need two to three strips a day just to take my sickness away if it was the vental batches I would have needed 4 75 microgram ones a day which would kill anybody instantly but it got that bad that that amount was just taken away my sickness so I could

Function just just for stupid people like me when you say say just to take away the illness you couldn’t stop no I wanted to stop I was crying I was squealing I didn’t want to be doing this what is the process of stopping fentel strips and on

The soxy cut you know what is actually the medical process there is there is like a cleaning out process yeah well I’ll tell you what happened first right so I told my mom the next I was at night time the next day my mom rung a doctor

Straight away she told the doctors um and the doctor says well emergency referral for the addiction team and that was okay and Mom says right okay so what do we do in the meantime and the doctor says Kelly’s just need to go to keep doing what she’s doing and take what

She’s taking and my mom was like what I’m ringing you C my I said begging for help for my daughter and you’re telling me just to tell her to keep doing what she’s doing and qu and by what she bad and the doctor says Miss horse I’m so

Sorry and I know this is so distressing to hear but if you if you’re daughter stops doing what she’s doing she could drop dead you can’t stop that like a cool turkey not out by yourself not you have to do it in a controlled environment with Prof professionals cuz it is that

Dangerous alcohol and opioid withdrawals or are two things of addiction that can kill you if you stop cold turkey so so the doctors were telling me to go and keep doing what I was do just so to get me by to get the help that I needed

But but for your mom to hear that that’s been to be awfully shocking that the doctor s destroy doing what you’re doing but it was the right advice yeah it was the right advice until you got medical advice it was the right medical advice until you got the emergency help that

You needed yeah so then how long did you have to wait until you got the help then I was lucky I got the right that say that was on the Tuesday my my mom rang a doctors I got a call back from them by the Friday which is

Brilliant then in the process you have to go down to lons once a week and you have to provide three dirty drug tests so you have to prove that you’re an addict to lemons before they give you help or give you treatment so between from I got the

Phone call they got admitted to Holly well it would have been about 2 to 3 months which is amazing people we and beds in h but that was because High dangerous and high bad I was doing yeah but you’re saying amazing but in my hair

I’m like 3 months like to me that seems like a long time see when you’re in that situation and whether it be 3 months or three well I don’t think I would have wouldn’t have made it if it was 3 years but as long as you had something to

Focus on and I’m going to get this help that’s what kept you going you know and there been like I said there been people waiting years to get a bed so for me to be able B one in 3 months I was so thankful and grateful but like I said it

Was because of what I was doing was so dous when I first he the conversation from the doctor I actually was like what sort of [ __ ] doctor and then I’m now thinking about it the doctor’s actually literally just thinking medically to try and help you but it seems to me what a

What a scenario that the the we’re in the doctors don’t actually have like they can’t turn around say oh you have an an opioid addiction so now we’re going to prescribe you some to keep you right for to we get going is there a method of stepping back before you went in you

Know 3 months could you like no you can’t you can’t you couldn’t even bring it down like a bit bit if you brought down a bit you wouldn’t get the relief like I was literally I’m saying I’m taking that amount and I know it sounds like loads but that was literally

Just to get me out of sickness not not normal not feeling great just out what would happen if you missed it for a bit for a half a day or or or thing what what would be the physical attributes I would be gray I would be sweating buckets I would be in absolute

Agony you wouldn’t you wouldn’t be able to leave the house cuz your B running from your backside you’re sitting on the toilet with a at being sick b as well as [ __ ] B you can’t move like you can’t describe it you really can’t describe it see until

You’re in something like that see if someone was sitting across the table from me and I knew nothing about it saying this it sounds like sure’s a bit of sickness I’d be all right [ __ ] sake but see when you’re in that well I have to be honest I was unaware of the

Actual that I was like well if you didn’t get some you didn’t get some I didn’t realize then it became a [ __ ] life or death scenario where you would had the big stealer borrow because you needed to I I I may it’s naivity of my on my behalf

That I wasn’t aware of that so then when you went in to H what is the what is forgot to tell you so the doctors so while I was waiting to get into hollyw the help I got as well well the help say is they give me four nooon kits

Nooon reverses the overdose um of opioids reverses an overdose of opioids they give me four of them this say to mean I that if you go into uh an overdose that what you’re taking that’ll not take you out of an overdose but you take one every 3 minutes and that’ll

Allow enough time for the almonds to get there to get you that’s [ __ ] hard to listen the only thing I would say is as shocking as all this and I was like you always run till till blame doctors we always run the blame things but I don’t blame

Anybody it was my own doing there must be a procedure in place that must be the the standard operating procedure of if somebody’s presented thems with addiction that we issue X Y and Z I know it sounds like it it almost sounds like

A finger on the dam the D no you get put when you go into holw because holw mainly only deal with the car one their detox facilities called and they mainly they deal with everything but they mainly only deal when you’re an impatient they only deal with alcohol or opioids because it’s the

Only two that you can give substitute for and it’s the only two that you can die from so when you go in you get admitted and obviously they’re not going to give you venal patches or they’re not going to give you oxycoton in the hospital so there’s a substitute called methodone or

