(1/2) My Life by Richard Wagner. Audiobook, full length

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Richard Wagner (1813-1883) was a German composer, conductor, and music theorist known for his significant contributions to opera and his controversial personal and political views. He did write an autobiography titled “My Life,” which provides insights into his life, thoughts, and artistic development.

Here’s a brief summary of Richard Wagner’s life and some key points from his autobiography:

1. Early Life: Wagner was born in Leipzig, Germany, in 1813. He had a tumultuous childhood, marked by his father’s death, family struggles, and early exposure to music.

2. Musical Career: Wagner had a passion for music from an early age and started composing music as a child. He received formal music education and went on to compose several operas, symphonies, and other works.

3. Romantic Operas: Wagner is most famous for his innovative and revolutionary operas. His notable works include “Tristan und Isolde,” “Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg,” and his four-opera cycle “Der Ring des Nibelungen,” which consists of “Das Rheingold,” “Die Walküre,” “Siegfried,” and “Götterdämmerung.” These operas introduced new compositional techniques and thematic ideas.

4. Autobiography – “My Life”: Wagner’s autobiography, “My Life,” was written between 1865 and 1880. It covers his early years, artistic development, experiences in various cities, and his personal and political beliefs. The book also delves into his relationships with important figures of the time.

5. Artistic Theories: In “My Life,” Wagner expounds on his ideas about Gesamtkunstwerk (total work of art), where music, drama, and visual elements would be seamlessly integrated in opera. He also discusses the importance of nationalism in music and his notion of “art as redemption.”

6. Personal Controversies: Wagner’s life was marked by controversies, both in his work and personal life. He had several tumultuous relationships and faced financial difficulties. He was also known for his anti-Semitic beliefs, which have sparked ongoing debates and discussions about his legacy.

7. Exile and Return: Due to his political activities and debts, Wagner was forced into exile, spending time in Switzerland and other places. He returned to Germany later in life and gained more recognition and success.

Richard Wagner’s “My Life” provides valuable insights into the mind of a prolific and controversial artist. His influence on the world of opera and his ideas on music and art continue to be widely studied and discussed in the world of music and theater.
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My Life by Richard Vagner volume 1 part 1 1813 to 1842 I was born at leipsig on the 22nd of May 1813 in a room on the second floor of the red and white lion and two days later was baptized at St Thomas’s church and christened Wilhelm Richard my

Father friederick Wagner was at the time of my birth a clerk in the police service at lepic and hoped to get the post of Chief constable in that town but he died in the October of that same year his death was partly due to the great exertions imposed upon him by the stress

Of police work during the war troubles and the Battle of lipic and partly to the fact that he fell a victim to the nervous fever which was raging at that time as regards his father’s position in life I learned later that he had held a small civil appointment as toll

Collector at the ranad gate but had distinguished himself from those in the same station by giving his two sons a superior education ation my father Friedrich studying law and the younger son Adolf theology my uncle subsequently exercised no small influence on my development we shall meet him again at a critical

Turning point in the story of my youth my father whom I had lost so early was as I discovered afterwards a great lover of poetry and literature in general and possessed in particular an almost passionate affection for the drama which was at that time much in Vogue among the educated

Classes my mother told me among other things that he took her to lchad for the first performance of the brought Von mesina and that on the prominade he pointed out Schiller and Gera to her and reproved her warmly for never having heard of these Great Men He is said to

Have been not altogether free from a gallant interest in actresses my mother used to complain jokingly that she often had to keep lunch waiting for him while he was paying Court to a certain famous actress of the day when she scolded him he vowed that he

Had been delayed by papers that had to be attended to and as a proof of his assertion pointed to his fingers which were supposed to be stained with ink but on closer inspection were found to be quite clean his great fondness for the theater was further shown by his choice

Of the actor lwig guire as one of his intimate friends although his choice of this friend was no doubt mainly due to his love for the theater he at the same time introduced into his family the noblest of factors for this modest artist prompted by a warm interest in the lot of his

Friend’s large family so unexpectedly left destitute devoted the remainder of his life to making strenuous efforts to maintain and educate the orphans even when the police official was spending his evenings at the theater the worthy actor generally filled his place in the Family Circle and it seems

Had frequently to appease my mother who rightly or wrongly complained of the frivolity of her husband madam Hartwick How Deeply the homeless artist hardpressed by life and tossed to and fro longed to feel himself at home in a sympathetic Family Circle was proved by the fact that a year after his friend’s

Death he married his widow and from that time forward became a most loving father to the seven children that had been left behind in this honorous undertaking he was favored by an unexpected Improvement in his position for he obtained a remunerative respectable and permanent engagement as a character actor at the

Newly established Court theater in Dresden his talent for painting which had already helped him to earn a livelihood when forced by extreme poverty to break off his university studies again stood him in good stead in his position at Dresden true he complained even more than his critics

That he had been kept from a regular and systematic study of this art yet his extraordinary aptitude for portrait painting in particular secured him such important commissions that he unfortunately exhausted his strength prematurely by his two-fold exertions as painter and actor once when he was invited to Munich

To fulfill a temporary engagement at the court theater he received through the distinguished recommendation of the Saxon Court such pressing commissions from the Bavarian court for portraits of the royal family that he thought it wise to cancel his contract altogether he also had a turn for poetry besides fragments often in very dainty

Verse he wrote several comedies one of which der Bethlehem adish kindermord in rhymed alexandrin was often performed it was published and received the warmest praise from Gerta this excellent man under whose care our family moved to Dresden when I was 2 years old and by whom my mother had

Another daughter Cecilia now also took my education in hand with the greatest care and affection he wished to adopt me alt together and accordingly when I was sent to my first school he gave me his own name so that till the age of 14 I was known to my Dresden School Fellows

As Richard guire and it was not until some years after my stepfather’s death and on my family’s return to leig the home of my own kith and kin that I resumed the name of Wagner the earliest Recollections of my childhood are associated with my stepfather and passed

From him to the theater I well remember that he would have liked to see me develop a talent for painting and his studio with the easel and the pictures upon it did not fail to impress me I remember in particular that I tried with a childish love of imitation to copy a

Portrait of King Frederick Augustus of Saxony but when this simple dobing had to give place to a serious study of drawing I could not stand it possibly because I was discouraged by the pedantic technique of my teacher a cousin of mine who was rather a boore at

One time during my early Boyhood I became so weak after some Childish ailment that my mother told me later she used almost to wish me dead for it seemed as though I should never get well however my subsequent good health apparently astonished my parents I afterwards learned the noble

Part played by my excellent stepfather on this occasion also he never gave way to despair in spite of the cares and Troubles of so large a family but remained patient throughout and never lost the hope of pulling me through safely my imagination at this time was deeply impressed by my acquaintance with

The theater with which I was brought into contact not only as a childish spectator from the mysterious stage box with its access to the stage and by visits to the Wardrobe with its fantastic costumes wigs and other disguises but also by taking a part in the performances

Myself after I had been filled with fear by seeing my father play the villains part in such tragedies as dieways unor D Biden G and scaven I occasionally took part in comedy I remember that I appeared in Weinberg and der Elba a piece specially written to welcome the

King of Saxony on his return from captivity with music by the conductor CM Von Weber in this I figured in a tableau Vivant as an angel sewn up in tights with wings on my back in a graceful pose which I had laboriously practiced I also remember on this

Occasion being given a big iced cake which I was assured the king had intended for me personally lastly I can recall taking a child’s part in which I had a few words to speak in katsu’s menion house un rui which furnished me with an excuse at school for not having learned my

Lessons I said I had too much to do as I had to learn by heart an important part in Den mention oer deai misanthropy and remorse the man out of the rank or Row in the German this is a simple phonetic Corruption of katsu’s title which might

Easily occur to a child who had only heard and not read that title editor on the other hand to show how seriously my father regarded my education when I was 6 years old he took me to a clergyman in the country at pendorf near Dresden where I was to be

Given a sound and healthy training with other boys of my own class in the evening the vicer whose name was Wetzel used to tell us the story of Robinson cruso and discuss it with us in a highly instructive manner I was moreover much impressed by a biography of Mo which was

Read aloud and the newspaper accounts and monthly reports of the events of the Greek war of independence stirred my imagination deeply my love for Greece which afterwards made me turn with enthusiasm to the mythology and history of ancient helis was thus the natural outcome of the intense and painful

Interest I took in the events of this period in after years the story of the struggle of the Greeks against the Persians always revived my impressions of this modern Revolt of Greece against the Turks one day when I had been in this country home scarcely a year a messenger came

From town to ask the vicer to take me to my parents house in Dresden as my father was dying we did the 3 hours Journey on foot and as I was very exhausted when I arrived I scarcely understood why my mother was crying the next day I was taken to my father’s

Bedside the extreme weakness with which he spoke to me combined with all the precautions taken in the last desperate treat of his complaint acute hydrothorax made the whole scene appear like a dream to me and I think I was too frightened and surprised to cry in the Next Room my

Mother asked me to show her what I could play on the piano wisely hoping to divert my father’s Thoughts by the sound I played yub immer true un andd redl kite and my father said to her is it possible he has musical talent in the early hours of the next morning my

Mother came into the great night nursery and standing by the bedside of each of us in turn told us with sobs that our father was dead and gave us each a message with his blessing to me she said he hoped to make something of you in the afternoon my school Master Wetzel came

To take me back to the country we walked the whole way to pendorf arriving at nightfall on the way I asked him many questions about the stars of which he gave me my first intelligent idea a week later my stepfather’s brother arrived from isan for the funeral he promised as

Far as he was able to support the family which was now once more destitute and undertook to provide for my future education I took leave of my companions and of the kind-hearted clergymen and it was for his funeral that I paid my next visit to pendorf a few years later I did

Not go to the place again till long afterwards when I visited it on an Excursion such as I often made far into the country at the time when I was conducting the orch orra in Dresden I was much grieved not to find the old parsonage still there but in its place a

More pretentious modern structure which so turned me against the locality that thence forward my excursions were always made in another Direction this time my uncle brought me back to Dresden in the carriage I found my mother and sister in the deepest morning and remember being received for the first time with a

Tenderness not usual in our family and I noticed that the same tenderness marked our leet when a few days later my uncle took me with him to Ian this Uncle who was a younger brother of my stepfather had settled there as a Goldsmith and Julius one of my Elder Brothers had already

Been Apprentice to him our old grandmother also lived with this bachelor son and as it was evident that she could not live long she was not informed of the death of her eldest son which I too was bidden to keep to myself the servant carefully removed the crepe

From from my coat telling me she would keep it until my grandmother died which was likely to be soon I was now often called upon to tell her about my father and it was no great difficulty for me to keep the secret of his death as I had

Scarcely realized it myself she lived in a dark back room looking out upon a narrow Courtyard and took a great Delight in watching the robins that fluttered freely about her and for which she always kept fresh green boughs by the stove when some of these Robins were

Killed by the cat I managed to catch others for her in the neighborhood which pleased her very much and in return she kept me tidy and clean her death as had been expected took place before long and the crepe that had been put away was now

Openly worn in Ian the back room with its robins and green branches now knew me no more but I soon made myself at home with a soap boiler’s family to whom the house belonged and became popular with them on account of the stories I told them I was sent to a private school

Kept by a man called Weiss who left an impression of gravity and dignity upon my mind towards the end of the 50s I was greatly moved at reading in a musical paper the account of a concert at Ian consisting of parts of tanh Houser at which my former master who had not

Forgotten his young pupil had been present The Little Old Town with Luther’s house and the numberless memorials it contained of his stay there has often in later days come back to me in dreams I have always wished to revisit it and verify the clearness of my Recollections

But strange to say it has never been my fate to do so we lived in the marketplace where I was often entertained by strange sites such for instance as performances by a troop of acrobats in which a man walked a rope stretched from Tower to Tower across the square an achievement which long

Inspired me with a passion for such Feats of Daring indeed I got so far far as to walk a rope fairly easily myself with the help of a balancing pole I had made the Rope out of quarts Twisted together and stretched across the courtyard and even now I still feel a

Desire to gratify my acrobatic instincts the thing that attracted me most however was the Brass Band of a huzar regiment quartered at Ian it often played a certain piece which had just come out and which was making a great sensation I mean that huntsman’s chorus out of the Frist Chucks that had been

Recently performed at the Opera in Berlin my uncle and brother asked me eagerly about its composer Weber whom I must have seen at my parents house in Dresden when he was conductor of the orchestra there about the same time the junr CR was zealously played and sung by

Some friends who lived near us these two pieces cured me of my weakness for the ipsilanti Walts which till that time I had regarded as the most wonderful of compositions I have Recollections of frequent tussles with the town boys who were constantly mocking at me for my

Square cap and I remember too that I was very fond of rambles of Adventure among the rocky banks of the unstruck my uncle’s marriage late in life and the starting of his new home brought about a marked alteration in his relations to my family after a lapse of

A year I was taken by him to lipic and handed over for some days to the Wagers my own father’s relatives consisting of my uncle Adolf and his sister friederick Wagner this extraordinarily interesting man whose influence afterwards became ever more stimulating to me now for the first time brought himself and his

Singular environment into my life he and my aunt were very close friends of Janette Tommy a queer Old Maid who shared with them a large house in the marketplace in which if I am not mistaken the Electoral family of Saxony had ever since the days of Augustus the

Strong hired and furnished the two principal stories for their own use whenever they were in liy so far as I know Janette Tomy really owned the second story of which she inhabited only a modest apartment looking out on the courtyard as however the king merely occupied The Hired rooms for a few days

In the year Janette and her Circle generally made use of his Splendid apartments and one of these State rooms was made into a bedroom for me the decorations and fittings of these rooms also dated from the days of Augustus the strong they were luxurious with heavy silk and Rich Roco furniture all of

Which were much soiled with age as a matter of fact I was delighted by these large strange rooms looking out upon the bustling lipic marketplace where I loved above all to watch the students in the crowd making their way along in their old fashioned Club attire and filling up

The whole width of the street there was only one portion of the decorations of the rooms that I thoroughly disliked and this consisted of the various portraits but particularly those of Highborn Dames in hooped petticoats with youthful faces and powdered hair these appeared to me exactly like ghosts who when I was alone

In the room seemed to come back to life and filled me with the most abject fear to sleep alone in this distant chamber in that old-fashioned bed of State beneath those unearthly pictures was a constant Terror to me it is true I tried to hide my fear from my aunt when she

Lighted me to bed in the evening with her candle but never a night passed in which I was not a prey to the most horrible ghostly Visions my dread of which would leave me in a bath of perspiration the personality of the three Chief occupants of this story was

Admirably adapted to materialize the ghostly impressions of the house into a reality that resembled some strange fairy tale Janette Tomy was very small and stout she wore a fair Titus wig and seemed to hug to herself the consciousness of vanished Beauty my aunt her faithful friend and guardian who was

Also an old maid was remarkable for the height and extreme leanness of her person the Oddity of her otherwise very pleasant face was increased by an exceedingly pointed chin my uncle Adolf had chosen as his permanent study at dark room in the courtyard there it was that I saw him

For the first time surrounded by A Great Wilderness of books and attired in an unpretentious indoor costume the most striking feature of which was a tall pointed felt cap such as I had seen worn by the clown who belonged to the troop of Rog dancers at Ian a great love of

Independence had driven him to this strange Retreat he had been originally destined for the church but he soon gave that up in order to devote himself entirely to philological studies but as he had the greatest dislike of acting as a professor and teacher in a regular post

He soon tried to make a meager livelihood by literary work he had certain social gifts and especially a fine tenor voice and appears in his youth to have been welcome as a man of letters among a fairly Wide Circle of Friends at Leipsic on a trip to Jenna

During which he and a companion seemed to have found their way into various Musical and oratorical associations he paid a visit to Schiller with this object in view he had come armed with a request from the management of the leipsig theater who wanted to secure the rights of wallenstein which was just

Finished he told me later of the magic impression made upon Him by Schiller with his tall slight figure and irresistibly attractive blue eyes his only complaint was that owing to a well- meant trick played on him by his friend he had been placed in a most trying

Position for the latter had managed to send Schiller a small volume of Adolf Wagner’s poems in advance the young poet was much embarrassed to hear Schiller address him in flattering terms on the subject of his poetry but was convinced that the great man was merely encouraging him out of

Kindness afterwards he devoted himself entirely to philological Studios one of his best known Publications in that department being his perasso Italiano which he dedicated to Gera in an Italian poem true I have heard experts say that the latter was written in unusually pompous Italian but G sent him a letter

Full of Praise as well as a silver cup from his own household plate the impression that I as a boy of eight conceived of Adolf Wagner amid the surroundings of his own home was that he was a peculiarly puzzling character I soon had to leave the influence of this

Environment and was brought back to my people at dresda Meanwhile my family under the guidance of my bereaved mother had been obliged to settle down as well as they could under the circumstances my eldest brother Albert who originally intended to study medicine had upon the advice of Weber

Who had much admired his beautiful tenor voice started his theatrical career in breau my second sister Louisa soon followed his example and became an actress my eldest sister Rosalie had obtained an excellent engagement at the Dresden Court theater and the younger members of the family all looked up to

Her for she was now the main support of our poor Sorrowing mother my family still occupied the same comfortable home which my father had made for them some of the spare rooms were occasionally led to strangers and Spar was among those who at one time lodged with us thanks to

Her great energy and to help receive from various sources among which the continued generosity of the Court out of respect to the memory of my late stepfather must not be forgotten my mother managed so well in making both ends meet that even my education did not

Suffer after it had been decided that my sister Clara owing to her exceedingly beautiful voice should also go on the stage my mother took the greatest care to prevent me from developing any taste whatever for the theater she never ceased to reproach herself for having cons sented to the theatrical career of

My eldest brother and as my second brother showed no greater talents than those which were useful to him as a Goldsmith it was now her Chief desire to see some progress made towards the Fulfillment of the hopes and wishes of my stepfather who hoped to make

Something of me on the completion of my eth year I was sent to the Cruz grammar school in Dresden where it was hoped I would study there I was placed at the bottom of the lowest class and started my education under the most unassuming opes my mother noted with much interest

The slightest signs I might show of a growing love and ability for my work she herself though not highly educated always created a lasting impression on all who really learned to know her and displayed A peculiar combination of practical domestic efficiency and Keen intellectual animation she never gave one of her

Children any definite information concerning her antecedence she came from weissenfels and admitted that her parents had been Bakers there even in regard to her maiden name she always spoke with some embarrassment and intimated that it was Curtis though as we afterwards ascertained it was in reality

Burs strange to say she had been placed in a highclass boarding school in lipi where she had enjoyed the advantage of the care and interest of one of her father’s influential friends to whom she afterwards referred as being a wymer prince who had been very kind to her family in

Weissenfels her educ ation in that establishment seems to have been interrupted on account of the sudden death of this friend she became acquainted with my father at a very early age and married him in the first Bloom of her youth he also being very young though he already held an

Appointment her chief characteristics seem to have been a keen sense of humor and an amiable temper so we need not suppose that it was merely a sense of Duty towards the family of a departed comrade that afterwards induced the admirable Ludwig guire to enter into matrimony with her when she was no

Longer youthful but rather that he was impelled to that step by a sincere and warm regard for the Widow of his friend a portrait of her painted by guire during the lifetime of my father gives one a very favorable impression of what she must have been even from the time

When my recollection of her is quite distinct she always had to wear a cap owing to some slight affection of the head so that I have no recollection of her as a young and pretty mother her trying position at the head of a numerous family of which I was the

Seventh surviving member the difficulty of obtaining the wherewithal to rear them and of keeping up appearances on very limited resources did not conduce to evolve that tender sweetness and solicitude which are usually associated with motherhood I hardly ever recollect her having fondled me indeed demonstrations of affection were not common in our

Family although a certain impetuous almost passionate and boisterous manner always character ized our dealings this being so it naturally seemed to me quite a great event when one night I fretful with sleepiness looked up at her with tearful eyes as she was taking me to bed and saw her

Gaze back at me proudly and fondly and speak of me to a visitor then present with a certain amount of tenderness according to more recent information Mill owners what struck me more particularly about her was the strange enthusiasm and almost pathetic manner with which she spoke of the great and of the beautiful

In art under this heading however she would never have let me suppose that she included dramatic art but only poetry music and painting consequently she often even threatened me with her curse should I ever express a desire to go on the stage moreover she was very religiously inclined with intense fervor she would

Often give us long sermons about God and the Divine quality in man during which now and again suddenly lowering ing her voice in a rather funny way she would interrupt herself in order to rebuke one of us after the death of our stepfather she used to assemble us all around her

Bed every morning when one of us would read out a hymn or a part of the church service from the prayer book before she took her coffee sometimes the choice of the part to be read was hardly appropriate as for instance when my sister Clara on one occasion thoughtlessly read the prayer

To be said in time of war and delivered it with so much expression that my mother interrupted her saying oh stop good gracious me things are not quite so bad as that there’s no war on at present in spite of our limited means we had Lively and as they appeared to my boyish

Imagination even brilliant evening parties sometimes after the death of my stepfather who thanks to his success as a Portrait Painter in the later years of his life had raised his income to what for those days was a really decent total many agreeable acquaintances a very good social position whom he had made during

This flourishing period still remained on friendly terms with us and would occasionally join us at our evening Gatherings amongst those who came were the members of the Court theater who at that time gave very charming and highly entertaining parties of their own which on my return to Dresden later on I found

Had been altogether given up very delightful too were the picnics arranged between us and our friends at some of the beautiful spots around Dresden for these excursions were always brightened by a certain artistic spirit in general good cheer I remember one such outing we arranged to lowitz where we made a kind

Of gypsy camp in which Carl Maria von Weber played his part in the character of cook at home we also had some music my sister Rosalie played the piano and Clara was beginning to sing of the various theatrical performances we organized in those early days often after elabor preparation with the view

Of amusing ourselves on the birthdays of our elders I can hardly remember one save a parody on the Romantic play of safo by Grill parser in which I took part as one of the singers in the crowd that preceded Fan’s triumphal car I endeavored to revive These Memories by

Means of a fine puppet show which I found among the effects of my late stepfather and for which he himself had painted some beautiful scenery it was my intention to surprise My People by means of a brilliant performance on this little stage after I had very clumsily made

Several puppets and had provided them with a scandy wardrobe made from cuting of material perin from my sisters I started to compose a chalet drama in which I proposed to rehearse my puppets when I had drafted the first scene my sisters happened to discover the Ms and

Literally laughed it to scorn and to my great annoyance for a long time afterwards they chaffed Me by repeating one particular sentence which I had put into the mouth of the heroine and which was ich hor Shan Den Ritter traps and I hear his nightly footsteps falling I now

Returned with renewed artor to the theater with which even at this time my family was in close touch Den Frist chuts in particular appealed very strongly to my imagination mainly on account of its ghostly theme the emotions of Terror and the dread of ghosts formed quite an important factor

In the development of my mind from my earliest childhood certain mysterious and uncanny things exercised an enormous influence over me if I were left alone in a room for long I remember that when gazing at lifeless objects such as pieces of furniture and concentrating my attention upon them I would suddenly

Shriek out with fright because they seemed to me alive even during the latest years of my Boyhood not a night passed without my waking out of some ghostly dream and uttering the most frightful shrieks which subsided only at the sound of some human voice the most severe rebuke or even chastisement

Seemed to me at those times no more than a blessed release none of my brothers or sisters would sleep anywhere near me they put me to sleep as far as possible away from the others without thinking that my cries for help would only be louder and longer but in the end they

Got used even to this nightly disturbance in connection with this childish Terror What attracted me so strongly to the theater by which I mean also the stage the rooms behind the scenes and the dressing rooms was not so much the desire for entertainment and amusement such as that which impels the

Present-day theatergoers but the fascinating pleasure of finding myself in an entirely different atmosphere in a world that was purely fantastic and often gruesomely attractive thus to me a scene even a wing representing a bush or some costume or characteristic part of it seemed to come from another world to be in some

Way as attractive as an apparition and I felt that contact with it might serve as a lever to lift me from the dull reality of daily routine to that delightful region of spirits everything connected with a theatrical performance had for me the charm of mystery it both

Bewitched and fascinated me and while I was trying with the help of a few Playmates to imitate the performance of the frice chuts and to devote myself energetically to reproducing the needful costumes and masks in my grotesque style of painting the more elegant content of my sister’s wardrobes in the beautifying

Of which I had often seen the family occupied exercised a subtle charm over my imagination nay my heart would beat madly at the very Touch of one of their dresses in spite of the fact that as I already mentioned our family was not given to outward manifestations of

Affection yet the fact that I was brought up entirely among feminine surroundings must necessarily have influenced the development of the sensitive side of my nature perhaps it was precisely because my immediate circle was generally rough and impetuous that the opposite characteristics of Womanhood especially such as were connected with the

Imaginary world of the theater created a feeling of such tender longing in me luckily these fantastic humors merging from the gruesome into the mckishen by more serious influences under gone at school at the hands of my teachers and School Fellows even there it was chiefly the weird that aroused my keenest

Interest I can hardly judge whether I had what would be called a good head for study I think that in general what I really liked I was soon able to grasp without much effort whereas I hardly exerted myself at all in the study of subjects that were uncongenial this characteristic was most

Marked in regard to arithmetic and later on mathematics in neither of these subjects did I ever succeed in bringing my mind seriously to Bear upon the tasks that were set me in the matter of the classics too I paid only just as much attention as was absolutely necessary to

Enable me to get a grasp of them for I was stimulated by the desire to reproduce them to myself dramatically in this way Greek particularly attracted me because the stories from Greek mythology so seized upon my fancy that I tried to imagine their Heroes as speaking to me in their

Native tongue so as to satisfy my longing for complete familiarity with them in these circumstances it will be readily understood that the grammar of the language seemed to me merely a tiresome obstacle and by no means in itself an interesting branch of knowledge the fact that my study of

Languages was never very thorough perhaps best explains the fact that I was afterwards so ready to cease troubling about them altogether not until much later did this study really begin to interest me again and that was only when I learned to understand its physiological and philosophical side as it was revealed to

Our modern germanists by the Pioneer work of Jacob Grim then when it was too late to apply myself thoroughly to a study which At Last I had learned to appreciate I regretted that this newer conception of the study of languages had not yet found Acceptance in our colleges

When I was younger nevertheless by my successes in philological work I managed to attract the attention of a young teacher at the Cruz grammar school a master of arts named silic who proved very helpful to me he often permitted me to to visit him and show him my work

Consisting of metric translations and a few original poems and he always seemed very pleased with my efforts in recitation what he thought of me May best be judged perhaps from the fact that he made me as a boy of about 12 recite not only Hector’s farewell from The Iliad but even Hamlet’s celebrated

Monologue on one occasion when I was in the fourth form of the school one of my School Fellows a boy named Stark suddenly fell dead and the tragic event aroused so much sympathy that not only did the whole school attend the funeral but the Headmaster also ordered that a

Poem should be written in commemoration of the ceremony and that this poem should be published of the various poems submitted among which there was one by myself prepared very hurridly none seemed to the master worthy of the honor which he had promised and he therefore announced his intention of substituting

One of his own speeches in the place of our rejected attempts much stressed by this decision I quickly sought out Professor silik with the view of urging him to intervene on behalf of my poem we thereon went through it together its well- constructed and well- rhymed verses written in stanzas of eight lines

Determined him to revise the whole of it carefully much of its imagery was bombastic and far beyond the conception of a boy of my age I recollect that in one part one had drawn extensively from the monologue in Addison’s KO spoken by K just before his

Suicide I had met with this passage in an English grammar and it had made a deep impression upon me the words the Stars shall fade away the sun himself grow dim with age and nature sink in years which at all events were a direct plagiarism made silic laugh a thing at

Which I was a little offended however I felt very grateful to him for thanks to the care and rapidity with which he cleared my poem of these extravagances it was ually accepted by the Headmaster printed and widely circulated the effect of this success was extraordinary both on my School

Fellows and on my own family my mother devoutly folded her hands in thankfulness and in my own mind my vocation seemed quite a settled thing it was clear beyond the possibility of a doubt that I was destined to be a poet Professor s wished me to compose a grand

Epic and suggested as a subject the Battle of Parnassus as described described by penus his reasons for this Choice were based upon the legend related by penus Vi that in the second century BC the muses from Parnassus aided the combined Greek armies against the destructive invasion of the GS by provoking a panic

Among the latter I actually began my heroic poem in hexameter verse but could not get through the first conto not being far enough advanced in the language to understand the Greek tragedies thoroughly in the original my own attempts to construct a tragedy in the Greek form were greatly

Influenced by the fact that quite by accident I came across August April’s clever imitation of this style in his striking poems poly idos and adier for my theme I selected the death of ulyses from a fable of hyginus According to which the Aged hero is killed by his son The Offspring of his

Union with Calypso but I did not get very far with this work either before I gave it up my mind became so bent upon this sort of thing that dollar studies naturally ceased to interest me the mythology Legends and at last the history of Greece alone attracted me I was fond of

Life marry with my companions and always ready for a joke or an adventure moreover I was constantly forming friendships almost passionate in their artor with one or the other of my comrades and in Choosing My associates I was mainly influenced by the extent to which my new acquaintance appealed to my eccentric

Imagination at one time it would be poetizing and versifying that decided my choice of a friend at another theatrical Enterprises while now and then it would be a longing for rambling and Mischief furthermore when I reached my 13th year a great change came over our family Affairs my sister Rosalie who had become

The chief support of our household obtained an advantageous engagement at the theater in Prague with her mother and children removed in 1820 thus giving up the Dresden home altogether I was left behind in Dresden so that I might continue to attend the Cruz grammar school until I was ready to

Go up to the university I was therefore sent to board and Lodge with a family named bom whose Sons I had known at school and in whose house I already felt quite at home with my residence in this somewhat rough poor and not particularly well-conducted family my years of dissipation began I

No longer enjoy the quiet retirement necessary for work nor the gentle spiritual influence of my sister’s companionship on the contrary I was plunged into a busy Restless life full of rough horseplay and of quarrels nevertheless it was there that I began to experience the influence of the gentler sex in a manner hitherto

Unknown to me as the grown-up Daughters of the family and their friends often filled the scanty and narrow rooms of the house indeed my first Recollections of boy boyish love date from this period I remember a very beautiful young girl whose name if I am not mistaken was

Amily Hoffman coming to call at the house one Sunday she was charmingly dressed and her appearance as she came into the room literally struck me dumb with amazement on other occasions I recollect pretending to be too helplessly sleepy to move so that I might be carried up to bed by the girls

That being as they thought the only remedy for my condition and I repeated this because I found to my surprise that their attention under these circumstances brought me into closer and more gratifying proximity with them the most important event during this year of separation from my family was however a

Short visit I paid to them in Prague in the middle of the winter my mother came to Dresden and took me hack with her to Prague for a week her way of traveling was quite unique to the end of her days she preferred the more dangerous mode of

Traveling tring in a hacky Carriage to the quicker journey by mail coach so that we spent three whole days in the bitter cold on the road from Dresden to PR the journey over the Bohemian mountains often seemed to be beset with the greatest dangers but happily we survived our thrilling adventures and at

Last arrived in Prague where I was suddenly plunged into entirely new surroundings for a long time the thought of leaving Saxony on another visit to Bohemia and especially Prague had had quite a romantic attraction for me the foreign nationality the broken German of the people The Peculiar

Headgear of the women the native wines the harp girls and musicians and finally the everpresent signs of Catholicism its numerous chapels and shrines all produced on me a strangely exhilarating impression this was probably due to my craze for everything theatrical and spectacular as distinguished from simple bis Customs above all the antique Splendor

And beauty of the incomparable city of Prague became indelibly stamped on my fancy even in my own family surroundings I found attractions to which I had hither to been a stranger for instance my sister Odie only 2 years older than myself had won the devoted friendship of

A noble family that of count po two of whose daughters Jenny and AUST who had long been famed as the leading beauties of Prague had become fondly attached to her to me such people and such a connection were something quite novel and enchanting besides these certain bosea

Spr of Prague among them W Marzano a strikingly handsome and Charming Man were frequent visitors at our house they often earnestly discussed the Tales of Hoffman which at that date were comparatively new and had created some sensation it was now that I made my first though rather superficial acquaintance with this romantic

Visionary and so received a stimulus which influenced me for many years even to the point point of infatuation and gave me very peculiar ideas of the world in the following spring 1827 I repeated this journey from Dresden to Prague but this time on foot and accompanied by my

Friend Rudolph bone our tour was full of Adventure we got to within an hour of tlets the first night and next day we had to get a lift in a wagon as we had walked our feet sore yet this only took us as far as Lois itss as our funds had

Quite run out under a scorching Sun hungry and half fainting we wandered Along by paaths through absolutely unknown country until at sundown we happened to reached the main road just as an elegant traveling coach came in sight I humbled my pride so far as to pretend I was a traveling journeyman and

Begged the distinguished Travelers for arms while my friend timidly hid himself in the ditch by the roadside luckily we decided to seek shelter for the night in an inn where we took counsel whether we should spend the arms just received on a supper or a bed we decided for the supper proposing to

Spend the night under the Open Sky while we were refreshing ourselves a Strang looking wayf farer entered he wore a black velvet skull cap to which a metal liar was attached like a cade and on his back he bore a harp very cheerfully he sat down his instrument made himself

Comfortable and called for a good meal he intended to stay the night and to continue his way next day to Prague where he lived lived and with he was returning from Hanover my good spirits and courage were stimulated by the jovial manners of this merry fellow who constantly repeated his favorite motto

Non plus Ultra we soon struck up an acquaintance and in return for my confidence the strolling player’s attitude to me was one of almost touching sympathy it was agreed that we should continue our journey together next day on foot he lent me two 20 CER

Pieces about 9 p and allowed me to write write my Prague address in his pocketbook I was highly delighted at this personal success my harest grew extravagantly merry a good deal of chernos wine was drunk he sang and played on his harp like a madman continually reiterating his non plus

Ultra till at last overcome with wine he fell down on the straw which had been spread out on the floor for our common bed when the sun once more peeped in we could not Rouse him and we had to make up our minds to set off in the freshness

Of the early morning without him feeling convinced that the sturdy fellow would overtake US during the day but it was in vain that we looked out for him on the road and during our subsequent stay in Prague indeed it was not until several weeks later that the extraordinary

Fellow turned up at my mother’s not so much to collect payment of his loan as to inquire about the welfare of the young friend to whom that loan had been made the remainder of our journey was very fatiguing and the joy I felt when when I had last beheld Prague from the

Summit of a hill at about an hour’s distance simply Beggar’s description approaching the suburbs we were for the second time met by a splendid Carriage from which my sister ‘s two lovely friends called out to me in astonishment they had recognized me immediately in spite of my terribly

Sunburnt face blue linen blouse and bright red cotton cap overwhelmed with shame and with my heart beating like mad I could hardly utter a word and hurried away to my mother’s to attend at once to the restoration of my sunburn complexion to this task I devoted two whole days

During which I SED my face in parsley puses and not till then did I seek the pleasures of society when on the return journey I looked back once more on Prague from the same Hilltop I burst into tears flung myself on the earth and for a long time

Could not be induced by my astonished companion to pursue the journey I was downcast for the rest rest of the way and we arrived home in Dresden without any further adventures during the same year I again gratified my fancy for long excursions on foot by joining a numerous company of

Grammar school boys consisting of pupils of several classes and of various ages who had decided to spend their summer holidays in a tour to Leipsic this journey also stands Out Among the memories of my youth by reason of the strong Impressions it left behind the characteristic feature of our party

Was that we all aped the student by behaving and dressing extravagantly in the most approved student fashion after going as far as M on the market boat our path lay off the main road through villages with which I was as yet unfamiliar we spent the night in the

Vast Barn of a Village Inn and our adventures were of the wildest description there we saw a large marionette show with almost life-sized figures our entire party settled themselves in the auditorium where where their presence was a source of some anxiety to the managers who had only reckoned on an audience of peasants

Geneva was the play given the ceaseless silly gests and constant interpolations and jering interruptions in which our core of embryo students indulged finally aroused the anger even of the peasants who had come prepared to weep I believe I was the only one of our party who was pained by these impertinences and in

Spite of involuntary laughter at some of my comrades jokes I not only defended the play itself but also its original simple-minded audience a popular catchphrase which occurred in the piece has ever since remained stamped on my memory goo instructs the inevitable Casper that when the count Palatine returns home he

Must tickle him behind so that he should feel it in front Hinton zuuk kitson Das ORV full Casper conveys goo’s order verbatim to the count and the latter reproaches the unmasked Rogue in the following terms uttered with the greatest posos oh goo goo thou Hast told

Casper to tickle me behind so that I shall Feel It In Front from grimma our party rode into leig in open carriages but not until we had first carefully removed all the outward emblems of the undergraduate lest the local students we were likely to meet might make us Ru our

Presumption since my first visit when I was 8 years old I had only once returned to lipi and then for a very brief stay and under circumstances very similar to those of the earlier visit I now renewed my fantastic impressions of the Tommy house but this time owing to my more

Advanced education I looked forward to more intelligent intercourse with my uncle Adolf an opening for this was soon provided by my joyous astonishment on learning that a bookcase in the large anti- room containing a goodly collection of books was my property having been left me by my father I went

Through the books with my uncle seleced at once a number of Latin authors in the handsome zbr Edition along with sunry attractive looking works of poetry in Belle’s lra and arranged for them to be sent to Dresden during this visit I was very much interested in the life of the

Students in addition to my impressions of the theater and of Prague now came those of the so-called swaggering undergraduate a great change had taken place in this class when as a lad of eight I had my first glimpse of students their long hair their old German costume with the

Black velvet skull cap and the shirt collar turned back from the bare neck had quite taken my fancy but since that time the old student associations which affected this fashion had disappeared in the face of police prosecutions on the other hand the national student clubs no less peculiar to Germans had become

Conspicuous these clubs adopted more or less the fashion of the day but with some little exaggeration albeit their dress was clearly distinguishable from that of other classes owing to its picturesqueness and especially its display of the various Club colors the comment that compendium of pedantic rules of conduct for the preservation of

A defiant and exclusive aspri Decor as opposed to the Bourgeois classes had its fantastic side just as the most fistan peculiarities of the Germans have if you probe them deeply enough to me it represented the idea of emancipation from the Yoke of school school and family the longing to become a student

Coincided unfortunately with my growing dislike for drier studies and with my ever increasing fondness for cultivating romantic poetry the results of this soon showed themselves in my Resolute attempts to make a change at the time of my confirmation at Easter 1827 I had considerable doubt about this ceremony

And I already felt a serious falling off of my reverence for religious observances the boy who not many years before had gazed with agonized sympathy on the Altarpiece in the Cruz kiry Church of the Holy Cross and had yearned with ecstatic fervor to hang upon the

Cross in place of the Savior had now so far lost his veneration for the clergyman whose Preparatory confirmation classes he attended as to be quite ready to make fun of him and even to join with his comrades in withholding part of his class fees and spending the money in

Sweets how matters stood with me spiritually was revealed to to me almost to my horror at the communion service when I walked in procession with my fellow communicants to the altar to the sound of organ and choir the shudder with which I received the bread and wine

Was so ineffably stamped on my memory that I never again partook of the communion lest I should do so with levity to avoid this was all the easier for me seeing that among Protestants such participation is not compulsory I soon however seized or rather created an opportunity of forcing

A breach with the Cruz grammar school and thus compelled my family to let me go to liic in self-defense against what I considered an unjust punishment with which I was threatened by the assistant Headmaster bomgarden crues for whom I otherwise had great respect I asked to be discharged

Immediately from the school on the ground of sudden summons to join my family in leipsig I had already left the bom household 3 months before and now lived alone in a small Garrett where I was waited on by the Widow of a court plate washer who at every meal served up the

Familiar thin sax in coffee as almost my sole nourishment in this attic I did little else but write verses here too I formed the first outlines of that stupendous tragedy which afterwards filled my family with such consternation The Irregular habits I acquired through this premature domestic Independence induced my anxious mother

To consent very readily to my removal to lipsig the more so as a part of our our scattered family had already migrated there my longing for leipsig originally aroused by the Fantastic Impressions I had gained there and later by my enthusiasm for a student’s life had recently been still further

Stimulated I had seen scarcely anything of my sister Louisa at that time a girl of about 22 as she had gone to the theater of Breslau shortly after our stepfather’s death quite recently she had been in Dresden for a few days on her way to lipic having accepted Ed an

Engagement at the theater there this meeting with my almost unknown sister her hearty manifestations of Joy at seeing me again as well as her sprightly merry disposition quite won my heart to live with her seemed an alluring Prospect especially as my mother and odly had joined her for a while for the

First time a sister had treated me with some tenderness when At Last I reached leig at Christmas in the same year 1827 and there found my mother with o in Cecilia my half-sister I fancied myself in heaven great changes however had already taken place Louisa was betrothed to a

Respected and well-to-do book seller Friedrich Brock House this Gathering Together of the relatives of the penniless bride elect did not seem to trouble her remarkably kind-hearted fiance but my sister may have become uneasy on the subject for she soon gave me to understand that she was not taking

It quite in good part her her desire to secure an entree into the higher Social Circles of bis life naturally produced a marked change in her manner at one time so full of fun and of this I gradually became so keenly sensible that finally we were estranged for a Time moreover I

Unfortunately gave her good cause to reprove my conduct after I got to leipsig I quite gave up my studies and all regular school work probably owing to the arbitrary and pedantic system in Vogue at the school there in leig there were two higher class schools one called St

Thomas’s school and the other and the more modern St Nicholas’s School the latter at that time enjoyed a better reputation than the former so there I had to go but the Council of teachers before whom I appeared for my entrance examination at the New Year 1828 thought

Fit to maintain the Dignity of their school by placing me for a time in the upper third form whereas at the Cruz grammar school in Dresden I had had been in the second form my disgust at having to lay aside my Homer from which I had already made written translations of 12

Songs and take up the lighter Greek Pros writers was Indescribable it hurt my feelings so deeply and so influenced my behavior that I never made a friend of Any teacher in the school the unsympathetic treatment I met with made me all the more obstinate and various other circumstances in my position only added

To this feeling while Student Life as I saw it day by day inspired me ever more and more with its rebellious spirit I unexpectedly met with another cause for despising the dry monotony of school regime I refer to the influence of my uncle Adolf Wagner which though he was

Long unconscious of it went a long way towards molding the growing stripping that I then was the fact that my romantic tastes were not based solely on a tendency to superficial Amusement was shown by my Ardent attachment to this learned relative in his Manner and conversation he was certainly very

Attractive the many-sidedness of his knowledge which embraced not only philology but also philosophy in general poetic literature rendered intercourse with him a most entertaining Pastime as all those who knew him used to admit on the other hand the fact that he was denied the gift of writing with equal

Charm or clearness was a singular defect which seriously lessened his influence upon the literary world and in fact often made him appear ridiculous as in a written argument he would perpetrate the most pompous and involved sentences this weakness could not have alarmed me because in the hazy period of

My youth the more incomprehensible any literary extravagance was the more I admired it besides which I had more experience of his conversation than of his writings he also seemed to find pleasure in associating with the lad who could listen with so much heart and soul yet unfortunately possibly in the fervor of

Of his discourses of which he was not a little proud he forgot that their substance as well as their form was far above my youthful powers of comprehension I called daily to accompany him on his constitutional walk beyond the city Gates and I shrewdly suspect that we often provoked the

Smiles of those passers by who overheard the profound and often Earnest discussions between us the subjects generally ranged over everything serious or Sublime throughout the whole realm of knowledge I took the most enthusiastic interest in his copious library and tasted eagerly of almost all branches of literature Without Really grounding

Myself in any one of them my uncle was delighted to find in me a very willing listener to his recital of classic tragedies he had made a translation of edus and according to his intimate friend te justly flattered himself on being an excellent reader I remember

Once when he was sitting at his desk reading out a Greek tragedy to me it did not annoy him when I fell fast asleep and and he afterwards pretended he had not noticed it I was also induced to spend my evenings with him owing to the friendly and genial Hospitality his wife

Showed me a very great change had come over my uncle’s life since my first acquaintance with him at Janette tomy’s the home which he together with his sister friederick had found in his friend’s house seemed as time went on to have brought in its trained duties that were irksome as his literary work

Assured him a modest income he eventually deemed it more in accordance with his dignity to make a home of his own a friend of his of the same age as himself the sister of the esw of leig who afterwards became famous was chosen by him to keep house for him without

Saying a word to Janette instead of going for his usual afternoon walk he went to the church with his chosen bride and got through the marriage ceremonies as quickly as possible and it was only on his return that he informed us he was leaving and would have his things

Removed that very day he managed to meet the consternation perhaps also the reproaches of his elderly friend with quiet composure and to the end of his life he continued his regular daily visits to msomi who at times would coily pretend to sulk it was only poor friederick who

Seemed obliged at times to atone for her brother’s sudden unfaithfulness What attracted me in my uncle most strongly was his blunt contempt of the modern pedantry in state church and school to to which he gave vent with some humor despite the great moderation of his usual views on life he

Yet produced on me the effect of a thorough freethinker I was highly delighted by his contempt for the pedantry of the schools once when I had come into serious conflict with all the teachers of the Nikolai school and the recor of the school had approached my uncle as

The only male representative of my family with a serious complaint about my behavior my uncle asked me during a stroll around the town with a calm Smile as though he were speaking to one of his own age what I had been up to with the people at school I explained the whole

Affair to him and described the punishment to which I had been subjected and which seemed to me unjust he pacified me and exhorted me to be patient telling me to comfort myself with the Spanish proverb UNR no Pua morir which he explained as meaning that the ruler of a school must of necessity

Always be in the right he could not of course help noticing noticing to his alarm the effect upon me of this kind of conversation which I was far too young to appreciate although it annoyed me one day when I wanted to begin reading gerta’s fa to hear him say quietly that

I was too young to understand it yet according to my thinking his other conversations about our own great poets and even about Shakespeare and Dante had made me so familiar with these Sublime figures that I had now for some time been secretly busy working out the great tragedy I had already conceived in

Dresden since my trouble at school I had devoted all my energies which ought by rights to have been exclusively directed to my school duties to the accomplishment of this task in this secret work I had only one Confidant my sister Odie who now lived with me at my

Mother’s I can remember the misgivings and alarm which the first confidential communication of my great poetic Enterprise aroused in my good sister yet she affectionately suffered the tortures I sometimes inflicted on her by reciting to her in secret but not without emotion portions of my work as it

Progressed once when I was reciting to her one of the most gruesome scenes a heavy thunderstorm came on when the lightning flashed quite close to us and the Thunder rolled my sister felt bound to implore me to stop but she soon found it was hopeless and continued to endure

It with touching devotion but a more significant storm was brewing on the horizon of my life my neglect of school reached such a point that it could not but lead to a rupture whilst my dear mother had no presentiment of this I awaited the catastrophe with longing

Rather than with fear in order to meet this crisis with dignity I at length decided to surprise my family by disclosing to them The Secret of My Tragedy which was now completed they were to be informed of this great event by my uncle I thought I could rely upon

His hearty recognition of my vocation as a great poet on on account of the deep Harmony between us on all other questions of life science and art I therefore sent him my voluminous manuscript with a long letter which I thought would please him immensely in this I communicated to him first my

Ideas with regard to the Nicholas’s school and then my firm determination from that time forward not to allow any mere school pedantry to check my free development but the event turned out very different from what I had expected it was a great shock to them my uncle quite conscious that he had been

Indiscreet paid a visit to my mother and brother-in-law in order to report The Misfortune that had befallen the family reproaching himself for the fact that his influence over me had not always perhaps been for my good to me he wrote a serious letter of discouragement and

To this day I cannot understand why he showed so small a sense of humor in understanding my bad behavior to my surprise he merely said that he Repro approached himself for having corrupted Me by conversations unsuited to my years but he made no attempt to explain to me

Good-naturedly the error of my ways the crime this boy of 15 had committed was as I said before to have written a great tragedy entitled lobl H and the Adelaide the manuscript of this drama has unfortunately been lost but I can still see it clearly in my mind’s eye the

Handwriting was most affected and the backward sloping tall letters with which I had aimed at giving it an air of Distinction had already been compared by one of my teachers to Persian hieroglyphics in this composition I had constructed a drama in which I had drawn largely upon Shakespeare’s Hamlet King

Leir and McBeth and geris gots van brenen the plot was really based on a modification of Hamlet the difference consisting in the fact that my hero is so completely Carried Away by the appearance of the ghost of his father who has been murdered under similar circumstances and demands vengeance that

He is driven to fearful Deeds of violence and with a series of murders on his conscience he eventually goes mad lual whose character is a mixture of Hamlet and Harry Hotspur had promised his father’s ghost to wipe from the face of the Earth the whole race of rodk as

The ruthless murderer of the best of fathers was named after having slain rodk himself in Mortal Combat and subsequently all his sons and other relations who supported him there was only one obstacle that prevented lbl from fulfilling the dearest wish of his heart which was to be United in death

With the shade of his father a child of Rodrick was still alive during the storming of his castle the murderer’s daughter had been carried away into safety by a faithful Suitor whom she however detested I had an irresistible impulse to call this Maiden Adelaide as even at that early age I was

A great Enthusiast for everything really German I can only account for the obviously ungerman name of my heroin by my infatuation for Beethoven’s Adelaide whose tender refrain seemed to me the symbol of all loving appeals the course of my drama was now characterized by the strange delays which took place in the accomplishment

Of this last murder of Vengeance the chief obstacle to which lay in the sudden passionate love which arose between libl and Adelaide I succeeded in representing the birth and a vowel of this love by means of extraordinary Adventures Adelaide was once more stolen away by a robber knite from the lover

Who had been Sheltering her after Lial had thereupon sacrificed the lover and all his relations he hastened to the robber’s castle driven thither less by a thirst for blood than by a longing for death for this reason he regrets his inability to storm the robbers Castle forth with because it is well defended

And moreover night is fast falling he is therefore obliged to pitch his tent after raving for a while he sinks down for the first time EX exhausted but being urged like his prototype Hamlet by the spirit of his father to complete his vow of Vengeance he himself suddenly falls into

The power of the enemy during a night assault in the Subterranean dungeons of the castle he meets roderick’s daughter for the first time she is a prisoner like himself and is craftily devising flight under circumstances in which she produces on him the impression of a heavenly vision she makes her appearance

Before him they fall in love and fly together Into the Wilderness where they realize that they are deadly enemies the incipient Insanity which was already noticeable in lble breaks out more violently after this discovery and everything that can be done to intensify it is contributed by the ghost of his

Father which continually comes between the advances of the lovers but this ghost is not the only disturber of the conciliating love of Lial and Adelaide the ghost of rodk also appears and according according to the method followed by Shakespeare in Richard III he is joined by the ghosts of all the

Other members of Adelaide’s family whom libl has slain from the incessant importunities of these ghosts lbl seeks to free himself by means of sorcery and calls to his Aid a rascal named flamming one of mcbeth’s witches is summoned to lay the ghosts as she is unable to do

This efficiently the Furious lbl sends her also to the devil but with her dying breath she dispatches the whole crowd of spirits who serve her to join the ghosts of those already pursuing him lued tormented Beyond endurance and now at last raving mad turns against his

Beloved who is the apparent cause of all his misery he stabs her in his Fury then finding himself Suddenly at peace he sinks his head into her lap and accepts her last caresses as her lifeblood streams over his own dying body I had not omitted the smallest detail that

Could give this plot its proper coloring and had drawn on all my knowledge of the tales of the old Knights and my acquaintance with Lear and McBeth to furnish my drama with the most Vivid situations but one of the chief characteristics of its poetical form I took from the pathetic humorous and

Powerful language of Shakespeare the boldness of my grandiloquent and bombastic Expressions roused my uncle adolf’s alarm and astonishment he was unable to understand how I could have selected and used with inconceivable exaggeration precise the most extravagant forms of speech to be found in Lear and gots vau bingin nevertheless even after everybody

Had deafened me with their laments over my lost time and perverted talents I was still conscious of a wonderful secret solace in the face of the Calamity that had befallen me I knew a fact that no one else could know namely that my work could only be rightly judged when set to

The music which I had resolved to write for it and which I intended to start composing immediately I must now explain my position with respect to music hither to for this purpose I must go back to my earliest attempts in the art in my family two of my sisters were musical

The Elder one rosaly played the piano without however displaying any marked Talent Clara was more gifted in addition to a great deal of musical feeling and a fine Rich touch on the piano she possessed a particularly sympathetic voice the development of which was so premature sure and remarkable that under

The tuition of Meek her singing master who was famous at that time she was apparently ready for the role of a primadonna as early as her 16th year and made her debut at Dresden in Italian opera as senara in rosin’s Opera of that name incidentally I may remark that this

Premature development proved injurious to Clara’s voice and was detrimental to her whole career as I have said music was represented in our family by these two sisters it was chiefly owing to Clara’s career that the musical conductor CM Von Weber often came to our house his visits were varied by those of

The great male soprano sassaroli and in addition to these two representatives of German and Italian music we also had the company of Meek her singing Master it was on these occasions that I as a child first heard German and Italian music discussed and learned that anyone who wished to ingratiate himself with the

Court must show a preference for Italian music a fact which led to very practical results in our family Council Clara’s Talent while her voice was still sound was the object of competition between the representatives of Italian and German Opera I can remember quite distinctly that from the very beginning

I declared myself in favor of German Opera my choice was determined by the tremendous impression made on me by the two figures of sassaroli and Weber the Italian male soprano a huge Potbelly giant horrified me with his high effeminate voice his astonishing volubility and his incessant screeching

Laughter in spite of his boundless good nature and amiability particularly to my family I took an uncanny dislike to him on account of this Dreadful person the sound of Italian either spoken or sung seemed to my ears almost diabolical and when in consequence of my poor sister’s Misfortune I heard them

Often talking about Italian in intrigues and cabals I conceived so strong a dislike for everything connected with this nation that even in much later years I used to feel myself Carried Away by an Impulse of utter detestation and abhorrence the less frequent visits of Weber on the other hand seem to have

Produced upon me those first sympathetic Impressions which I have never since lost in contrast to sasser’s repulsive figure Weber’s really refined delicate and intellectual appearance excited my ecstatic admiration his narrow face and finely cut features his vivacious though often half closed eyes captivated and thrilled me whilst

Even the bad limp with which he walked and which I often noticed from our Windows when the master was making his way home past our house from the fatiguing rehearsals stamped the great musician in my imagination as an exceptional and almost superhuman being when as a boy of

Nine my mother introduced me to him and he asked me what I was going to be whether I wanted perhaps to be a musician my mother told him that though I was indeed quite mad on Frist Chucks yet she had as yet seen nothing in me which indicated any musical Talent this

Showed correct observation on my mother’s part nothing had made so great an impression on me as the music of Frist chuts and I tried in every possible way to procure a repetition of The Impressions I had received from it but strange to say least of all by the

Study of Music itself instead of of this I contented myself with hearing bits from frice chuts played by my sisters yet my passion for it gradually grew so strong that I can remember taking a particular fancy for a young man called SP chiefly because he could

Play the Overture to Frist chuts which I used to ask him to do whenever I met him it was chiefly the introduction to this Overture which at last led me to attempt without ever having received any instruction on the piano to play this piece in my own peculiar way for oddly enough

I was the only child in our family who had not been given music lessons this was probably due to my mother’s anxiety to keep me away from any artistic interests of this kind in case they might arouse in me a longing for the theater when I was about 12

Years old however my mother engaged a tutor for me named human from whom I received regular music lessons though only of a very mediocre description as soon as I had acquired a very imperfect knowledge of fingering I begged to be allowed to play overtures in the form of Duets always keeping

Weber as the goal of my ambition when at length I had got so far as to be able to play the Overture to Frist chuts myself though in a very faulty manner I felt the object of my study had been attained and I had no inclination to devote any

Further attention to perfecting my technique yet I had attained this much I was no longer dependent for music on the playing of others from this time forth I used to try and play albeit very imperfectly everything I wanted to know I also tried Mozart’s Don Juan but was

Unable to get any pleasure out of it mainly because the Italian text in the arrangement for the piano placed the music in a frivolous light in my eyes and much in it seemed to me trivial and unmanly I can remember that when my sister used to sing zerlin and’s arette

Baddy baddy Ben MTO the music repelled me as it seemed so mock is and effeminate on the other hand my bent for music grew stronger and stronger and I now tried to possess myself of my favorite Pieces by making my own copies I can remember the hesitation

With which my mother for the first time gave me the money to buy the scored paper on which I copied out Weber’s lutos Jagged which was the first piece of music I transcribed music was still a secondary occupation with me when the news of Weber’s death and the longing to learn

His music to Oberon fan my enthusiasm into flame again this received fresh impetus from the afternoon concerts in the grer Garden at Dresden where I often heard my favorite music played by zilman town band as I thought exceedingly well the mysterious Joy I felt in hearing an

Orchestra play quite close to me Still Remains one of my most pleasant memories the mere tuning up of the instruments put me in a state of Mystic excitement even the Striking of fifths on the violin seemed to me like a greeting from the spirit world which I may mention

Incidentally had a very real meaning for me when I was still almost a baby the sound of these fifths which has always excited me was closely associated in my mind with ghosts and spirits I remember that even much later in life I could never pass the small Palace of Prince

Anthony at the end of the ostra AL in Dresden without a shudder for it was there I had first heard the sound of a violin a very common experience to me afterwards it was close by me and seem to my ears to come from the stone figures with which this Palace is

Adorned some of which which are provided with musical instruments when I took up my post as musical conductor at Dresden and had to pay my official visit to Morganroth the president of the concert committee an elderly gentleman who lived for many years opposite at princely Palace it

Seemed odd to find that the player of fifths who had so strongly impressed my musical fancy as a boy was anything but a supernatural Spectre and when I saw the well-known picture in which a skeleton plays on his violin to an old man on his Deathbed the ghostly

Character of those very notes impressed itself with particular Force upon my childish imagination when at last as a young man I used to listen to the zilman orchestra in the grer garden almost every afternoon one may Imagine The rapturous Thrill with which I drew in all the

Chaotic variety of sound that I heard as the orchestra tuned up the long drawn a of the OBO which seemed like a call from the dead to Rouse the other instruments never failed to raise all my nerves to a fever ish pitch of tension and when the swelling sea in the

Overture to Frist chuts told me that I had stepped as it were with both feet right into the magic realm of all anyone who had been watching me at that moment could hardly have failed to see the state I was in and this in spite of the

Fact that I was such a bad performer on the piano another work also exercised a great Fascination over me namely the Overture to fidelo in E Major the introduction to which affected me deeply I asked my sisters about Boven and learned that the news of his death had

Just arrived obsessed as I still was by the terrible grief caused by Weber’s death this fresh loss due to the decease of this great master of Melody who had only just entered my life filled me with strange anguish a feeling nearly akin to my childish dread of the ghostly fifths

On the violin it was now bov’s music that I longed to know more thoroughly I came to lipic and found his music to Egmont on the piano at my sister Louisa after that I tried to get hold of his sonatas at last at a concert at the

Ganas I heard one of the Master’s Symphonies for the first time it was the symphony in a major the effect on me was Indescribable to this must be added the impression produced On Me by Beethoven’s features which I saw in the lithographs that were circulated everywhere at that

Time and by the fact that he was deaf and lived a quiet secluded life I soon conceived an image of him in my mind as a Sublime and unique supernatural being with whom none could compare this image was associated in my brain with that of Shakespeare in ecstatic dreams I met

Both of them saw and spoke to them and on awakening found myself bathed in tears it was at this time that I came across Mozart’s requium which formed the starting point of my enthusiastic absorption in the works of that Master his second finale to Don Juan inspired

Me to include him in my spirit world I was now filled with a desire to compose as I had before been to write verse I had however in this case to master the technique of an entirely separate and complicated subject this presented greater difficulties than I had met with in

Writing verse which came to me fairly easily it was these difficulties that drove me to adopt a career which bore some resemblance to that of a professional musician whose future distinction would be to win the titles of cond conductor and writer of Opera I now wanted to set lobal DD Adelaide to

Music similar to that which Boven wrote to geris Egmont the various ghosts from the spirit world who were each to display different characteristics were to borrow their own distinctive coloring from appropriate musical accompaniment in order to acquire the necessary technique of composition quickly I studied loia method to General

Basses a work which was specially recommended to me at a musical lending library as a suitable textbook from which this art might be easily mastered I have distinct Recollections that the financial difficulties with which I was continually harassed throughout my life began at this time I borrowed loar’s

Book on the weekly payment system in the fond hope of having to pay for it only during a few weeks out of the savings of my weekly pocket money but the weeks ran on into months and I was still unable to compose as well as I wished Mr Frederick

Week whose daughter afterwards married Robert Schuman was at that time the proprietor of that lending library he kept sending me Troublesome reminders of the debt I owed him and when my bill had almost reached the price of loar’s book I had to make a clean breast of the matter to my family

Who thus not only learned of my financial difficulties in general but also of my latest transgression into the domain of music from which of course at the very most they expected nothing better than a repetition of lobl H and the Adelaide there was great consternation at home my mother sister

And brother-in-law with anxious faces discussed how my studies should be superintended in future to prevent my having any further opportunity for transgressing in this way no one however yet knew the real State of Affairs at school and they hoped I would soon see the error of my ways in this case as I

Had in my former craze for poetry but other domestic changes were taking place which necessitated my being for some little time alone in our house at leipsig during the summer of 1829 when I was left entirely to my own devices it was during this period that my passion for music Rose to an

Extraordinary degree I had secretly been taking lessons in Harmony from G Mueller afterwards organist at altenberg an excellent musician belonging to the leipsig orchestra although the payment of these lessons was also destined to get me into hot water at home later on I could not

Even make up to my teacher for the delay in the payment of his fees by giving him the pleasure of watching me improve in my studies his teaching and exercises soon filled me with the greatest disgust as to my mind it all seemed so dry for

Me music was a spirit a noble and Mystic monster and any attempt to regulate it seemed to lower it in my eyes I gathered much more congenial instruction about it from Hoffman’s fantasy stucken than from my leipsig Orchestra player and now came the time when I really lived and breathed in Hoffman’s artistic

Atmosphere of ghosts and spirits with my head quite full of Chrysler crespel and other musical specters from my favorite author I imagined that I had at last found in real life a creature who resembled them this ideal musician in whom for a time I fancied I had

Discovered a second Chrysler was a man called FL he was a tall exceedingly thin man with a very narrow head and an extraordinary way of walking moving and speaking whom I had seen at all those open air concerts which formed my principal source of musical education he was always with the members

Of the orchestra speaking exceedingly quickly first to one and then the other for they all knew him and seemed to like him the fact that they were making fun of him I only learned to my great confusion much later I remember having noticed this strange figure from my

Earliest days in Dresden and I gathered from the conversations which I overheard that he was indeed well known to all Dresden musicians this circumstance alone was sufficient to make me take a great interest in him but the point about him which attracted me more than anything

Was the manner in which he listened to the various items in the program he used to give peculiar convulsive nods of his head and blow out his cheeks as though with size all this I regarded as a sign of spiritual ecstasy I noticed moreover that he was

Quite alone that he belonged to no party and paid no attention to anything in the garden Save the Music whereupon my ident ification of this curious being with the conductor Chrysler seemed quite natural I was determined to make his acquaintance and I succeeded in doing so who shall describe my delight when on

Going to call on him at his rooms for the first time I found innumerable bundles of scores I had as yet never seen a score it is true I discovered to my regret that he possessed nothing either by Boven Mozart or Weber in fact nothing but immense quantities of Works masses

And canatas by composers such as sterl stamets sty Bel Etc all of whom were entirely unknown to me yet FL was able to tell me so much that was good about them that the respect which I felt for scores in general helped me to overcome my regret at not finding anything by my

Beloved Masters it is true I learned later that poor fls had only come into the possession of these particular scores through unscrupulous dealers who had traded on his weakness of intellect and pmed off this worthless music on him for large sums of money at all events they

Were scores and that was quite enough for me FL and I became most intimate we were always seen going about together I a lanky boy of 16 and this weird shaky flax pole the doors of my deserted home were often open for this strange guest who made me play My compositions to him

While he ate bread and cheese in return he once arranged one of my heirs for wind in instruments and to my astonishment it was actually accepted and played by the band in kimchi Swiss Chalet that this man had not the smallest capacity to teach me anything

Never once occurred to me I was so firmly convinced of his originality that there was no need for him to prove it further than by listening patiently to my enthusiastic outpourings but as in course of time several of his own friends joined us I could not help noticing that the worthy

Flot was regarded by them all as a half with fool at first this merely pained me but a strange incident unexpectedly occurred which converted me to the general opinion about him FL was a man of some means and had fallen into the toils of a young lady of dubious character who he

Believed was deeply in love with him one day without warning I found his house closed to me and discovered to my astonishment that jealousy was the cause the unexpected discovery of this liaison which was my first experience erience of such a case filled me with a strange

Horror my friend suddenly appeared to me even more mad than he really was I felt so ashamed of my persistent blindness that for some time to come I never went to any of the garden concerts for fear I should meet my sham Chrysler by this time I had composed my

First Sonata in D Minor I had also begun a pastoral play and had worked it out in what I felt sure must be an entirely unprecedented way I chose gerta’s under Veron as a model for the form and plot of my work I scarcely even drafted out

The libretto however but worked it out at the same time as the music and orchestration so that while I was writing out one page of the score I had not even thought out the words for the next page I remember distinctly that following this extraordinary method although I had not acquired the

Slightest knowledge about writing for instruments I actually worked out a fairly long passage which finally resolved itself into a scene for three female voices followed by the air for the tenor my bent for writing for the orchestra was so strong that I procured a score of Don Juan and set to work on

What I then considered a very careful orchestration of a fairly long air for soprano I also wrote a quartet in D Major after I had myself sufficiently mastered the alto for the viola my ignorance of which had caused me great difficulty only a short time before when

I was studying a quartet by Heiden armed with these works I set out in the summer on my first journey as a musician my sister Clara who was married to the singer Wolfram had an engagement at the theater at magur Wither in characteristic fashion I set forth upon

My adventure on foot my short stay with My Relations provided me with many experiences of musical life it was there that I met a new freak whose influence upon me I have never been able to forget he was a musical conductor of the name of line a most extraordinary person

Already advanced in years delicate and unfortunately given to drink this man nevertheless impressed one by something striking and vigorous in his expression his chief characteristics were an enthusiastic worship of Mozart and a passionate depreciation of Weber he had read only one book G as fou and in this

Work there was not a page in which he had not underlined some passage and made some remark In Praise of Mozart or in disparagement of Weber it was to this man that my brother-in-law confided the compositions which I had brought with me in order to learn his opinion of my

Abilities one evening as we were sitting comfortably in an inn old line came in and approached us with a friendly though serious manner I thought I read good news in his features but when my brother-in-law asked him what he thought of my work he answered quietly and

Calmly there is not a single good note in it my brother-in-law who was accustomed to co Line’s eccentricity gave a loud laugh which reassured me somewhat it was impossible to get any advice or coherent reasons for his opinion out of Co line he merely renewed his abuse of Weber and made some

References to Mozart which nevertheless made a deep impression upon me as klin’s language was always very heated and emphatic on the other hand this visit brought me a great treasure which was responsible for leading me in a very different direction from that advised by Kline this was the score of Beethoven’s

Great quartet in E Flat Major which had only been fairly recently published and of which my brother-in-law had a copy made for me richer in experience and in the possession of this treasure I returned to leig to the nursery of my queer musical studies but my family had

Now returned with my sister rosaly and I could no longer keep secret from them the fact that my connection with the school had been entirely suspended for a notice was found saying that I had not attended the school for the last 6 months as a complaint addressed by the

Rector to my uncle about me had not received adequate attention the school authorities had apparently made no further attempts to exercise any supervision over me which I had indeed rendered quite impossible by absenting myself all together a fresh Council of war was held in the family to discuss

What was to be done with me as I laid particular stress on my bent for music My Relations thought that I ought at any rate to learn one instrument thoroughly my my brother-in-law Brock House proposed to send me to Hummel at wymer to be trained as a Pianist but as I

Loudly protested that by music I meant composing and not playing an instrument they gave way and decided to let me have regular lessons in Harmony from Mueller the very musician from whom I had had instruction on the sly some little while before and who had not yet been paid in

Return for this I promised Faithfully to go back to work conscientiously at St Nicholas’s school I I soon grew tired of both I could Brook no control and this unfortunately applied to my musical instruction as well the dry study of Harmony disgusted me more and more though I continued to conceive fantasias

Sonatas and overtures and work them out by myself on the other hand I was spurred on by ambition to show what I could do at school if I liked when the upper school boys were set the task of writing a poem I composed A Chorus in Greek on the recent war of

Liberation I can well imagine that this Greek poem had about as much resemblance to a real Greek oration and poetry as the sonatas and overtures I used to compose at that time had to thoroughly professional music my attempt was scornfully rejected as a piece of impedence after that I have no further

Recollections of my school my continued attendance was a pure sacrifice on my side made out of consideration for my family I did not pay the slightest attention to what was taught in the lessons but secretly occupied myself all the while with reading any book that happened to attract me as my musical

Instruction also did me no good I continued in my willful process of self-education by copying out the scores of my beloved Masters and in so doing acquired a neat handwriting which in later years has often been admired I believe my copies of the C minor Symphony and the Ninth Symphony by

Boven are still preserved as souvenirs B ‘s n9th Symphony became the mystical goal of all my strange thoughts and desires about music I was first attracted to it by the opinion prevalent among musicians not only in leig but elsewhere that this work had been written by bethoven when he was already

Half mad it was considered that non plus Ultra of all that was fantastic and incomprehensible and this was quite enough to Rouse in me a passionate desire to study this mysterious work at the very first glance at the score of which I I obtained possession with such difficulty I felt irresistibly attracted

By the long- sustained pure fifths with which the first phrase opens these chords which as I related above had played such a Supernatural Part in my childish impressions of Music seemed in this case to form the spiritual keynote of my own life this I thought must surely contain the secret of all secrets

And accordingly the first thing to be done was to make the score My Own by a process of laborious copying I well remember that on one occasion the sudden appearance of the Dawn made such an uncanny impression on my excited nerves that I jumped into bed with a

Scream as though I had seen a ghost the symphony at that time had not yet been arranged for the piano it had found so little favor that the publisher did not feel inclined to run the risk of producing it I set to work at it and actually composed a complete piano solo

Which I tried to play to myself I sent my work to shot the publisher of the score at MES I received in reply a letter saying that the Publishers had not yet decided to issue the Ninth Symphony for the piano but that they would gladly keep my laborious work and

Offered me remuneration in the shape of the score of the great Mrs solemnness in D which I accepted with great pleasure in addition to this work I practiced the violin for some time as my Harmony Master very rightly considered that some knowledge of the Practical working of this instrument was indispensable for

Anyone who had the intention of composing for the orchestra my mother indeed paid the violinist sip who was still playing in the leig orchestra in 1865 eight Sailors for a violin I do not know what became of it with which for quite 3 months I must have inflicted unutterable torture

Upon my mother and sister by practicing in my tiny little room I got so far as to play certain variations in FP by maer but only reached the second or third after that I have no further Recollections of this practicing in which my family fortunately had very

Good reasons of their own for not encouraging me but the time now arrived when my interest in the theater again took a passionate hold upon me a new company had been formed in my birthplace under very good offices the board of management of the Court theater at Dresden had taken over

The management of the Leipsic theater for 3 years my sister Rosalie was a member of the company and through her I could always gain admitt to the performances and that which in my childhood had been merely the interest aroused by a strange Spirit of curiosity now became a more deep-seated and

Conscious passion Julius Caesar McBeth Hamlet the plays of Schiller and to Crown all gtis F excited and stirred me deeply the Opera was giving the first performances of marner’s vampire and Templar un Juden the Italian company arrived from Dresden and fascinated the leipsig Audience by by their consumate

Mastery of their art even I was almost Carried Away by the enthusiasm with which the town was overwhelmed into forgetting the boyish Impressions which senior sassaroli had stamped upon my mind when another miracle which also came to us from Dresden suddenly gave a new direction to my artistic feelings

And exercised a decisive influence over my whole life this consisted of a special performance given by wiling schroer de rant who at that time was at the Zenith of her artistic career young beautiful and Ardent and whose like I have never again seen on the stage she made her appearance in

Fidelio if I look back on my life as a whole I can find no event that produced so profound an impression upon me anyone who can remember that wonderful woman at this period of her life must to some extent have experienced the almost satanic aror which the intensely Human

Art of this incomparable actress poured into his veins after the performance I rushed to a friend’s house and wrote a short note to the singer in which I briefly told her that from that moment my life had acquired its true significance and that if in days to come

She should ever hear my name praised in the world of art she must remember that she had that evening made me what I then swore it was my destiny to become this note I left at her hotel and ran out into the night as if I were mad in the

Year 1842 when I went to Dresden to make my debut with renzi I paid several visits to the kind heart Ed singer who startled me on one occasion by repeating this letter word for word it seemed to have made an impression on her too as

She had actually kept it at this point I feel myself obliged to acknowledge that the great confusion which now began to Prevail in my life and particularly in my studies was due to the inordinate effect this artistic interpretation had upon me I did not know where to turn or

How to set about producing something myself which might Place me in direct contact with the impression I had received while everything that could not be brought into touch with it seemed to me so shallow and meaningless that I could not possibly trouble myself with it I should have liked to compose a work

Worthy of a schroer deant but as this was quite beyond my power in my headlong despair I let all artistic Endeavor slide and as my work was also utterly insufficient to absorb me I flung myself recklessly into the life of the moment in the company of strangely chosen

Associates and indul Ed in all kinds of youthful excesses I now entered into all the dissipations of raw manhood the outward ugliness and inward emptiness of which make me Marvel to this day my intercourse with those of my own age had always been the result of pure chance I cannot remember that any

Special inclination or attraction determined me in the choice of my young friends while I can honestly say that I was never in a position to stand aloof out of Envy from anyone who was specially gifted I can only explain my indifference in the choice of my associates by the fact that through

Inexperience regarding the sort of companionship that would be of advantage to me I cared only to have someone who would accompany me in my excursions and to whom I could pour out my feelings to my heart’s content without caring what effect it might have upon him the result of this was that

After a stream of confidences to which my own excitement was the only response I at length reached the point when I turned and looked at my friend to my astonish I generally found that there was no question of response at all and as soon as I set my heart on drawing

Something from him in return and urged him to confide in me when he really had nothing to tell the connection usually came to an end and left no trace on my life in a certain sense my strange relationship with flch was typical of the great majority of my ties in

Afterlife consequently as no lasting personal bond of friendship ever found its way into my life it is easy to understand how Delight in the dissipations of student life could become a passion of some duration because in it individual intercourse is entirely replaced by a common circle of acquaintances in the midst of rowdism

And ragging of the most foolish description I remained quite alone and it is quite possible that these frivolities formed a protecting hedge around my inmost soul which needed time to grow to its natural strength and not be weakened by reaching maturity too soon my life seemed to break up in all directions

I had to leave St Nicholas’s school at Easter 1830 as I was too deeply in disgrace with the staff of Masters ever to hope for any promotion in the University from that quarter it was now determined that I should study privately for 6 months and then go to St Thomas’s

School where I should be in fresh surroundings and be able to work up and qualify in a short time for the University my uncle Adolf with whom I was constantly renewing my friendship and who also encouraged me about my music and exercised good influence over

Me in that respect in spite of the utter degradation of my life at that time kept arousing in me an Ever fresh desire for scientific studies I took private lessons in Greek from a scholar and read Sophocles with him for a time I hoped this Noble poet

Would again inspire me to get a real hold on the language but the Hope was vain I had not chosen the right teacher and moreover his sitting room in which we pursued our studies looked out on a tanard the repulsive odor of which affected my nerves so strongly that I became

Thoroughly disgusted both with Sophocles and Greek my brother-in-law Brock House who wanted to put me in the way of earning some pocket money gave me the correcting of the proof sheets of a new addition he was bringing out of Becker’s Universal history revised by LEL this gave me a reason for improving

By private study The Superficial General instruction on every subject which is given at school and I thus acquired the valuable knowledge which I was destined to have in later life of most of the branches of learning so uninterestingly taught in class I must not forget to mention that to a certain extent the

Attraction exercised Over Me by this first closer study of history was due to the fact that it brought me in 8 p a sheet and I thus found myself in one of the rarest positions in my life actually earning money yet I should be doing

Myself an injustice if I did not bear in mind the Vivid Impressions I now for the first time received on turning my serious attention to those periods of history with which I had hitherto had a very superficial acquaintance all I recollect about my school days in this connection is that I

Was attracted by The Classical period of Greek history Marathon salamis and thermopol composed the Canon of all that interested me in the subject now for the first time I made an intimate acquaintance with the Middle Ages and the French Revolution as my work in correcting dealt precisely with the two

Volumes which contain these two periods I remember in particular that the description of the Revolution filled me with sincere hatred for its Heroes unfamiliar as I was with the previous history of France my human sympathy was horrified by the cruelty of the men of that day and this purely human impulse

Remains so strong in me that I remember how even quite recently it cost me a real struggle to give any weight to the true political significance of those acts of violence how great then was my astonishment when one day the current political events of the time enabled me

As it were to gain a personal experience of the sort of national upheavals with which I had come into distant contact in the course of my proof correcting the special editions of The leig Gazette brought us the news of the July Revolution in Paris the king of France

Had been driven from his throne Lafayette who a moment before had seemed a myth to me was again riding through a cheering crowd in the streets of Paris the Swiss guards had once more been butchered in the tillies and a new king knew no better way of commending himself

To the populace than by declaring himself the embodiment of the Republic suddenly to become conscious of living at a time in which such things took place could not fail to have a startling effect on a boy of 17 the world as a historic phenomenon began from that day in my eyes and

Naturally my sympathies were wholly on the side of the Revolution which I regarded in the light of a heroic popular struggle crowned with victory and free from the blemish of the terrible excesses that stained the first French Revolution as the whole of Europe including some of the German states was

Soon plunged more or less violently into Rebellion I remained for some time in a feverish state of suspense and now first turned my attention to the causes of these upheavals which I regarded as struggles of the young and hopeful against the old and Ne feat portion of mankind Saxony also did not remain

Inscathed in Dresden it came to actual fighting in the streets which immediately produced a political change in the shape of the Proclamation of the Regency of the Future King Frederick and the granting of a constitution this event filled me with such enthusiasm that I composed a political Overture the Prelude of which

Depicted dark oppression in the midst of which a strain was at last heard under which to make my meaning clearer I wrote the words Friedrich un frile this strain was intended to develop gradually and Majestic into the fullest triumph which I hoped shortly to see successfully performed at one of the lepic garden

Concerts however before I was able to develop my political musical conceptions further disorders broke out in leig itself which summoned me from the precincts of art to take a direct share in National Life National Life in leig at this time meant nothing more than antagonism between the students and the

Police the latter being the Archen enemy upon whom the youthful love of Liberty vented itself some students had been arrested in a street broil who were now to be rescued the undergraduates who had been Restless for some days assembled one evening in the marketplace and the clubs mustered together and made a ring

Round their leaders the whole proceeding was marked by a certain measured solemnity which impressed me deeply they sang gemus iditor formed up into column and picking up from the crowd any young men who sympathized with them marched Gravely and resolutely from the marketplace to the University Building

Buildings to open the cells and set free the students who had been arrested my heart beat fast as I marched with them to this taking of the bastile but things did not turn out as we expected for in the courtyard of the polum the solemn procession was stopped

By Rector Krug who had come down to meet it with his gray head Beed his assurance that the captives had already been released at his request was greeted with a thundering cheer and the matter seemed at an end but the tense expectation of a revolution had grown too great not to demand some

Sacrifice a summon was suddenly spread calling us to a notorious alley in order to exercise popular Justice Upon A hated magistrate who it was rumored had unlawfully taken under his protection a certain house of ill Fame in that quarter when I reached the spot with the

Tail end of the crowd I found the house had been broken into and all sorts of violence had been committed I recall with horror the intoxicating effect this unreasoning Fury had upon me and cannot deny that without the slightest personal provocation I shared like one possessed in the Frantic onslaught of the

Undergraduates who madly shattered furniture and Crockery to bits I do not believe that the ostensible motive for this outrage which it is true was to be found in a fact that was a grave menace to public morality had any weight with me whatever on the contrary it was the

Purely devilish Fury of these popular outbursts that Drew me to like like a madman into their Vortex the fact that such fits of Fury are not quick to Abate but in accordance with certain natural laws reach their proper conclusion only after they have degenerated into frenzy I was to learn

In my own person scarcely did the summons ring out for us to march to another Resort of the same kind and I too found myself in the tide which set towards the opposite end of the town there the same exploits were repeated and the most ludicrous outrages perpetrated I cannot remember that the

Enjoyment of alcoholic drinks contributed to the intoxication of myself and my immediate fellows I only know that I finally got into the state that usually succeeds a debauch and upon waking next morning as if from a hideous nightmare had to convince myself that I had really taken

Part in the events of the previous Night by a trophy I possessed in the shape of a tattered red curtain which I had brought home as a token of my prowess the thought that people generally and my own own family in particular were want to put a lenient construction upon youthful escapades was

A great comfort to me outbursts of this kind on the part of the young were regarded as righteous indignation against really serious scandals and there was no need for me to be afraid of owning up to having Taken part in such excesses the dangerous example however which had been set by the undergraduates

Incited the lower classes and the mob to similar excesses on the following nights against employers and any who were obnoxious to them the matter at once assumed a more serious complexion property was threatened and a conflict between rich and poor stood grinning at our doors as there were no soldiers in

The town and the police were thoroughly disorganized the students were called in as a protection against the lower orders an undergraduates hour of Glory now began such as I could only have thirsted for in my school boy dreams the student became the tut deity of leipsig called

On by the authorities to arm and band together in defense of property and the same young men who two days before had yielded to a rage for Destruction now mustered in the University Courtyard the prescribed names of the students clubs and unions were shouted by the mouths of town counselors and

Chief constables in order to summon curiously equipped undergraduates who thereupon in simple medieval array of War scattered throughout the town occupied the guard rooms at the gates provided Sentinels for the grounds of various wealthy merchants and as occasion demanded took places which seemed threatened more especially ins under their permanent

Protection though unluckily I was not yet a member of their body I anticipated the Delights of academic citizenship by half impudent half obsequious solicitation of the leaders of the students whom I honored most I had the Good Fortune to recommend myself particularly to these of the walk

As they were styled on account of my relationship to Brock House in whose grounds the main body of these Champions were in Camp for some time my brother-in-law was among those who had been seriously threatened and it was only owing to really great presence of mind and assurance that he succeeded in

Saving his printing works and especially his steam presses which were the chief object of attack from destruction to protect his property against further assault detachments of students were told off to his grounds as well the excellent entertainment which the generous master of the house offered his jovial Guardians in his Pleasant summerh