Suboxin and you can take that and it get it tricks your brain fills your up receptors in your head and tricks your brain into thing and it’s going to get a hit but it doesn’t it doesn’t have any components that you can get high from so

They use that to then stabilize you in there and once you get off it takes away craving takes away you don’t get no withdrawal symptoms you don’t get no Cravings nothing so you’re in a controlled environment so they can then take you down and off it and get you

Detoxed and and how long is that process from you last had your Oxy Cotton tablet till till you’re off of well when you come out of holwell you need to keep doing it for a while when you’re right out of Hol it’s it’s an ongo y okay the method on and ongoing

Treatment they say that you need to be on it for at least a year because like I say you’ve been in this pattern for so long of doing the same thing for so long so when you’re in hollyw you’re you’re in a controlled environment you’re in this weed bubble you have no stressors

Of life you’re not allowed your phone you’re not allowed to bring in a phone you’re only allowed to call people if they call in you know to the office phone so you don’t get any stressors of the life you’re in this weet bubble can find yourself cuz Megan is like not the

Cause of my PTSD but because my PTSD happened around the assault around Megan she wasn’t allowed to come visit me in the hospital because she’s a really big trigger for me and I’m a really big trigger for her so I forgot to question no no no

Because I I it was just the process of of of uh taking somebody off that level of addiction is is really what oh yeah so they said the Le should be on it is for a year but they advise you stay on it till you deal with your mental health

Problems or what caused the addiction CU if you don’t fix what caused it you’re going to go straight back to it and I’m one of the lucky ones I’ve get out of Hol and I haven’t had a relapse but that’s because I was in such a hole that

I knew it was life or death and you could not pay me all the money in the world to go back to the way I was living I wouldn’t do it putting myself into that H Hospital the best thing I’ve done for myself you know but people get put into

Like treatment centers like that and they think that they’re going to get put in here and they’re going to fix all their problems for them when that’s not the case they’re going to give you the tools and they’re going to let you you know highlight the triggers and you know

What can happen and what might happen they give you the tools to try and cope where people go in they expecting everybody to fix everything else for them when it’s you that needs to put in the work and I was at that stage that I

Knew that this was it it’s life or death it’s do this or get put in a box it really we and any of the people we spoke to addiction it really sometimes is identifying the trigger the key issue the underlining problems drugs are coping mechanisms they’re always secondary to what’s actually going on

When you started talking with obviously Psychotherapy when you’re there when you started talking with someone and identifying the things and you started realizing that that first relationship was toxic and this had happened and this had all happened it becomes clear to some people and easier than to manage what is your

Trigger because you you you’re starting to work on yourself but it it also sometimes is very it’s hard because you have to look Inward and that’s the hardest thing for anybody in in anything you start looking at yourself and you see all the flaws you have and the holes

You have and you have to work on when how long were you in hollyw for three weeks three weeks three weeks it’s not it’s not like a rehab you go for months and months but that’s good you know because people go to rehab they’re put into this bubble like I said they’re put

In that for months and months and months so when they come out of that it is such a big shock to their system that they can’t cope so that short period of time they give you the time to detox the time to wrap your head around stuff then

You’re back out in society but still involved with them you don’t you’re not wrapped in that bubble for so long so it’s a bit easier to then adjust back to soci again and back to normalizing things like still to this day I’m over two years out of Holly and still to this

Day I have the exact same routine as when I was in hille as in I get out of bed at the same time as I did in hille I don’t use my bed for anything but sleeping night I go to bed at same time every night you know dinner at the same

Time every I just had to stay in that routine and that’s what kept me so well for playy because obviously the level of a you think do you still take mathod on now or yeah you still take it now I have to cuz I still haven’t yes I

I am involved with the addiction and their psychiatrists uh Addiction Services in balam is I still involved with them but they can’t they can’t do any like psychological stuff for you other than your addiction so they can’t go into my issues with my PTSD and stuff

Like that so they advised me to stay on this until you’re able to start ahead with with your mental health because if you do all this too fast then it’s just going to open up the door for relapse is methodone addictive no well the say you get withdrawals when you

Stop it but it’s because you have opioid receptors in your head so obviously when you take opioids it fills them receptors and then you get that hit that high and that’s what what gives you the high where with methadone it fills your receptors but with nothing that can get you high so if

You experience a bit of withdrawals it’s just the rest of it leaving your system but it’s not withdrawals like with you know like withdrawals proper withdrawals you would just maybe be we bit sweaty you’ll maybe get a craven cuz that’s all it’s for just stops Craven and tricks

Your your brain into thinking it’s got its head but you don’t and what’s next then Kelly what’s next for I’m waiting on the list I’m on the waiting list for the Psychological Services up my way like I said you before I was already involved in but because I wasn’t honest with my

Addiction um it didn’t do me no good so I have to know waiting it it was an 18 month waiting list apparently and I’m still waiting so once I get into that I need to get uh he gets CBD trauma focused um treatment that’s what they said to me

Before whether it’s still the case I don’t know I need to involve them again but or no treating you for the PTSD yeah okay and the what so you’re you’re waiting how long have you been on the waiting list for that since I got out of