House enticed The Pick of the students to him my brother-in-law was for several weeks guarded day and night against possible attacks by the populace and on this occasion as the mediator of a flowing Hospitality I celebrated among the most famous Bloods of the university the true saturnalia of my scholarly ambition for

A still longer period the guarding of the gates was entrusted to the students the unheard of Splendor which according ly became associated with this post Drew fresh aspirants to the spot from far and near every day huge chartered Vehicles discharged at the Halle gate whole bands

Of the boldest sons of learning from hi Jenna Goden and the remotest regions they got down close to the guards at the gate and for several weeks never set foot in an inn or any other dwelling they lived at the expense of the council Drew vouchers on the police for food and

Drink and knew but one care that the Poss possibility of a general quieting of men’s Minds would make their opportune guardianship Superfluous I never missed a day on guard or a night either alas trying to impress on my family the urgent need for my personal endurance of course the quieter and

Really studious Spirits Among Us soon resign these duties and only the flower of the flock of undergraduates remains so staunch that it became difficult for the authorities to relieve them of their task I held out to the very last and succeeded in making most astonishing friends for my age many of the most

Audacious remained in leipsig even when there was no guard duty to fulfill and people the place for some time with champions of an extraordinarily desperate and dissipated type who had been repeatedly sent down from various universities for rowdism or debt and who now thanks to the exceptional

Circumstances of the day found a refuge in leipsig where at first they had been received with open arms by The General enthusiasm of their comrades in the presence of all these phenomena I felt as if I were surrounded by the results of an earthquake which had upset the usual order of things my

Brother-in-law Friedrich Brock House who could justly taunt the former authorities of the place with their inability to maintain peace and order was carried away by the current of a formidable movement of opposition he made a daring speech at the Guild Hall before their worships the Town Council which brought him

Popularity and he was appointed second command of the newly constituted leipsig Municipal guard this body at length ousted my adored students from the guard rooms of the Town Gates and we no longer had the right of stopping Travelers and inspecting their passes on the other hand I flattered myself that I might

Regard my new position as a boy citizen as equivalent to that of the French national guard and my brother-in-law Brock house as a sax and Lafayette which at all events succeeded in Furnishing my soaring excitement with healthy stimulant I now began to read the papers and cultivate politics enthusiastically

However the social intercourse of the Civic world did not attract me sufficiently to make me false to my beloved academic Associates I followed them Faithfully from the guard rooms to the ordinary bars where their Splendor as men of the literary world and now sought retirement my chief ambition was to

Become one of them as soon as possible this however could only be accomplished by being again entered at a Grammar School Street Thomas’s whose Headmaster was a feeble old man was the place where my wishes could be most speedily attained I joined the school in the Autumn of 1830 simply with the intention

Of qualifying myself for the leaving examination by merely nominal attendance there the chief thing in connection with it was that I and Friends of the same bent succeeded in establishing a sham Students Association called the freshman’s club it was formed with all possible pedantry the institution of the comment was introduced fencing practice

And sword bouts were held and an inaugural meeting to which several prominent students were invited and at which I presided as Vice in white Buckskin trousers and great Jack Boots gave me a foretaste of the Delights awaiting me as a full-blown son of the muses the masters of St Thomas’s however

Were not quite so ready to fall in with my aspirations to studentship at the end of the half year they were of the opinion that I had not given a thought to their institution and nothing could persuade them that I had earned a title to academic citizenship by any acquisition of

Knowledge some sort of decision was necessary so I accordingly informed my family that I had made up my mind not to study for a profession at the University but to become a musician there was nothing to prevent me matriculating as studiosus musai and without therefore troubling myself about the pedantries of

The authorities at s Thomas’s I defiantly quitted the seat of learning from which I had derived small profit and presented myself forth with to the director of the University whose acquaintance I had made on the evening of the riot to be enrolled as a student of Music this was accordingly done

Without further Ado on the payment of the usual fees I was in a great hurry about it for in a week the Easter vacation would begin and that hen would go down from liip when it would be impossible to be elected member of a club until the vacation was over and to

Stay all those weeks at home in leipsig without having the right to wear the coveted colors seemed to me unendurable torture straight from the rector’s presence I ran like a wounded animal to the fencing school to present myself for admission to the Saxon Club showing my card of

Matriculation I attained my object I could wear the colors of the saxonia which was in a fashion at that time and in great request because it numbered so many delightful members in its ranks the strangest fate was to befall me in this Easter vacation during which I was really the only remaining representative

Of the Saxon Club in leig in the beginning this club consisted chiefly of men of good family as well as the better class elements of the student world all of them were members of Highly placed and well-to-do families in Saxony in general and in particular from the capital Dresden and spent their vacation

At their respective homes there remained in leig during the vacations only those wandering students who had no homes and for whom in reality it was always or never holiday time among those a separate Club had Arisen of Daring and desperate young reprobates who had found

The last Refuge as I said at leig in the Glorious period I have recorded I had already made the personal acquaintance of these swashbucklers who pleased my fancy greatly when they were guarding the Brock House grounds although the regular duration of a university course did not exceed 3

Years most of these men had never left their universities for six or S years I was particularly fascinated by a man called Gart who was endowed with extraordinary physical Beauty and strength and whose slim heroic Figure towered Head and Shoulders above all his companions when he walked down the

Street arm in-arm with two of the strongest of his comrades he used suddenly to take it into his head by an easy movement of his arm to lift his friends high in the air and flutter along in this way as though he had a pair of human wings when a cab was going

Along the streets at a sharp Trot he would seize a spoke of the wheel with one hand and force it to pull up nobody ever told him that he was stupid because they were afraid of his strength hence his limitations were scarcely noticed his redoutable strength combined with a

Temperate disposition lent him a majestic dignity which placed him above the level of an ordinary mortal he had come to leipsig from mecklinburg in the company of a certain Dello who was as powerful and a Droid though by no means of such gigantic proportions as his friend and whose Chief attraction lay in

His great vivacity in animated features he had led a wild and dissipated life in which play drink passionate love affairs and constant and prompt dueling had run the changes ceremonious politeness an ironic and pedantic coldness which testified to bold self-confidence combined with a very hot temper formed the chief

Characteristics of this personage and Natures akin to his Dell’s wildness and passion were lent a curious diabolical charm by the possession of a malicious humor which he often turned against himself whereas towards others he exercised a certain chivalrous tenderness these two extraordinary men were joined by others who possessed all

The qualities essential to a reckless life together with real and headstrong Valor one of them named Stelzer a regular Berserker out of the niban lead who was nicknamed lope was in his 20th term while these men openly and consciously belonged to a world doomed to destruction and all their actions and

Escapades could only be explained by the hypothesis that they all believed that inevitable ruin was imminent I made in their company the acquaintance of a certain Schroeder who particularly attracted me by his cordial disposition Pleasant Hanoverian accent and refined wit he was not one of the regular young

Daredevils towards whom he adopted a calm observant attitude while they were all fond of him and glad to to see him I made a real friend of this schroer although he was much older than I was through him I became acquainted with the works and poems of H H and from him I

Acquired a certain neat and Saucy wit and I was quite ready to surrender myself to his agreeable influence in the hope of improving my outward bearing it was his company in particular that I sought every day in the afternoon I generally met him in the Rosenthal or kimchi Chalet though always in the

Presence of those wonderful Goths who excited at once my alarm and admiration they all belonged to University clubs which were on hostile terms with the one of which I was a member what this hostility between the various clubs meant only those can judge who are familiar with the tone prevalent

Among them in those days the mere sight of hostile colors sufficed to infuriate these men who otherwise were kind and gentle provided they had taken the slightest drop too much at all events as long as the old stagers were sober they would look with good-natured comp complacency at a slight young fellow

Like me in the Hostile colors moving among them so amicably those colors I wore in my own peculiar fashion I had made use of the brief week during which my club was still in leig to become the possessor of a splendid Saxon cap richly embroidered with silver and worn by a man called

Mueller who was afterwards a prominent Constable at Dresden I had been seized with such a violent craving for this cap that I managed to buy it from him as he wanted to go home in spite of this remarkable cap I was as I have said welcome in the

Den of this band of rowdies my friend schroer saw to that it was only when the Grog which was the principal beverage of these wild Spirits began to work that I used to notice curious glances and overhear doubtful speeches the significance of which was for some time hidden from me by the

Dizziness in which my own senses were plunged by this painful drink as I was inevitably bound on this account to be mixed up in quarrels for some time to come it afforded me a great satisfaction that my first fight as a matter of fact arose from an incident more creditable

To me than those provocations which I had left half unnoticed one day the gello came up to Schroeder and me in a wine bar that we often frequented and in quite a friendly manner confessed to us confidentially his liking for a young and very pretty actress whose talents shter disputed

Delello rejoined that this was as it might be but that for his part he regarded the young lady as the most respectable woman in the theater I had once asked him if he considered my sister’s reputation was not as good according to students Notions it was impossible for Dello who doubtless had

Not the remotest intention of being insulting to give me any Assurance further than to say that he certainly did not think my sister had an inferior reputation but that nevertheless he meant to abide by his assertion concerning the young lady he had mentioned hereupon followed without delay the

Usual challenge opening with the words your an ass which sounded almost ridiculous to my own ears when I said them to this season swashbuckler I remember that Dello 2 gasped with astonishment and lightning seemed to flash from his eyes but he controlled himself in the presence of my

Friend and proceeded to observe the usual formalities of a challenge and chose broadswords crumb Sable as the weapons for the fight the event made a great stir among our companions but I saw less reason than before to abstain from my usual intercourse with them only I became more strict about the behavior

Of the swashbucklers and for several days no evening passed without producing a challenge between me and some formidable bully until at last count SS the only member of my club who had returned to leig as yet visited me as though he were an intimate friend and inquired into what had occurred he

Applauded my conduct but advised me me not to wear my colors until the return of our comrades from the vacation and to keep away from the Bad Company into which I had ventured fortunately I had not long to wait University life soon began again and the fencing ground was

Filled the an enviable position in which in student phrase I was suspended with a half dozen of the most terrible Swordsmen earned me a glorious reputation among the freshmen and juniors and even among the older champions of the saxonia my seconds were duly arranged the dates for the various duels on hand settled

And by the care of my seniors the needful time was secured for me to acquire some sort of skill in fencing the light heart with which I awaited the Fate which threatened me in at least one of the impending encounters I myself could not understand at the time on the

Other hand the way in which that fate preserved me from the consequences of my rashness seems truly miraculous in my eyes to this day and worthy of further description the preparations for a duel included obtaining some experience of these encounters by being present at Several of them we freshmen attained

This object by what is called carrying Duty that is to say we were entrusted with the rapers of the core precious weapons of Honor belonging to the association and had to take them first to the grinder and then to the scene of encounter a proceding which was attended

With some danger as it had to be done surreptitiously since dueling was forbidden by law in return We acquired the right of assisting as spectators at the impending engagements when I had earned this honor the meeting place chosen for the duel I was to watch was the billiard room of an

Inn in the bergst the table had been moved to one side and on it the authorized Spectators took their places among them I stood up with a beating heart to watch the dangerous encounters between those Dy Champions I was told on this occasion of the story of one of my friends a Jew

Named Levy but known as liard who on this very floor had given so much ground before his antagonist that the door had to be open for him and he fell back through it down the steps into the street still believing he was engaged in the duel when several bouts had been

Finished two men came on to the pitch Temple the president of the maraman and a certain wolfart an old Stager already in his 14th half year of study with whom I also was booked for an encounter later on on when this was the case a man was

Not allowed to watch in order that the weak points of the duel list might not be betrayed to his future opponent wolfart was accordingly asked by my Chiefs whether he wanted me removed whereupon he replied with calm contempt let them leave the little freshman there in God’s name thus I

Became an eyewitness of the disablement of a swordsman who nevertheless showed himself so experienced and skillful on the occasion that I might well have become alarmed for the the issue of my future encounter with him his gigantic opponent cut the artery of his right arm which at once ended the fight the surgon

Declared that wolfart would not be able to hold a sword again for years under which circumstances my proposed meeting with him was at once cancelled I do not deny that this incident cheered my soul shortly afterwards the first general reunion of our club was held at the green tap these gatherings are regular

Hot beds for the production of duels here I brought upon myself a new encounter with one tisher but learned at the same time that I had been relieved of two of my most formidable previous engagements of the kind by The Disappearance of my opponents both of whom had escaped on

Account of debt and left no Trace behind them the only one of whom I could hear anything was the terrible staler surnamed lope this fellow had taken advantage of the passing of Polish refugees who had at that time already been driven over the frontier and were making their way through Germany to

France to disguise himself self as an ill-starred champion of freedom and he subsequently found his way to the Foreign Legion in Algeria on the way home from the Gathering Dello whom I was to meet in a few weeks proposed a truce this was a device which if it was

Accepted as it was in this case enabled the future combatants to entertain and talk to one another which was otherwise most strictly forbidden we wandered back to the town arm in-arm with chivalrous tenderness my interesting in formidable opponent declared that he was delighted at the prospect of crossing swords with

Me in a few weeks time that he regarded it as an honor and a pleasure as he was fond of me and respected me for my valorous conduct seldom has any personal success flattered me more we embraced and amid protestations which owing to a certain dignity about them acquired a

Significance I can never forget we parted he informed me that he must first pay a visit to Jenna where he had an appointment to fight a duel a week later the news of his death reached leig he had been mortally wounded in The Duel at

Jenna I felt as if I were Living in a Dream out of which I was aroused by the announcement of my encounter with tisher though he was a first rate and vigorous fighter he had been chosen by our Chiefs for my first passage of arms because he

Was fairly short in spite of being unable to feel any great confidence in my hastily Acquired and little practiced skill in fencing I looked forward to this my first duel with a light heart although it was against the rules I never dreamed of telling the authorities

That I was suffering from a slight rash which I had caught at that time and which I was informed made wound so dangerous that if it were reported it would postpone the meeting in spite of the fact that I was modest enough to be prepared for wounds I was sent for at

10: in the morning and left home smiling to think what my mother and sisters would say if in a few hours I were brought back in the alarming State I anticipated my chief hervi shanfeld was a pleasant quiet sort of man who lived on the marsh

When I reached his house he lent out of the window with his pipe in his mouth and greeted me with the words you can go home my lad it is all off tisher is in hospital when I got upstairs I found several Leading Men assembled from whom

I learned that tisher had got very drunk the night before and had in consequence laid himself open to the most outrageous treat by the inhabitants of a house of ill- Fame he was terribly hurt and had been taken by the police in the first instance to the hospital this inevitably

Meant rustication and above all expulsion from the academic Association to which he belonged I cannot clearly recall the incidents that removed from leig the few remaining fire eaters to whom I had pledged myself since that fatal vacation time I only know that this Aid of my

Fame as a student yielded to another we celebrated the the freshman’s Gathering to which all those who could manage it drove a Forin hand in a long procession through the town after the president of the club had profoundly moved me with his sudden and yet prolonged solemnity I

Conceived the desire to be among the very last to return home from the outing accordingly I stayed away 3 days and three nights and spent the time chiefly in gambling a Pastime which from the first night of our festivity cast its devilish snares around me some half dozen of the smartest club members

Chaned to be together at early Dawn in the Jolly peasant and forth with formed the nucleus of a gambling club which was reinforced during the day by recruits coming back from the Town members came to see whether we were still at it members also went away but I with the

Original six held out for days and nights without faltering the desire that first prompted me to take part in the play was the wish to win enough for my score two failers this I succeeded in doing and thereupon I was inspired with the hope of being

Able to settle all the debts I had made at that time by my winnings at Play Just as I had hoped to learn composition most quickly by loer Method but had found myself hampered in my object for a long period by unexpected difficulties so my plan for speedily improving my financial position was

Likewise doomed to disappointment to win was not such an easy matter and for some 3 months I was such a victim to the rage for gambling that no other passion was able to exercise the slightest influence over my mind neither the fbot where the students fights were practiced nor the beer house

Nor the actual scene of the fights ever saw my face again in my lamentable position I racked my brains all day to devise Ways and Means of getting the money wherewith to gamble at night in vain did my poor mother try everything in her power to induce me not to come

Home so late at night although she had no idea of the real nature of my debes after I had left the house in the afterno afternoon I never returned till Dawn the next day and I reached my room which was at some distance from the others by climbing over the gate for my

Mother had refused to give me a latch key in despair over my ill luck my passion for gambling grew into a veritable Mania and I no longer felt any inclination for those things which at one time had lured me to student life I became absolutely indifferent to the

Opinion of my former Companions and avoided them entirely I now lost myself in the smaller gambling of lipic where only the very scum of the students congregated insensible to any feeling of self-respect I bore even the contempt of my sister rosaly both she and my mother hardly

Ever ding to cast a glance at the Young libertine whom they only saw at rare intervals looking deadly pale and worn out my ever growing despair made me at Last Resort to fool hardiness as the only means of forcing hostile fate to my side it suddenly struck me that only by

Dent of big Stakes could I make big profits to this end I decided to make use of my mother’s pension of which I was Trustee of a fairly large sum that night I lost everything I had with me except one failer the excitement with which I stake the last coin on a card

Was an experience hither to quite strange to my young life as I had had nothing to eat I was obliged repeatedly to leave the gambling table owing to sickness with this last sailor I stake my life for my return to my home was of course out of the question already I saw

Myself in the gray Dawn a prodigal Sun fleeing from all I held dear through forest and field towards the unknown my mood of Despair had gained so strong a hold upon me that when my card won I immediately placed all the money on a fresh stake and repeated this experiment

Until I had won quite a considerable amount from that moment my luck grew continuously I gained such confidence that I risked the most hazardous Stakes for suddenly it dawned upon me that this was destined to be my last day with the cards my good fortune now became so

Obvious that the bank thought it wise to close not only had I won back all the money I had lost but I had won enough to pay off all my debts as well my Sensations during the whole of this process were of the most sacred nature I

Felt as if God and His angels were standing by my side and were Whispering words of warning and of consolation into my ears once more I climbed over the Gate of my home in the early hours of the morning this time to sleep peacefully and soundly and to awake very late

Strengthened and as though born again no sense of Shame deterred me from telling my mother to whom I presented her money the whole truth about this decisive night I voluntarily confessed my sin in having utilized her pension sparing no detail she folded her hands and thanked God for his mercy and forth with

Regarded me as saved but believing it impossible for me ever to commit such a crime again and Truth to tell gambling had lost all Fascination for me from that moment the world in which I had moved like one demented suddenly seemed stripped of all interest or attraction my rage for gambling had

Already made me quite indifferent to the usual students vanities and when I was freed from this passion also I suddenly found myself face to face with an entirely new world to this world I belonged hence forth it was the world of real and serious musical study to which

I now devoted myself heart and soul even during this wild period of my life my musical development had not been entirely at a standstill on the contrary it daily became pler that music was the only direction towards which my mental Tendencies had a marked bent only I had

Got quite out of the habit of musical study even now it seems incredible that I managed to find time in those days to finish quite a substantial amount of composition I have but the faintest recollection of an overture in C major 68 time and of a Sonata in be flat major

Arranged as a duet the latter pleased my sister odly who played it with me so much that I arranged it for orchestra but another work of this period an overture in be flat major left an indelible impression on my mind on account of an incident connected with it

This composition in fact was the outcome of my study of beta ‘s n9th Symphony in about the same degree as lbl and the Adelaide was the result of my study of Shakespeare I had made a special point of bringing out the Mystic meaning in the orchestra which I divided into three

Distinctly different and opposite elements I wanted to make the characteristic nature of these elements clear to the score reader the moment he looked at it by a striking display of color and only the fact that I could not get any green ink made this picturesque idea impossible I employed black ink for the

Brass instruments alone the strings were to have red and the wind green ink this extraordinary score I gave for perusal to Heinrich Dorne who was at that time musical director of the lipic theater he was very young and impressed me as being a very clever musician and a witty man

Of the world whom the lipic public made much of nevertheless I have never been able to understand how he could have granted my request to produce this Overture sometime afterwards I was rather inclined to believe with others who knew how much he enjoyed a good joke

That he intended to treat himself to a little fun at the time however he vowed that he thought the work interesting and maintained that if it were only brought out as a hitherto unknown work by bethoven the public would receive it with respect though without understanding it was the Christmas of

The Fateful year 1830 as usual there would be no performance at the theater on Christmas Eve but instead a concert for the poor had been organized which received but scant support the first item on the program was called by the exciting title new Overture nothing more I had surreptitiously listened to the

Rehearsal with some misgiving I was very much impressed by the coolness with which Dorne fenced with the apparent confusion which the members of the orchestra showed with regard to this mysterious composition the principal theme of the allegro was contained in four bars after every fourth bar however a

Fifth bar had been inserted which had nothing to do with the melody and which was announced by a loud bang on the kettle drum on the second beat as this drum beat stood out alone the drummer who continually thought he was making a mistake got confused and did not give

The right sharpness to the accent as prescribed by the score listening from my hidden corner and frightened at my original intention this accidentally different rendering did not displease me to my genuine annoyance however Dorne called the drummer to the front and insisted on his playing the accents with the prescribed

Sharpness when after the rehearsal I told the musical director of my misgivings about this important fact I could not get him to promise a milder interpretation of the Fatal drum beat he stuck to it that the thing would sound very well as it was in spite of this

Assurance my restlessness grew and I had not the courage to introduce myself to my friends in advance as the author of the new Overture my sister Odie who had already been forced to Sur survive the secret readings of lbld Adelaide was the only person willing to come with me to hear

My work it was Christmas Eve and there was to be the usual Christmas tree presents Etc at my brother-in-laws friedi Brock house and both of us naturally wanted to be there my sister in particular who lived there had a good deal to do with the arrangements and

Could only get away for a short while and that with great difficulty our amiable relation according accordingly had the carriage ready for her so that she might get back more quickly I made use of this opportunity to inaugurate as it were my entree into the musical world

In a festive manner The Carriage Drew up in front of the theater odly went into my brother-in-law’s box which forced me to try and find a seat in the pit I had forgotten to buy a ticket and was refused admission by the man at the door suddenly the tuning up of the orchestra

Grew louder and louder and I thought I should have to miss the beginning of my work in my anxiety I revealed myself to the man at the door as the composer of the new Overture and in this way succeeded in passing without a ticket I pushed my way through to one of the

First rows of the pit and sat down in terrible anxiety the Overture began after the theme of the black brass instruments had made itself heard with great emphasis the redro theme started in which as I have already mentioned every fifth bar was interrupted by the drum Beak from

The the black world what kind of effect the the green theme of the wind instruments which joined in afterwards produced upon the listeners and what they must have thought when black red and green themes became intermingled has always remained a mystery to me for the Fatal drum beat brutally hammered out

Entirely deprived me of my senses especially as this prolonged and continually recurring effect now began to Rouse not only the attention but the marment of the audience I heard my neighbors calculating the return of this effect knowing the absolute correctness of their calculation I suffered 10,000 torments and became almost

Unconscious At Last I awoke from my nightmare when the Overture to which I had disdained to give what I considered a trite ending came to a standstill most unexpectedly no Phantoms like those in Hoffman’s Tales could have succeeded in producing the extraordinary state in which I came to my senses on noticing

The astonishment of the audience at the end of the performance I heard no exclamations of disapproval no hissing no remarks not even laughter all I saw was intense astonishment at such a strange occurrence which impressed them as it did me like a horrible nightmare the worst moment however came when I had to

Leave the pit and take my sister home to get up and pass through the people in the pit was horrible indeed nothing however equaled the pain of coming face to face with the man at the door the strange look he gave me haunted me ever afterwards and for a considerable time I

Avoided the pit of the lipic theater my next step was to find my sister who had gone through the whole sad experience with infinite pity in silence we drove home to be present at a brilliant family festivity which contrasted with grim irony with the Gloom of my

Bewilderment in spite of it all I tried to believe in myself and thought I could find comfort in my Overture to the BR Von missina which I believe to be a better work than the Fatal one I had just heard a reinstatement however was out of the question for the directors of

The Leipsic theater regarded me for a long time as a very doubtful person in spite of Dork friendship it is true that I still tried my hand at sketching out compositions to gerta’s fa some of which have been preserved to this day but soon my wild Student Life resumed its Sway

And drowned The Last Remnant of serious musical study in me I now began to imagine that because I had become a student I ought to attend the University lectures from trog Krug who was well known to me on account of his having suppressed the students Revolt I tried

To learn the first principles of philosophy a single lesson sufficed to make me give this up two or three times however I attended the lectures on Aesthetics given by one of the younger professors a man called Weiss this perseverance was due to the interest which Weiss immediately aroused in me

When when I made his acquaintance at my uncle adolf’s house Weiss had just translated the metaphysics of Aristotle and if I am not mistaken dedicated them in a controversial Spirit to Hegel on this occasion I had listened to the conversation of these two men on philosophy and philosophers which made a

Tremendous impression on me I remember that Weiss was an absent-minded man with a hasty and abrupt manner of speaking he had an interesting and pensive expression which impressed me immensely I recollect how on being accused of a want of clearness in his writing and style he justified himself by saying

That the Deep problems of the human mind could not in any case be solved by the mob this Maxim which struck me as being very plausible I at once accepted as the principle for all my future writing I remember that my eldest brother Albert to whom I once had to write for my

Mother grew so disgusted with my letter and style that he said he thought I must be going mad in spite of my hopes that Weiss’s lectures would do me much good I was not capable of continuing to attend them as my desires in those days drove me to anything but the study of

Aesthetics nevertheless my mother’s anxiety at this time on my behalf made me try to take up music again as Mueller the teacher under whom I had studied till that time had not been able to inspire me with a permanent love of study it was necessary to discover whether another teacher might not be

Better able to induce me to do serious work Theodore weich who was choir master and musical director at St Thomas’s Church held at that time this important and ancient post which was afterwards occupied by shik and before him by no less a person than Sebastian Bach by

Education he belonged to the old Italian School of Music and had studied in bolognia under Peter Martini he had made a name for himself in this art by his vocal compositions in which his fine manner of treating the parts was much praised he himself self told me one day that a lipick publisher

Had offered him a very substantial fee if he would write for his firm another book of vocal exercises similar to the one which had proved so profitable to his first publisher wein told him that he had not got any exercises of the kind ready at the moment but offered him

Instead a new Mass which the publisher refused with the words let him who got the meat gnaw the bones the modesty with which wein Lich told me this little story showed how excellent a man he was as he was in a very bad and weak state of health when my mother introduced me

To him he at first refused to take me as a pupil but after having resisted all Persuasions he at last took pity on my musical education which as he soon discovered from a fug which I had brought with me was exceedingly faulty he accordingly promised to teach me on

Condition that I should give up all attempts at composing for 6 months and follow his instructions implicitly to the first part of my promise I remained faithful thanks to the vast Vortex of dissipation into which My Life as a student had drawn me when however I had to occupy myself for

Any length of time with nothing but four-part Harmony exercises in strictly rigorous style it was not only the student in me but also the composer of so many overtures and sonatas that was thoroughly disgusted weinel to had his grievances against me and decided to give me up

During this period I came into the crisis of my life which led to the catastrophe of that terrible evening at the gambling Den but an even greater blow than this fearful experience awaited me when wein decided not to have anything more to do with me deeply humiliated and miserable I besought the

Gentle old man whom I loved dearly to forgive me and I promised him from that moment to work with unflagging energy one morning at 7:00 weinel sent for me to begin the rough sketch for a Fugue he devoted the whole whole morning to me following my work bar by bar with the

Greatest attention and giving me his valuable advice at 12:00 he dismissed me with the instruction to perfect and finish the sketch by filling in the remaining parts at home when I brought him the Fugue finished he handed me his own treatment of the same theme for comparison this common task of Fugue

Writing established between me and my good natured teacher the tenderest of ties for from that moment we both enjoyed the lessons I was astonished how quickly the time flew in 8 weeks I had not only gone through a number of the most intricate fugues but had also waited through all kinds of difficult

Evolutions in Counterpoint when one day on bringing him an extremely elaborate double Fugue he took my breath away by telling me that after this there was nothing left for him to teach me as I was not aware of any great effort on my part I often wondered whether I had

Really become a welle equipped musician wein himself did not seem to attach much importance to what he had taught me he said probably you will never write fbes or cannons but what you have mastered is Independence you can now stand alone and rely upon having a fine technique at

Your fingers ends if you should want it the principal result of his influence over me was certainly the growing love of clearness and fluency to which he had trained me I had already had to write the ab mentioned Fugue for ordinary voices my feeling for the melod and

Vocal had in this way been awakened in order to keep me strictly under his calming and friendly influence he had at the same time given me a Sonata to write which as a proof of my friendship for him I had to build up on Strictly harmonic and thematic

Lines for which he recommended me a very early and childlike Sonata by PL as a model those who had only recently heard my Overture must indeed have wondered how I ever wrote this Sonata which has been published through the indiscretion of messers bright cof and harell to reward me for

My abstemiousness wein Lich induced them to publish this poor composition from that moment he gave me a free hand to begin with I was allowed to compose a Fantasia for the piano for in F sharp minor which I wrote in a quite informal style by treating the

Melody in rective form this gave me intense satisfaction because it won me praise from weich soon afterwards I wrote three overtures which all met with his entire approval in the following winter 1831 to 1832 I succeeded in getting the first of them in D Miner performed at one of the Gowan house

Concerts at that time a very simple and homely tone reigned Supreme in this institution the instrumental Works were not conducted by what we call a conductor of the orchestra but were simply played to the Audience by the leader of the orchestra as soon as the singing began

Paulin took his place at the conductor’s desk he belonged to the type of fat and pleasant musical directors and was a great favorite with the Leipsic public he used to come on the platform with a very important looking blue baton in his hand one of the strangest events which

Occurred at that time was the yearly production of the Ninth Symphony of bethoven after the first three movements had been played straight through like a hien symphony as well as the orchestra could manage it pollins instead of having to conduct a vocal quartet a canata or an Italian Ari

Took his place at the desk to undertake this highly complicated instrumental work with its particularly enigmatical and incoherent opening one of the most difficult tasks that could possibly be found for a musical conductor I shall never forget the impression produced upon me at the first rehearsal by the anxiously and carefully

Played March 4th time and the way in which the wild shrieks of the trumpet with which this movement begins resulted in the most extraordinary confusion of sound he had evidently chosen this Tempo in order in some way to manage the resid of the double bases but it was utterly

Hopeless poin was in a bath of perspiration the resed did not come off and I really began to think that Boven must have ridden nonsense the double Bas player tler a faithful veteran of the orchestra prevailed upon pollins at last in rather course and energetic language to put

Down the Baton and in this way the resed really proceeded properly all the same I felt at this time that I had come to the humble conclusion in a way I can hardly explain that this extraordinary work was still beyond my comprehension for a long time I gave up

Brooding over this composition and I turned my thoughts with simple longing towards a clearer and calmer musical form my study of CounterPoint had taught me to appreciate above all Mozart’s light and flowing treatment of the most difficult technical problems and the last movement of his great Symphony in C

Major in particular served me as example for my own work my D Minor Overture which clearly showed the influence of Bean’s coriolanus Overture had been favorably received by the public my mother began to have faith in me again and I started at once on a second overture in C major which really ended

With a fugato that did more credit to my new model than I had ever hoped to accomplish this Overture also was soon afterwards performed at a recital given by the favorite singer mL palisi of the Dresden Italian opera before this I had already introduced it at a concert given

By a private musical society called utpi when I had conducted it myself I remember the strange impression I received from a remark that my mother made on that occasion as a matter of fact this work which was written in a Counterpoint style without any real passion or emotion had produced a

Strange effect upon her she gave vent to her astonish ment by warmly praising the eggmon Overture which was played at the same concert maintaining that this kind of music was after all more fascinating than any stupid fug at this time I also wrote as my third Opus an overture to

Ralo’s drama Con enzio in which again Bean’s influence made itself even more strongly felt my sister Rosalie succeeded in getting it performed at the theater before the play for the sake of prudence they did not announce it on the program that the first time Dorne conducted it and as the performance went

Off all right and the public showed no dissatisfaction my Overture was played with my full name on the program several times during the run of the above mentioned drama after this I tried my hand at a big Symphony in C major in this work I showed what I had learned by

Using the influence of my study of Boven and Mozart towards the achievement of a really Pleasant and intelligible work in which the Fugue was again present at the end while the themes of the various movements were so constructed that they could be played consecutively nevertheless the passionate and bold element of the

Symphonia aroa was distinctly discernible especially in the first movement the slow movement on the contrary contained reminiscences of my former musical mysticism a kind of repeated interrogative exclamation of the minor third merging into the fifth connected in my mind this work which I had finished with the utmost effort at

Clearness was my very earliest period of boyish sentimentality when in the following year I called on Friedrich rochlitz at that time that tester of the musical esthetes in lipik and president of the gwand house I prevailed upon him to promise me a performance of my work as

He had been given my score for perusal before seeing me he was quite astonished to find that I was a very young man for the character of my music had prepared him to see a much older and more experienced musician before this this performance took place many things

Happened which I must first mention as they were of great importance to my life my short and stormy career as a student had drowned in me not only all longing for further development but also all interest in intellectual and spiritual Pursuits although as I have pointed out I had never alienated myself entirely

From music my revived interest in politics aroused my first real disgust for my senseless students life which soon left no deeper traces on my mind and the remembrance of a terrible nightmare the Polish War of Independence against Russian Supremacy filled me with growing enthusiasm the victories which the polls

Obtained for a short period during May 1831 aroused my enthusiastic admiration it seemed to me as though the world had by some miracle been created a new as a contrast to this the news of the battle of austral Lenka made it appear as if the end of the world had come to Mya

Astonishment my Boon companions scoffed at me when I commented upon some of these events the terrible lack of all fellow feeling and comradeship amongst the students struck me very forcibly any kind of enthusiasm had to be smothered or turned into pedantic bravado which showed itself in the form of affectation and

Indifference to get drunk with deliberate cold-bloodedness without even a glimpse of humor was reckoned almost as Brave a feat as dueling not until much later did did I understand the far nobler Spirit which animated the lower classes in Germany in comparison with the sadly degenerate state of the University

Students in those days I felt terribly indignant at the insulting remarks which I brought upon myself when I deplored the Battle of austral Lenka to my honor be it said that these and similar Impressions helped to make me give up my low Associates during my studies with wein

The only little dissipation I allowed myself was my daily evening visit to kimchi the conf sectioner in the claer gas where I passionately devoured the latest newspapers here I found many men who held the same political views as myself and I especially loved to listen to the eager political discussions of some of

The old men who frequented the place the literary journals too began to interest me I read a great deal but was not very particular in my choice nevertheless I now began to appreciate intelligence and wit whereas before only the grotesque and the Fantastic had had any attraction for me

My interest in the issue of the Polish War however remained Paramount I felt The Siege and capture of Warsaw as a personal Calamity my excitement when the remains of the Polish Army began to pass through leipsig on their way to France was Indescribable and I shall never forget

The impression produced upon me by the first batch of these unfortunate soldiers on the occasion of their being quartered at the green shield a public house in the meat market much as this depressed me I was soon roused to a high pitch of enthusiasm for in the lounge of the leipsig Gowan house

Where that night Boven C minor Symphony was being played a group of heroic figures the principal leaders of the Polish Revolution excited my admiration I felt more particularly attracted by count Vincent Tiski witch a man of exceptionally powerful physique and Noble appearance who impressed me by his dignified and aristocratic Manner and

His quiet self-reliance qualities with which I had not met before when I saw a man of such kingly bearing in a tight fitting coat and red velvet cap I had once realized my foolishness in ever having worshiped the ludicrously dressed up little Heroes of our students world I

Was delighted to meet this gentleman again at the house of my brother-in-law Fredick Brock house where I saw him frequently my brother-in-law had the greatest pity and Sympathy for the Polish Rebels and was the president of a committee whose task it was to look after their interests and for a long

Time he made many personal sacrifices for their cause the Brock House establishment now became tremendously attractive to me around count Vincent’s Tiski witch who remained the load star of this small polish World gathered a great many other wealthy Exiles amongst whom I chiefly remember a Cavalry

Captain of the name of banser a man of unlimited kindness but of a rather frivolous nature he possessed a marvelous team of 4 horses which he drove at such Breakneck speed as to cause great annoyance to the people of leig another man of importance with whom I remembered dining was General Bame

Whose artillery had made such a gallant stand at austral Lanka many other Exiles passed through this hospitable house some of whom impressed Us by their Melancholy warlike bearing others by their refined Behavior Vincent’s tisy witch however remained my ideal of a true man and I loved him with a profound adoration

He too began to be interested in me I used to call upon him nearly every day and was sometimes present at a sort of Marshall Feast from which he often withdrew in order to be able to open his heart to me about the anxieties which oppressed him he had in fact received

Absolutely no news of the whereabouts of his wife and little son since they separated at vhenan besides this he was under the shadow of a great sorrow which Drew all sympathetic Natures to him to my sister Louise he had confided the terrible Calamity that had once befallen

Him he had been married before and while staying with his wife in one of his lonely castles in the dead of night he had seen a ghostly Apparition at the window of his bedroom hearing his name called several times he had taken up a revolver to protect himself from

Possible danger and had shot his own wife who had had the eccentric idea of teasing him by pretending to be a ghost I had the pleasure of sharing his Joy on hearing that his family was safe his wife joined him in leipsig with their beautiful boy

Yanush I felt sorry not to be able to feel the same sympathy for this lady as I did for her husband perhaps one of the reasons of my antipathy was the obvious and conspicuous way in which she made herself up by means of which the poor woman probably tried to hide how much

Her beauty had suffered through the terrible strain of the past events she soon went back to Galicia to try and save what she could of their property and also to provide her husband with a pass from the Austrian government by means of which he could follow her then

Came the 3rd of May 18 of the polls who were still in leig met together at a festive dinner in a hotel outside the town on this day was to be celebrated the first anniversary of the 3rd of May so dear to the memory of the poles only

The chiefs of the lipic Polish committee received invitations and as a special favor I also was asked I shall never forget that occasion the dinner became an orgy throughout the evening a brass band from the town played polish folk songs and these were sung by the whole

Company led by a Lithuanian called Zan in a manner now triumphant and now mournful the beautiful 3rd of May song More particularly Drew forth a positive uproar of enthusiasm tears and shouts of Joy grew into a terrible tumult the excited men grouped themselves on the grass swearing Eternal friendship in the most

Extravagant terms for which the word oysa Fatherland provided the principal theme until at last night threw her veil over this wild debauch that evening afterward served me as the theme for an orchestral composition in the form of an overture named palonia I shall recount the fate

Of this work later on my friend tisk witch’s passport now arrived and he made up his mind to go back to Galicia via Brun although his friends considered it was very rash of him to do do so I very much wanted to see something of the

World and tisy witch’s offer to take me with him induced my mother to consent to my going to Vienna a place that I had long wished to visit I took with me the scores of my three overtures which had already been performed and also that of my great Symphony as yet unproduced and

Had a grand time with my polish Patron who took me in his luxurious traveling coach as far as the capital of Moravia during a short stop at Dresden the Exiles of all classes gave our beloved count a friendly farewell dinner in PNA at which the champagne flowed

Freely while the health was drunk of the future dictator of Poland at last we separated at Brun from which place I continued my journey to Vienna by coach during the afternoon and night which I was obliged to spend in Brun by myself I went through terrible agonies from Fear

Of the col wit as I unexpectedly heard had broken out in this place there I was all alone in a strange place my faithful friend just departed and on hearing of the epidemic I felt as if a malicious demon had caught me in his snare in

Order to annihilate me I did not betray my Terror to the people in the hotel but when I was shown into a very lonely wing of the house and left by myself in this Wilderness I hid myself in bed with my clothes on and lived once again through

All the horrors of ghost stories as I had done in my Boyhood the ca stood before me like a living thing I could see and touch it it lay in my bed and embraced Mimi limbs turned to ice I felt Frozen to the very marrow whether I was

Awake or asleep I never knew I only remember how astonished I was when on awakening I felt thoroughly well and healthy at last I arrived in Vienna where I escaped the epidemic which had penetrated as far as that town it was Midsummer of the Year 1832 owing to the introductions I had

With me I found myself very much at home in this Lively City in which I made a pleasant stay of 6 weeks as my sojourn however had no really practical purpose my mother looked upon the cost of this holiday short as it seemed as an unnecessary extravagance on my part I

Visited the theaters heard Strauss made excursions and altogether had a very good time I am afraid I contracted a few debts as well which I paid off later on when I was conductor of the Dresden Orchestra I had received very pleasant impressions of musical and Theatrical

Life and for a long time Vienna lived in my memory as the Acme of that extraordinarily productive Spirit peculiar to its people I enjoyed most of all the performances at the theater in derine at which they were acting a grotesque fairy play called die aventur fortunate Su waser U and Zoo land in

Which a cab was called on the shores of the black SE and which made a tremendous impression on me about the music I was more doubtful a young friend of mine took me with immense Pride to a performance of glux ifag Genia in Taurus which was made

Doubly attractive by a first R cast including wild stodal and binder I must confess that on the whole I was bored by this work but I did not dare say so my ideas of Gluk had attained gigantic proportions from my reading of Hoffman’s well-known fantasies my anticipation of

This work therefore which I had not studied yet had led me to expect a treatment full of overpowering traumatic force it is possible that schroer of Ren’s acting in fidelo had taught me to judge everything by her exalted standard with the greatest trouble I worked myself up to some kind of enthusiasm for

The great scene between orestes and the Furies I hoped against hope that I should be able to admire the remainder of the Opera I began to understand the vienes taste however when I saw how great a favorite the Opera zampa became with the public both at the carner Thor

And at the Jo J stat both theaters competed vigorously in the production of this popular work and although the public had seemed mad about ifigeneia nothing equal their enthusiasm for zampa no sooner had they left the Joseph stad theater in the greatest ecstasies about zampa then they proceeded to the public

House called the stline here they were immediately greeted by the strains of selections from zampa which drove the audience to feverish excitement I shall never forget the extraordinary playing of Johan Strauss who put equal enthusiasm into everything he played and very often made the audience almost frantic with delight at

The beginning of a new Walts this demon of the vienes musical Spirit shook like a pathian priestess on the tripod and veritable groans of ecstasy which without doubt were more due to his music than to the drinks in which the audience had indulged raised their worship for the magic violinist to almost

Bewildering Heights of frenzy the hot summer air of Vienna was abs absolutely impregnated with zampa and Strauss a very poor students rehearsal at the conservatoire at which they performed a mass by carbini seemed to me like an arms paid begrudgingly to the study of classical music at the same

Rehearsal one of the professors to whom I was introduced tried to make the students play my overture in D Minor the one already performed in leig I do not know what his opinion was Nor that of the students with regard to this attempt I only know they SU gave it up on the

Whole I had wandered into doubtful musical baths and I now withdrew from this first educational visit to a great European art center in order to start on a cheap but long and monotonous return journey to Bohemia by stage coach my next move was a visit to the house of count P of

Whom I had Pleasant Recollections from my Boyhood days his estate pravin was about 8 mi from Prague received in the kindest possible way by the Old Gentleman and his beautiful daughters I enjoyed his delightful Hospitality until late into the Autumn a youth of 19 as I then was

With a fast growing beard for which my sisters had already prepared the young ladies by letter the continual and close intimacy with such kind and pretty girls could hardly fail to make a strong impression on my imagination Jenny the Elder of the two was slim with black hair blue eyes and

Wonderfully Noble features the younger one AUST was a little smaller and stouter with a magnificent complexion Fair hair and brown eyes the natural and sisterly manner with which both girls treated me and conversed with me did not blind me to the fact that I was expected

To fall in love with one or the other of them it amused them to see how embarrassed I got in my efforts to choose between them and consequently they teased me tremendously unfortunately I did not act judiciously with regard to the daughters of my host in spite of their homely

Education they belonged to a very aristocratic house and consequently hesitated between the hope of marrying men of eminent position in their own sphere and the necessity of choosing husbands amongst the higher middle classes who could afford to keep them in Comfort the shockingly poor almost medieval education of the Austrian

So-called Cavalier made me rather despised the latter the girls too had suffered from the same lack of proper training I soon noticed with disgust how little they knew about things artistic and how much value they attached to superficial things however much I might try to interest them in those higher Pursuits

Which had become necessary to me they were incapable of appreciating them I advocated a complete change from the bad Library novels which represented their only reading from the Italian operatic arus sung by AUST and last but not least from the horsey incipit Cavaliers who paid paid their Court to

Both Jenny and her sister in the most coarse and offensive manner my Zeal in this latter respect soon gave rise to great unpleasantness I became hard and insulting Harang them about the French Revolution and begged them with fatherly admonitions For the Love of Heaven to be content with well-educated middleclass

Men and give up those impertinent suitors who could only harm their reputation the indignation provoked by my friendly advice I often had to ward off with the harshest retorts I never apologized but tried by Dent of real or Fain jealousy to get our friendship back on the old footing in

This way undecided half in love and half angry one cold November day I said goodbye to these pretty children I soon met the whole family again at Prague where I made a long sojourn without however staying at the Count’s residence my stay at Prague was to be of

Great musical importance to me I knew the director of the conservatoire deanis Weber who promised to bring my Symphony before the public I also spent much of my time with an actor called Moritz to whom as an old friend of our family I had been recommended and there I made

The acquaintance of the Young musician KD Moritz who noticed that not a day passed but what I went to the much feared chief of the conservator upon some pressing musical business once dispatched me with an improvised parody on Schiller’s Berg shaft Zoo deani de director schit Wagner diaror in Ganda in

Schin D Schuler IM band was walus du MIT Den noden sprit en finich D vle gmack be do in den reention and buruan to deanis the director crept Wagner the score in his pocket the students arrested him forth with what doest thou with that music say thus asked him the angry

Tyrant to free the town from taste too vile for this the critics will make thee suffer truly I had to deal with a kind of dianus the Tyrant a man who did not acknowledge Bean’s genius Beyond his second Symphony a man who looked upon

The aroa as the Acme of bad taste on the Master’s part who praised Mozart alone and next to him tolerated only line painer such a man was not easy to approach and I had to learn the art of making use of tyrants for one’s own purposes I

Dissimulated I pretended to be struck by the novelty of his ideas never contradicted him and to point out the similarity of our standpoints I referred him to the end Fugue in my Overture and in my Symphony both in C major which I had only succeeded in making what they were through having studied

Mozart my reward soon followed deanis set to work to study my orchestral creations with almost youthful energy the students of the concern conservatoire were compelled to practice with the greatest exactitude my new symphony under his dry and terribly noisy baton in the presence of several of my friends amongst whom was also the

Dear old count Po in his capacity of president of the conservat committee we actually held a first performance of the greatest work that I had written up to that date during these musical successes I went on with my love making in the attractive House of count P under the most curious

Circumstances a confectioner of the name of hacha was my rival he was a tall lanky young man who like most Bohemians had taken up music as a hobby he played the accompaniments to AUST songs and naturally fell in love with her like myself he hated the frequent visits of

The Cavaliers which seemed to be quite the custom in this city but while my displeasure expressed itself in humor it showed itself in Gloomy Melancholy this mood made him behave boorishly in public for instance one evening when the chandelier was to be lighted for the reception of one of

These gentlemen he ran his head purposely against this ornament and broke it the festive illumination was thus rendered impossible the Countess was Furious and has cha had to leave the house never to return I well remember that the first time I was conscious of any feelings of love these manifested

Themselves as pangs of jealousy which had however nothing to do with real love this happened one evening when I called at the house the CEST kept me by her side in an anti- room while the girls beautifully dressed and gay flirted in the reception room with those hateful young

Noblemen all I had ever read in Hoffman’s Tales of certain demoniacal intrigues which until that moment had been obscure to me now became really tangible facts and I left Prague with an obviously unjust and exaggerated opinion of those things and those people through whom I had suddenly been dragged into an

Unknown world of Elementary passions on the other hand I had gained by my stay at pravin I had written poetry as well as musical compositions my musical work was a setting of Glock andone a poem by the friend of my youth Theodore apil I had already written an Arya for soprano

Which had been performed the winter before at one of the theater concerts but my new work was decidedly the first vocal piece I had written with real inspiration generally speaking I suppose it owed its characteristics to the influence of Bean’s leading Christ all the same the impression that it has left

On my mind is that it was absolutely part of myself and pervaded by a delicate sentimentality which was brought into Relief by the dreaminess of the accompaniment my poetical efforts lay in the direction of a sketch of a tragi operatic subject which I finished in its entirety in Prague under the title of

Die Hawk site the wedding I wrote it without anybody’s knowledge and this was no easy matter seeing that I could not write in my chilly little hotel hotel room and had therefore to go to the house of Moritz where I generally spent my mornings I remember how I used quickly

To hide my manuscript behind the sofa as soon as I heard my host’s footsteps an extraordinary episode was connected with the plot of this work already years ago I had come across a tragic story whilst perusing bushings book on chivalry the like of which I have never since read a lady of noble

Birth had been assaulted One Night by a man who secretly cherished a passionate love for her and in the struggle to defend her honor superhuman strength was given her to fling him into the courtyard below the mystery of his death remained unexplained until the day of his solemn obseques when the lady

Herself who attended them and was kneeling in solemn prayer suddenly fell forward and expired the mysterious strength of this profound and passionate story made an indelible impression upon my mind fascinated moreover by The Peculiar treatment of similar phenomena in in Hoffman’s Tales I sketched a novel in which musical mysticism which I still

Loved so deeply played an important part the action was supposed to take place on the estate of a rich patron of the Fine Arts a young couple was going to be married and had invited the friend of the bridegroom an interesting but Melancholy and mysterious young man to their wedding intimately connected with

The whole Affair was a strange old organist the Mystic relations which gradually developed between the old musician The Melancholy young man and the bride were to grow out of the unravel of certain intricate events in a somewhat similar manner to that of the medieval story above related here was

The same idea the young man mysteriously killed the equally strange sudden death of his friend’s bride and the old organist found dead on his bench after the playing of an impressive requium the last court of which was inordinately prolonged as if it never would end I never finished this novel but as I

Wanted to write the lto for an opera I took up the theme again in its original shape and built on this as far as the principal features went the following dramatic plot two great houses had lived in enmity and had at last decided to end

The Family Feud the Aged head of one of these houses invited the son of his former enemy to the wedding of his daughter with one of his faithful partisans the wedding Feast is thus used as an opportunity for reconciling the two families whilst the guests are full of the

Suspicion and fear of treachery their young leader Falls violently in love with the bride of his newly found Ally his tragic glance deeply affects her the festive escort accompanies her to the bridal chamber where she is to await her beloved leaning against her Tower window she sees the same passionate eyes fixed

On her and realizes that she is face to face with a tragedy when he penetrates into her chamber and Embraces her with frantic passion she pushes him backwards towards the balcony and throws him over the parapet into the abyss from when his mutilated remains are dragged by his

Companions they at once arm themselves against the presumed treachery and call for vengeance tumult and confusion fill the courtyard the interrupted wedding Feast threatens to end in a night of Slaughter the venerable head of the house at last succeeds in averting the catastrophe Messengers are sent to Bear

The tidings of the mysterious Calamity to the relatives of the victim the corpse itself shall be the medium of reconciliation for in the presence of the different generations of the suspected family Providence itself shall decide which of its members has been guilty of treason during the preparations for the obseques the bride

Shows signs of approaching Madness she flies from her bridegroom refuses to be United to him and locks herself up in her Tower chamber only when at night the gloomy though gorgeous ceremony commences does she appear at the head of her women to be present at the burial service the gruesome solemnity of which

Is interrupted by the news of the approach of hostile forces and then by the armed attack of the Kinsmen of the murdered man when the Avengers of the presumed treachery penetrate into the chapel and call upon the murderer to declare himself the horrified Lord of The Manor points towards his daughter

Who turning away from her bridegroom Falls lifeless by the coffin of her victim this nocturnal drama through which ran reminiscences of lbl U and the Adelaide the work of my far-off Boyhood I wrote in the darkest vein but in a more polished and more noble style disdaining all light effects and

Especially all operatic embellishments tender passages occurred here and there all the same and weinel to whom I had already shown the beginning of my work on my return to leipsig praised me for the clearness and good vocal quality of the introduction I had composed to the First Act this was

An ad do IO for a vocal septet in which I had tried to express the reconciliation of the Hostile families together with the emotions of the wetted couple and the Sinister Passion of the secret lover my principal object was all the same to win my sister rosal’s

Approval my poem however did not find favor in her eyes she missed all that which I had purposely avoided insisted on the ornamentation and development of the simple situation and desired more brightness generally I made up my mind mind in an instant I took the manuscript and without a suggestion of ill temper

Destroyed it there and then this action had nothing whatever to do with Wounded vanity it was prompted merely by my desire honestly to prove to my sister how little I thought of my own work and how much I cared for her opinion she was held in great and loving esteem by my

Mother and by the rest of our family for she was their principle bread winner the important salary she earned as an actress constituted nearly the whole income out of which my mother had had to defay the household expenses for the sake of her profession she enjoyed many advantages at home her

Part of the house had been specially arranged so that she should have all the necessary comfort and peace for her studies on marketing days when the others had to put up with the simplest Fair she had to have the same dainty food as usual but more than any of these

Things did her Charming gravity and her refined way of speaking Place her above the younger children she was thoughtful and gentle and never joined us in our rather loud conversation of course I had been the one member of the family who had caused the greatest anxieties both to my mother

And to my motherly sister and during my life as a student the strained relations between us had made a terrible impression on me when therefore they tried to believe in me again and once more showed some interest in my work I was full of gratitude and happiness the thought of getting this

Sister to look kindly upon my aspirations and even to expect great things of me had become a special stimulus to my ambition under these circumstances a tender and almost sentimental relationship grew up between rosaly and myself which in its Purity and sincerity could viy with the noblest

Form of friendship between man and woman this was principally due to her exceptional individuality she had not any real talent at least not for acting which had often been considered stagy and unnatural nevertheless she was much appreciated owing to her her Charming appearance as well as to her pure and

Dignified womanliness and I remember many tokens of esteem which she received in those days all the same none of these advances ever seemed to lead to the prospect of a marriage and year by year went by without bringing her hopes of a suitable match a fact which to me appeared quite

Unaccountable from time to time I thought I noticed that Rosalie suffered from this state of affairs I remember one evening when believing herself to be alone I heard her sobbing and moaning I stole away unnoticed but her grief made such an impression upon me that from that moment

I vowed to bring some joy into her life principally by making a name for myself not without reason had our stepfather Guyer given my gentle sister the nickname of Gan Little Spirit for if her Talent as an actress was not great Her Imagination and her love of Art and of

All high and Noble things were perhaps on that account alone all the greater from her lips I had first heard expressions of admiration and Delight concerning those subjects which became dear to me later on and she moved amongst a circle of serious and interesting people who love the higher

Things of life without this attitude ever degenerating into affectation on my return from my long journey I was introduced to Hinrich Lobby whom my sister had added to her list of intimate friends it was at the time when the after effects of the July Revolution were beginning to make

Themselves felt amongst the younger men of intellect in Germany and of these Lobby was one of the most conspicuous as a young man he came from silicia to leig his principal object being to try and form Connections in this publishing Center which might be of

Use to him in Paris whether he was going and from which place born also made a sensation amongst us by his letters on this occasion Lobby was present at a representation of a play by lwig Robert D veress the power of circumstances this induced him to write

A criticism for the lipic Tage blat which made such a sensation through its tur and Lively style that he was at once offered in addition to other literary work the post of editor of D Elegante welt in our house he was looked upon as a genius his Curt and often biting manner

Of speaking which seemed to exclude all attempt at poetic expression made him appear both original and daring his sense of justice his sincerity and fearless bluntness made one respect his character hardened as it had been in Youth by great adversity on me he had a very inspiring

Effect and I was very much astonished to find that he thought so much of me as to write a flattering notice about my talent in his paper after hearing the first performance of my Symphony this performance took place in the beginning of the year 1833 at the leig Schneider

Herberge it was by the by In This dignified old Hall that the society urpy held its concerts the place was dirty narrow and poorly lighted and it was here that my work was introduced to the lipic public for the first time and by means of an orchestra that interpreted it simply

Disgracefully I can only think of that evening as a gruesome Nightmare and my astonishment was therefore all the greater at seeing the important notice which Lobby wrote about the performance full of hope I therefore looked forward to a performance of the same work at the Goan House Concert

Which followed soon after and which came on off brilliantly in every way it was well received and well spoken of in all the papers of real malice there was not a trace on the contrary several notices were encouraging and Lobby who had quickly become celebrated confided to me

That he was going to offer me a labretto for an opera which he had first written for meyerbeer this staggered me somewhat for I was not in the least prepared to pose as a poet and my only idea was to write a real plot for an opera as to the

Precise manner however in which such a book had to be written I already had a very definite and instinctive notion and I was strengthened in the certainty of my own feelings in the matter when Lobby now explained the nature of his plot to me he told me that he wanted to arrange

Nothing less than casuso into a lto for grand opera once again I had qualms for I felt at once that Lobby had a mistaken idea about the character of a dramatic subject when I inquired into the real action of the play Lobby was astonished that I should expect more than the story

Of the Polish hero whose life was crowded with incident in any case he thought there was quite sufficient action in it to describe the unhappy fate of a whole nation of course the usual heroin was not missing she was a Polish girl who had a love affair with a

Russian and in this way some sentimental situations were also to be found in the plot without a moment’s delay I assured my sister Rosalie that I would not set this story to music she agreed with me and begged me only to postpone my answer to Lobby my journey to wburg was of

Great help to me in this respect for it was easier to write my decision to Lobby than to announce it to him personally he accepted the slight rebuff with good Grace but he never forgave me either then or afterwards for writing my own words when he heard what subject I had

Preferred To His Brilliant political poem he made no effort to conceal his contempt for my choice I had borrowed the plot from a dramatic fairy tale by GSI Ladon Serpent and called it dine the fairies the names of my heroes I chose from different aan and similar poems my prince was called

Arendel he was loved by a fairy called aah who held him under her spell and kept him in fairy land away from his realm until his Faithful Friends at last found him and induced him to return for his country was going to rack and ruin and even its capital had fallen into the

Enemy’s hands the loving fairy herself sends the prince back to his country for the Oracle has decreed that she shall lay upon her lover the severest of tasks only by performing this task triumphantly can he make it possible for her to leave The Immortal World of

Fairies in order to share the fate of her Earthly lover as his wife in a moment of deepest despair about the state of his country the fairy queen appears to him and purposely destroys his faith in her by Deeds of the most cruel and inexplicable nature driven mad by a thousand fears orindo

Begins to imagine that all the time he has been dealing with a wicked sorceress and tries to escape the Fatal spell by pronouncing a curse upon a wild with sorrow the unhappy fairy sinks down and reveals their Mutual fate to the Lover now lost to her forever and tells him

That as a punishment for having disobeyed the decree of Fate she is doomed to be turned into stone in gods’s version she becomes a serpent in immediately afterwards it appears that all the catastrophes which the fairy had prophesied were but deceptions victory over the enemy as well as the growing

Prosperity and Welfare of the Kingdom now follow in quick succession adaah is taken away by the fates and arindel a raving mad man remains behind alone the terrible sufferings of his Madness do not however satisfy the fates to bring about his utter ruin they appear before the repentant man and invite him to

Follow them to the Nether world on the pretext of enabling him to free aah from the spell through the treacherous Promises of the wicked fairies zindle Madness grows into Sublime exaltation and one of his household magicians a faithful friend having in the meantime equipped him with magic

Weapons and charms he now follows the traitress the latter cannot get over their astonishment when they see how a rindle overcomes one after the other of the monsters of the infernal regions only when they arrive at the vault in which they show him the stone in human

Shape do they recover their hope of vanquishing the Valiant Prince for unless he can break the charm which binds Ada he must share her fate and be doomed to remain a stone forever arendel who until then has been using the dagger and the shield given him by the friendly

Magician now makes use of an instrument a liar which he has brought with him and the meaning of which he had not yet understood to the sounds of this instrument he now expresses his plaintive moans his remorse and his overpower powering longing for his Enchanted Queen the stone is moved by

The magic of his love the beloved one is released fairy land with all its Marvels opens its portals and the Mortal learns that owing to his former inconstancy adaah has lost the right to become his wife on Earth but that her beloved through his great and magic power has

Earned the right to Live Forever by her side in fairy land although I had written die haite in the darkest vein without operatic embellishment ments I painted this subject with the utmost color and Variety in contrast to the lovers out of Fairyland I depicted a more ordinary couple and I even

Introduced a third pair that belongs to the coarser and more comical servant world I purposely went to no pains in the matter of the poetic diction and the verse my idea was not to encourage my former hopes of making a name as a poet I was now really a musician and a

Composer and wished to write a decent Opera labretto simply because I was sure that nobody else could write one for me the reason being that such a book is something quite unique and cannot be written either by a poet or by a mere man of letters with the intention of

Setting this labretto to music I left leipsig in January 1833 to stay in wsur with my eldest brother Albert who at the time held an appointment at the theater it now seemed necessary for me to begin to apply my musical knowledge to a practical purpose and to this end my

Brother had promised to help me in getting some kind of post at the small wsur theater I traveled by post to Bamberg vaha and in Bamberg I stayed a few days in the company of a young man called Shunk who from a player on the horn had become an actor with the

Greatest interest I learned the story of Casper Hower who at that time was very well known and who if I am not mistaken was pointed out to me in addition to this I admired The Peculiar costumes of the market women thought with much interest of Hoffman’s stay at this place

And of how it had led to the writing of his tales and resumed my journey to wsur with a man called howder and suffered miserably from the cold all the way my brother Albert who was almost a new acquaintance to me did his best to make

Me feel at home in his not over luxurious establishment he was pleased to find me less mad than he had expected me to be from a certain letter with which I had succeeded in frightening him sometime previously and he really managed to procure me an exceptional occupation as

Choir Master at the theater for which I received the monthly fee of 10 gilders the remainder of the winter was devoted to the serious study of the duties required of a musical director in a very short time I had to tackle two new grand operas namely marner’s vamper

And Meer Bear’s Robert or toyful in both of which the chorus played a considerable part At first I felt absolutely like a beginner and had to start on Camila voner the score four of which was utterly unknown to me I still remember that I felt I was doing a thing

Which I had no right to undertake I felt quite an amateur at the work soon however marner’s score interested me sufficiently to make the labor seem worth my while the score of Robert was a great disappointment to me from the newspapers I had expected plenty of originality and

Novelty I could find no trace of either in this transparent work and an opera with a finale like that of the second act could could not be named in the same breath with any of my favorite works the only thing that impressed me was the unearthly key trumpet which in the last

Act represented the voice of the mother’s ghost it was remarkable to observe the aesthetic demoralization into which I now fell through having daily to deal with such a work I gradually lost my dislike for this shallow and exceedingly uninteresting composition a dislike I shared with many German musicians in the growing interest

Which I was compelled to take in its inter ration and thus it happened that the insipidness and affectation of the commonplace Melodies ceased to concern me save from the standpoint of their capability of eliciting Applause or the reverse as moreover my future career as musical conductor was at stake my

Brother who was very anxious on my behalf looked favorably on this lack of classical obstinacy on my part and thus the ground was gradually prepared for that decline in my classical taste which was destined to last some cons considerable time all the same this did not occur before I had given some proof

Of my great inexperience in the lighter style of writing my brother wanted to introduce a cavedine from the piratin by Bellini into the same composer’s Opera stran the score was not to be had and he entrusted me with the instrumentation of this work from the piano score alone I

Could not possibly detect the heavy and noisy instrumentation of the ronells and intermi which musically were so very thin the composer of a great CA major Symphony with an end fug could only help himself out of the difficulty by the use of a few flutes and clarinets playing in

Thirds at the rehearsal the cavine sounded so frightfully thin and shallow that my brother made me serious reproaches about the waste of copying expenses but I had my revenge to the tenor ARA of Aubrey in marner’s Vampire I added an Allegro for which I also wrote the words my work succeeded

Splendidly and earned the praise of both the public and my brother in a similar German style I wrote the music to my fiend in the course of the Year 1833 my brother and his wife left wburg after Easter in order to Avail themselves of several invitations at

Friends houses I stayed behind with the children three little girls of Tender Years which placed me in the extraordinary position of a responsible Guardian a post for which I was not in the least suited at that time of of my life my time was divided between my work

And pleasure and in consequence I neglected my charges amongst the friends I made there Alexander Mueller had much influence over me he was a good musician and pianist and I used to listen for hours to his improvisations on given themes an accomplishment in which he so greatly

Excelled that I could not fail to be impressed with him and some other friends amongst whom was also Valentine ham I often made EX cions in the neighborhood on which occasions the Bavarian beer and the Frankish wine were W to fly Valentine ham was a grotesque individual who entertained us often with

His excellent violin playing he had an enormous stretch on the piano for he could reach an interval of a 12 derlet te a public beer garden situated on a pleasant height was a daily witness of my fits of wild and often enthusiastic boisterousness never once during those

Mild summer nights did I return to to my charges without having waxed enthusiastic over art and the world in generally also remember a wicked trick which has always remained a blot in my memory amongst my friends was a fair and very enthusiastic suian called Frolic with whom I had exchanged my score of

The C minor Symphony for his which he had copied out with his own hand this very gentle but rather irritable young man had taken such a violent dislike to one Andre whose malicious face I also detested that he declared that this person spoiled his evenings for him

Merely by being in the same room with him the unfortunate object of his hatred tried all the same to meet us whenever he could friction ensued but Andre would insist upon aggravating us one evening Frolic lost patience after some insulting retort he tried to chase him from our table by

Striking him with a stick the result was a fight in which Frolic friends felt they must take part though they all seemed to do so with some reluctance a mad Longing To Join the fry also took possession of me with the others I helped in knocking our poor

Victim about and I even heard the sound of one terrible blow which I struck Andre on the head whilst he fixed his eyes on me in bewilderment I relate this incident to atone for a sin which has weighed very heavily on my conscience ever since I can compare this sad experience only

With one out of my earliest Boyhood days namely the drowning of some puppies in a shallow pool behind my uncle’s house in Ian even to this day I cannot think of the slow death of these poor little creatures without horror I have never quite forgotten some of my Thoughtless

And Reckless actions for the Sorrows of others and in particular those of animals have always affected me deeply to the extent of filling me with a disgust of life my first love affair stands out in strong contrast against these Recollections it was only natural that one of the young chorus ladies with whom

I had to practice daily should know how to attract my attentions teres ringelman the daughter of a Gravedigger thanks to her beautiful soprano voice led me to believe that I could make a great singer of her after I told her of this ambitious scheme she paid much attention to her appearance

And dressed elegantly for the rehearsals and a row of white pearls which she wound through her hair espcially fascinated me during the summer holidays I gave theres regular lessons in singing according to a method which has always remained a mystery to me ever since I also called on her very often at her

House where fortunately I never met her unpleasant father but always her mother and her sisters we also met in the public gardens but false vanity always kept me from telling my friends of our relations I do not know whether the fault lay with her lowly birth her lack

Of Education or my own doubt about the sincerity of my affections but in any case when in addition to the fact that I had my reasons for being jealous they also tried to urge me to a formal engagement This Love Affair came quietly to an end an infinitely more genuine Affair was my

Love for friederick galvani the daughter of a mechanic who was undoubtedly of Italian origin she was very Musical and had a lovely voice my brother had patronized her and helped her to a debut at his Theater which test she stood brilliantly she was rather small but had large dark eyes and a Sweet

Disposition the first oboist of the orchestra a good fellow as well as a clever musician was thoroughly devoted to her he was looked upon as her fiance but owing to some incident in his past he was not allowed to visit at her parents house and the marriage was not

To take place for a long time yet when the Autumn of my year in wburg Drew near I received an invitation from friends to be present at a country wedding at a little distance from wburg the oboist and his fiance had also been invited it was a jolly though primitive Affair we

Drank and danced and I even tried my hand at violin playing but I must have forgotten it badly for even with the second violin I could not manage to satisfy the other musicians but my success with friederick was all the greater we danced like mad through the many couples of peasants

Until at one moment we got so excited that losing all self-control we embraced each other while her real lover was playing the dance music for the first time in my life I began to feel a flattering sensation of self-respect when Frederick’s fiance on seeing how we two flirted accepted the situation with

Good grace if not without some sadness I had never had the chance of thinking that I could make a favorable impression on any young girl I never imagined myself good-look neither had I ever thought it possible that I could attract the attention of pretty girls on the other hand I had gradually acquired

A certain self-reliance in mixing with men of my own age owing to the exceptional vivacity and innate susceptibility of my nature qualities which were brought home to me in my relations with members of my circle I gradually became conscious of a certain power of transporting or bewildering my more indolent

Companions from my poor oboist silent self-control on becoming aware of the ENT advances of his betro towards me I acquired as I have said the first suggest question of the fact that I might count for something not only among men but also among women the Frankish

Wine helped to bring about a state of ever greater confusion and under the cover of its influence I at length declared myself quite openly to be Frederick’s lover ever so far into the night in fact when day was already breaking we set off home together to

Wburg in an open wagon this was the crowning Triumph of my delightful adventure for while all the others including in the end the jealous oboist slept off their debauch in the face of the dawning day I with my cheek against Frederick and listening to the warbling

Of the Larks watched the coming of the Rising Sun on the following day we had scarcely any idea of what had happened a certain sense of Shame which was not Unbecoming held us aloof from one another and yet I easily won access to Frederick’s family and from that time

Forward was daily a welcome guest when for some hours I would linger in unconcealed Intimate intercourse with the same domestic circle from which the unhappy betrothed remained excluded no word was ever mentioned of this last connection never once did it even dawn upon friederick to affect any

Change in the State of Affairs and it seemed to strike no one that I ought so to speak to take the fiance’s place the confiding manner in which I was received by all and especially by the girl herself was exactly similar to one of Nature’s great processes as for instance

When spring steps in and winter passes silently away not one of them ever considered the material consequences of the change and this is precisely the most charming and flattering feature of this first youthful love affair which was never to degenerate into an attitude which might give rise to suspicion or

Concern these relations ended only with my departure from wburg which was marked by the most touching and most tearful leave-taking for some time although I kept kept up no correspondence the memory of this episode remained firmly imprinted on my mind 2 years later while making a rapid Journey Through the old

District I once more visited friederick the poor child approached me utterly shamefaced her oboist was still her lover and though his position rendered marriage impossible the unfortunate young woman had become a mother I have heard nothing more of her since amid all this traffic of love I worked hard at my

Opera and thanks to the loving sympathy of my sister rosaly I was able to find the necessary good spirits for the task when at the commencement of the summer my earnings as a conductor came to an end this same sister again made it her business loyally to provide me with

Ample pocket money so that I might devote myself solely to the completion of my work without troubling about anything or being a burden to anyone at a much later date I came across a letter of mine written to rosaly in those days which were full of a tender almost

Adoring love for that Noble creature when the winter was at hand my brother returned and the theater reopened truth to tell I did not again become connected with it but acquired a position which was even more prominent in the concerts of the musical society in which I produced my great overture in

C major my Symphony and eventually portions of my new Opera as well an amateur with a splendid voice madelle fredel sang the great Arya from a in addition to this a trio was given which in one of its passages had such a moving effect upon my brother who took

Part in it that to his astonishment as he himself admitted he completely lost his cue on account of it by Christmas my work had come to an end my score was written out complete with the most laudable neatness and now I was to return to leig for the New Year in order

To get my Opera accepted by the theater there on the way home I visited nurenberg where I stayed a week with my sister Clara and with her husband who were engaged at the theater there I well remember how happy and comfortable I felt during this pleasant visit to the

Very same relatives who a few years previously when I had stayed with them at magdor had been upset by my resolve to adopt music as a calling now I had become a real musician had written a grand opera and had already brought out many things without coming to grief the

Sense of all this was a great joy to me while it was no less flatter in to my relatives who could not fail to see that the supposed Misfortune had in the end proved to my advantage I was in a Jolly mood and quite unrestrained a state of mind which

Was very largely the result not only of my brother-in-law’s cheerful and sociable household but also of the pleasant Tavern life of the place in a much more confident and elated spirit I returned to leipsig where I was able to lay the three huge volumes of my score before my highly delighted mother and

Sister just then my family was the Richer for the return of my brother Julius from his long wanderings he had worked a good while in Paris as a Goldsmith and had Now set up for himself in that capacity in leipsig he too like the rest was eager

To hear something out of my Opera which to be sure was not so easy as I entirely lacked the gift of playing anything of the sort in an easy and intelligible way only when I was able to work myself into a state of absolute ecstasy was it

Possible for me to render some something with any effect Rosalie knew that I meant it to draw a sort of Declaration of love from her but I have never felt certain whether the Embrace and a sisterly kiss which were awarded me after I had sung my great Arya from Ada

Were bestowed on me from real emotion or rather out of affectionate regard on the other hand the Zeal with which she urged my opera on the director of the theater ringel har the conductor and the manager was unmistakable and she did it so effectually that she obtained their consent for its

Performance and that very speedily I was particularly interested to learn that the management immediately showed themselves eager to try to settle the matter of the costumes for my drama but I was astonished to hear that the choice was in favor of Oriental attire whereas I had intended by the names I

Had selected to suggest a northern character for the setting but it was precisely these names which they found unsuitable as fairy personages are not seen in the north but only in the east while apart from this the original bysi which formed the basis of the work undoubtedly bore an oriental character

It was with the utmost indignation that I opposed the insufferable turban and Captain style of dress and vehemently advocated the nightly garbor in the early years of the Middle Ages I then had to come to a thorough understanding with the conductor steg mayor on the subject of my score he was

A remarkable short fat man with Fair curly hair and an exceptionally jovial disposition he was however very hard to bring to a point when over our wine we always arrived at an understanding very quickly but as soon as we sat at the piano I had to listen to the most

Extraordinary objections concerning the trend of which I was for some time extremely puzzled as the matter was much delayed by this vacillation I put myself into closer communication with the stage manager of the Opera Hower who at that time was much appreci iated as a singer

And Patron of art by the people of leig with this man too I had the strangest experiences he who had captivated the audiences of leipsig more especially with his impersonation of the barber and the Englishman in fra diavolo suddenly revealed himself in his own house as the most fanatical adherent

Of the most old-fashioned music I listen with astonishment to the scarcely veiled contempt with which he treated even Mozart and the only thing he seemed to regret was that we had no operas by Sebastian Bach after he had explained to me that dramatic music had not actually been written yet and that properly

Speaking look alone had shown any ability for it he proceeded to what seemed an exhaustive examination of my own Opera concerning which all I had wished to hear from him was whether it was fit to be performed instead of this however his object seemed to be to point out the

Failure of my purpose in every number I sweated blood under the unparalleled torture of going through my work work with this man and I told my mother and sister of my grave depression all these delays had already succeeded in making it impossible to perform my Opera at the date originally

Fixed and now it was postponed until August of the current year 1834 an incident which I shall never forget inspired me with fresh courage old Bei an experienced and excellent musician and in his day a successful composer who thanks more particularly to his long practice as a conductor at the

The Breslau theater had acquired a perfectly practical knowledge of such things was then living at leig and was a good friend of my people my mother and sister begged him to give his opinion about the fitness of my Opera for the stage and I duly submitted the score to

Him I cannot say How Deeply affected and impressed I was to see this Old Gentleman appear one day among my relatives and to hear him declare with genuine enthusiasm that he simply could not understand how so young a man could have composed such a score his remarks concerning the greatness which he had

Recognized in my talent were really irresistible and positively amazed me when asked whether he considered the work presentable and calculated to produce an effect he declared his only regret was that he was no longer at the head of a theater because had he been he would have thought himself extremely

Lucky to secure such a man as myself permanently for his Enterprise at this announcement my family was overcome with joy and their feelings were all the more Justified seeing that as they all knew beeri was by no means an amiable romancer but a practical musician well seasoned by a life full of

Experience the delay was now born with better spirits and for a long time I was able to wait hopefully for what the future might bring among other things I now began to enjoy the company of a new friend in the person of Lobby who at that time although I had not set his

Casuso to music was at the Zenith of his Fame the first portion of his novel young Europe the form of which was epistolary had appeared and had a most stimulating effect on me more particularly in conjunction with all the youthful hopefulness which at that time pulsated in my veins though his teaching

Was essentially only a repetition of that in Hanes aring hello the forces that then surged in young breasts were given full and eloquent expression The Guiding Spirit of this tendency was followed in literary criticism which was aimed mainly at the supposed or actual incapacity of the semi-classical occupants of our various literary

Thrones without the slightest Mercy the pedants among whom te for one was numbered were treated as sheer incumbrances and hindrances to the rise of a new literature that which led to a remarkable revulsion of my feelings with regard to those German composers who hitherto had been admired and respected

Was partly the influence of these critical skirmishes and the luring sprightliness of their tone but mainly the the impression made by a fresh visit of schroer Dean to lipic when her rendering of Borneo in bini’s Romeo and Juliet carried Everyone by storm the effect of it was not to be compared with

Anything that had been witnessed there to to see the daring romantic figure of the youthful lover against a background of such obviously shallow and empty music prompted one at all events to meditate doubtfully upon the cause of the Great lack of effect in solid German music as it had been applied hitherto to

The drama without for the moment plunging too deeply into this meditation I allowed myself to be born along with the current of my youthful feelings then roused to aror and turned involuntarily to the task of working off all that brooding seriousness which in my earlier years had driven me to such pathetic

Mysticism zop in the German text Dot translator what pollins had not done by his conducting of the 9th Symphony what the Vienna conservatoire Dean Weber and many any other clumsy performances which had led me to regard classical music as absolutely colorless had not fully accomplished was achieved by the

Inconceivable charm of the most unclassical Italian music thanks to the wonderful thrilling and entrancing impersonation of Romeo by schroer of rant what affects such powerful and as regards their causes incomprehensible effects had upon my opinion was shown in a frivolous way in which I was able to contrive a short criticism of Weber’s

Uan for the Elegante zum this Opera had been performed by the lipic company shortly before the appearance of schroer deant cold and colorless performers among whom the singer in the title role appearing in the wilderness with the full sleeves which were then the pink of fashion is still a disagreeable memory

Very laboriously and without Verve but simply with the object of satisfying the demands of classical rules this company did its utmost to dispel even the enthusiastic impressions of Weber’s music which I had formed in my youth I did not know what answer to make to a brother critic of lobbies when he

Pointed out to me the labored character of this operatic performance as soon as he was able to contrast it with the entrancing effect of that Romeo evening here I found myself confronted with a problem the solving of which I was just at that time disposed to take as easily

As possible and displayed my Courage by discarding all Prejudice and that daringly in the short criticism just mentioned in which I simply scoffed at yuany just as I had had my season of wild oat sewing as a student so now I boldly rushed into the same courses in

The development of my artistic taste it was May and beautiful spring weather and a pleasure trip that I now undertook with a friend into the promised land of my youthful romance Bohemia was destined to bring the unrestrained young European mood in me to full maturity this friend was Theodore Apel I

Had known him a long while and had always always felt particularly flattered by the fact that I had won his hearty affection for as the son of the gifted master of meter and imitator of Greek forms of poetry August April I felt that admiring deference for him

Which I had never yet been able to bestow upon the descendant of a famous man being well-to-do and of a good family his friendship gave me such opportunities of coming into touch with the easy circumstances of the upper classes as were not of frequent occurrence in my station of Life while

My mother for instance regarded my association with this highly respectable family with great satisfaction I for my part was extremely gratified at the thought of the cordiality with which I was received in such circles apel’s Earnest wish was to become a poet and I took it for granted that he had all that

Was needed for such a calling above all what seemed to me so important the complete Freedom that his considerable Fortune assured him by liberating him from all need of earning his living or of adopting a profession for a livelihood strange to say his mother who on the death of his distinguished father

Had married a lipic lawyer was very anxious about the vocation he should choose and wished her son to make a fine career in the law as she was not at all disposed to favor his poetical gifts and it was to her attempts to convert me to

Her view in order that by my influence I might avert the Calamity of a second poet in the family in the person of the son that I owed the specially friendly relations that obtained between herself and me all her suggestions succeeded in doing however was to stimulate me even

More than my own favorable opinion of his talent could to confirm my friend in his desire to be a poet and thus to support him in his rebellious attitude towards his family he was not displeased at this as he was also studying music and composed quite nicely I succeeded in

Being on terms of the greatest intimacy with him the fact that that he had spent the very year in which I had sunk into the lowest depths of undergraduate Madness studying at heidleberg and not at lipic had kept him unsullied by any share in my strange

Excesses and when we now met again at lipic in the spring of 1834 the only thing that we still had in common was the aesthetic aspiration of Our Lives which we now strove by way of experiment to divert into the direction of the enjoyment of Life gladly would we have

Flung ourselves into Lively Adventures if only the condition of our environment and of the whole middle class World in which we lived had in any way admitted of such things despite all the promptings of our instincts however we got no further than planning this excursion to Bohemia at all events it was something

That we made the journey not by the post but in our own carriage and our genuine pleasure continue to lie in the fact that at tlets for instance we daily took long drives in a fine Carriage when in the evening we had sued off trout at the

W helmsburg drunk good cheros wine with bin water and duly excited ourselves over Hoffman bethoven Shakespeare ha aring hello and other matters and then with our limbs comfortably outstretched in our elegant Carriage drove back in the summer Twilight to the King of Prussia where we occupied the large

Balcony room on the first floor we felt that we had spent the day like young gods and for sheer exuberance could think of nothing better to do than to indulge in the most frightful quarrels which especially when the windows were open would collect numbers of alarmed listeners in the Square before the Inn

One fine morning I stole away from my friend in order to take my breakfast alone at the schenberg and also to seize an opportunity of jotting down the plan of a new operatic composition in my notebook with this end in view I had mastered the subject of Shakespeare’s

Measure for measure which in accordance with my present mood I soon transformed pretty freely into a labretto entitled Lees forbet young Europe and aring hello and the strange frame of mind into which I had fallen with regard to classical operatic music furnished me with the keynote of my conception which was

Directed more particularly against puritanical hypocrisy and which thus tended boldly to exalt unrestrained sensuality I took care to understand the grave Shakespearean theme only in this sense I could see only the gloomy straight laced Viceroy his heart of flame with the most passionate love for the beautiful novice who while she

Beseeches him to Pardon her brother condemned to death for elicit love at the same time Kindles the most dangerous fire in the stubborn Puritan’s breast by infecting him with the lovely warmth of her human emotion the fact that these powerful features are so richly developed in Shakespeare’s creation only

In order that in the end they may be weighed all the more Gravely in the scales of Justice was no concern of mine all I cared about was to expose the sinfulness of hypoc hypocrisy and the unnaturalness of such cruel moral censure thus I completely dropped measure for measure and made the

Hypocrite be brought to Justice only by the avenging Power of Love I transferred the theme from The Fabulous city of Vienna to the capital of Sunny Sicily in which a German Viceroy indignant at the inconceivably loose morals of the people attempts to introduce a puritanical reform and comes miserably to grief over

It dum Von porai probably contributed to some extent to this theme as did also certain memories of dillian Vesper when I remember that at last even the gentle Sicilian Bellini constituted a factor in this composition I cannot to be sure help smiling at the strange medley in which the most extraordinary