Hol over two years so got out of Hol on the 1st of November 2021 you haven’t heard anything back yet no okay it’s cuz the resources are so stretch so thin there’s so many people out there needing help you know and they’re not able to cope they’re not you know the mental health

Service is so underfunded in this country is ridiculous but look it seems those you’re definitely a long way from where you were no 100% but I think you’re you’re you’re being F of yourself and I think you have to be when you have to be gentle with yourself when

You’re recovering from addiction when when you’re when you’re struggling with with trauma yeah I always say to people don’t expect too much of yourself and always be a bit gentle it’ll take time and I think it’s been fair to say you’ve come a long long way and we and

We hope look it continues and and you get more help and and and and making gets the help I want to start advocating for addiction mental health like really do one of the big things I want to do is help others you know because I’ve been through that struggle you know because

Do you know what the I didn’t know there was as much in opioids you know as in the addiction of opioids and it’s only the likes yourself coming on and talking about this here to make people aware to make me aware of the likes of people going and buy prescription drugs yeah

Look we live in Cooks down here that maybe does go on we just don’t see it Happ been down here B prescriptions we just so all over the country m is green and we’re and and we’re probably blessed to say we’re green but even even just in

That though what you want to be an advocate to that so what message is it that you’d like to say to people that maybe are on them tablets the minute and they can see themselves wanting more and the the craving for right I need more of these and what what’s the message that

You’ like to put across talk to somebody get help and talk to somebody before it gets too late because there’s only one way that goes there is only one way that goes yeah so they just need to anybody you know some some people find it easier to talk to people that they

Don’t know but just talk to somebody anybody just tell somebody cuz if you hold that in that’ll eat you up and in turn that plays on your addiction and make your addiction a lot worse cuz you’re botling everything up it’s like a pressure cooker sometime the

Pressure needs to get out and it will get out one way or another so just get help ask for help don’t be scared yeah yeah well look Kelly I I I think in time I think you will be a very good advocate for I think just be careful

Because with addictions we replace one thing with another and if you start helping people I don’t want you to sh their are woes yeah to you’re 100% with your own yeah and I think I think it be for and say because I do think you’re going to help a lot of

People with this I and and I think you should go on advocating I think you should set up maybe a we social media platform but I think maybe give that a bit of time oh yeah with you you just you know you you’re working through things because that’s me end goal you

Know I’m not saying right now but that is me end goal and and and Brilliant because the more people genuinely there’s people there be people out there that are addicted the their prescription and they don’t even know it yeah right I people addicted to I see relation not a close relation but was

Addicted to the the fizy tablet they are they’re a weaker form of the it was only this was years ago was not get intoed because listening and I was like to one of our family members I was like I think they’re [ __ ] they’re H cuz nobody needs to be popping them like

That y you know people are the amount of people will be out there that are addicted the either their own prescription or over the kind of like medication is crazy like cuz I I didn’t know to start there yeah I know I started abusing during my relation the

Abusive relationship but I didn’t know that addiction was there I didn’t know there was this side hustle business in scripts oh yeah big time like this is you can get doctors and all there’s people that go over to um banador and you pay a doctor you pay I can’t

Remember what it was but you pay him so many euro to his pocket and then he write you a prescription of your 80 milligram oxycotton three boxes three months worth your alert to bring home as long as it has your name on it you pay for your prescription he send you home

There you go dodgy bastard makes the money all the like it’s crazy the things and the amount of people that sell our prescription the majority of them are old Elder people older older like old people because they can’t live like they need money for the shoing or this you

Know it’s not it’s not from it genuinely it’s not from me judge in in that like the the one underlying thing people always and you would have find this people always sort of like rationalize why they I didn’t really get involved in that and I I’m not really it’s this

Prescription this is this is medication drugs being messed about with is drugs being messed about with and you know a lot of people’s going to say well that’s [ __ ] all well and good for a Bo like at to say when he doesn’t have that but what I mean is the reason they

Have to be watched is because whether there a prescription or a legal they can [ __ ] your lifely yeah and that that’s the that is the the undeniable fact here that they could [ __ ] you up like so 100% even even then on you the physic you can

Be over the counter 100% I guarantee you now there’s loads of people that’s addicted to them that don’t even know it 100% Fu well look and and the the thing is Sean says it probably it it happens everywhere and we’re just we’re not we’re we’re probably becoming more aware

And listening to things I guess does make me in show more aware of things and I want to thank you very much for coming on and and sharing what couldn’t have been easy with us but hopefully it’ll help somebody so I want to tears weren’t

Sad Tears Don’t worry you know I uh I bottled so much up for so long that this I’m expressing myself now in the tears it’s like like me letting the emotions out that I held in and was blocking with the tablets for so long so being able to

Fail and cry is like that me being able to do that and feel that again it’s like a relief to me I’m going to say something I heard last week we don’t apologize when we laugh we should never apologize when we cry yeah as as in our emotion and children display their

Emotions as easily as they think it’s only us that tell them to stop it m so if you don’t if you don’t apologize for laughing you need to apologize for cry but thank you very much for coming up thank you very much for having me thank you very much Kelly thank you