Misunderstandings here took shape this remained for the present a mere draft studies from Life Destin for my work were first to be carried out on this delightful Excursion to Bohemia I led my friend in Triumph to Prague in the hope of securing the same impressions for him which had stirred me

So profoundly when I was there we met my fair friends in the city itself for owing to the death of old count P material changes had taken place in the family and the surviving daughters no longer went to pravin my behavior was full of arrogance and by means of it I

Doubtless wished to vent a certain capricious lust of Revenge for the feelings of bitterness with which I had taken leave of this circle some years previously my friend was well received the changed family circumstances forced the Charming girls ever more and more imperatively to come to some decision as to their future

And a wealthy Bourgeois though not exactly in trade himself but in possession of ample memes seemed to the anxious mother at all events a good adviser without either showing or feeling any malice in the matter I expressed my pleasure at the sight of the strange confusion caused by Theodore’s introduction into the family

By the merriest and wildest gests for my only intercourse with the ladies consisted purely of jokes and friendly chaff they could not understand how it was that I had altered so strangely there was no longer any of that love of wrangling that rage for instructing and that Zeal in converting

In me which formerly they had found so irritating but at the same time not a sensible word could I be made to utter and they who were now wanting to talk over many things seriously could get nothing out of me save the wild as Tom Foolery as on this occasion in my

Character of an uncaged bird I boldly allowed myself many a liberty against which they felt themselves powerless my exuberant Spirits were excited all the more when my friend who was led away by my example tried to imitate me a thing they took in very bad part from him only

Once was there any attempt at seriousness between us I was sitting at the piano and was listening to my companion who was telling the ladies that in a conversation at the hotel I had found occasion to express myself most warmly to someone who appeared to be surprised on hearing of the domestic

And industrious qualities of my lady friends I was deeply moved when as the outcome of my companion’s remarks I gathered what unpleasant experiences the poor things had already been through for what seemed to me a very natural action on my part appeared to fill them with unexpected pleasure Jenny for instance

Came up to me and hugged me with great warmth by General consent I was now granted the right of Behaving with almost studied rudeness and I replied even to Jenny’s warm Outburst only with my usual banter in our hotel the black horse which was so famous in those days I found the

Playground in which I was able to carry the mischievous Spirit not exhausted at the pot’s house to the point of recklessness out of the most accidental material in table and traveling guests we succeeded in gathering a company around us which allowed us until far into the night to lead it into the most

Inconceivable folies to all this I was incited more particularly by the personality of a very timid and undersized businessman from Frankfurt on the odor who longed to seem of a daring disposition and his presence stimulated me if only owing to the remarkable chance it gave me of coming into contact

With someone who was at home in Frankfurt on the odor anyone who knows how things then stood in Austria can form some idea of my recklessness when I say that I once went so far as to cause our Symposium in the public room to Bellow the mares out loud into the night

Therefore when after this heroic exploit was over and while I was undressing I clambered on the outer Ledges of the windows from one room to the other on the second floor I naturally horrified those who did not know of the love of acrobatic Feats which I had cultivated

In my earliest Boyhood even if I had exposed myself without fear to such dangers I was soon sobered down next morning by by a summon from the police when in addition to this I recalled the singing of the mares I was filled with the gravest fears after having been detained at the

Station a long time owing to a strange misunderstanding the upshot of it was that the inspector who was told off to examine me found that there was not sufficient time left for a serious hearing and to my great relief I was allowed to go after replying to a few harmless questions concerning the

Intended length of my stay nevertheless we thought it advisable not to yield to the temptation of playing any more pranks beneath the spread wings of the Double Eagle by means of a circuitous route into which we were led by our insatiable longing for Adventures Adventures which as a matter of fact

Occurred only in our imagination and which to all intents and purposes were but modest diversions on the road we at length got back to leipsig and with this return home the really cheerful period of My Life as a youth definitely closed if up to that time I had not been

Free from serious errors and moments of passion it was only now that care cast its first Shadow across my path my family had anxiously awaited my return in order to inform me that the post of conductor had been offered to me by the magert theater company this company

During the current summer month was performing at a watering place called lch stab the manager could not get on with an incompetent conductor that had been sent to him and his extremity had applied to leig in the hope of getting a substitute forth with steg mayor the conductor who had no inclination to

Practice my score fiend during the hot summer weather as he had promised to do promptly recommended me for the post and in that way really managed to shake off a very Troublesome Tormentor for although on the one hand I really desired to be able to abandon myself freely and without restraint to

The torrent of Adventures that constitute the artist’s life yet a longing for indep dependence which could be won only by my earning my own living had been greatly strengthened in Me by the state of my Affairs albeit I had the feeling that a solid basis for the

Gratification of this desire was not to be laid in lchad nor did I find it easy to assist the plot concocted against the production of my Fiend I therefore determined to make a preliminary visit to the place just to see how things stood this little Watering Place had in

The days of Gera and Schiller acquired a very wide reputation its wooden theater had been built according to the design of the former and the first performance of the brought Von mesina had been given there but although I repeated all this to myself the place made me feel rather

Doubtful I asked for the house of the director of the theater he proved to be out but a small dirty boy his son was told to take me to the theater to find papa papa however met us on the way he was an elderly man he wore wore a

Dressing gown and on his head a cap his delight at greeting me was interrupted by complaints about a serious indisposition for which his son was to fetch him a cordial from a shop close by before dispatching the boy on this errand he pressed a real silver penny

Into his hand with a certain ostentation which was obviously for my benefit this person was Heinrich bethman surviving husband of the famous actress of that name who having lived in the Heyday of the German stage had won the favor of the King of Prussia and won it so

Lastingly that long after her death it had continued to be extended to her spouse he always drew a nice pension from the Prussian court and permanently enjoyed its support without ever being able to Forfeit its protection by his irregular and dissipated ways at the time of which I am speaking he had sunk

To his lowest owing to continued theater management his speech and manners revealed the sugary refinement of a bygone day while all that he did and everything about about him testified to the most shameful neglect he took me back to his house where he presented me to his second wife who crippled in one

Foot lay on an extraordinary couch while an elderly Bas concerning whose excessive devotion Beth man had already complained to me quite openly smoked his pipe beside her from there the director took me to his stage manager who lived in the same house with the latter who was just engaged in a consultation about

The Repertory with the theater at attendant a toothless old skeleton he left me to settle the necessary arrangements as soon as Beth man had gone schil the stage manager Shrugged his shoulders and smiled assuring me that that was just the way of the director to put everything on his back

And trouble himself about nothing there he had been sitting for over an hour discussing with Cog what should be put on next Sunday it was all very well his starting Don Juan but how could he get a rehearsal carried out when the mburg town bands men who formed the orchestra would not come

Over on Saturday to rehearse all the time schil kept reaching out through the open window to a cherry tree from which he picked and persistently ate the fruit ejecting the stones with a disagreeable noise now it was this last circumstance in particular which decided me for strange to say I

Have an innate aversion from fruit I informed the stage manager that he need not trouble at all about Don Juan for Sunday since for my part if they had reckoned on my making my first appearance at this performance I must anyhow disappoint the director as I had

No choice but to return at once to leig where I had to put my Affairs in order this polite manner of tendering my absolute refusal to accept the appointment a conclusion I had quickly arrived at in my own mind forced me to practice some dissimulation and made it necessary for

Me to appear as if I really had some other purpose in coming to Lad this pretense in itself was quite unnecessary seeing that I was quite determined never to return there again people offered to help me in finding a lodging and a young actor whom I had

Chanced to know at wburg undertook to be my guide in the matter while he was taking me to the best lodging he knew he told me that presently he would do me the kindness of making me the housemate of the prettiest and nicest girl to be

Found in the place at the time she was the junior lead of the company madelle minip plainer of whom doubtless I had already heard as luck would have it the promised damsel met us at the door of the house in question her appearance and bearing formed the most striking

Contrast possible to all the unpleasant impressions of the theater which it had been my lot to receive on this fateful morning looking very Charming in fresh the young actress’s General Manner and movements were full of a certain majesty and Grave Assurance which lent an agreeable and captivating air of dignity

To her otherwise Pleasant expression her scrupulously clean and tidy dress complete bed the startling effect of the unexpected encounter after I had been introduced to her in the hall as the new conductor and after she had done regarding with astonishment The Stranger who seemed so young for such a title she recommended

Me kindly to the land lady of the house and beg that I might be well looked after whereupon she walked proudly and serenely across the street to her rehearsal I engaged a room on the spot agreed to Don Juan for Sunday regretted greatly that I had not brought my

Luggage with me from lipic and hastened to return thither as quickly as possible in order to get back to Lad all the sooner the die was cast the serious side of life at once confronted me in the form of significant experiences at liick I had to take a

Furtive leave of lobby at the instance of Prussia he had been warned off saxs and soil and he half guessed at the meaning which was to be attached to this move the time of undisguised reaction against the liberal movement of the early 30s had set in the fact that Lobby

Was concerned in no sort of political work but had devoted himself merely to literary activity always aiming simply at aesthetic objects made the action of the police quite incomprehensible to us for the time being the disgusting ambiguity with which the leipsig authorities answered all his questions

As to the cause of his expulsion soon gave him the strongest suspicions as to what their intentions towards him actually were leig as the scene of his literary labors being inestimably precious it mattered greatly to him to keep Within Reach of it my friend apil owned a fine estate on Prussian soil

Within but a few hours distance of liic and we conceived the wish of seeing Lobby hospitably harbored there my friend who without infringing the legal stipulations was in a position to give the persecuted man a place of Refuge immediately ascented and with great Readiness to our desire but confess to

Us next day after after having communicated with his family that he thought he might incur some unpleasantness if he entertained lobby at this the latter smiled and in a manner I shall never forget though I have noticed in the course of my life that the expression which I then saw in

His face was one which has often flitted over my own features he took his leave and in a short time we heard that he had been arrested owing to having undertaken fresh proceedings against former members of the bersin shaft students league and had been lodged in the municipal prison

At Berlin I had thus had two experiences which weighed me down like lead so I packed my scandy portmanto took leave of my mother and sister and with a stout heart started on my career as a conductor in order to be able to look upon the little room under Mina’s

Lodging as my new home I was forced also to make the best of bethman theatrical Enterprise as a matter of fact a performance of Don Juan was given at once for the director who prided himself on being a connoisseur of things artistic suggested that Opera to me as

One with which it would be wise for an aspiring young artist of a good family to make his debut despite the fact that apart from some of my own instrumental compositions I had never yet conducted and least of all in Opera the rehearsal and the performance went off fairly well

Only once or twice did discrepancies appear in the resed of Donna Anna yet this did not involve me in any kind of hostility and when I took my place unabashed and calm for the production of lumpas vagabundus which I had practiced very thoroughly the people generally seemed to have gained full confidence in

The theater’s new acquisition the fact that I submitted without bitterness and even with some cheerfulness to this unworthy use of my musical Talent was due less to my taste being at this period as I called it in its salad days than to my intercourse with minlan who was employed in that magic

Trifle as the Amorous fairy in indeed in the midst of this dust cloud of frivolity and vulgarity she always seemed very much like a fairy the reasons of whose descent into this giddy World which of a truth seemed neither to carry her away nor even to affect her

Remained an absolute mystery for while I could discover nothing in the opera singers Save The Familiar stage caricatures and gases this Fair actress differed wholly from those about her in her unaffected soberness and dainty modesty as also in the absence of all theatrical pretense and stilted there was only one young man

Whom I could place beside Mina on the ground of qualities like those I recognized in her this fellow was Friedrich Schmidt who had only just adopted the stage as a career in the hope of making a hit in Opera to which as the possessor of an excellent tenor

Voice he felt himself called he too differed from the rest of the company especially in the earnestness which he brought to bear upon his studies and his work in general the Soulful manly pitch of his chest voice is clear Noble enunciation and intelligent rendering of his words have always remained as

Standards in my memory owing to the fact that he was wholly devoid of theatrical talent and acted clumsily and awkwardly a check was soon put to his progress but he always remained dear to me as a clever and original man of trustworthy and upright character my only associate

But my dealings with my kind housemate soon became a cherished habit while she returned the ingenuously impetuous advances of the conductor of 1 and20 with a certain tolerant astonishment which remote as it was from all catry and ulterior motives soon made familiar and friendly intercourse possible with

Her when one evening I returned late to my ground floor room by climbing through the window for I had no latch key the noise of my entry brought Mina to her window just over mine standing on my window ledge I begged her to allow me to

Bid her good night once once more she had not the slightest objection to this but declared it must be done from the window as she always had her door locked by the people of the house and nobody could get in that way she kindly facilitated the handshake by leaning far

Out of her window so that I could take her hand as I stood on my ledge when later on I had an attack of aerosus from which I often suffered and with my face all swollen and frightfully distorted concealed myself from the world in my gloomy room men have visited me

Repeatedly nursed me and assured me that my distorted features did not matter in the least on recovering I paid her a visit and complained of a rash that had remained round my mouth and which seemed so unpleasant that I apologized for showing it to her this also she made

Light of then I inferred she would not give me a kiss whereupon she at once gave me practical proof that she did not shrink from that either this was all done with a friendly Serenity and compos Ure that had something almost motherly about it and it was free from all

Suggestion of frivolity or of heartlessness in a few weeks the company had to leave lad to proceed to rdad and fulfill a special engagement there I was particularly anxious to make this journey which in those days was an arduous undertaking in min’s company and if only I had succeeded in getting my

Well-earned salary duly paid by bethman nothing would have hindered the Fulfillment of my wish but in this matter I encountered exceptional difficulties which in the course of eventful years grew in chronic fashion into the strangest of ailments even at LAD I had discovered that there was only one man who drew his

Salary in full namely the Bas nyso whom I had seen smoking his pipe beside the couch of the director’s lame wife I was assured that if I cared greatly about getting some of my wages from time to time I could obtain this favor only by paying Court to Madame

Bethman this time I preferred once more to to appeal to my family for help and therefore traveled to rdad through leig where to the sad astonishment of my mother I had to replenish my Coffer with the necessary supplies on the way to leig I had traveled with Apel through his estate he

Having fetched me from lad for the purpose his arrival was fixed in my memory by a noisy banquet which my wealthy friend gave at the hotel in my honor it was on this occasion that I and one of the other guests succeeded in completely destroying a huge massively

Built Dutch tile stove such as we had in our room at the Inn next morning none of us could understand how it had happened it was on this journey to ridad that I first passed through wymer where on a rainy day I strolled with curiosity but without emotion towards gerta’s house I

Had pictured something rather different and thought I should experience livelier Impressions from the active theater life of rlead to which I felt strongly attracted in spite of the fact that I I was not to be conductor myself this post having been entrusted to the leader of the royal Orchestra who had been

Specially engaged for our performances yet I was so fully occupied with rehearsals for the many operas and musical comedies required to regil the frivolous public of the principality that I found no leisure for excursions into the Charming regions of this little land in addition to these severe and

Ill-paid labors two passions held me changed during the 6 weeks of my stay in rdad these were first a longing to write the labretto of Lee Bes forbet and secondly my growing attachment to mina it is true I sketched out a musical composition about this time a symphony

In E Major whose first movement three or four time I completed as a separate piece as regards style design this work was suggested by Boven 7th and eth Symphonies and so far as I can remember I should have had no need to be ashamed of it had I been able to completed or

Keep the part one had actually finished but I had already begun at this time to form the opinion that to produce anything fresh and truly noteworthy in the realm of symphony and according to Bean’s methods was an impossibility whereas Opera to which I felt inwardly drawn though I had no real

Example I wish to copy presented itself to my mind in varied and alluring shapes as a Most Fascinating form of art thus amid manifold and passionate agitation and in the few Leisure Hours which were left to me I completed the greater part of my operatic poem taking infinitely

More pains both as regards words and versification then with the text of my earlier fi moreover I found myself possessed of incomparably Greater Assurance in the arrangement and partial invention of situations than when writing that earlier work on the other hand I now began for the first time to

Experience the cares and worries of a Lover’s jealousy a change to me inexplicable manifested itself in Mina’s hitherto unaffected and gentle manner towards me it appears that my artless solicitations for her favor by which at that time I meant nothing serious and in which a man of the world would merely

Have seen the exuberance of a youthful and easily satisfied infatuation had given rise to certain remarks and comments upon the popular actress I was astonished to learn first from her reserved Manner and later from her own lips that she felt compelled to inquire into the seriousness of my intentions and to consider their

Consequences she was at that time as I had already discovered on very intimate terms with a young nobleman whose acquaintance I first made in lad where he used to visit her I had already realized on that occasion that he was unfeignedly and cordially attached to

Her in fact in the circle of her friends she was regarded as engaged to her vaugh o although it was obvious that marriage was out of the question question as the young lover was quite without means and owing to the high standing of his family it was essential that he should

Sacrifice himself to a marriage of convenience both on account of his social position and of the career which he would have to adopt during this stay at rad Mina appears to have gathered certain information on this point which troubled and depressed her thus rendering her more inclined to treat my

Impetuous attempts at courtship with cool Reserve after mature deliberation I recognized that in any case young Europe aring hello and Lee bebit could not be produced at rdad but it was a very different matter for the FI Amorosa with its merry theatrical mood and an erer Burger Kind to seek a decent

Livelihood therefore greatly discouraged I proceeded to accentuate the more extravagant situations of my Lee es forbit by rioting with a few comrades in the sausage scented atmosphere of the rdad vocal whis at this time my troubles again brought me more or less into contact with the vice of gambling

Although on this occasion it only cast temporary Fetters about me in the very harmless form of the dice and roulette tables out on the Open Marketplace we were looking forward to the time when we should leave ridad for the half-yearly winter season at the capital magur mainly because I should

There resume my place at the head of the orchestra and might in any case count on a better reward for my musical efforts but before returning to magniberg I had to endure a trying interval at Burber where Beth man the director in addition to his other undertakings had also promised sunry theatrical

Performances during our brief stay in the town I had to arrange for the presentation with a mere fraction of the company of several operas which were again to be conducted by the Royal conductor of the place but in addition to these professional labors I had to endure such a meager ill provided and

Grievously farsal existence as was enough to disgust me if not forever at at any rate for the time being with The Wretched profession of a theatrical conductor yet I survived even this and magniberg was destined to lead me eventually to the real glory of my adopted profession the sensation of

Sitting in command at the very conductor’s desk from which not many years before the Great Master line had so moved the perplexed young Enthusiast by the weighty wisdom of his musical directorship was not without its charm for me and indeed I very quickly succeeded in obtaining perfect confidence in conducting an

Orchestra I was soon a Persona grada with the excellent musicians of the orchestra their Splendid combination in Spirited overtures which especially towards the finale I generally took at an unheard of speed often earned for us all the intoxicating Applause of the public the achievements of my fiery and

Often exuberant Zeal won me recognition from the singers and were greeted by the audience with rapturous appreciation as in magniberg at least in those days the art of theatrical criticism was but slightly developed this Universal satisfaction was a great encouragement and at the end of the first 3 months of my magn birg

Conductorship I felt sustained by the flattering and comforting assurance that I was one of the big wigs of Opera under these circumstances schma the stage manager who has been my good friend ever since proposed a special Gala performance for New Year’s Day which he felt sure would be a

Triumph I was to compose the necessary music this was very speedily done arousing Overture several melodramas and choruses were all greeted with enthusiasm and brought us such ample Applause that we repeated the performance with great success although such repetitions after the actual Gala day were quite contrary to usage with the New Year

1835 there came a decisive turning point in my life after the rupture between Mina and myself at ridad we had been to some extent lost to one another but our friendship was resumed on our meeting again in magur this time however it remained cool and purposely indifferent when she first appeared in a

Town a year before her beauty had attracted considerable notice and I now learned that she was the object of great attention from several young noblemen and had shown herself not unmoved by the compliment implied by their visits although her reputation thanks to her absolute discretion and self-respect remained Beyond reproach my

Objection to her receiving such attentions grew very strong owing possibly in some degree to the memory of the Sorrows I had endured in Po’s house in Prague although Mina assured me that the conduct of these gentlemen was much more discreet and decent than that of theatergoers of the bis class and

Especially than that of certain young musical conductors she never succeeded in soothing the bitterness and insist with which I protested against her acceptance of such attentions so we spent three unhappy months in ever increasing estrangement and at the same time in half frantic despair I pretended to be fond of the

Most undesirable Associates and acted in every way with such blatant levity that Mina as she told me afterwards was filled with the deepest anxiety and solicitude concerning me moreover as the ladies of the Opera Company were not slow to pay court to their youthful doctor and especially as one young woman

Whose reputation was not spotless openly set her cap at me this anxiety of Min seems at last to have culminated in a definite decision I HIIT upon the idea of treating the elite of our Opera Company to oysters and punch in my own room on New Year’s Eve the married

Couples were invited and then came the question whether fre line planer would consent to take part in such a festivity she accepted quite ingenuously and presented herself as neatly and becomingly dressed as ever in my bachelor apartments where things soon grew pretty Lively I had already warned

My landlord that we were not likely to be very quiet and reassured him as to any possible damage to his furniture what the champagne failed to accomplish the punch eventually succeeded in doing all the restraints of petty conventionality which the company usually endeavored to observe were cast aside giving place to an unreserved

Demeanor all around to which no one objected and then it was that Mina’s queenly dignity distinguished her from all her companions she never lost her self-respect and whilst no one ventured to take the slightest Liberty with her everyone very clearly recognized the simple cander with which she responded to my kindly and solicitous

Attentions they could not fail to see that the link existing between us was not to be compared to any ordinary liaison and we had the satisfaction of seeing the flighty young lady who had so openly angled for me fall into a fit over the discovery from that time onward

I remained permanently on the best of terms with Mina I do not believe that she ever felt any sort of passion or Genuine love for me or indeed that she was capable of such a thing and I can therefore only describe her feeling for me as one of heartfelt Goodwill and the

Sincerest desire for my success and prosperity inspired as she was with the kindest sympathy and genuine delight at and admiration for my talents all this at last became part of her nature she obviously had a very favorable opinion of my abilities though she was surprised at the rapidity of My

Success my eccentric nature which she knew so well how to humor pleasantly by her gentleness stimulated her to the continual exercise of the power so flattering to her own vanity and without ever betraying any desire or art of herself she never met my impetuous advances with coldness

At the magur theater I had already made the acquaintance of a very interesting woman called Madame hos she was an actress no longer in her first Youth and played so-called chaperon Parts this lady won my sympathy by telling me she had been friendly ever since her youth with Lobby in whose Destiny she

Continued to take a heartfelt and cordial interest she was clever but far from happy and an unprepossessing exterior which with the lapse of years grew more uninviting did not tend to make her any happier she lived in meager circumstances with one child and appeared to remember her better days

With a bitter grief my first visit to her was paid merely to inquire after Lobby’s fate but I soon became a frequent and familiar caller as she and Mina speedily became fast friends we three often spent Pleasant evenings talking together but when later on a certain jealousy manifested itself on

The part of the Elder woman towards the younger our confidential relations were more or less Disturbed for it particularly grieved me to hear Mina’s talents and mental gifts criticized by the other one evening I had promised Mina to have tea with her and Madam hos but I had thoughtlessly promised to go

To a Wist party first this engagement I purposely prolonged much as it wearied me in the deliberate hope that her companion who had already grown irksome to me might have left before my arrival the only way in which I could do this was by drinking hard so that I had the

Very unusual experience of rising from a sober Wist party in a completely fuddled condition into which I had imperceptibly fallen and in which I refused to believe this incredulity deluded me into keeping my engagement for tea although it was so late to my intense disgust the Elder

Woman was still there when I arrived and her Presence at once had the effect of rousing my tipsiness to a violent outbreak for she seemed astonished at my rowdy in unseemly behavior and made several remarks upon it intended for jokes whereupon I scoffed at her in the coarsest manner so that she immediately

Left the house in high dugeon I had still sense enough to be conscious of Mina’s astonished laughter at my outrageous conduct as soon as she realized however that my condition was such as to render my removal impossible without great commotion she rapidly formed a resolution which must indeed have cost

Her an effort though it was carried out with the utmost calmness and Good Humor she did all she could for me and procured me the necessary relief and when I sank into a heavy Slumber unhesitatingly resigned her own bed to my use there I slept until awakened by

The wonderful gray of dawn on recognizing where I was I at once realized and grew ever more convinced of the fact that this morning Sunrise marked the starting point of an infinitely momentous period of my life the demon of care had at last entered into my my existence without any light-hearted

Gests without gity or joking of any description we breakfasted quietly in decorously together and at an hour when in view of the compromising circumstances of the previous evening we could set out without attracting undue notice I set off with Mina for a long walk beyond the city Gates then we

Parted and from that day forward freely and openly gratified our desires as an acknowledged pair of lovers The Peculiar Direction which my musical activities had gradually taken continued to receive ever fresh impetus not only from the successes but also from the disasters which about this time befell my efforts

I produced the Overture to my fiend with very satisfactory results at a concert given by the loan gessel shaft and thereby earned considerable Applause on the other hand news came from leig confirming the shabby action of the directors of the theater in that place with regard to the promised presentation of this Opera

But happily for me I had begun the music for my Lee es forbit an occupation which so absorbed my thoughts that I lost all interest in the earlier work and abstained with proud indifference from all further effort to secure its performance in leig the success of its Overture alone

Amply repaid me for the composition of my first opera meanwhile in spite of numerous other distractions I found time during the brief 6 months of this theatrical season in magur to complete a large portion of my new Opera besides doing other work I ventured to introduce

Two Duets from it at a concert given in the theater and their reception encouraged me to proceed hopefully with the rest of the opera during the second half of this season my friend ail came to Sun himself enthusiastically in the Splendor of my musical directorship he had written a drama

Columbus which I recommended to our management for production this was a peculiarly easy favor to win as April volun volunteered to have a new scene representing the Alhambra painted at his own expense besides this he proposed to affect many welcome improvements in the condition of the actors taking part in

His play for owing to the continued preference displayed by the director for nyso the base they had all suffered very much from uncertainty about their wages the piece itself appeared to me to contain much that was good it described the difficulties and struggles of the great Navigator before he set sail on

His first voyage of Discovery the drama ended with the momentous departure of his ships from the harbor of Palos an episode whose results are known to all the world at my desire ail submitted his play to my uncle Adolf and even in his critical opinion it was remarkable for

Its Lively and characteristic popular scenes on the other hand a love romance which he had woven into the plot struck me as unnecessary and dull in addition to a brief Chorus for some Moors who were expelled from Granada to be sung on their departure from The Familiar home

Country and a short orchestral piece by way of conclusion I also dashed off an overture for my friend’s play I sketched out the complete draft of this one evening at Mina’s house while April was left free to talk to her as much and as loudly as he liked the effect this

Composition was calculated to produce rested on a fundamental idea which was quite simple yet startling in its development unfortunately I worked it out rather hurriedly in not very carefully chosen phrasing the orchestra was to represent the ocean and as far as might be the ship upon it a forcible

Pathetically yearning and aspiring theme was the only comprehensible idea amid the swirl of enveloping sound when the hole had been repeated there was a sudden jump to a different theme in extreme pianissimo accompanied by the swelling vibrations of the first violins which was intended to represent a Fatam

Organa I had secured three pairs of trumpets in different keys in order to produce this Exquisite gradually Dawning and seductive theme with the utmost niceties of shade and variety of modulation this was intended to represent the land of Desire towards which the hero’s eyes are turned and whose Shores seemed continually to rise

Before him only to sink elusively beneath the waves until at last they soar in very deed above the Western Horizon the crown of all his Toil and search and stand clearly and unmistakably revealed to all the sailors a vast continent of the future my six trumpets were now to combine in one key

In order that the theme assigned to them might re-echo in glorious Jubilation familiar as I was with the Excellence of the Prussian regimental trumpeters I could rely upon a startling effect especially in this concluding passage my Overture astonished everyone and was tumultuously applauded the play itself however was acted without dignity

A conceited comedian named lwig Meyer completely ruined the title part for which he excused himself on the ground that having to act as stage manager also he had been unable to commit his lines to memory nevertheless he managed to enrich his wardrobe with several Splendid costumes at apel’s expense

Wearing them as Columbus one after the other at all events Apel had lived to see a play of his own actually performed and although this was never repeated yet it AFF Ed me an opportunity of increasing my personal popularity with the people of magur as the Overture was several times

Repeated at concerts by special request but the chief event of this theatrical season occurred towards its close I induced Madame schroer deant who was staying in leipsig to come to us for a few special performances when on two occasions I had the great satisfaction in stimulating experience of myself

Conducting the operas in which she she sang and thus entering into immediate artistic collaboration with her she appeared as Desdemona and Romeo in the latter role particularly she surpassed herself and kindled a fresh flame in my breast this visit brought us also into closer personal contact so kindly

Disposed and sympathetic did she show herself towards me that she even volunteered to lend me her services at a concert which I proposed to give for my own benefit although this would necess itate her returning after a brief absence under circumstances so auspicious I could only expect the best

Possible results from my concert and in my situation at that time its proceeds were a matter of vital importance to me my scandy salary from the magur Opera Company had become altogether a lucer being paid only in small and irregular installments so that I could see but one way of meeting my daily

Expenses these included frequent entertainment of a large circle of friends consisting of singers and players and the situation had become unpleasantly accentuated by no small number of deaths true I did not know their exact amount but reckoned that I could at least form an advantageous if indefinite estimate of the sum to be

Realized by my concert whereby the two unknown quantities might balance each other I therefore consoled my creditors with the tale of these fabulous receipts which were to pay them all in full the day after the concert I even went so far was to invite them to come and be paid

At the hotel to which I had moved at the close of the season and indeed there was nothing unreasonable in my counting on the highest imaginable receipts when supported by so great and popular a singer who moreover was returning to magur on purpose for the event I consequently acted with Reckless

Prodigality as regards cost launching out into all manner of musical extravagance such as engaging an excellent and much larger Orchestra and arranging many rehearsals unfortunately for me however nobody would believe that such a famous actress whose time was so precious would really return again to please a little magniberg

Conductor my pompous announcement of her appearance was almost universally regarded as a deceitful maneuver and people took offense at the high prices charged for seats the result was that the hall was only very scantily filled a fact which particularly grieved me on account of my generous patroness her promise I had never

Doubted punctually on the day appointed she reappeared to support me and now had the painful and unaccustomed experience of Performing before a small audience fortunately she treated the matter with great good humor which I learned later was prompted by other motives not personally concerning me among several pieces she sang

Beethoven’s Adelaide most exquisitly wherein to my own astonishment I accompanied her on the piano but alas another and more unexpected mishap befell my concert through our unfortunate selection of pieces owing to the excessive reverberation of the saloon in the hotel the city of London the noise was unbearable my Columbus Overture with its

Six trumpets had early in the evening filled the audience with Terror and now at the end came Boven schlack Bay Victoria for which in enthusiastic expectation of Limitless receipts I have provided every imaginable orchestral luxury the firing of Cannon and musketry was organized with the utmost elaboration on both the French and

English sides by means of specially constructed and costly apparatus while trumpets and bugles had been doubled and trebled then began a battle such as has seldom been more cruy fought in a concert room the orchestra flung itself so to speak upon the scanty audience with such an overwhelming superiority of

Numbers that the latter spe edily gave up all thought of resistance and literally took to flight Madame shod deant had kindly taken a front seat that she might hear the concert to an end much as she may have been inured to Terrors of this kind this was more than

She could stand even out of friendship for me when therefore the English made a fresh desperate assault upon the French position she took to flight almost ringing her hands her action became the signal for a panic-stricken stampede everyone rushed out and Wellington’s victory was finally celebrated in a confidential Outburst between myself and

The orchestra alone thus ended this wonderful musical festival shoda deant at once departed deeply regretting the ill success of her well- me effort and kindly left me to my fate after seeking comfort in the arms of my Sorrowing sweetheart and attempting to nerve myself for the moros battle which did

Not seem likely to end in a Victorious Symphony I returned next morning to the hotel I found I could only reach my rooms by running the gauntlet between long rows of men and women in double file who had all been specially invited thither for the settlement of their respective Affairs reserving the right

To select individuals from among my visitors for separate interview I first of all LED in the second Trumpeter of the orchestra whose Duty it had been to look after the cash and the music from his account I learned that o to the high fees which in my generous enthusiasm I

Had promised to the orchestra a few more Shillings and six pences would still have to come out of my own pocket to meet these charges alone when this was settled the position of Affairs was plain the next person I invited to come in was Madame gotalk a trustworthy

Jewish with whom I wanted to come to some arrangement respecting the present crisis she perceived at once that more than ordinary help was required in this case but did not doubt that I should be able to obtain it from my opulent con Connections in leig she undertook therefore to appease the other creditors

With tranquilizing assurances and railed or pretended to rail against their indecent conduct with great Vigor thus at last we succeeded though not without some difficulty in making the corridor outside my door once more passable the theatrical season was now over our company on the point of dissolution and

I myself free from my appointment but meanwhile the unhappy director of our theater had passed from a state of chronic to one of acute bankruptcy he paid with paper money that is to say with whole sheets of box tickets for performances which he guaranteed should take place by Dent of

Great craft Mina managed to extract some profit even from these singular treasury bonds she was living at this time most frugally and economically moreover as the dramatic Company still continued its efforts on behalf of its members only the Opera troop having been dissolved she remained at at the theater thus when I started

Out on my compulsory return to liip she saw me off with hearty good wishes for our Speedy reunion promising to spend the next holidays in visiting her parents in Dresden on which occasion she hoped also to look me up in leig thus it came about that early in

May I once more went home to my own folk in order that after this abortive first attempt at Civic Independence I might finally lift the load of debt with which my efforts in magur had burdened me an intelligent brown poodle Faithfully accompanied me and was entrusted to my

Family for food and entertainment as the only visible property I had acquired nevertheless my mother and Rosalie succeeded in founding good hopes for my future career upon the bare fact of my being able to conduct an orchestra to me on the other hand the thought of returning once more to my former life

With my family was very discomforting my relation to mina in particular spurred me on to resume my interrupted career as speedily as possible the great change which had come over me in this respect was more apparent than ever when Mina spent a few days with me in leig on her way home her

Familiar and genial presence proclaimed that my days of Parental dependence were passed and gone we discussed the renewal of my magn BG engagement and I promised her an early visit in Dresden I obtained permission for my mother and sister to invite her one evening to tea and in this way I

Introduced her to my family Rosalie saw at once how matters stood with me but made no further use of the discovery than to tease me about being in love to her the affair did not appear dangerous but to me things wore a very different aspect for this L Lorn

Attachment was entirely in keeping with my independent spirit and my ambition to win myself a place in the world of art my distaste for lipic itself was furthermore strengthened by a change which occurred there at this time in the realm of music at the very time that I

In magur was attempting to make my reputation as a musical conductor by thoughtless submission to the frivolous Taste of the day Mendelson bartholdi was conducting the Gowan house concerts and inaugurating a momentous epic for himself and the musical Taste of leipsig his influence had put an end to

The simple ingenuousness with which the leipsig public had hither to judged the Productions of its sociable subscription concerts through the influence of my good old friend poins who was not not yet altogether laid on the Shelf I managed to produce my Columbus Overture at a benefit concert given by the

Favorite Young singer Livia Gart but to my amazement I found that the taste of the musical public in leig had been given a different bent which not even my rapturously applauded Overture with its brilliant combination of six trumpets could influence this experience deepened my dislike of everything approaching a

Classical tone in which sentiment I found myself in complete Accord with Hest pollen who sighed good-naturedly over the downfall of the good old times arrangements for a musical festival at desau under Friedrich Schneider’s conductorship offered me a welcome chance of quitting lipsig for this journey which could be performed on foot

In 7 hours I had to procure a passport for 8 days this document was destined to play an important part in my life for many years to come for on several occasions and in various European countries it was the only paper I possessed to prove my

Identity in fact owing to my evasion of military duty in Saxony I never again succeeded in obtaining a regular pass until I was appointed musical conductor in Dresden I derived very little artistic pleasure or benefit of any kind from this occasion on the contrary it gave a

Fresh impetus to my hatred of the classical I heard Boven Symphony in c minor conducted by a man whose physiognomy resembling that of a drunken sder filled me with unconquerable disgust in spite of an interminable row of contrabass with which a conductor usually coets at musical festivals his performance was so expressionless and

Innan that I turned away in disgust as from an alarming and repulsive problem and desisted from all attempts to explain the impassible Gulf which as I again perceived yawn between my own Vivid and imaginative conception of this work and the only living presentations of it which I had ever heard but for the

Present my tormented spirit were cheered and calmed by hearing the classical Schneider’s oratorio absolum rendered as an absolute burlesque it was in desau that Mina had made her first debut on the stage and while there I heard her spoken of by frivolous young men in the tone usual in

Such circles when discussing young and beautiful actresses my eagerness in contradicting this chatter and confounding the scandalmongers revealed to me more clearly than ever the strength of the passion which drew me to her I therefore returned to leipsig without calling on my Rel relatives and their procured means for an immediate journey to

Dresden on the way the journey was still performed by express coach I met Mina accompanied by one of her sisters already on the way back to magur promptly procuring a posting ticket for the return journey to leipsig I actually set off thither with my dear

Girl but by the time we reached the next station I had succeeded in persuading her to turn back with me to Dresden by this time the mail coach was far ahead of us and we had to travel by special post chase this Lively bustling to and

Fro seemed to astonish the two girls and put them into High Spirits the extravagance of my conduct had evidently roused them to the expectation of Adventures and it now behold me to fulfill this expectation procuring from a Dresden acquaintance the necessary cash I conducted my two lady friends through

The sax and Alps where we spent several right marry days of innocent and Youthful gity only once was this Disturbed by a passing fit of Jealousy on my part for which indeed there was no occasion but which fed itself in my heart on a nervous apprehension of the

Future and upon the experience I had already gained of womenkind yet despite this blot our Excursion still lingers in my memory as the sweetest and almost sole remembrance of unalloyed happiness in the whole of My Life as a Young Man one evening in particular stands out in bright relief

During which we sat together almost all night at The Watering Place of shandow in glorious summer weather indeed my subsequent long and anxious connection with Mina interwoven as it was with the most painful and bitter vicissitudes has often appeared to me as a persistently prolonged experation of the brief and

Harmless enjoyment of those few days after accompanying minut to lipic whence she continued her journey to magur I presented myself to my family but told them nothing of my Dresden Excursion I now braced my energies as though under the stern compulsion of a strange and deep sense of Duty to the

Task of making such arrangements as would speedily restore me to my dear one side to this end a fresh engagement had to be negotiated with director Beth man for the coming winter season unable to await the conclusion of our contract in liip I availed myself of Lobby’s

Presence at the baths in Kasen near nberg to pay him a visit Lobby had only recently been discharged from the Berlin Municipal Jail after a tormenting in quisition of nearly a Year’s duration on giving his parole not to leave the country until the verdict had been given

He had been permitted to retire to Kasen from which place he one evening paid us a secret visit in leipsig I can still call his wo begone appearance to mind he seemed hopelessly resigned though he spoke cheerfully with regard to all his earlier dreams of better things and owing to my own

Worries at that time about the critical state of my Affairs this impression still Still Remains one of my saddest and most painful Recollections while at Cen I showed him a good many of the verses for my Lee es RIT and although he spoke coldly of my presumption in wishing to write my own

Labretto I was slightly encouraged by his appreciation of my work meanwhile I impatiently awaited letters from magur not that I had any doubt as to the renewal of my engagement on the contrary I had every reason to regard myself as a good acquisition for Beth man but I felt

As though nothing which tended to bring me nearer to mina could move fast enough as soon as I received the necessary Tidings I hurried away to make all needful Arrangements on the spot for ensuring a magnificent success in the coming magur operatic season through the tireless munificence of the King of

Prussia fresh and final assistance had been granted to our perennially bankrupt theatrical director his majesty had assigned a not inconsiderable sum to a committee consisting of substantial magniberg citizens as as a subsidy to be expended on the theater under bethman management what this meant and the respect with which I thereupon regarded

The artistic conditions of mager may be best imagined if one remembers the neglected and forlorn surroundings amid which such provincial theaters usually drag out their lives I offered at once to undertake a long journey in search of good operatic singers I said I would find the means

For this at my own risk and the only guarantee I demanded from the management for ual reimbursement was that they should assign me the proceeds of a future benefit performance this offer was gladly accepted and in pompous tones the director furnished me with the necessary powers and moreover gave me his parting

Blessing during this brief interval I lived once more in Intimate communion with Mina who now had her mother with her and then took fresh leave of her for my venturesome Enterprise but when I got to leig I found it by no means easy to procure the funds so confidently count counted on

When in magur for the expenses of my projected Journey the glamour of the royal protection of Prussia for our theatrical undertaking which I portrayed in the liveliest colors to my good brother-in-law Brock House quite failed to Dazzle him and it was at the cost of great pains and humiliation that I

Finally got my ship of Discovery underway I was naturally drawn first of all to my old Wonderland of bohemia there I merely touched at Prague and without visiting my lovely lady friend I hurried forward so that I might first sample the Opera Company then playing for the season at Carl’s bath impatient

To discover as many talents as I could as soon as possible so as not to exhaust my funds to no purpose I attended a performance of lame blanch sincerely hoping to find the whole performance first class but not until much later did I fully realize how wretched was the quality of all these

Singers I selected one of them a Bas named graph who was singing gaveston when in due course he made his debut at magur he provoked so much well-founded dissatisfaction that I could not find a word to say in reply to the mockery which this acquisition brought upon me

But the small success with which the real object of my tour was attended was counterbalanced by the pleasantness of the journey itself the trip through Ager over the fitel mountains and the entry into byro gloriously illuminated by the Setting Sun have remained happy memories to this day

My next goal was Newber where my sister Clara and her husband were acting and from whom I might reckon on sound information as to the object of my search it was particularly nice to be hospitably received in my sister’s house where I hoped to revive my somewhat

Exhausted means of travel in this hope I reckoned chiefly upon the sale of a snuffbox presented to me by a friend which I had secret reasons to suppose was made of platinum to this I could add a gold signate ring given me by my friend apil for composing the Overture to his

Columbus the value of the snuffbox unfortunately proved to be entirely imaginary but by pawning these two Jewels the only ones I had left I hoped to provide myself with the bare necessaries for continuing my journey to Frankfurt it was to this place and the Rin District that the information I had

Gathered led me to direct my steps before leaving I persuaded my sister and brother-in-law to accept engagements in magdor but I still lacked a first tenor and a soprano whom hitherto I had altogether failed to discover my stay in nberg was most agreeably prolonged through a renewed meeting with schroer of rant who

Just at that time was fulfilling a short engagement in that town meeting her again was like seeing the clouds disperse which since our last meeting had darkened my artistic Horizon the Newberg operatic company had a very limited repertoire besides Fidelio they could produce nothing save daiser family a

Fact about which this great singer complained as this was one of her first Parts sung in early youth for which she was hardly any longer suited and which in addition she had played ad naan I also looked forward to the performance of D schweer family with misgivings and

Even with anxiety for I feared less this tame Opera and the old-fashioned sentimental part of emiline would weaken the great impression the public as well as myself had formed up to that moment of the work of this Sublime artist imagine therefore How Deeply moved and astonished I was on the evening of the

Performance to find that it was in this very part that I first realized the truly transcendental Genius of this extraordinary woman that anything so great as her interpretation of the character of The Swiss Maiden could not be handed down to posterity as a monument for all time can only be looked

Upon as one of the most Sublime sacrifices demanded by dramatic art and as one of its highest manifestations when therefore such phenomena appear we cannot hold them in too great reverence nor look upon them as too sacred apart from all these new experiences which were to become of so

Much value to my whole life and to my artistic development The Impressions I received at nurenberg though they were apparently trivial in their origin left such indelible traces on my mind that they revived within me later on though in quite a different and novel form my brother-in-law Wolfram was a great

Favorite with the nurmberg theatrical world he was witty and sociable and as such made himself much liked in Theatrical circles on this occasion I received singularly delightful proofs of the spirit of extravagant gity manifested on these evenings at the Inn in which I also took part a master Carpenter named

L man a little thick set man no longer young of comical appearance and gifted only with the roughest dialect was pointed out to me in one of the ins visited by our friends as one of those Oddities who involuntarily contributed most to the amusement of the local Wags

La man it seems imagined himself an excellent singer and as a result of this presumption evinced interest only in those in whom he thought he recognized a like talent in spite of the fact that owing to this singular peculiarity he became the butt of constant justest and scornful mockery he never failed to

Appear every even among his laughter-loving persecutors so often had he been laughed at and hurt by their scorn that it became very difficult to persuade him to give a display of his artistic skill and this at last could only be affected by artfully devised traps so late as to

Appeal to his vanity my arrival as an unknown stranger was utilized for a maneuver of this kind how poor was the opinion they held of the unfortunate Master singer’s judgment was revealed when to my great amazement my brother and in-law introduced me to him as the great Italian singer

Laash to his credit I must confess that lman surveyed me for a long time with incredulous distrust and commented with cautious suspicion on my juvenile appearance but especially on the evidently tenor character of my voice but the whole art of these Tavern Associates and their principal enjoyment consisted in leading this poor

Enthusiast to believe the incredible a task on which they spared neither time nor pains my brother-in-law succeeded in making the carpenter believe that I while receiving fabulous sums for my performances wished by a singular Act of dissimulation and by visiting public ins to withdraw from the general public and

That moreover when it came to a meeting between lman and labash the only real interest could be to hear ler man and not labash seeing that the former had nothing to learn from the ladder but only labash from him so singular was the conflict between incredulity on the one

Hand and keenly excited vanity on the other that finally the poor carpenter became really attractive to me I began to play the role assigned me with all the skill I could command and after a couple of hours which were relieved by the strangest Antics we at last gained

Our end the wondrous mortal whose flashing eyes had long been fixed on me in the greatest excitement worked his Muses in a peculiarly fantastic fashion which we are accustomed to associate with a music making automaton the mechanism of which has been duly wound up his lips quivered his teeth

Nashed his eyes rolled convulsively until finally there broke forth in a horse oily voice an uncommonly trivial Street ballot its delivery accompanied by a regular movement of his outstretched thumbs behind the ears and during which his fat face glowed the brightest red was unhappily greeted with a wild burst of laughter from all

Present which excited The Unlucky Master to the most furious Wrath with studied cruelty this wrath was greeted by those who until then had shamelessly flattered him with the most extravagant mockery until the poor wretch at last absolutely foamed with rage as he was leaving the in amid a

Hail of curses from his Infamous friends an Impulse of genuine pity prompted me to follow him that I might beg his forgiveness and seek in some way to pacify him a task all the more difficult since he was especially bitter against me as the latest of his enemies and the

One had so deeply deceived his eager hope of hearing the genuine labash nevertheless I succeeded in stopping him on the threshold and now the rius company silently entered into an extraordinary conspiracy to induce L man to sing again that very evening how they managed this I can as little

Remember as I can call to mind the effect of the spirituous Liquors I em bibed in any case I suspect that drink must eventually have been the means of subduing ler man just as it also rendered my own Recollections of the wonderful events of that prolonged evening at the in extremely vague after

L man had for the second time suffered the same mockery the whole company felt itself bound to accompany the unhappy man to his home They Carried him thither in a wheelbarrow which they found outside the house and in this he arrived in Triumph at his own door in one of

Those marvelous narrow alleys peculiar to The Old City fral LA man who was aroused from Slumber to receive her husband enabled Us by her torrent of curses to form some idea of the nature of their marital and domestic relations mockery of her husband’s vocal talents was with her also a familiar

Theme but to this she now added the most dreadful reproaches for the worthless scamps who by encouraging him in this delusion kept him from profitably following his trade and even led him to such scenes as the present one thereupon the pride of the suffering Master singer reasserted itself for while his wife

Painfully assisted him to mount the stairs he harshly denied her right to sit in judgment upon his vocal gifts and sternly ordered her to be silent but even now this wonderful night adventure was by no means over the entire swarm moved once more in the direction of the

Inn before the house however we found a number of fellows congregated among them several workmen against whom owing to police regulations as to closing hours the doors were shut but the regular guests of the house who were of our party and who were on terms of old

Friendship with the host thought that it was nevertheless permissible and possible to demand entrance the host was troubled at having to Bar his door against friends whose voices he recognized yet it was necessary to prevent the new arals from forcing a way in with them out of this

Situation A Mighty confusion arose which what with shouting and clamor and an inexplicable growth in the number of the disputants soon assumed a truly demoniacal character it seemed to me as though in a few moments the whole town would break into a tumult and I thought I should once

More have to witness a revolution the real origin of which no man could comprehend then suddenly I heard someone fall and as though by Magic the whole Mass scattered in every direction one of the regular guests who was familiar with an ancient nurmberg boxing trick Desiring to put an end to the

Interminable Riot and to cut his way home through the crowd gave one of the noisiest shouters of blow with his fist between the eyes laying him senseless on the ground though without seriously injuring him and this it was that so speedily broke up the whole throng

Within little more than a minute of the most violent uproar of hundreds of human voices my brother-in-law and I were able to stroll arm in-arm through the moonlit streets quietly jesting and laughing on our way home and then it was that to my amazement and relief he informed me that

He was accustomed to this sort of life every evening at last however it became necessary seriously to attend to the purpose of my journey only in passing did I touch at wburg for a day I remember nothing of the meeting with my relations and acquaintance Beyond The Melancholy visit

To Frederic galvani already mentioned on reaching Frankfurt I was obliged to seek at once the shelter of a decent hotel in order to await there the result of my solicitations for subsidies from the directorate of the magniberg theater my hopes of securing the real stars of our operatic undertaking were formed With a

View to a season at Vis spoten where I was told a good operatic company was on the point of dissolution I found it extremely difficult to arrange the short Journey thither yet I managed to be present at a rehearsal of Robert der toel in which the tenor free Muller distinguished

Himself I interviewed him at once and found him willing to entertain my proposals for magur we concluded the necessary agreement and I then returned with with all speed to my headquarters the wib hotel in Frankfurt there I had to spend another anxious week during which I waited in vain for the necessary traveling

Expenses to arrive from magur to kill time I had recourse among other things to a large red pocket book which I carried about with me in my portmanto and in which I entered with exact details of dates Etc notes for my future biography the self-same book

Which Now lies before me to freshen my memory and which I have ever since added to at various periods of my life without leaving any gaps through the neglect of the magn birg managers my situation which was already serious became literally desperate when I made an acquisition in Frankfurt which gave me

Almost more pleasure than I was able to bear I had been present at a production of the zabber float under the direction of G then wonderfully renowned as a conductor of genius and was agreeably surprised at the truly excellent quality of the company it was of course useless

To think of luring one of the leading Stars into my net on the other hand I saw clearly enough that the youthful frine limbach who sang the first boy part possessed a desirable Talent she accepted my offer of an engagement and indeed seemed so anxious to be rid of

Her Frankfurt engagement that she resolved to escape from it surreptitiously she revealed her plans to me and begged me to assist her in carrying them out for in as much as the directors might get wind of the affair there was no time to lose at all events

The young lady assumed that I had abundant credit supplied for my official business journey by the magur theater committee whose Praises I had so diligently sung but already I had been compelled to pledge my scandy traveling gear in order to provide for my own departure to this point I had persuaded

The host but now found him by no means inclined to advance me the additional funds needed for carrying off a young singer to cloak the bad behavior of my directors I was compelled to invent some tale of Misfortune and to leave the astonished and indignant young lady behind heartily ashamed of this

Adventure I traveled through rain and storm via lipic where I picked up my brown poodle and reaching mager there resumed my work as musical director on the 1st of September the result of my business labors gave me but little Joy the director it is true proved triumphantly that he had sent five whole

Golden Lewis to my address in Frankfurt and that my tenor and the youthful lady singer had also been provided with proper contracts but not with the faires and advances demanded neither of them came only the basso graph arrived with pedantic punctuality from carlbad and immediately provoked the chaff of our theatrical

Wags he sang at a rehearsal of the schweer family with such a school masterly drone that I completely lost my composure the arrival of my excellent brother-in-law Wolfram with my sister Clara was of more Advantage for musical comedy than for grand opera and caused me considerable trouble into the bargain

For being honest folk and used to decent living they speedily perceive that in spite of Royal protection the condition of the theater was but very insecure as was natural under so unscrupulous a management as that of Beth man and recognized with alarm that they had seriously compromised their family

Position my Cur had already begun to sink when a happy chance brought us a young woman Madame Pard n big who was passing through magur with her husband an actor in order to fulfill a special engagement in that town she was gifted with a beautiful voice was a talented

Singer and well suited for the chief roles necessity had at last driven the directors to action and at the 11th Hour they sent for the tenor freemer but I was particularly gratified when the love which had Arisen between him and young limbach in Frankfurt enabled the enterprising tenor to carry

Away this singer to whom I had behaved so miserably both arrived radiant with joy along with them we engaged Madame Pard who in spite of her pretentiousness met with favor from the public a well-trained and musically competent baritone her crew afterwards the conductor of a choir in Carl Rua had

Also been discovered so that all at once I stood at the head of a really good operatic company among which the basso graph could be fitted in only with great difficulty by being kept as much as possible in the background we succeeded quickly with a series of operatic performances which

Were by no means ordinary and our Repertory included everything of this nature that had ever been written for the theater I was particularly pleased with the presentation of spars G which was truly not without Sublimity and raised us high in the esteem of all cultured lovers of music I was UN tiring

In my Endeavors to discover some means of elevating our performances above the usual level of Excellence compatible with the meager resources of provincial theaters I persistently fell foul of the director Beth Man by strengthening my Orchestra which he had to pay but on the other hand I won his complete Goodwill

By strengthening the chorus and the theater music which cost him nothing and which lent such Splendor to our presentations that subscriptions and audiences increased enormously for instance I secured the regimental band and also the military singers who in the Prussian Army are admirably organized and who assisted in

Our performances in return for free passes to the gallery granted to their relatives thus I managed to furnish with the utmost completeness the specially strong orchestral accompaniment demanded by the score of Bellini’s Norma and was able to dispose of a body of male voices for the impressive Unison portion of the

Male Chorus in the introduction of that work such as even the the greatest theaters could rarely command in later years I was able to assure o whom I often met over an ice in Ton’s Cafe in Paris that in his lto I had been able to render the part of the mutinous soldiery

When seduced into conspiracy with an absolutely full number of voices a fact for which he thanked me with astonishment and Delight amid such circumstances of encouragement the composition of my liees forbit made rapid strides towards completion I intended the presentation of this piece for the benefit performance which had been promised me

As a means of defraying my expenses and I worked hard in the hope of improving my reputation and at the same time of accomplishing something by no means less desirable and that was the betterment of my financial position even the few hours which I could snatch from business to

Spend at Mina side were devoted with unexampled Zeal to the completion of my score my diligence moved even Mina’s mother who looked with some uneasiness Upon Our Love of affair she had remained over the summer on a visit to her daughter and managed the house for her

Owing to her interference a new and Urgent anxiety had entered into our relations which pressed for serious settlement it was natural that we should begin to think of what it was all going to lead to I must confess that the idea of marriage especially in view of my

Youth filled me with dismay and without indeed reflecting on the matter or seriously weighing its pros and cons a naive and instinctive feeling prevented me even from considering the possibility of a step which would have such serious consequences upon my whole life moreover our modest circumstances were in so

Alarming and uncertain a state that even Mina declared that she was more anxious to see these improved than to get me to marry her but she was also driven to think of herself and that promptly for trouble arose with regard to her own position in the magur theater there she

Had met with a rival in her own special it and as This Woman’s husband became Chief stage manager and consequently had supreme power she grew to be a source of great danger seeing therefore that at this very moment Mina received advantageous offers from the managers of

The kstat theater in Berlin then doing a splendid business she seized the opportunity to break off her connection with the magur theater and thus plunged me whom she did not appear to consider in the matter into the depths of Despair I could not hinder Mina from going to

Berlin to fulfill a special engagement there although this was not in accordance with her agreement and so she departed leaving me behind overcome with grief and doubt as to the meaning of her conduct at last mad with passion I wrote to her urging her to return and the

Better to move her and not to separate her fate from my own I proposed to her in a strictly formal Manner and hinted at the hope of early marriage about the same time my brother-in-law Wolfram having quarreled with the director Beth man canceled his contract with him also

Went to the kstat theater to fulfill a special engagement my good sister Clara who had remained behind for a while amid the somewhat unpleasant conditions of mager soon perceived the anxious and troubled temper in which her otherwise cheerful brother was rapidly consuming himself one day she thought it advisable

To show me a letter from her husband with news from Berlin and especially concerning Mina in which he earnestly deplored my passion for this girl who was acting quite unworthily of me as she lodged at his hotel he was able to observe that not only the company she

Kept but also her own conduct were perfectly scandalous the extraordinary impression which this Dreadful communication made upon me decided me to abandon the Reserve I had hitherto shown towards my relatives with regard to my love affairs I wrote to my brother-in-law in Berlin telling him how matters stood with me

And that my plans greatly depended on Mina and further how extremely important it was for me to learn from him the indubitable truth concerning her of whom he had sent so evil an account from my brother-in-law usually so dry and given to joking I received a reply which filled my heart

To overflowing again he confessed that he had accused Mina too hastily and regretted that he had allowed Idol chatter to influence him in founding a charge which on Investigation had proved to be altogether groundless and unjust he declared moreover that on nearer acquaintance and conversation with her he had been so fully convinced

Of the genuiness and uprightness of her character that he hoped with all his heart that I might see my way to marry her and now a storm raged in my heart I implored Mina to return at once and was glad to learn that for her part she was

Not inclined to renew her engagement at the Berlin theater as she had now acquired a more intimate knowledge of the life there and found it too frivolous all that remained then was for me to facilitate the resumption of her magniberg engagement to this end therefore at a meeting of the theater committee I

Attacked the director and his detested stage manager with such energy and defended Mina against the wrong done her by them both with such passion and fervor that the other members astonished at the Frank confession of My Affection yielded to my wishes without any further Ado and now I

Set off by extra Post in the depth of night and in Dreadful winter weather to meet my returning sweetheart I greeted her with tears of deepest joy and led her back in Triumph to her Cozy magur home already become so dear to me meanwhile as our two lives thus severed

For a while were being drawn more and more closely together I finished the score of my liees forbit about New Year 1836 for the development of my future plans I depended not a little upon the success of this work and Mina herself seemed not disinclined to yield to my hopes in this respect

We had reason to be concerned as to how matters would pan out for us at the beginning of the spring for this season is always a bad one in which to start such precarious theatrical Enterprises in spite of Royal support and the participation of the theater Committee in the general management of

The theater our worthy director’s state of perennial bankruptcy suffered no alteration and it seemed as if his theatrical undertaking could not possibly last much longer in any form nevertheless with the help of the really First Rate company of singers at my disposal the production of my Opera was

To Mark a complete change in my unsatisfactory circumstances with the view of recovering the traveling expenses I had incurred during the previous summer I was entitled to a benefit performance I naturally fixed this for the presentation of my own work and did my utmost so that this favor granted me

By the director should prove as inexpensive to them as possible as they would nevertheless be compelled to incur some expense in the production of the new Opera I agreed that the proceeds of the first presentation should be left to them while I should claim only those of

The second I did not consider it altogether unsatisfactory that the time for the rehearsals was postponed until the very end of the season for it was reasonable to suppose that our company which was often greeted with unusual Applause would receive special attention and favor from the public during its concluding performances unfortunately however

Contrary to our expectations we never reached the proper close of this season which had been fixed for the end of April for already in March owing to irregularity in the payment of salaries the most popular members of the company having found better employment elsewhere tendered their resignations to the

Management and the director who was unable to raise the necessary cash was compelled to bow to the inevitable now indeed my spirit sank for it seemed more than doubtful whether my liees rbit would ever be be produced at all I owed it entirely to the warm affection felt for me personally by all

Members of the Opera company that the singers consented not only to remain until the end of March but also to undertake the toil of studying and rehearsing my Opera a task which considering the very limited time promised to be extremely arduous in the event of our having to

Give two representations the time at our disposal was so very short that for all the rehearsals we had but 10 days before us and since we were concerned not with a light comedy or farce but with a grand opera and one which in spite of the trifling character of its music

Contained numerous and Powerful concerted passages the undertaking might have been regarded almost as foolhardy nevertheless I built my hopes upon the extraordinary exertions which the singers so willingly made in order to please me for they studied continuously morning noon and night but seeing that in spite of all this it was

Quite impossible to attain to Perfection especially in the matter of words in the case of every one of these harassed performers I reckoned further on my own acquired skill as conductor to achieve the final Miracle of success The Peculiar ability I possessed of helping the singers and of making them in spite

Of much uncertainty seem to flow smoothly onwards was clearly demonstrated in our orchestral rehearsals in which by Dent of constant prompting loud singing with the performers in vigorous directions as to necessary action I got the whole thing to run so easily that it seemed quite possible that the performance might be a

Reasonable success after all unfortunately we did not consider that in front of the public all these drastic methods of moving the dramatic and musical machinery would be restricted to the movements of my baton and to my facial expression as a matter of fact the singers and especially the men were so

Extraordinarily uncertain that from beginning to end their embarrassment crippled the effectiveness of every one of their parts free Mueller the tenor whose memory was most effective sought to patch up the Lively and emotional character of his badly learned rule of the madap luio by means of routine work

Learned in fravo and zampa and especially by the aid of an enormously thick brightly colored and fluttering plume of feathers consequently as the directors failed to have the book of words printed in time it was impossible to blame the public for being in doubt as to the main

Outlines of the story seeing that they had only the sung words to guide them with the exception of a few portions played by the lady singers which were favorably received the whole performance which I had made to depend largely upon bold energetic action and speech remained but a musical Shadow play to

Which the orchestra contributed its own inexplicable affusions sometimes with exaggerated noise as characteristic of the treatment of my tone color I may mention that the band master of a Prussian military band who by the by had been well pleased with the performance felt it incumbent upon him

To give me some well- meant hints for my future guidance as to the manipulation of the Turkish drum before I relate the further history of this wonderful work of my youth I will pause a moment briefly to describe its character and especially its poetical elements Shakespeare’s play which I kept

Throughout in mind as the foundation of my story was worked out in the following manner an unnamed king of Sicily leaves his country as I suggest for a journey to Naples and hands over to the Regent appointed whom I simply call Friedrich with the view of making him appear as

German as possible full authority to exercise all the royal power in order to effect a complete reform in the social habits of his Capital which had provoked the indignation of the council at the opening of the play we see the Servants of the Public Authority busily employed

Either in shutting up or in pulling down the houses of popular Amusement in a suburb of poo and in carrying off the inmates including hosts and servants as Prisoners the populace oppose this first step and much scuffling ensues in the thickest of the throng the chief of the sper Briel basso buffo

After a preliminary roll of drums for silence reads out the Region’s Proclamation According to which the acts just performed are declared to be directed towards establishing a higher moral tone in the manners and customs of the people a general Outburst of scorn and a mocking chorus meets this

Announcement Lucio a young nobleman in juvenile scape Grace tenor seems inclined to thrust himself forward as leader of the mob and at once finds an occasion for playing a more active part in the cause of the oppressed people on discovering his friend claudo also a tenor being led away to prison from him

He learns that in Pursuit pursuance of some musty old law Unearthed by friederick he is to suffer the penalty of death for a certain love Escapade in which he is involved his sweetheart Union with whom had been prevented by the enmity of their parents has borne him a child

Friedrich’s puritanical Zeal joins cause with the parents hatred he fears the worst and sees no way of Escape save through Mercy provided his sister Isabella may be able by her entreaties to melt the Regent’s hard heart CL IO implores his friend at once to seek out Isabella in the convent of the Sisters

Of St Elizabeth which she has recently entered as novice there between the quiet walls of the convent we first meet this sister in confidential intercourse with her friend Maryanne also a novice Maryanne reveals to her friend from whom she has long been parted the unhappy fate which has

Brought her to the place under vows of Eternal Fidelity she had been persuaded to a secret liaison with a man of high rank but finally when in extreme need she found herself not only forsaken but threatened by her betrayer she discovered him to be the mightiest man

In the state none other than the king’s Regent himself Isabella’s indignation finds vent in impassioned words and is only pacified by her determination to forsake a world in which so vile a crime can go unpunished when now luo brings her Tidings of her own brother’s fate her disgust at her brother’s misconduct is

Turned at once to scorn for the villainy of the hypocritical Regent who presumes so cruy to punish the comparatively venial offense of her brother which at least was not stained by treachery her violent Outburst imprudently reveals her to luzio in a seductive aspect smitten with sudden love he urges her to quit

The convent forever and to accept his hand she contrives to check his boldness but resolves at once to Avail herself of his escort to the Regent’s court of justice here the the trial scene is prepared and I introduce it by a burlesque hearing of several persons charged by the spur Captain with

Offenses against morality the earnestness of the situation becomes more marked in a gloomy form of Friedrich strides through the inrushing and unruly crowd commanding silence and he himself undertakes the hearing of Claudio’s case in the sternest manner possible the implacable judge is already on the point of pronouncing sentence when Isabella

Enters and requests before them all a private interview with the Regent in this interview she behaves with Noble moderation towards the dreaded yet despised man before her and appeals at first only to his mildness and mercy his interruptions merely serve to stimulate her ardor she speaks of her brother’s

Offense in melting accents and implores forgiveness for so human and by no means unpardonable a crime seeing the effect of her moving appeal she continues with increasing ardor to plead with the judge’s hard and unresponsive heart which can certainly not have remained Untouched by sentiments such as those

Which had actuated her brother and she calls upon his memory of these to support her desperate plea for pity at last the ice of his heart is broken friederick deeply stirred by Isabella’s Beauty can no longer contain himself and Promises to Grant her petition at the

Price of her own love scarcely has she become aware of the unexpected effect of her words when filled with indignation at such incredible villainy she cries to the people through doors and windows to come in that she may unmask the hypocrite before the world the crowd is already rushing tumultuously into the

Hall of judgment when by a few significant hints Friedrich with frantic energy succeeds in making Isabella realized the impossibility of her plan he would simply deny her charge boldly pretend that his offer was merely made to test her and would doubtless be readily believed so soon as it became

Only a question of rebutting a charge of lightly making love to her Isabella ashamed and confounded recognizes The Madness of her first step and nashes her teeth in silent despair while then friederick once more announces his Stern resolve to the people and pronounces sentence on the prisoner it suddenly

Occurs to Isabella spurred by the painful recollection of maryanne’s Fate that what she has failed to procure by open means she might possibly obtain by Craft This thought suffices to dispel her sorrow and to fill her with utmost gayy turning to her Sorrowing brother her agitated friends and the perplexed

Crowd she assures them all that she is ready to provide them with the most amusing of Adventures she declares that the carnival festivities which the Regent has just strictly forbidden are to be celebrated this year with unusual license for this dreaded ruler only pretends to be so cruel in order the

More pleasantly to astonish them by himself taking a merry part in all that he has just forbidden they all believe that she has gone mad and friederick in particular reproves her incomprehensible Folly with passionate severity but a few words on her part suffice to transport the Regent himself

With ecstasy for in a whisper she promises to Grant his desire and that on the following night she will send him such a message as shall ensure his happiness Dot and so ends the First Act in a whirl of excitement we learned the nature of the heroin’s hastily formed

Plan at the beginning of the act in which she visits her brother in his cell with the object of discovering whether he is worthy of rescue she reveals Frederick’s shameful proposal to him and asks if he would wish to save his life at the price of his sister’s

Dishonor then follow Claudio’s Fury and fervent Declaration of his Readiness to die whereupon bidding farewell to his sister at least for this life he makes her the bearer of the most tender messages to the dear girl whom he leaves behind after this sinking into a softer mood the unhappy man declines from a

State of melancholy to one of weakness Isabella who had already determined to inform him of his rescue hesitates in dismay when she sees him fall in this way from the heights of noble enthusiasm to a muttered confession of a love of Life still as strong as ever and even to a stammering

Query as to whether the suggested price of his salvation is altogether impossible disgusted she Springs to her feet thrusts the unworthy man from her and declares that to the shame of his death he has further added her most hearty contempt after having handed him over again to his Jailer her mood once more

Changes swiftly to one of want and gayet true she resolves to punish the waiver by leaving him for a time in uncertainty as to his fate but stands firm by her resolve to rid the world of the Abominable Seducer who dared to dictate laws to his fellow men she tells

Maryanne that she must take her place at the nocturnal rendevu at which friederick so treacherously expected to meet her Isabella and sends friederick an invitation to this meeting in order to entangle the latter even more deeply in ruin she stipulates that he must come disguised and masked and fixes the

Rendevu in one of those pleasure Resorts which he has just suppressed to the Mad capap luzio whom she also desires to punish for his Saucy suggestion to a novice she relates the story of friedrich’s proposal and her pretended intention of complying from sheer necessity with his

Desires this she does in a fashion so incomprehensibly light-hearted that the otherwise frivolous man first dumb with amazement ultimately yields to a fit of desperate rage he swears that even if the Noble Maiden herself can endure such shame he will himself strive by every means in his power to avert it and would

Prefer to set all poo on fire and in tumult rather than allow such a thing to happen and indeed he arranges things in such a a manner that on the appointed evening all his friends and acquaintances assemble at the end of the Corso as though for the opening of the

Prohibited Carnival procession at nightfall as things are beginning to grow wild and Mary luzio appears and sings an extravagant Carnival song with the refrain who joins us not in Frolic Gest shall have a dagger in his breast by which means he seeks to stir the crowd to bloody Revolt when a band of

Sper approaches under Bella’s leadership to scatter the gay throng the mutinous project seems on the point of being accomplished but for the present luzio prefers to yield and to scatter about the neighborhood as he must first of all win the real leader of their Enterprise for here was the spot which Isabella had

Mischievously revealed to him as the place of a pretended meeting with the Regent for the latter luzio therefore lies in wait recognizing him in an elaborate disguise he blocks his way and as friederick violently Breaks Loose his is on the point of following him with shouts and drawn sword when on a sign

From Isabella who is hidden among some bushes he is himself stopped and led away Isabella then advances rejoicing in the thought of having restored the Betrayed maranne to her faithless spouse believing that she holds in her hand the promised pardon for her brother she is just on the point of abandoning all

Thought of further Vengeance when breaking the seal to her intense horror she recognizes by the light of a torch that the paper contains but a still more severe order of execution which owing to her desire not to disclose to her brother the fact of his pardon air

Chance had now delivered into her hand through the agency of the bribe Jailer after a hard fight with the tempestuous passion of love and recognizing his helplessness against this enemy of his peace Friedrich has in fact already resolved to face his ruin even though as

A criminal yet still as a man of honor an hour on Isabella’s breast and then then his own death by the same law whose implacable severity shall also claim Claudio’s life Isabella perceiving in this conduct only a further proof of the Hypocrites villainy breaks out once more

Into a tempest of agonized Despair upon her cry for immediate revolt against the scoundrelly Tyrant the people collect together and form a modly and passionate crowd Lucio who also Returns counsels the people with stinging bitterness to pay no heat to the woman’s Fury he points out that she is only tricking

Them as she has already tricked him for he still believes in her Shameless infidelity fresh confusion increased despair of Isabella suddenly from the background comes the burlesque Cry of Briel for help who himself suffering from the pangs of jealousy has by mistake arrested the masked Regent and thus led

To the latter’s Discovery Friedrich is recognized and maranne trembling on his breast is also unmasked amazement indignation cries of Joy burst forth all round the needful explanations are quickly given and Friedrich sullenly demands to be set before the Judgment seat of the returning King claudo released from prison by the jubilant

Populace informs him that the sentence of death for crimes of love is not intended for all times Messengers arrive to announce the unexpected arrival in Harbor of the king it is resolved to march in full Mass procession to meet the Beloved Prince and joyously to pay him homage all being convinced that he

Will heartily rejoice to see how ill the gloomy puritanism of Germany is suited to his hot-blooded Sicily of him it is said your Merry festal please him more than gloomy laws or legal lore Friedrich with his freshly affianced wife Maryanne must lead the procession followed by luzio and the

Novice who is forever lost to the convent desp spirited and in many any respects boldly devised scenes I had clothed in suitable language and carefully written verse which had already been noticed by Lobby the police at first took exception to the title of the work which had I not changed it

Would have led to the complete failure of my plans for its presentation it was the week before Easter and the theater was consequently forbidden to produce Jolly or at least frivolous plays during this period luckily the magistrate with whom I had to treat concerning the matter did

Not show any inclination to examine the lto himself and when I assured him that it was modeled upon a very serious play of Shakespeare’s the authorities contented themselves merely with changing the somewhat startling title dinovis van palmo which was the new title had nothing suspicious about it and was therefore approved as correct

Without further scruple I fared quite otherwise in leipsig where I attempted to introduce this work in the place of my fiend when the latter was withdrawn the director ringel har whom I sought to win over to my cause by assigning the part of maranne to his daughter then

Making her debut in Opera chose to reject my work on the Apparently very reasonable grounds that the tendency of the theme displeased him he assured me that even if the leipsig magistrates had consented to its production a fact concerning which his high esteem for that body led him to have serious doubts

He himself as a conscientious father could certainly not permit his daughter to take part in it strange to say I suffered nothing from the suspicious nature of the lto of my opera on the occasion of its production in magur for as I have said thanks to the unintelligible manner in which it was

Produced the story remained a complete mystery to the public this circumstance and the fact that no opposition had been raised on the ground of its tendency made a second performance possible and as nobody seemed to care one way or the other no objections were raised feeling sure that my Opera had made no

Impression and had left the public completely undecided about its merits I reckoned that in view of this being the farewell performance of our Opera Company we should have good not to say large takings consequently I did not hesitate to charge full prices for admittance I cannot rightly judge

Whether up to the commencement of the Overture any people had taken their places in the auditorium but about a quarter of an hour before the time fixed for beginning I saw only Madame gotalk and her husband and curiously enough a polish jew in full dress seated in the

Stalls despite this I was still hoping for an increase in the audience when suddenly the most incredible commotion occurred behind the scenes her PO the husband of my Primadonna who was acting Isabella was assaulting shriber the second tenor a very young and handsome man taking the part of claudo and

Against whom the injured husband had for some time been nursing a secret ranker born of jealousy it appeared that the singer’s husband who had surveyed the theater from behind the drop scene with me had satisfied himself as to the style of the audience and decided that the

Long for hour was at hand when without injuring the operatic Enterprise he could wreak Vengeance on his wife’s lover claudo was so severely used by him that the unfortunate fellow had to seek refuge in the dressing room his face covered with blood isab was told of this and rushed despairingly to her raging

Spouse only to be so soundly cuffed by him that she went into convulsions the confusion that ensued amongst the company soon knew no bounds they took sides in the quarrel and little was wanting for it to turn into a general fight as everybody seemed to regard this unhappy evening as

Particularly favorable for the paying off of any old scores and supposed insults this much was clear that the couple suffering from the effects of her pol’s conjugal resentment were unfit to appear that evening the manager was sent before the drop scene to inform the small and strangely assorted audience

Gathered in the theater that owing to unforeseen circumstances the representation would not take place this was the end of my career as director and composer in magur which in the beginning had seemed so full of promise and had been started at the cost of considerable sacrifice the serenity of art now gave

Way completely before the stern realities of life my position gave food for meditation and the Outlook was not a cheerful one all the hopes that I and Mina had founded upon the success of my work had been utterly destroyed my creditors who had been appeased by the anticipation of the

Expected Harvest lost faith in my talents and now counted solely on obtaining bodily possession of me which they endeavored to do by speedily instituting legal proceedings now that every time I came home I found a summons nailed to my door my little dwelling in the braider WG became unbearable I avoided going there

Especially since my brown poodle who had hither to enliven this Retreat had vanished leaving no trace this I looked upon as a bad sign indicating my complete downfall at this time Mina with her truly comforting assurance and firmness of bearing was a tower of strength to me

And the one thing I had left to fall back upon always full of resource she had first of all provided for for her own future and was on the point of signing a not unfavorable contract with the directors of the theater at konigsburg in Prussia it was now a

Question of finding me an appointment in the same place as musical conductor this post was already filled the konigsburg director however Gathering from our correspondents that Mina’s acceptance of the engagement depended upon the possibility of my being taken on at the same theater held out the prospect of an

Approaching vacancy and expressed his willingness to allow it to be filled by me on the strength of this assurance it was decided that Mina should go on to konigsburg and pave the way for my arrival there a these plans could be carried out we had still to spend a time

Of dreadful and acute anxiety which I shall never forget within the walls of magur it is true I made one more personal attempt in leig to improve my position on which occasion I entered into the transactions mentioned above with the director of the theater regarding my new Opera but I soon

Realized that it was out of the question for me to remain in my native town and in the disquieting proximity of my family from which I was restlessly anxious to get away my excitability and depression were noticed by My Relations my mother entreated me whatever else I might decide to do on no

Account to be drawn into marriage while still so young to this I made no reply when I took my leave Rosalie accompanied me to the head of the stairs I spoke of returning as soon as I had attended to certain important business matters and wanted to wish her a hurried goodbye she

Grasped my hand and gazing into my face exclaimed God Alone knows when I shall see you again this cut me to the heart and I felt conscience stricken the fact that she was expressing the presentent she felt of her early death I only realized when barely 2 years later

Without having seen her again I received the news that she had died very suddenly I spent a few more weeks with Mina in the strictest retirement in magur she endeavored to the best of her ability to relieve the embarrassment of my position in view of our approaching separation

And the length of time we might be parted I hardly left her side our only relaxation being the walks we took together around the outskirts of the Town anxious for boings waigh upon us the May sun which lit the sad streets of magur as if in mockery of our forlorn

Condition was One Day More clouded over than I have ever seen it since and filled me with a positive dread on our way home from one of these walks as we were approaching the bridge crossing the Elba we caught sight of a man flinging himself from it into the water beneath

We ran to the bank called for help and persuaded a Miller whose Mill was situated on the river to hold out a rake to the drowning man who was being swept in his Direction by the current with Indescribable anxiety we waited for the decisive moment saw the sinking man

Stretch out his hands towards the rake but he failed to grasp it and at the same moment disappeared under the mill never to be seen again on the morning that I accompanied Mina to the stage coach to bid her a most sorrowful farewell the whole population was

Pouring from one of the gateways of the Town towards a Big Field to witness the execution of a man condemned to be put to death on the Wheel from below the culprit was a soldier who had murdered his sweetheart in a fit of jealousy when later in in the day I sat

Down to my last dinner at the Inn I heard the Dreadful details of the Prussian mode of execution being discussed on all sides a young magistrate who was a great lover of Music told us about a conversation he had had with the Executioner who had been procured from hiy and with whom he

Had discussed the most Humane method of hastening the death of the victim in telling us about him he recalled the elegant dress and manners of this illen person with a shudder D do Rod Van unten the punishment of the wheel was usually inflicted upon murderers incendiaries Highwaymen and church

Robbers there were two methods of inflicting this one from above downwards Von Oben KN un 10 in which The Condemned man was dispatched instantly owing to his neck getting broken from the start and two From Below upwards vau unten knoben which is the method referred to

Above and in which all the limbs of the victim were broken previous to his body being actually Twisted through the spokes of the wheel editor these were the last Impressions I carried away from the scene of my first artistic efforts and of my attempts at earning an independent

Livelihood often since then on my departure from places where I had expected to find prosperity and to which I knew I should never return those Impressions have recurred to my mind with singular persistence I have always had much the same feelings upon leaving any place where I had stayed in the hope of

Improving my position thus I arrived in Berlin for the first time on the May 18th 1836 and made acquaintance with the peculiar features of that pretentious Royal Capital while my position was an uncertain one I sought a modest shelter at the Crown Prince in the Kix stras

Where Mina had stayed a few months before I found a friend on whom I could rely when I came across Lobby again who while awaiting his verdict was busying himself with private and literary work in Berlin he was much interested in the fate of my work liees forbit and advised me to turn

My present situation to account for the purpose of obtaining the production of this Opera at the kstat theater this theater was under the direction of one of the most curious creatures in Berlin he was called surf and the title of commission’s Wrath had been conferred upon him by the King of Prussia to

Account for the favors bestowed upon Him by royalty many reasons of a not very edifying nature were circulated through this Royal patronage he had succeeded in extending considerably the Privileges already enjoyed by the Suburban theater the decline of grand opera at the theater Royal had brought light opera which was

Performed with great success at the kstat theater into public favor the director puffed up by success openly labored under the delusion that he was the right man in the right place and expressed his entire agreement with those who declared that one could only expect a theater to be successfully

Managed by Common and uneducated men and continued to cling to his Blissful and boundless state of ignorance in the most amusing manner relying absolutely upon his own Insight he had assumed an entirely dictatorial attitude towards the officially appointed artists of his theater and allowed himself to deal with

Them according to his likes and dislikes I seemed destined to be favored by this mode of procedure at my very first visit surf expressed his satisfaction with me but wished to make use of me as a tenant he offered no objection whatever to my request for the production of my Opera

But on the contrary promised to have it staged immediately he seemed particularly anxious to appoint me conductor of the orchestra as he was on the point of changing his operatic company he foresaw that his present conductor Glazer the composer of adlerhorst would hinder his plans by

Taking the part of the older singers he was therefore anxious to have me associated with his theater that he might have someone to support him who was favorably disposed towards the new singers all this sounded so plausible that I could scarcely be blamed for believing that The Wheel of Fortune had

Taken a favorable turn for me and for feeling a sense of light-heartedness at the thought of such Rosy prospects I had scarcely allowed myself the few modifications in my manner of living which these improved circumstances seem to justify here it was made clear to me that my hopes were

Built upon sand I was filled with positive dread when I soon fully realized how nearly surf had come to defrauding me merely it would seem for his own Amusement after the manner of desps he had given his favors personally and autocratically the withdrawal and en nment of his promises however he made

Known to me through his servants and secretaries thus placing his strange conduct towards me in the light of the inevitable result of his dependence upon officialdom as surf wished to rid himself of me without even offering me compensation I was obliged to try to come to some understanding regarding all

That had been definitely arranged between us and this with the very people against whom he had previously warned me and had wanted me to side with him the conductor stage manager secretary Etc had to make it clear to me that my wishes could not be satisfied and that

The director owed me no compensation whatever for the time he had made me waste while awaiting the Fulfillment of his promises this unpleasant experience has been a source of pain to me ever since owing to all this my position was very much worse than it had been before Mina

Wrote To Me frequently from konigsburg but she had nothing encouraging to tell me with regard to my hopes in that direction the director of the theater there seemed unable to come to any clear understanding with his conductor a circumstance which I was afterwards able to understand but which at the time

Appeared to me inexplicable and made my chance of obtaining the coveted appointment seem exceedingly remote it seems certain however that the post would be vacant in the Autumn and as I was drifting about aimlessly in Berlin and refused for a moment to entertain the thought of returning to leig I snatched at this

Faint hope and in imagination sort above the Berlin quicksands to the safety of the harbor on the Baltic I only succeeded in doing so however after I had struggled through difficult and serious inward conflicts to which my relations with Mina gave rise an incomprehensible feature in the character of this otherwise apparently

Simple-minded woman had thrown my young heart into a turmoil a good-natured well-to-do Tradesman of Jewish extraction named Schwab who till that time had been established in magur made friendly advances to me in Berlin and I soon discovered that his sympathy was chiefly due to the passionate interest

Which he had conceived for mina it afterwards became clear to me that an intimacy had existed between this man Mina which in itself could hardly be considered as a breach of Faith towards me since it had ended in a decided repulse of my rival’s courtship in my

Favor but the fact of this episode having been kept so secret that I had not had the faintest idea of it before and also the suspicion I could not avoid harboring that men’s comfortable circumstances were in part due to this man’s friendship filled me with gloomy

Misgivings but as I have said although I could find no real cause to complain of infidelity I was distracted and alarmed and was at last driven to the half desperate resolve of regaining my balance in this Respect by obtaining complete possession of mina it seemed to

Me as though my stability as a citizen as well as my professional success would be assured by a recognized Union with Mina the two years spent in a theatrical world had in fact kept me in a constant state of distraction of which in my heart of hearts I was most painfully

Conscious I realized vaguely that I was on the wrong path I longed for peace and quiet and hoped to find these most effectual by getting married and so putting an end to the state of things that had become the source of so much anxiety to me it was not surprising that

Lobby noticed by my untidy passionate and wasted appearance that something unusual was a Miss with me it was only in his company which I always found comforting that I gained the only impressions of Berlin which compensated me in any way for my misfortunes the most important artistic

Experience I had came to me through the performance of Ferdinand Cortez conducted by spontini himself the spirit of which astonished me more than anything I had ever heard before though the actual production especially as regards the chief characters who as a whole could not be regarded as belonging

To the flower of Berlin Opera left me unmoved and though the effect never reached a point that could be even distantly compared to that produced upon me by schroer of rant yet the exceptional Precision fire and richly organized rendering of the whole was new to me I gained a fresh insight into the

Peculiar Dignity of big theatrical representations which in their several parts could by well accentuated Rhythm be made to attain the highest Pinnacle of art this extraordinarily distinct impression took a drastic hold of me and above all sered to guide me in my conception of rienzi so that speaking

From an artistic point of view Berlin may be said to have left its traces on my development for the present however my chief concern was to extricate myself from my extremely helpless position I was determined to turn my steps to kbur and communicated my decision and the

Hopes founded upon it to Lobby this excellent friend without further inquiry made a point of exerting his energies to free me from my present state of despair and to help me to reach my next destination an object which through the assistance of several of his friends he succeeded in

Accomplishing when he said goodbye to me lobby with sympathetic foresight warned me should I succeed in my desired career of musical conductor not to allow myself to be entangled in the shallowness of stage life and advised me after fatiguing rehearsals instead of going to my sweetheart to take a serious book in

Hand in order that my greater gifts might not go uncultivated I did not tell him that by taking an early and decisive step in this direction I intended to protect myself effectually against the dangers of theatrical intrigues on the 7th of July therefore I started on what was at that time an

Extremely Troublesome and fatiguing journey to the distant town of kingburg it seemed to me as though I were leaving the world as I traveled on day after day through the desert marches Then followed a sad and humiliating impression of konigsburg where in one of the poorest looking

Suburbs tagim near the theater and in a lane such as one would expect to find in a village I found the ugly house in which Mena lodged the friendly and quiet kindness of of manner however which was peculiar to her soon made me feel at home she was popular at the theater and

Was respected by the managers and actors a fact which seemed to augur well for her betrothed the part one was now openly to assume though as yet there seemed no distinct Prospect of my getting the appointment I had come for yet we agreed that I could hold out a

Little longer and that the matter would certainly be arranged in the end this was also the opinion of The Eccentric Abraham mer a worthy citizen of kbur who was devoted to the theater and who took a very friendly interest in Mina and finally also in me this man who was

Already well advanced in life belonged to the type of theater lovers now probably completely extinct in Germany but of whom so much is recorded in the history of actors of earlier times one could not spend an hour in the company of this man who at one time had gone in

For the most Reckless speculations without having to listen to his account of the glory of the the stage in former times described in most Lively terms as a man of means he had at one time made the acquaintance of nearly all the great actors and actresses of his day and had

Even known how to win their friendship through too great a liberality he unfortunately found himself in reduced circumstances and was now obliged to procure the means to satisfy his craving for the theater and his desire to protect those belonging to it by entering into all kinds of strange business transactions in which without

Running any real risk he felt there was something to be gained he was accordingly only able to afford the theater of very meager support but one which was quite in keeping with its decrepit condition this strange man of whom the theater director Anton hubish stood to a certain extent in awe

Undertook to procure me my appointment the only circumstance against me was the fact that LS Schubert the famous musician whom I had known from very early times as the first V and chist of the magur orchestra had come to kingburg from Ria where the theater had been

Closed for a time and where he had left his wife in order to fill the post of musical conductor here until the new theater in Ria was opened and he could return the reopening of the Ria Theater which had already been fixed for the Easter of this year had been postponed

And he was now anxious not to leave cburg since Schubert was a thorough master in his art and since his choosing to remain or go depended entirely on circumstances over which he had no control the theater director found himself in the embarrassing position of having to secure someone who would be

Willing to wait to enter upon his appointment till Schubert’s business called him away consequently a young musical conductor who was anxious to remain in kingburg at any price could but be heartily welcomed as a reserve and substitute in case of emergency indeed the director declared himself willing to give me a small

Retaining fee till the time should arrive for my definite entrance upon my duties Schubert on the contrary was furious at my arrival there was no longer any necessity for his Speedy return to Ria since the reopening of the theater there had been postponed indefinitely moreover he had a special

Interest in remaining in konigsburg as he had conceived a passion for the Primadonna there which considerably lessened his desire to return to his wife so at the last moment he clung to his konigsburg post with great eagerness regarded me as his deadly enemy and spurred on by his Instinct of

Self-preservation used every means in his power to make my stay in kbur and the already painful position I occupied while awaiting his departure a veritable hell to me while in magur I had been on the friendliest footing with both musicians and singers and had been shown the greatest consideration by the

Public I here found I had to defend myself on all sides against the most mortifying ill will this hostility towards me which soon made itself apparent contributed in no small degree to make me feel as though in coming to kingburg I had gone into Exile in spite

Of my eagerness I realized that under the circumstances my marriage with Mina would prove a hazardous undertaking at the beginning of August the company went to memo for a time to open the summer season there and I followed Mina a few days later we went

Most of the way by sea and crossed the cish half in a sailing vessel in bad weather With the Wind against us one of the most Melancholy Crossings I have ever experienced as we passed the thin strip of sand that divides this Bay from the Baltic Sea the castle of runan where

Hoffman laid the scene of one of his most gruesome Tales dos majorat was pointed out to me the fact that in this desolate neighborhood of all places in the world I should after so long a laps of time be once more brought in contact with the Fantastic impressions of my

Youth had a singular and depressing ing effect on my mind the unhappy sojourn in memo the lamentable role I played there everything in short contributed to make me find my only consolation in Mina who after all was the cause of my having placed myself in this unpleasant position our friend Abraham followed us

From konigsburg and did all kinds of queer things to promote my interests and was obviously anxious to put the director and conductor at variance with each other one day Schubert in consequence of a dispute with hubish on the previous night actually declared himself too unwell to attend a rehearsal

Of yuany in order to force the manager to summon me suddenly to take his place in doing this my rival maliciously hoped that as I was totally unprepared to conduct this difficult Opera which was seldom played I would expose my incapacity in a manner most welcome to his hostile

Intentions although I had never really had a score of yuany before me his wish was so little gratified that he elected to get well for the representation in order to conduct it himself which he would not have done if it had been found necessary to cancel the performance on account of my

Incompetence in this wretched position vexed in mind exposed to the severe climate which even on summer evening struck me as horribly cold and occupied merely in warding off the most painful Troubles of life my time as far as any professional advancement was concerned was completely lost at last on our

Return to konigsburg and particularly under the guardianship of Mer the question as to what was to be done was more earnestly considered finally Mina and I were offered a fairly good engagement in daning through the influence of my brother-in-law Wolfram and his wife who had gone there m seized this opportunity

To induce the director hubish who was anxious not to lose Mina to sign a contract including us both and by which it was understood that under any circumstances I should be officially appointed as conductor at his theater from the following Easter moreover for our wedding a benefit performance was

Promised for which we chose Dum Von porai to be conducted by me in person for as Mal remarked it was absolutely necessary for us to get married and to have a due celebration of the event there was no getting out of it Mina made no objection and all my past Endeavors

And resolutions seemed to prove that my one desire was to take anchor in the Haven of matrimony in spite of this however a strange conflict was going on within me at this time I had become sufficiently intimate with Mina’s life and character to realize the wide difference between

Our two Natures as fully as the important step I was about to take necessitated but my powers of judgment were not yet sufficiently matured my future wife was the child of poor parents natives of eredin in the erab burga in Saxony her father was no ordinary man he

Possessed enormous Vitality but in his old age showed traces of some feebleness of Mind in his young days he had been a Trumpeter in Saxony and in this capacity had taken part in a campaign against the French and had also been present at the Battle of vron he afterwards became a mechanic and

Took up the trade of manufacturing cards for carting wool and as he invented an improvement in the process of their production he is said to have made a very good business of it for some time a rich manufacture of chemets once gave him a large order to be delivered at the

End of the year the children whose pliable fingers had already proved serviceable in this respect had to work hard day and night and in return the father promised them an exceptionally happy Christmas as he expected to get a large sum of money when the long for time arrived however he received the

Announcement of his client’s bankruptcy the goods that had already been delivered were lost and the material that remained on his hands there was no Prospect of of selling the family never succeeded in recovering from the state of confusion into which this Misfortune had thrown them they went to Dresden where the father hoped

To find remunerative employment as a skilled mechanic especially in the manufacturer of pios of which he supplied separate parts he also brought away with him a large quantity of the fine wire which had been destined for the manufacturer of the cards and which he hoped to be able to sell at a profit

The 10-year-old Mina was commissioned to sell SE lots of it to the Millers for making flowers she would set out with a heavy basket full of wire and had such a gift for persuading people to buy that she soon disposed of the whole supply to the best

Advantage from this time the desire was awakened in her to be of active use to her impoverished family and to earn her own living as soon as possible in order not to be a burden on her parents as she grew up and developed into a strikingly beautiful woman she attracted the

Attention of men at a very early age a certain Heron inel fell passionately in love with her and took advantage of the inexperienced young girl when she was off her guard her family was thrown into the utmost consternation and only her mother and elder sister could be told of

The terrible position in which Mina found herself her father from whose anger the worst consequences were to be feared was never informed that his barely 17-year-old daughter had become a mother and under conditions that had threatened her life had given birth to a girl Mina who could obtain no redress

From her Seducer now felt doubly called upon to earn her own livelihood and leave her father’s house through the influence of friends she had been brought into contact with an amateur theatrical Society while acting in a performance given there she attracted the notice of members of the Royal Court

Theater and in particular drew the attention of the director of the Desa Court theater who was present and who immediately offered her an engagement she gladly caught at this way of escape from her trying position as it opened up the possibility of a brilliant stage career and of someday being able to

Provide amply for her family she had not the slightest passion for the stage and utterly devoid as she was of any levity or catry she merely saw in a theatrical career the means of earning a quick and possibly even a rich livelihood without any artistic training the theater merely meant for her the

Company of actors and actresses whether she pleased or not seemed of importance In Her Eyes Only in so far as it affected her realization of a comfortable Independence to use all the means at her disposal to assure this end seemed to her as necessary as it is for a

Tradesman to expose his Goods to the best Advantage the Friendship of the director manager and favorite members of the theater she regarded as indispensable whilst those frequenters of the theater who through their criticism or taste influenced the public and thus also had weight with the management she recognized as beings upon whom the

Attainment of her most fervent desires depended never to make enemies of them appeared so natural and so necessary that in order to maintain her popularity she was prepared to sacrifice even her self-respect she had in this way created for herself a certain peculiar code of behavior that on the one hand prompted

Her to avoid scandals but on the other hand found excuses even for making herself conspicuous as long as she herself knew that she was doing nothing wrong hence arose a mixture of inconsistencies the questionable sense of which she was incapable of grasping it was clearly impossible for

Her not to lose all real sense of delicacy she showed however a sense of the fitness of things which made her have regard to what was considered proper though she could not understand that mere appearances were a mockery when they only served to cloak the absence of a real sense of

Delicacy as she was with without idealism she had no artistic feeling neither did she possess any talent for acting and her power of pleasing was due entirely to her Charming appearance whether in time routine would have made her become a good actress it is impossible for me to say the strange

Power she exercised over me from the very first was in no wise due to the fact that I regarded her in any way as the embodiment of my ideal on the contrary she attracted me by the soberness and seriousness of her character which supplemented what I felt

To be wanting in my own and afforded me the support that in my wanderings after the ideal I knew to be necessary for me I had soon accustomed myself never to betray my craving after the ideal before Mina unable to account for this even to myself I always made a point of avoiding

The subject by passing it over with a laugh and a joke but on this account it was all the more natural for me to feel qualms when fears arose in my mind as to her really possessing the qualities to which I had attributed her Superior superiority over me her strange

Tolerance with regard to certain familiarities and even importunities on the part of patrons of the theater directed even against her person hurt me considerably and on my reproaching her for this I was driven to despair by her assuming an injured expression as though I had insulted her it was quite by

Chance that I came across Schwab’s letters and thus gained an astonishing insight into her intimacy with that man of which she had left me in ignorance and allowed me to gain my first knowledge during my stay in Berlin all my latent jealousy all my inmost doubts concerning Mina’s character found vent

In my sudden determination to leave the girl at once there was a violent scene between us which was typical of all our subsequent altercations I had obviously gone too far in treating a woman who was not passionately in love with me as if I had

A real right over her for after all she had merely yielded to my importunity and in no way belonged to me to add to my perplexity Mina only needed to remind me that from a worldly point of view she had refused very good offers in order to

Give way to the impetuosity of a penniless young man whose Talent had not yet been put to any real test and to whom she had nevertheless shown sympathy and kindness what she could least forgive in me was the Raging vehement with which I spoke and by which she felt so insulted

That upon realizing to what excesses I had gone there was nothing I could do but try and pacify her by owning my myself in the wrong and begging her forgiveness such was the end of this and all subsequent scenes outwardly at least always to her Advantage but peace was undermined

Forever and by the frequent recurrence of such quarrels Mina’s character underwent a considerable change just as in later times she became perplexed by what she considered my incomprehensible conception of art and its proportions which upset her ideas about everything connected with it so now she grew more

And more confused by my greater delicacy in regard to morality which was very different from hers especially as in many other respects I displayed a freedom of opinion which they could neither comprehend nor approve a feeling of passionate resentment was accordingly roused in her otherwise tranquil disposition it was not surprising that

This resentment increased as the years went on and manifested itself in a manner characteristic of a girl sprung from the lower middle class in whom mere superficial polish had taken the place of any true culture the real torment of our subsequent life together lay in the

Fact that owing to her violence I had lost the last support I had hither to found in her exceptionally Sweet Disposition at that time I was filled only with a dim for boing of the faithful step I was taking in marrying her her agreeable and soothing qualities

Still had such a beneficial effect upon me that with the frivolity natural to me as well as the obstinacy with which I met all opposition I silenced the inner voice that Darkly foreboded disaster since my journey to konigsburg I had broken off all communication with

My family that is to say with my mother and rosaly and I told no one of the step I had decided to take under my old friend M’s audacious guidance I overcame all the legal difficulties that stood in the way of our Union according to Prussian law a man who has reached his

Majority no longer requires his parents consent to his marriage but since according to this same provision I was not yet of age I had recourse to the law of Saxony to which country I belonged by birth and by whose regulations I had already attained my majority at the age

Of 21 our bans had to be published at the place where we had been living during the past year and this formality was carried out in magur without any further objections being raised as Mina’s parents had given their consent the only thing that still remained to be

Done to make everything quite in order was for us to go together to the clergymen of the parish Parish of tagim this proved a strange enough visit it took place the morning preceding the performance to be given for our benefit in which Mina had chosen the pantomimic

Roll of finel her costume was not ready yet and there was still a great deal to be done the rainy cold November weather made us feel out of humor when to add to our vexation we were kept standing in the hall of the vicarage for an unreasonable time then an altercation

Arose between us which speedily led to such b vituperation that we were just on the point of separating and going each our own way when the clergyman opened the door not a little embarrassed at having surprised Us in the act of quarreling he invited us in we were

Obliged to put a good face on the matter however and the absurdity of the situation so tickled our sense of humor that we laughed The Parson was appeased and the wedding fixed for 11:00 the next morning another fruitful source of irritation which often led to the outbreak of violent quarreling between

Us was the arrangement of our future home in the interior comfort and beauty of which I hope to find a guarantee of Happiness the economical ideas of my bride filled me with impatience I was determined at the inauguration of a series of prosperous years which I saw before me must be

Celebrated by a correspondingly comfortable Home Furniture household utensils and all necessaries were obtained on credit to be paid for by installment there was of course no question of a doy a wedding outfit or any of the things that are generally considered indispensable to a well-founded establishment our Witnesses and guests

Were drawn from the company of actors accidentally brought together by their engagement at the kbur theater my friend mer made us a present of a silver sugar Basin which was supplemented by a silver cake basket from another stage friend A peculiar and as far as I can remember rather interesting young man named

Ernest Castell the benefic performance of the D stum Von porai which I conducted with great enthusiasm went off well and brought us in as large a sum as we had counted upon after spending the rest of the day before our wedding very quietly as we were tired out after our return from the

Theater I took up my Abode for the first time in our new home not wishing to use the bridal bed decorated for the occasion I laid down on a hard sofa without even sufficient covering on me and froze valiantly while awaiting the happiness of the following day I was

Pleasantly excited the next morning by the arrival of Mina’s belongings packed in boxes and baskets the weather too had quite cleared up and the Sun was shining brightly only our sitting room refused to get properly warm which for some time Drew Down Mina’s reproaches upon my head for my supposed carelessness in not

Having seen to the heating Arrangements At Last I dressed myself in my new suit a dark blue frck coat with gold buttons The Carriage drove up and I set out to fetch my bride the bright Sky had put us all in good spirits and in

The best of humor I met Mina who was dressed in a splendid gown chosen by me she greeted me with sincere cordiality and pleasure shining from her eyes and taking the fine weather as a good omen we started off for what now seemed to us a most cheerful wedding we enjoyed the

Satisfaction of seeing the church as overcrowded as if a brilliant theatrical representation were being given it was quite a difficult matter to make our way to the altar where a group no less worldly than the rest consisting of our Witnesses dressed in all their theatrical finery were assembled to

Receive us there was not one real friend amongst all those present for even our Strange old friend mer was absent because no suitable partner had been found for him I was not for a single moment insensible to the chilling frivolity of the congregation who seemed to impart their tone to the whole

Ceremony I listened like one in a dream to the nuptial address of the Parson who I was afterwards told had had a share in producing the spirit of bigotry which at this time was so prevalent in konigsburg and which exercised such a disquieting influence on its

Population a few days later I was told that a rumor had got about the town that I had taken Action Against The Parson for some gross insults contained in his sermon I did not quite see what was meant but supposed that the exaggerated report arose from a passage in his

Address which I in my excitement had misunderstood the preacher in speaking of the dark days of which we were to expect our share bade us look to an unknown friend and I glanced up inquiringly for further particulars of this mysterious and influential Patron who chose so strange a way of announcing

Himself reproachfully and with peculiar emphasis the pastor then pronounced the name of this unknown friend Jesus now I was not in any way insulted by this as people imagined but was simply disappointed at the same time I thought that such exhortations were probably usual in nuptial

Addresses but on the whole I was so absent minded during this ceremony which was double dutched to me that when the Parson held out the closed prayer book for us to place our wedding rings upon Mina had to nudge me forcibly to make me follow her example at that moment I saw

As clearly as in a vision my whole being divided into two crosscurrents that dragged me in different directions the upper one faced the Sun and carried me onward like a dreamer whilst the lower one held my nature captive appr prey to some inexplicable fear the extraordinary levity with which

I chased away the conviction which kept forcing itself upon me that I was committing a two-fold sin was amply accounted for by the really genuine affection with which I looked upon the young girl whose truly exceptional character so rare in the the environment in which she had been placed led her

Thus to bind herself to a young man without any means of support it was 11:00 on the morning of the 24th of November 1836 and I was 23 and A2 on the way home from church and afterwards my good spirits Rose Superior to all my doubts Mina at once took upon

Herself the duty of receiving and entertaining her guests the table was spread and a rich Feast at which Abraham m the energetic promoter of our marriage also took part although he had been rather put out by his exclusion from the church ceremony made up for the coldness

Of the room which for a long time refused to get warm to the great distress of the young Hostess everything went off in the usual uneventful way nevertheless I retained my good spirits till the next morning when I had to present myself at the Magistrate’s court to meet the demands

Of my creditors which have been forwarded to me from magniberg to kingburg my friend mer whom I had retained for my defense had foolishly advised me to meet my creditors demands by pleading infancy according to the law of Prussia at all events until actual assistance for the settlement of the claims could be

Obtained the magistrate to whom I stated this plea as I had been advised was astonished being probably well aware of my marriage on the previous day which could only have taken place on the production of documentary proof of my majority I naturally only gained a brief respit by this maneuver and the troubles

Which beset me for a long time afterwards had their origin on the first day of my marriage during the period when I held no appointment at the theater I suffered various humiliations nevertheless I thought it wise to make the most of my leisure in the interests of my art and I finished a

Few pieces among which was a grand Overture on Rule Britannia when I was still in Berlin I had written the Overture entitled palonia which has already been mentioned in connection with the Polish Festival Rule Britannia was a further and deliberate step in the direction of mass effects at the close a strong military

Band was to be added to the already over full Orchestra and I intended to have the whole thing performed at the musical festival in karnburg in the summer to these two overtures I added a supplement an overture entitled Napoleon the point to which I devoted my chief attention was the selection of the

Means for producing certain effects and I carefully considered whether I should Express The annihilating Stroke of Fate that befell the French emperor in Russia by a beat on the TomTom or not I believe it was to a great extent my Scruples about the introduction of this beat that

Prevented me from carrying out my plan just then on the other hand the conclusions which I had reached regarding the ill success of Lee bestbet resulted in an operatic sketch in which the demands made on the chorus and the staff of singers should be more in proportion to the known capacity of the

Local local company as this small theater was the only one at my disposal a quaint tale from the Arabian Knights suggested the very subject for a light work of this description the title of which if I remember rightly was Manor list grosser ALS frown list man out Wheats woman I transplanted the story

From Baghdad to a modern setting a young Goldsmith offends the pride of a young woman by placing the above motto on the sign over his shop deeply veiled she steps into his shop and asks him as he displays such excellent taste in his work to express his opinion on her own physical

Charms he begins with her feet and her hands and finally noticing his confusion she removes the veil from her face the Jeweler is carried away by her beauty whereupon she complains to him that her father who has always kept her in the strictest seclusion describes her to all

Her suitors as an ugly monster his object being she imagines simply to keep her dowy the young man swears that he will not be frightened off by These Foolish objections should the father raised them against his suit no sooner said than done the daughter of this peculiar Old Gentleman is promised

To the unsuspecting Jeweler and is brought to her bridegroom as soon as he has signed the contract he then sees that the father has indeed spoken the truth the real daughter being a perfect scarecrow the beautiful lady returns to the bridegroom to gloat over his desperation and Promises to release him

From his terrible marriage if he will remove the motto from his signboard at this point I departed from the original and continued as follows the enraged Jeweler is on the point of tearing down his unfortunate signboard when a curious Apparition leads him to pause in the ACT he sees a bar leader in

The street making his clumsy Beast dance in whom the luckless lover recognizes at a glance his own father from whom he has been parted by a hard fate he suppresses any sign of emotion for in a flash a scheme occurs to him by which he can utilize this discovery to free himself

From the hated marriage with the daughter of The Proud old Aristocrat he instructs the be leader to come that evening to the Garden where the solemn betral is to take place in the presence of the invited guests he then explains to his young enemy that he

Wishes to leave the signboard up for the time being as he still hopes to prove the truth of the motto after the marriage contract in which the Young young man arrogates to himself all kinds of fictitious titles of nobility has been read to the assembled company

Composed say of the elite of the noble immigrants at the time of the French Revolution there is heard suddenly the pipe of the be leader who enters the garden with his prancing Beast angered by this trivial Diversion the astonished company become indignant when the bridegroom giving free vent to his

Feelings throws himself with tears of joy into the arms of the bare leader and loudly proclaims him as his long lost father the consternation of the company becomes even greater however when the bear itself Embraces the man they suppose to be of noble birth for the

Beast is no less a person than his own brother in the flesh who on the death of the real bear had dawned its skin thus enabling the poverty-stricken pair to continue to earn their livelihood in the only way left to them this public disclosure of the bridegroom’s lowly

Origin at once dissolves the marriage and the young woman declaring herself outwitted by man offers her hand in compensation to the released Jeweler to this unassuming subject I gave the title of the Gluck likee Baron family and provided it with a dialogue which afterwards met with HTI ey’s highest

Approval I was about to begin the music for it in a new light French style but the seriousness of my position which grew more and more acute prevented further progress in my work in this respect my strained relations with the conductor of the theater were still a constant source of trouble with neither

The opportunity nor the means to defend myself I had to submit to being maligned and rendered an object of Suspicion on all sides by my rival who remained Master of the field the object of this was to disgust me with the idea of taking up my appointment as musical

Conductor for which the contract had been signed for Easter though I did not lose my self-confidence I suffered keenly from the indignity and the depressing effect of this prolonged strain when At Last At the beginning of April the moment arrived for the musical conductor Schubert to resign and for me

To take over the whole charge he had The Melancholy satisfaction of knowing that Not only was the standing of the Opera seriously weakened by the departure of the Primadonna but that there was good reason to doubt whether the theater could be carried on at all this month of

Lent which was such a bad time in Germany for all similar theatrical Enterprises decimated the kbur audience with the rest the director took the greatest trouble imaginable to to fill up the gaps in the staff of the Opera by means of engaging strangers temporarily and by new acquisitions and in this my

Personality and unflagging activity were of real service I devoted all my energy to booing up by word and deed the tattered ship of the theater in which I now had a hand for the first time for a long time I had to try and keep cool under the

Most violent treatment by a cek of students among whom my predecessor had raised up enemies for me and by the uniring certainty of my conducting I had to overcome the initial opposition of the orchestra which had been set against me after laboriously laying the foundation of personal respect I was now

Forced to realize that the business methods of the director hubish had already involved too great a sacrifice to permit the theater to make its way against the unfavorableness of the season and in may he admitted to me that he had come to the point of being obliged to close the theater by

Summoning up all my eloquence and by making suggestions question s which promised a happy issue I was able to induce him to persevere nevertheless this was only possible by making demands on the Loyalty of his company who were asked to forego part of their salaries for a time

This aroused General bitterness on the part of the uninitiated and I found myself in the Curious position of being forced to place the director in a favorable light to those who were hard-hit by these measures while I myself and my position were affected in such a manner that my

Situation became daily more unendurable under the accumulation of Intolerable difficulties taking their root in my past but though I did not even then lose courage Mina who as my wife was robbed of all that she had a right to expect found this turn of Fate quite unbearable the hidden canker of our

Married life which even before our marriage had caused me the most terrible anxiety and led to violent scenes reached its full growth under these sad conditions the less I was able to maintain the standard of comfort due to our position by working and making the

Most of my talents the more did Mina to my insufferable shame consider it necessary to take this burden upon herself by making the most of her personal popularity the discovery of similar condescension as I used to call them on Mina’s part had repeatedly led to revolting scenes and only her peculiar conception

Of her professional position and the needs it involved had made a charitable interpretation possible I was absolutely unable to bring my young wife to see my point of view or to make her realize my own wounded feelings on these occasions while the unrestrained violence of my speech and behavior made an

Understanding once and for all impossible these scenes frequently sent my wife into convulsions of so alarming a nature that as will easily be realized the satisfaction of reconciling her once more was all that remained to me certain it was that our mutual attitude became more and more incomprehensible and

Inexplicable to us both these quarrels which now became more frequent and more distressing may have gone far to diminish the strength of any affection which Mina was able to give me but I had no idea that she was only waiting for a favorable opportunity to come to a

Desperate decision to fill the place of tenor in our company I had summoned Friedrich Schmidt to kbur a friend of my first year in magur to whom illusion has already been made he was sincerely devoted to me and helped me as much as possible in overcoming the dangers which

Threatened the prosperity of the theater as well as my own position the necessity of being on friendly terms with the public made me much less reserved and cautious in making new acquaintances especially when in his company a rich Merchant of the name of Dietrich had recently constituted himself a patron of

The theater and especially of the women with due difference to the men with whom they were connected he used to invite The Pick of these ladies to dinner at his house and effect Ed on these occasions the well-to-do Englishman which was the bow ideal for German Merchants especially in the

Manufacturing towns of the north I had shown my annoyance at the acceptance of the invitation sent to us among the rest at first simply because his looks were repugnant to M Min considered this very unjust anyhow I set my face decidedly against continuing our acquaintance with this man and although Mina did not

Insist on receiving him my conduct towards the intruder was the cause of angry scenes between us one day Friedrich Schmidt considered it his duty to inform me that this herdrich had spoken of me at a public dinner in such a manner as to lead everyone to suppose

That he had a suspicious intimacy with my wife I felt obliged to suspect Mina of having in some way unknown to me told the fellow about my conduct towards her as well as about our precarious position accompanied by Schmidt I called this dangerous person to account on the

Subject in his own home at first this only led to the usual denials afterwards however he sent secret Communications to minute concerning the interview thus providing her with a supposed new grievance against me in the form of my inconsiderate treatment of her our relations now reached a critical stage

And on certain points we preserved silence at the same time it was towards the end of May 1837 the business Affairs of the theater had reached the crisis above mentioned when the management was obliged to fall back on the self-sacrificing cooperation of the staff to assure the continuance of the

Undertaking as I have said before my own position at the end of a year so disastrous to my welfare was seriously affected by this nevertheless there seemed to be no alternative for me but to face these difficulties patiently and relying on the faithful Friedrich Schmidt but ignoring Mina I began to

Take the necessary steps for making my post at konigsburg secure this as well as the arduous part one took in the business of the theater kept me so busy and so much away from home that I was not able to pay any particular attention to Mina’s silence

And reserve on the morning of the 31st of May I took leave of mina expecting to be detained till late in the afternoon by rehearsals and business matters with my entire approval she had for some time been accustomed to have her daughter Natalie who was supposed by everyone to

Be her youngest sister to stay with her as I was about to wish them my usual quiet goodbye the two women rushed after me to the door and embraced me passionately Mina as well as her daughter bursting into tears I was alarmed and asked the meaning of this

Excitement but could get no answer from them and I was obliged to leave them and Ponder alone over their peculiar conduct of the reason for which I had not even the faintest idea I arrived home late in the afternoon worn out by my exertions and worries Dead Tired pale and hungry

And was surprised to find the table not laid in Mina not at home the maid telling me that she had not yet returned from her walk with Natalie I waited patiently sinking down exhausted at the work table which I absent-mindedly opened to my intense astonishment it was empty horror struck

I sprang up and went to the Wardrobe and realized at once that Mina had left the house her departure had been so cunningly planned that even the maid was unaware of it with death in my soul I dashed out of the house to investigate the cause of Mina’s

Disappearance old merer by his practical sagacity very soon found out that Dietrich his personal enemy had left konigsburg in the direction of Berlin by the special coach in the morning this horrible fact stood staring me in the face I had now to try and overtake the fugitives with the lavish use of money

This might have been possible but funds were lacking and had in part to be laboriously collected on M’s advice I took the silver wedding presents with me in case of emergency and after the lapse of a few terrible hours went off also by special coach with my distressed old

Friend we hope to overtake the ordinary mail coach which had started a short time before as it was probable that Mina would also continue her journey in this at a safe distance from kingburg this proved impossible and when next morning at break of day we arrived

In Ing we found our money exhausted by the lavish use of the express coach and were compelled to return we discovered moreover that even by using the ordinary coach we should be obliged to pawn the sugar Basin and Cake dish this return journey to konigsburg rightly remains

One of the saddest memories of my youth of course I did not for a moment entertain the idea of remaining in the place my one thought was how I could best get away hemmed in between the lawsuits of my magur creditors and the konigsburg Tradesmen who had claims on

Me for the payment by installment of my domestic accounts my departure could only be carried out in secrecy for this very reason too it was necessary for me to raise money particularly for the long journey from konigsburg to Dresden whether I determined to go in quest of my wife and

These matters detained me for two long and terrible days I received no news whatever from Mina from mer I ascertained that she had gone to Dresden and that Dietrich had only accompanied her for a short distance on the excuse of helping her in a friendly way I succeeded in assuring myself that she

Really only wished to get away from a position that filled her with desperation and for this purpose had accepted the assistance of a man who sympathized with her and that she was for the present seeking rest and shelter with her parents my first indignation at the event accordingly subsided to such

An extent that I gradually acquired more sympathy for her in her Despair and began to reproach my myself both for my conduct and for having brought unhappiness on her I became so convinced of the correctness of this view during the tedious journey to Dresden V Berlin which I eventually undertook on the 3rd

Of June that when At Last I found Mina at the humble abode of her parents I was really quite unable to express anything but repentance and heartbroken sympathy it was quite true that Mina thought herself badly treated by me and declared that she had only been forced to take

This desperate step by brooding over our impossible position to which she thought me both blind and deaf her parents were not pleased to see me the painfully excited condition of their daughter seemed to afford sufficient justification for her complaints against me whether my own sufferings my Hasty Pursuit and the heartfelt expression of

My grief made any favorable impression on her I can really hardly say as her manner towards me was very confused and to a certain extent incomprehensible still she was impressed when I told her that there was a good Prospect of my obtaining the post of musical conductor at Ria where a new

Theater was about to be opened under the most favorable conditions I felt that I must not press for new resolutions concerning the regulation of our future relations just then but must strive the more earnestly to lay a better foundation for them consequently after spending a fearful week with my wife

Under the most painful conditions I went to Berlin there to sign my agreement with the new director of the Ria theater I obtained the appointment on fairly favorable terms which I saw would enable me to keep house in such a style that Mina could retire from the theater

Altogether by this means she would be in a position to spare me all humiliation and anxiety on returning to Dresden I found that Mina was ready to lend a willing ear to my proposed plans and I succeeded in inducing her to leave her parents house which was very cramped for us and

To establish herself in the country at bla witz near Dresden to await our removal to Ria we found modest lodgings at an inn on the Elba in the farmyard of which I had often played as a child here Mina’s frame of mind really seemed to be

Improving she had begged me not to press her too hard and I spared her as much as possible after a few weeks I thought I might consider the period of uneasiness passed but was surprised to find the situation growing worse again without any apparent reason Mina then told me of

Some advantageous offers she had received from different theaters and astonished me one day by announcing her intention of taking a short pleasure trip with a girlriend and her family as I felt obliged to avoid putting any restraint upon her I offered no objection to the execution of this

Project which entailed a weak separation but accompanied her back to her parents myself promising to await her return quietly at bla Switz a few days later her eldest sister called to ask me for the written per permission required to make out a passport for my wife this

Alarmed me and I went to Dresden to ask her parents what their daughter was about there to my surprise I met with a very unpleasant reception they reproached me coarsely for my behavior to mina whom they said I could not even manage to support and when I only

Replied by asking for information as to the whereabouts of my wife and about her plans for the future I was put off with improbable statements tormented by by the sharpest for boings and understanding nothing of what had occurred I went back to the village where I found a letter from kbur

From mer which poured light on all my misery her Dietrich had gone to Dresden and I was told the name of the hotel at which he was staying the terrible illumination thrown by this communication upon min’s conduct showed me in a Flash what to do I hurried into

Town to make the necessary inquiries at the hotel mentioned and found that the man in question had been there but had moved on again he had vanished and Mina too I now knew enough to demand of the Fates why at such an early age they had sent me this terrible experience which

As it seemed to me had poisoned my whole existence I sought consolation for my boundless grief in the Society of my sister Odie and her husband Hermon Brock House an excellent fellow to whom she had been married for some years they were then living at their pretty summer

Villa in the lovely grosser Garden near Dresden I had looked them up at once the first time I went to Dresden but as I had not at that time the slightest idea of how things were going to turn out I had told them nothing and had seen but

Little of them now I was moved to break my obstinate silence and unfold to them the cause of my misery with but few reservations for the first time I was in a position gratefully to appreciate the advantages of family intercourse and of the direct and disinterested intimacy between blood relations explanations

Were hardly necessary and as brother and sister we found ourselves as closely linked now as we have been when we were children we arrived at a complete understanding without having to explain what we meant I was unhappy she was happy consolation and help followed as a

Matter of course this was the sister to whom I once had read Lobel and the Adelaide in a thunderstorm the sister who had listened filled with astonishment and sympathy to that eventful performance of my first Overture on Christmas Eve and whom I now found married to one of the kindest of

Men Hermon Brock House who soon earned a reputation for himself as an expert in Oriental languages he was the youngest brother of my Elder brother-in-law friederich Brock House their Union was blessed by two children their comfortable means favored a life free from care and when I made my

Daily pilgrimage from Bla witz to the famous grosser garden it was like stepping from a desert into Paradise to enter their house one of the popular Villas knowing that I would invariably find a welcome in this Happy Family Circle Not only was my spirit soothed and benefited by intercourse with my

Sister but my creative instincts which had long Lan dormant were stimulated aresh by the Society of my brilliant and learned brother-in-law it was brought home to me without in any way hurting my feelings that my early marriage excusable as it may have been was yet an error to be

Retrieved and my mind regained sufficient elasticity to compose some sketches designed this time not merely to meet the requirements of the theater as I knew it during the last wretched days I had spent with Mina at bla witz I had read bullar litton’s novel renzi during my convalescence in the

Bosom of my sympathetic family I now worked out the scheme for a grand opera under the inspiration of this book though obliged for the present to return to the limitations of a small theater I tried from this time onwards to to aim at enlarging my sphere of action I sent

My Overture Rule Britannia to the philarmonic society in London and tried to get into communication with scribe in Paris about a setting for H koenig’s novel di ho he brought which I had sketched out thus I spent the remainder of this summer of ever happy memory at

The end of August I had to leave for RIA to take up my new appointment although I knew that my sister Rosalie had shortly before married the man of her choice professor Oswald Marbach of leig I avoided that City probably with the foolish notion of sparing myself any

Humiliation and went straight to Berlin where I had to receive certain additional instructions from my future director and also to obtain my passport there I met a younger sister of MZ amily planer a singer with a pretty voice who had joined our Opera Company at magur for a short time my report of

Mina quite overwhelmed this exceedingly kind-hearted girl we we went to a performance of fidelia together during which she like myself burst into tears and sobs refreshed by the sympathetic impression I had received I went by way of scharen where I was disappointed in my hopes of finding traces of mina to

Lubec to wait for a merchant ship going to Ria we had set sail for trund and an unfavorable wind set in and held up our departure for a week I had to spend this disagreeable time in a miserable ship’s Tavern thrown on my own resources I tried amongst other things to read till

Yulen Spiegel and this popular book first gave me the idea of a real German comic opera long afterwards when I was composing the words for my younger seek freed I remember having many Vivid Recollections of this Melancholy sojon in trund and my reading of till yulen

Spel after a voyage of 4 days we at last reached port at bolda I was conscious of a peculiar thrill on coming into contact with Russian officials whom I had instinctively detested since the days of my sympathy with the poles as a boy it seemed to me as if the Harbor Police

Must read enthusiasm for the poles in my face and would send me to Siberia on the spot and I was the more agreeably surprised on reaching Ria to find myself surrounded by The Familiar German element which above all pervaded everything connected with the theater after my unfortunate experiences in

Connection with the conditions of small German stages the way in which this newly open theater was run had at first a calming effect on my mind a society had been formed by a number of well-to-do theatergoers and rich businessmen to raise by voluntary subscription sufficient money to provide

The sort of management they regarded as ideal with a solid foundation the director they appointed was Carl Von HTI a fairly popular dramatic writer who enjoyed a certain reputation in the theatrical world this man’s ideas about the stage represented a special tendency which was at that time on the decline he possessed in

Addition to his remarkable social gifts an extraordinary acquaintance with all the principal people connected with the theater during the past 20 years and belonged to a society called D liben swen libertin the amiable Libertines this was a set of young wouldbe wits who looked upon the stage

As a playground licensed by the public for the display of their mad pranks from which the middle class held aloof while people of culture were steadily losing all interest in the theater under these hopeless conditions HTI ey’s wife had in former days been a popular actress at

The kstat theater in Berlin and it was here at the time when henriet sag raised it to the height of its Fame that HTI style had been formed the production there of his melodrama Leonor founded on Burger’s ballad had in particular earned him a wide reputation as a writer for

The stage besides which he produced some leader Spiel and among among them one entitled to Alti Felder became fairly popular his invitation to Ria had been particularly welcome as it bid fair to gratify his craving to absorb himself completely in the life of the stage he

Hoped in this out ofth way place to indulge his passion without restraint his peculiar familiarity of manner his inexhaustible store of amusing small talk and his Airy way of doing business gave him a remarkable hold on the trades people of Ria who wished for nothing better than such

Entertainment as he was able to give them they provided him liberally with all the necessary means and treated him in every respect with entire confidence under his opes my own engagement had been very easily secured Surly old pedants he would have none of favoring young men on the score of their

Youth alone as far as I myself was concerned it was enough for him to know that I belonged to a family which he knew and liked and hearing moreover of my fervent Devotion to Modern Italian and French music in particular he decided that I was the very man for him

He had the whole schol of bellinis donetti Adams and O’s operatic scores copied out and I was to give the good people of Ria the benefit of them with all possible speed the first time I visited HTI I met an old leipsig acquaintance heinrick Dorne my former Mentor who now held the permanent

Municipal appointment of choir Master at the church and music teacher in the schools he was pleased to find his curious pupil transformed into a practical Opera conductor of independent position and no less surprised to see The Eccentric worshipper of bethoven changed into an Arden champion of bini

And Adam he took me home to his summer residence which was built according to Ria phraseology in the fields that is literally on the sand while I was giving him some account of the experiences through which I had passed I grew conscious of the strangely deserted look of the place feeling frightened and

Homeless my initial uneasiness gradually developed into a passionate longing to escape from all the world of theatrical life which had woed me to such inhospitable regions this uneasy mood was fast dispelling the flippancy which at magniberg had led to my being dragged down to the level of the most worthless

Stage society and had also conduced to spoil my musical taste it also contained the germs of a new tendency which developed During the period of my activity at GA brought me more and more out of touch with the theater thereby causing director HTI all the annoyance which inevitably attends

Disappointment for some time however I found no difficulty in making the best of a bad bargain we were obliged to open the theater before the company was complete to make this possible we gave a performance of a short comic Opera by C Blum called Marie maxd Michelle for this

Work I composed an additional air for a song which HTI had written for the bass singer Gunther it consisted of a Sentimental introduction and a gay military Rondo and was very much appreciated later on I introduced another additional song into the schweer family to be sung by another bass singer

Skyer it was of a devotional character and pleased not only the public but myself and showed signs of the upheaval which was gradually taking place in my musical development I was entrusted with the composition of a tune for a national hymn written by brackle in honor of the

Zar Nicholas’s birthday I tried to give it as far as possible the right coloring for a despotic patriarchal Monarch and once again I achieved some Fame for it was sung for several successive years on that particular day HTI ey tried to persuade me to write a bright gay comic

Opera or rather a musical play to be performed by our company just as it stood I looked up the lto of my GL it Baron family and found HTI ey very well disposed towards it as I have stated elsewhere but when I Unearthed the little music which I had already

Composed for it I was overcome with disgust at this way of writing whereupon I made a present of the book to my Clumsy good-natured friend lob man my right-hand man in the orchestra and never gave it another thought from that day to this I managed however to get to

Work on the lto of rienzi which I had sketched out at blaw I developed it from every point of view on so extravagant a scale that with this work I deliberately cut off all possibility of being tempted by circumstances to produce it anywhere but on one of the largest stages in Europe

But while this helped to strengthen my Endeavor to escape from all the petty degradations of stage life new complications arose which affected me more and more seriously and offered further opposition to my aims the Primadonna engaged by HTI had failed us and we were therefore without a singer

For grand opera under the circumstances HTI I joyfully agreed to my proposal to ask amily Mina’s sister who was glad to accept an engagement that brought her near me to come to Ria at once in her answer to me from Dresden where she was then living she informed me of Mina’s

Return to her parents and of her present miserable condition owing to a severe illness I naturally took this piece of news very cooly for what I had heard about Minas she left me for the last time had forced me to authorize my old friend at kingburg to take steps to

Procure a divorce it was certain that Mina had stayed for some time at a hotel in Hamburg with that ill Omen man her Dietrich and that she had spread abroad the story of our separation so unreservedly that the theatrical World in particular had discussed it in a manner that was positively insulting to

Me I simply informed Emily of this and requested her to spare me any further news of her sister hereupon Mina herself appealed to me and wrote me a positively heart-rending letter in which she openly confessed her infidelity she declared that she had been driven to it by despair but that

The great trouble she had thus brought upon herself having taught her a lesson all she now wished was to return to the right path taking everything into account I concluded that she had been deceived in the character of her Seducer and the knowledge of her terrible position had placed her both morally and

Physically in a most lamentable condition in which now ill and wretched she turned to me again to acknowledge her guilt crave my forgiveness and assure me in spite of all that she had now become fully aware of her love for me never before had I heard such sentiments from Mina nor was

I ever to hear the same from her again save on one touching occasion many years later when similar outpourings moved and affected me in the same way as this particular letter had done in reply I told her that there should never again be any mention between us of what had

Occurred for which I took upon myself the chief blame and I can pride myself on having carried out this resolution to the letter when her sister’s engagement was satisfactorily settled I at once invited Mina to come to Ria with her both gladly accepted my invitation and

Arrived from Dresden at my new home on October 19th wintry weather having already set in with much regret I perceived that Mina’s Health had really suffered and therefore did all in my power to provide her with all the domestic Comforts and quiet she needed this presented difficulties for my

Modest income as a conductor was all I had at my disposal and we were both firmly determined not to let Mina Go on the stage again on the other hand the carrying out of this resolve in view of the financial inconvenience It entailed produced strange complications the

Nature of which was only revealed to me later when startling developments divulged the real moral character of the manager HTI ey for the the present I had to let people think that I was jealous of my wife I bore patiently with the general belief that I had good reasons

To be so and rejoiced meanwhile at the restoration of our peaceful married life and especially at the sight of our Humble Home which we made as comfortable as our means would allow and in the keeping of which min’s domestic talents came strongly to the four as we were

Still childless and were obliged as a rule to enlist the help of a dog in order to give life to the domestic hearth we once lighted upon the eccentric idea of trying our luck with a young wolf which was brought into the house as a tiny cup when we found however that this

Experiment did not increase the comfort of our home life we gave him up after he had been with us a few weeks we fared better with sister amily for she with her good nature and simple homely ways did much to make up for the absence of children for a Time the Two Sisters

Neither of whom had had any real education often returned playfully to the ways of their childhood when they sang children’s Duets Mina though she had had no musical training always managed very cleverly to sing seconds and afterwards as we sat at our evening meal eating Russian salad salt salmon from the dwia

Or fresh Russian caviar we were all three very cheerful and happy far away in our Northern home Emily’s beautiful voice and real vocal Talent at first won for her a very favorable re ction with the public a fact which did us all a great deal of good being however very short and having

No very great gift for acting the scope of her powers was very limited and as she was soon surpassed by more successful competitors it was a real stroke of good luck for her that a young officer in the Russian army then captain now General Carl Von Meek fell head over ears in

Love with the simple girl and married her a year later the unfortunate part of this engagement however was that it caused many difficulties and brought the first Cloud over our Minaj a tra for after a while the Two Sisters quarrel bitterly and I had the very unpleasant

Experience of living for a whole year in the same house with two relatives who neither saw nor spoke to each other we spent the winter at the beginning of 1838 in a very small dingy dwelling in the old town it was not till the spring that we moved into a pleasanter house in

The more salubrious Petersburg suburb where in spite of the sisterly breach before referred to we led a fairly bright and cheerful Life as we were often able to entertain many of our friends and acquaintances in a simple though Pleasant fashion in addition to members of the stage I knew a few people

In the town and we received and visited the family of Dorne the musical director with whom I became quite intimate but it was the second musical director fron lobman a very worthy though not a very Gifted Man Who became most Faithfully attached to me however I did not cultivate many acquaintances in wider

Circles and they grew fewer as the ruling passion of my life grew steadily stronger so that when later on I left Ria after spending nearly 2 years there I departed almost as a stranger and with as much indifference as I had left magniberg in kingburg what however specially

Embittered my departure was a series of experiences of a particularly disagreeable nature which firmly determined me to cut myself off entirely from the necessity of mixing with any people like those I had met with in my previous attempts to create a position for myself at the

Theater yet it was only gradually that I became quite conscious of all this at first under the safe guidance of my renewed wetted happiness which had for a Time been so Disturbed in its early days I felt distinctly better than I had before in all my professional work the

Fact that the material position of the theatrical undertaking was assured exercised a healthy influence on the performances the theater itself was cooped up in a very narrow space there was as little room for Scenic display on its tiny stage as there was accommodation for Rich musical effects in the cramped Orchestra in both

Directions the strictest limits were imposed yet I contrived to introduce considerable reinforcements into an orchestra which was really only calculated for a string quartet two first and two second violins two Vas and one cello these successful exertions of mine were the first cause of the dislike HTI evinced towards me later

On after this we were able to get good concerted music for the Opera I found the thorough study of mul’s Opera Joseph and egyptin very stimulating its Noble and simple style added to the touching effect of the music which quite carries one away did much towards affecting a favorable

Change in my taste till then warped by my connection with the theater it was most gratifying to feel my former serious taste again aroused by really good dramatic performances I especially remember a production of King Lear which I followed with the greatest interest not only at the actual performances but at all the

Rehearsals as well yet these educative Impressions tended to make me feel ever more and more dissatisfied with my work at the theater on the one hand the members of the company became gradually more distasteful to me and on the other I was growing discontented with the management with regard to the staff of

The theater I very soon found out the hollow vanity and the impudent selfishness of this uncultured and undisciplined class of people for I had now lost my former liking for the Bohemian life that had such an attraction for me at magur before long there were but a few

Members of our company with whom I had not quarreled thanks to one or the other of these drawbacks but my saddest experience was that that in such disputes into which in fact I was led simply by my Zeal for the artistic success of the performances as

A whole not only did I received no support from HTI the director but I actually made him my enemy he even declared publicly that our theater had become far too respectable for his taste and tried to convince me that good theatrical performances could not be given by a straight laced company in his

Opinion the idea of the Dignity of theatrical art was pedantic nonsense and he thought light Serio’s comic Vaudeville the only class of performance worth considering serious Opera Rich musical Ensemble was his particular aversion and my demands for this irritated him so that he met them only with scorn and indignant

Refusals of the strange connection between this artistic bias and his taste in the domain of morality I was also to become aware to my Horror in due course for the present I felt so repelled by the Declaration of his artistic antipathies as as to let my dislike for

The theater as a profession steadily grow upon me I still took pleasure in some good performances which I was able to get up under favorable circumstances at the larger theater at matau to where the company went for a time in the early part of the summer yet it was while I

Was there spending most of my time reading bull litton’s novels that I made a secret resolve to try hard to free myself from all connection with the only branch of theatrical art which had so far been open to me the composition of my rienzi the text of which I had

Finished in the early days of my sojourn in Ria was destined to bridge me over to the Glorious world for which I had longed so intensely I had laid aside the completion of my Gluck likee Barren family for the simple reason that the lighter character of this piece would

Have thrown me more into contact with the very theatrical people I most despised my greatest consolation now was to prepare rienzi with such an utter disregard of the means which were available there for its production that my desire to produce it would force me out of the narrow confines of this

Puny theatrical Circle to seek a fresh connection with one of the larger theaters it was after our return from matau in the middle of the summer of 1838 that I set to work on this composition and by so doing roused myself to a state of enthusiasm which considering my position was nothing less

Than desperate daredevilry all to whom I confided my plan perceived at once on the mere mention of my subject that I was preparing to break away from my present position in which there could be no possibility of producing my work and I was looked upon as light-headed and fit

Only for an asylum to all my acquaintances my procedure seemed stupid and Reckless even the former patron of my peculiar liic Overture thought it impracticable and eccentric seeing that I had again turned my back on light opera he expressed this opinion very freely in the new zeit shrift for music

In a report of a concert I had given towards the end of the previous winter and openly ridiculed the magniberg Columbus Overture and the Rule Britannia Overture previously mentioned I myself had not taken any pleasure in the performance of either of these overtures as my predilection for cornet’s strongly

Marked in both these overtures again played me a sorry trick as I had evidently expected too much of our Ria musicians and had to endure all kinds of disappointment on the occasion of the performance as a complete contrast to my extravagant setting of y enzi this same

Director H Dorne had set to work to write an opera in which he had most carefully borne in mind the conditions obtaining at the Ria theater DHA Van Paris an historical Operetta of the period of the siege of Paris by Joan of Arc was practiced and performed by us to

The complete satisfaction of the composer however the success of this work gave me no reason for abandoning my project to complete my renzi and I was secretly pleased to find that I could regard this success without a trace of Envy though animated by no feeling of rivalry I gradually gave up associating

With the Ria artists confining myself chiefly to the performance of the duties I had undertaken and worked away at the two first acts of my big Opera without troubling myself at all whether I should ever get so far as to see it produced the serious and bitter experiences I had

Had so early in life had done much to guide me towards that intensely Earnest side of my nature that had manifested itself in my earliest youth the effect of these bitter experiences was now to be still further emphasized by other sad Impressions not long after Mina had

Rejoined me I received from home the news of the death of my sister Rosalie it was the first time in my life that I had experienced the passing away of one near and dear to me the death of this sister struck me as a most cruel

And significant blow of Fate it was out of love and respect for her that I had turned away so resolutely from my youthful excesses and it was to gain her sympathy that I had devoted special thought and care to my first great works when the passions and cares of Life had

Come upon me and driven me away from my home it was she who had read deep down into my sorely stricken heart and who had bidden me that anxious farewell on my departure from leipsig at the time of my disappearance when the news of my willful marriage and of my consequent unfortunate position

Reached my family it was she who as my mother informed me later never lost her faith in me but who always cherished the hope that I would one day reach the full development of my capabilities and make a genuine success of my life now at the

News of her death and illuminated by the recollection of that one impressive farewell as by a flash of lightning I saw the immense value my relations with this sister had been to me and I did not fully realize the extent of her influence until later on when after my

First striking successes my mother tearfully lamented that Rosal had not lived to witness them it really did me good to be again in communication with my family my mother and sisters had had news of my doings somehow or other and I was deeply touched in the letters which

I was now receiving from them to hear no reproaches and meant my headstrong and apparently heartless Behavior but only sympathy and heartfelt solicitude my family had also received favorable reports about my wife’s good qualities a fact about which I was particularly glad as I was thus spared the difficulties of defending her

Questionable Behavior to me which I should have been at pains to excuse this produced a salutary calm in my soul which had so recently been a prey to the worst anxieties all that had driven me with such passionate haste to an improvident and premature marriage all that had

Consequently weighed on me so ruinously now seemed set at rest leaving peace in its dead and although the ordinary cares of Life still pressed on me for many years often in a most vexatious and Troublesome form yet the anxieties attendant on my Ardent youthful wishes were in a manner subdued and calm from

Then forward till the attainment of my professional Independence all my life struggles could be directed entirely towards that more ideal aim which from the time of the conception of my rienzi was to be my only guide through life it was only later that I first realized the

Real character of my life in Ria from the utterance of one of its inhabitants who was a asish to learn of the success of a man of whose importance during the whole of his 2 years sojourn in the small capital of Leonia nothing had been known thrown entirely on my own

Resources I was a stranger to everyone as I mentioned before I kept aloof from all the theater folk in consequence of my increasing dislike of them and therefore when at the end of March 1839 at the close of my second winter there I was given my dismissal by the management although though this

Occurrence surprised me for other reasons yet I felt fully reconciled to this compulsory change in my life the reasons which led to this dismissal were however of such a nature that I could only regard it as one of the most disagreeable experiences of my life once

When I was lying dangerously ill I heard of HTI ey’s real feelings towards me I had caught a severe cold in the depth of winter at a theatrical rehearsal and it at once assumed a serious character owing to the fact that my nerves were in a state of constant irritation from the

Continual annoyance and vexatious worry caused by the contemptible character of the theatrical management it was just at the time when a special performance of the Opera Norma was to be given by our company in metal hty I insisted on my getting up from a sick bed to make this wintry journey and

Thus to expose myself to the danger of seriously increasing my cold in the icy theater at metal typhoid fever was the consequence and this pulled me down to such an extent that HTI who heard of my condition is said to have remarked at the theater that I should probably never

Conduct again and that to all intents and purposes I was on my last legs it was to a splendid homeopathic physici Dr pretzer that I owed my recovery in my life not long after that HTI ey left our theater and Ria forever his occupation there with the far too respectable conditions as he

Expressed it had become intolerable to him in addition however Circumstances had Arisen in his domestic life which had been much affected by the death of his wife which seemed to make him consider a complete break with Ria eminently desirable but to my astonishment I now first became aware that I too had

Unconsciously been a sufferer from the troubles he had brought upon himself when HTI successor in the management Joseph Hoffman the singer informed me that his predecessor had made it a condition to his is taking over the post that he should enter into the same engagement that HTI had made with the

Conductor Dorne for the Post which I had hitherto filled and my reappointment had therefore been made an impossibility my wife met my astonishment at this news by giving me the reason of which for some considerable time past she had been well aware namely HTI ey’s special dislike of

Us both when I was afterwards informed by Mina of what had happened she having purposely kept it for me all this time so as Not to cause bad feelings between me and my director a ghastly light was thrown upon the whole Affair I did indeed remember perfectly how soon after

Mina’s arrival in Ria I had been particularly pressed by HTI not to prevent my wife’s engagement at the theater I asked him to talk things quietly over with her so that he might see that Mina’s unwillingness rested on a mutual understanding and not on any Jealousy on my part I had intentionally

Given him the time when I was engaged at the theater on rehearsals for the the necessary discussions with my wife at the end of these meetings I had on my return often found Mina in a very excited condition and at length she declared emphatically that under no circumstances would she accept the

Engagement offered by HTI ey I had also noticed in Mina’s demeanor towards me a strange anxiety to know why I was not unwilling to allow HTI to try to persuade her now that the catastrophe had occurred I learned that HTI had in fact used these interviews for making

Improper advances to my wife the nature of which I only realized with difficulty on further acquaintance with this man’s peculiarities and after having heard of other instances of a similar nature I then discovered that HTI considered it an advantage to get himself talked about in connection with pretty women in order

Thus to divert the attention of the public from other conduct even more disreputable after this Mina was exceedingly indignant at HTI who finding his own suit rejected appeared as the medium for another Suitor on whose behalf he urged that he would think none the worse of her for rejecting him a

Gray-haired and penniless man but at the same time advocated the suit of Brandenburg a very wealthy and handsome young Merchant his Fierce indignation at this double repulse his humiliation at having revealed his real nature to no purpose seems to judge for Mina’s observations to have been exceedingly

Great I now understood too well that his frequent and profoundly contemptuous sallyes against respectable actors and actresses had not been mere spirited exaggerations but that he had probably often had to complain of being put thoroughly to shame on this account the fact that the playing of such criminal

Parts as the one he had had in view with my wife was unable to divert the ever increasing attention of the outside world from his vicious and dissolute habits does not seem to have escaped him for those behind the scenes told me candidly that it was owing to the fear

Of very unpleasant Revelations that he had suddenly decided to give up his position at Ria altogether even in much later years I heard about H’s bitter dislike of me a dislike which showed itself among other things in his denunciation of the music of the future and of its tendency to

Jeopardized the Simplicity of pure sentiment I have previously mentioned that he displayed so much personal animosity against me during the latter part of the time we were together in Ria that he vented his hostility upon me in every possible way up to that time I had felt inclined to ascribe it to the

Divergence of our respective views on artistic points zukun music is a pamphlet revealing some of Wagner’s artistic aims and aspirations written 1860-61 Editor to my dismay I now became aware that personal considerations alone were at the bottom of all this and I blushed to realize that by my former unreserved

Confidence in a man whom I thought was absolutely honest I had based my knowledge of of human nature on such very weak foundations but still greater was my disappointment when I discovered the real character of my friend H Dorne during the whole time of our intercourse

At Ria he who formerly treated me more like a good-natured elder brother had become my most confidential friend we saw and visited each other almost daily very frequently in our respective homes I kept not a single secret from him and the performance of his sha Van Paris

Under my direction was was as successful as if it had been under his own now when I heard that my post had been given to him I felt obliged to ask him about it in order to learn whether there was any mistake on his part as to my intention

Regarding the position I had hitherto held but from his letter in reply I could clearly see that Dorne had really made use of HTI ey’s dislike for me to extract from him before his departure an arrangement which was both binding on his successor and also in his Dorn’s own

Favor as my friend he ought to have known that he could benefit by this agreement only in the event of my resigning my appointment in Ria because in our confidential conversations which continued to the end he always carefully refrained from touching on the possibility of my going away or

Remaining in fact he declared that HTI had distinctly told him he would on no account re-engage me as I could not get on with the singers he added that after this one could not take it a Miss if he who had been inspired with fresh enthusiasm for

The theater by the success of his sha Von Paris had seized and turned to his own Advantage the chance offered to him moreover he had gathered from my confidential Communications that I was very awkwardly situated and that owing to my small salary having been cut down

By HTI from the very beginning I was in a very precarious position on account of the demands of my creditors in konigsburg and magdor it appeared that these people had employed against me a lawyer who was a friend of Dorn’s and that that consequently he had come to the

Conclusion that I would not be able to remain in Ria therefore even as my friend he had felt his conscience quite clear in accepting H’s proposal in order not to leave him in the complacent enjoyment of this self-deception I put it clearly before him that he could not be ignorant

Of the fact that a higher salary had been promised to me for the third year of my contract and that by the establishment of orchestral concerts which had already made a favorable start I now saw my way to getting free from those long-standing debts having already overcome the

Difficulties of the removal and settling down I also asked him how he would act if I saw it was to my own interest to retain my post and to call on him to resign his agreement with HTI Who as a matter of fact after his departure from

Ria had withdrawn his alleged reason for my dismissal to this I received no answer nor have I had one up to the present day but on the other hand in in 1865 I was astonished to see Dorne enter my house in Munich unannounced and when to his Joy I recognized him he stepped

Up to me with a gesture which clearly showed his intention of embracing me although I managed to evade this yet I soon saw the difficulty of preventing him from addressing me with the familiar form of thou as the attempt to do so would have necessitated explanations that would have been a useless addition

To all my worries just then for it was the time when my Tristan was being produced such a man was Heinrich Dorne although after the failure of three operas he had retired in disgust from the theater to devote himself exclusively to the commercial side of

Music yet the success of his Opera D sha Von Paris enria helped him back to a permanent place among the dramatic musicians of Germany but to this position he was first dragged from obscurity across the bridge of infidelity to his friend and by the aid of virtue in the person of director HTI

Thanks to a magnanimous oversight on the part of Fran lists the preference of King Friedrich Wilhelm for for church scenes contributed to secure him eventually his important position at the greatest Lyric Theater in Germany the Royal Opera of Berlin for he was prompted far less by his Devotion to the

Dramatic Muse than by his desire to secure a good position in some important German City when as already hinted through List’s recommendation he was appointed musical director of Cologne Cathedral during a fate connected with the building of the cathedral he managed as a musician so to work upon the Prussian Monarch’s religious feelings

That he was appointed to the dignified post of musical conductor at the Royal Theater in which capacity he long continued to do honor to German dramatic music in conjunction with Wilhelm tobert I must give Jay Hoffman who from this time forward was the manager of the Ria

Theater the credit of having felt the treachery practiced upon me very deeply indeed he told me that his contract with Dorne bound him only for one year and that the moment the 12 months had elapsed he wished to come to a fresh agreement with me as soon as this was

Known my patrons in Ria came forward with offers of teaching engagements and arrangements for sundry concerts by way of compensating me for the year’s salary which I should lose by being away from my work as a conductor though I was much gratified by these offers yet as I have already pointed out

The longing to break loose from the kind of theatrical life which I had experienced up to that time so possessed me that I resolutely seized this chance of abandoning my former vocation for an entirely new one not without some shrewdness I played upon my wife’s indignation at the treachery I had

Suffered in order to make her fall in with my eccentric notion of going to Paris already in my conception of renzi I had dreamed of the most magnificent theatrical conditions but now without halting at any intermediate stations my one desire was to reach the very Heart Of All European grand opera while still

In magur I had made H konig’s romance di ho he brought the subject of a grand opera in five acts and in the most luxurious French style after the scenic draft of this Opera which had been translated into French was completely worked out I sent it from kingburg to scribe in

Paris with this manuscript I sent a letter to the famous operatic poet in which I suggest that he might make use of my plot on condition that he would secure me the composition of the music for the Paris opera house to convince him of my ability to compose Parisian

Operatic music I also sent him the score of my Lee esbit at the same time I wrote to Meer beer informing him of my plans and begging him to support me I was not at all disheartened at receiving no reply for I was content to know that now

At last I was in communication with Paris when there I started out upon my daring Journey from Ria I seemed to have a comparatively serious object in View and my Paris projects no longer struck me as being altogether in the air in addition to this I now heard that my youngest

Sister Cecilia had become betrothed to a certain eduward avenarius an employee of the Brock House book selling firm and that he had undertaken the management of their Paris Branch to him I applied for news of scribe and for an answer to the application I had made to that gentleman some years

Previously avenarius called on scribe and from him received an acknowledgement of the receipt of my earlier communication scribe also showed that he had some recollection of the subject itself for he said that so far as he could remember there was a jusa harp in the piece who was ill- treated by her

Brother the fact that this merely incidental item had alone remained in his memory led me to conclude that he had not extended his acquaintance with the piece beyond the First Act in which the item in question occurs when moreover I heard that he had nothing to say in regard to my score

Except that he had had portions of it played over to him by a pupil of the conservator I really could not flatter myself that he had entered into definite and conscious relations with me and yet I had palpable evidence in a letter of his to avenarius which the latter

Forwarded to me that scribe had actually occupied himself with my work and that I was indeed in communication with him and this letter of scribes made such an impression upon my wife who was by no means inclined to be sanguin that she gradually overcame her apprehensions in regard to the Paris

Adventure at last it was fixed and settled that on the expiry of my second Year’s contract in Ria that is to say in the coming summer 1839 we should Journey direct from Ria to Paris in order that I might try my luck there as a composer of

Opera the production of my rienzi now began to assume greater importance the composition of its second act was finished before we started and into this I wo a heroic ballet of extravagant Dimensions it was now imperative that I should speedily acquire a knowledge of French a language which during my

Classical studies at the grammar school I had contemptuously laid aside as there were only four weeks in which to recover the time I had lost I engaged an excellent French Master but as I soon realized that I could achieve but little in so short a time I utilized the hours

Of the lessons in order to obtain from him under the pretense of receiving instruction an idiomatic translation of my rienzi libretto this I wrote with red ink on such parts of the score as were finished so that on reaching Paris I might immediately submit my half- finished

Opera to French judges of art everything now seemed to be carefully prepared for my departure and all that remained to be done was to raise the necessary funds for my undertaking but in this respect the Outlook was bad the sale of our modest household Furniture the proceeds of a benefit

Concert and my meager savings only sufficed to satisfy the importunate demands of my creditors in magur and konigsburg I knew that if I were to devote all my cash to this purpose there would not be a farthing left some way out of the fix must be found and this

Our old konigsburg friend Abraham merer suggested in his usual flippant and obscure manner just at this critical moment he paid us a second visit to Ria I acquainted him with the difficulties of our position and all the obstacles which stood in the way of my resolve to

Go to Paris in his habitual laconic way he counsel me to reserve all my savings for our journey and to settle with my creditors when my Parisian successes had provided the necessary means to help us in carrying out this plan he offered to convey Us in his Carriage across the

Russian Frontier at top speed to an East Prussian Port we should have to cross the Russian Frontier without passports as these had been already impounded by our foreign creditors he assured us that we should find it quite simple to carry out this very hazardous Expedition and declared

That he had a friend on a Prussian estate close to the frontier who would render us very effective assistance my eagerness to escape at any price from my previous circumstances and to enter with all possible speed upon the wider field in which I hoped very soon to realize my ambition blinded me

To all the UN pleasantness as which the execution of his proposal must entail director Hoffman who considered himself bound to serve me to the utmost of his ability facilitated my departure by allowing me to leave some months before the expiration of my engagement after continuing to conduct the operatic portion of the matau

Theatrical season through the month of June we secretly started in a special coach hired by merer and under his protection the goal of our journey was Paris but many unheard of hardships were in in store for us before we were to reach that City the sense of contentment involuntarily aroused by our Passage

Through the fruitful Kurland in the luxuriant month of July and by the sweet illusion that now at last I had cut myself loose from a hateful existence to enter upon a new and boundless path of Fortune was Disturbed from its very outset by the miserable inconveniences occasioned by the

Presence of a huge New Finland dog called robber this beautiful creature originally the property of a GA Merchant had contrary to the nature of his race become devotedly attached to me after I had left Ria and during my long stay in matau robber incessantly besieged my

Empty house and so touched the hearts of my landlord and the neighbors by his Fidelity that they sent the dog after me by the conductor of the coach to Matel where I greeted him with genuine affusion and swore that in spite of all difficulties I would never part with him

Again whatever might happen the dog must go with us to Paris and yet even to get him into the carriage proved almost impossible all my Endeavors to find him a place in or about the vehicle were in vain and to my great grief I had to watch the huge northern Beast with his

Shaggy coat Gallop all day long in the blazing sun beside the carriage at last moved to pity by his exhaustion and unable to Bear the sight any longer I hit upon a most ingenious plan for bringing the great animal with us into the Carriage where in spite of its being full to

Overflowing he was just able to find room on the evening of the second day we reached the Russo Prussian Frontier M’s evident anxiety as to whether we should be able to cross it safely showed us plainly that the matter was one of some danger his good friend from the other

Side duly turned up with a small Carriage as arranged and in this conveyance drove Mina myself and Robert through by paths to a certain point when he he led us on foot to a house of exceedingly suspicious exterior where after handing us over to a guide he left

Us there we had to wait until sundown and had ample leisure in which to realize that we were in a Smuggler’s drinking Den which gradually became filled to Suffocation with Polish Jews of most forbidding aspect at last we were summoned to follow our guide a few

Hundred feet away on the slope of a hill lay the ditch which runs the whole length of the Russian Frontier watched continually and at very narrow intervals by cacs our chance was to utilize the few moments after the relief of the watch during which the Sentinels were elsewhere

Engaged we had therefore to run at full speed down the hill scramble through the ditch and then hurry along until we were beyond the range of the solders guns for the cacs were Bound in case of Discovery to fire upon us even on the other side

Of the ditch in spite of my almost passionate anxiety for Mina I had observed with singular pleasure the intelligent behavior of robber who as though conscious of the danger silently kept close to our side and entirely dispelled my fear that he would give trouble during our dangerous passage at

Last our trusted help meet reappeared and was so delighted that he hugged us all in his arms then placing us once more in his Carriage he drove us to the end of the Prussian Frontier Village where my friend mer positively sick with anxiety leaped sobbing in rejoicing out of bed

To greet us it was only now that I began to realize the danger to which I had exposed not only myself but also my poor Mina and the Folly of which I had been guilty through my ignorance of the terrible difficulties of secretly crossing the frontier difficulties concerning which M had foolishly allowed

Me to remain in ignorance I was simply at a loss to convey to my poor exhausted wife how extremely I regretted the whole Affair and yet the difficulties we had just overcome were but the Prelude to the calamities incidental to this adventurous Journey which had such a decisive influence on my life the

Following day when with courage renewed we drove through the rich plain of tilset to Arno near kbur we decided as the next stage of our journey to proceed from the Prussian Harbor of pelo by sailing vessel to London our principal reason for this was the consideration of

The dog we had with us it was the easiest way to take him to convey him by coach from konigsburg to Paris was out of the question and Railways were unknown but another consideration was our budget the whole result of my desperate efforts amounted to not quite

100 duckets which were to cover not only the journey to Paris but our expenses there until I should have earned something therefore after a few days Rest In The Inn at Arno we drove to the little Seaport town of pelo again accompanied by mer in one of the

Ordinary local conveyances which was not much better than a wagon in order to avoid karnburg we passed through the smaller Villages and over bad roads even this short distance was not to be covered without accident the clumsy conveyance upset in a farmyard and Mina was so severely indisposed by the

Accident owing to an internal shock that I had to drag her with the greatest difficulty as she was quite helpess to a peasant’s house the people were sirly and dirty and the night we spent there was a painful one for the poor suffer a delay of several days occurred before

The departure of the pelo vessel but this was welcome as a respit to allow of Mina’s recovery finally as the captain was to take us without a passport our going on board was accompanied by exceptional difficulties we had to contrive to slip past the harbor watch to our vessel in a

Small boat before Daybreak once on board we still had the Troublesome task of hauling robber up the Steep side of the vessel with without attracting attention and after that to conceal ourselves at once below deck in order to escape the notice of officials visiting the ship before its

Departure the anchor was weighed and at last as the land faded gradually out of sight we thought we could breathe freely and feel at ease we were on board a merchant vessel of the smallest type she was called the fetus a bust of the nymph was erected in

The bows and she carried a crew of seven men in including the captain with good weather such as was to be expected in summer the journey to London was estimated to take 8 Days however before we had left the Baltic we were delayed by a prolonged

Calm I made use of the time to improve my knowledge of French by the study of a novel laier Alini by George sand we also derived some entertainment from associating with the crew there was an elderly and peculiarly tacitn sailor named Kos whom we observed carefully because Robert who was usually so

Friendly had taken an irreconcilable dislike to him oddly enough this fact was to add in some degree to our troubles in the hour of danger after 7 Days sailing we were no further than Copenhagen where without leaving the vessel we seized an opportunity of making our very spare diet on board more

Bearable by various purchases of food and drink in good spirits we sailed past the beautiful castle of Elenor the sight of which brought me into immediate touch with my youthful impressions of Hamlet we were sailing all unsuspecting through the catat to the skagra when the wind which had at first been merely

Unfavorable and had forced us to a process of weary attacking changed on the second day to a violent storm for 24 hours we had to struggle against it under disadvantages which were quite new to us in the captain’s painfully narrow cabin in which one of us was without a

Proper birth we were a prey to see sick Ness and endless alarms unfortunately the Brandy Cask at which the crew fortified themselves during their strenuous work was L into a hollow under the seat on which I lay at full length now it happened to be Kos who came most frequently in search of

The refreshment which was such a nuisance to me and this in spite of the fact that on each occasion he had to encounter Robert in Mortal Kombat the dog flew at him with renewed rage each time he came climbing down the narrow steps I was thus compelled to make

Efforts which in my state of complete exhaustion from seasickness rendered my condition every time more critical at last on July 27th the captain was compelled by the violence of the West Wind to seek a harbor on the Norwegian coast and how relieved I was to behold that far-reaching Rocky Coast towards

Which we were being driven at such speed a Norwegian pilot came to meet us in a small boat and with experienced hand assumed control of the fetus whereupon in a very short time I was to have one of the most marvelous and most beautiful impressions of my life what I had taken

To be a continuous line of cliffs turned out on our approach to be a series of separate rocks projecting from the sea having sailed past them we perceived that we were surrounded not only in front and at the sides but also at our back by these reefs which closed in

Behind us so near together that they seemed to form a single chain of rocks at the same time the hurricane was so broken by the rocks in our rear that the further we sailed through this everchanging Labyrinth of projecting rocks the calmer the sea became until at last the vessel’s progress was perfectly

Smooth and quiet as we entered one of those long sea roads running through a giant Ravine for such the Norwegian FS appeared to me a feeling of indescribable content came over me when the enormous Granite walls echoed the hail of the crew as they cast anchor and

Furled the sails the sharp rhythm of this call clung to me like an omen of good cheer and shaped itself presently into the theme of the Seaman song in my Fleer Hollander the idea of this Opera was even at that time ever present in my mind and it now took on a definite

Poetic and musical color under the influence of my recent impressions well our next move was to go on Shore I learned that the little fishing Village at which we landed was called sandwi and was situated a few miles away from the much larger town of

Arendel we were allowed to put up at the hospitable House of a certain ship’s Captain who was then away at Sea and here we were able to take the rest we so much needed as the unabated violence of the wind in the open detained us there 2

Days on July 31st the captain insisted on leaving despite the Pilot’s warning we had been on board the thetus a few hours and were in the act of eating a lobster for the first time in our lives when the captain and the sailors began to swear violently at the pilot whom I

Could see at the helm rigid with fear striving to avoid a reef barely visible above the water towards which our ship was being driven great was our Terror at this violent tumult for we naturally thought ourselves in the most extreme Danger The Vessel did actually receive a severe shock which to my vivid

Imagination seemed like the splitting up of the whole ship fortunately however it transpired that only the side of our vessel had foued the reef and there was no immediate Danger nevertheless the captain deemed it necessary to steer for a harbor to have the vessel examined and we returned to

The coast and anchored at another point the captain then offered to take us in a small boat with two Sailors to Trend a town of some important situated at a few hours distance where he had to invite the harbor officials to examine his ship this again proved a most attractive and

Impressive Excursion the view of one Fjord in particular which extended far inland worked on my imagin ation like some unknown all inspiring desert this impression was intensified during a long walk from trumend up to the plateau by the terribly depressing effect of the dun Moors bear of tree or shrub boasting

Only a covering of scandy moss which stretch away to the Horizon and merge imperceptibly into the gloomy Sky it was long after dark when we returned from this trip in our little boat and my wife was very anxious the next morning August 1st reassured as to the condition of the

Vessel and the wind favoring us we were able to go to sea without further hindrance after 4 days calm sailing a strong North Wind arose which drove us at uncommon speed in the right direction we began to think ourselves nearly at the end of our journey when on August

6th the wind changed and the storm began to rage with unheard of violence on the 7th a Wednesday at half 2 in the afternoon we thought ourselves in imminent danger of death it was not the terrible force with which The Vessel was hurled up and down entirely at the mercy

Of this SE monster which appeared now as a fathomless Abyss now as a steep mountain peak that filled me with Mortal dread my premonition of some terrible crisis was aroused by the despondency of the crew whose malignant glances seemed superstitiously to point to us as the cause of the threatening

Disaster ignorant of the trifling occasion for the secrecy of our journey the thought may have occurred to them that our need of Escape had Arisen from suspicious or even criminal circumstances the captain himself seemed in his extreme distress to regret having taken us on board for we had evidently

Brought him ill luck on this familiar passage usually a rapid and uncomplicated one especially in summer at this particular moment there raged beside the Tempest on the water a furious thunderstorm overhead and Mina expressed the fervent wish to be struck by lightning with me me rather than to

Sink living into the fearful flood she even begged me to bind her to me so that we might not be parted as we sank yet another night was spent amid these incessant Terrors which only our extreme exhaustion helped to mitigate the following day the storm had subsided the wind remained unfavorable

But was mild the captain now tried to find our bearings by means of his astronomical instruments he complained of the sky which had been overcast so many days swore that he would give much for a single glimpse of the Sun or the stars and did not conceal the uneasiness he

Felt at not being able to indicate our whereabouts with certainty he consoled himself however by following a ship which was sailing some knots ahead in the same direction and whose movements he observed closely through the telescope suddenly he sprang up in great alarm and gave a vehement order to

Change our course he had seen the ship in front go ground on a sand s bank from which he asserted she could not extricate herself for he now realized that we were near the most dangerous part of the belt of sand banks bordering the Dutch Coast for a considerable

Distance by Dent of very skillful sailing we were enable to keep the opposite course towards the English Coast which we in fact cited on the evening of August 9th in the neighborhood of southwold I felt New Life come into me when I saw in the far distance the

English Pilots Racing for our ship as competition is free among pilots on the English Coast they come out as far as possible to meet incoming vessels even when the risks are very great the winner in our case was a powerful gray-haired man who after much vain battling with

The sething waves which tossed his light boat away from our ship at each attempt at last succeeded in boarding the thetus our poor Hardly used boat still bore the name although the wooden Figure Head of our Patron nymph had been hurled into the sea during our first storm in the

Catat an illen incident in the eyes of the crew we were filled with Pious gratitude when this quiet English sailor whose hands were torn and bleeding from his repeated efforts to catch the Rope thrown to him on his approach took over the rudder his whole personality impressed us most agreeably and he

Seemed to us the absolute guarantee of a speedy deliverance from our terrible afflictions we rejoiced too soon however for we still had before us the perilous Passage through the sand banks of the English Coast where as I was assured nearly 400 ships are wrecked on an average every year we were fully 24

Hours from the evening of the 10th to the 11th of August amid these sandbanks fighting a Westerly Gale which hindered our progress so seriously that we only reached the mouth of the temps on the evening of the 12th of August my wife had up to that point been so nervously

Affected by the innumerable danger signals consisting chiefly of small guard sh ships painted bright red and provided with bells on account of the fog that she could not close her eyes day or night for the excitement of watching for them and pointing them out to the sailors I on the contrary found these

Heralds of human proximity in Deliverance so consoling that despite min’s reproaches I indulged in a long refreshing sleep now that we were anchored in the mouth of the temps waiting for Daybreak I found myself in the best of spirits I dressed washed and even shaved myself up on Deck near the

Mast while Mina and the whole exhausted crew were wrapped in deep Slumber and with deepening interest I watched the growing Signs of Life in this famous Estuary our desire for a complete release from our detested confinement led us after we had sailed a little way up to hasten our arrival in London by

Going on board a passing steamer at Gravesend as we neared the capital our astonishment steadily increased at the number of ships of all s sorts that filled the river the houses the streets the famous docks and other Maritime constructions which lined the banks when at last we reached London Bridge this

Incredibly crowded center of the greatest city in the world and set foot on land after our terrible 3 weeks Voyage a pleasurable sensation of giddiness overcame us as our legs carried us staggering through the deafening upor Rober seemed to be similarly affected for he whisked round the corners like a mad thing and

Threatened to get lost every other minute but we soon sought safety in a cab which took us on our Captain’s recommendation to the Horseshoe Tavern near the tower and here we had to make our plans for the conquest of this giant Metropolis the neighborhood in which we

Found ourselves was such that we decided to leave it with all possible haste a very friendly little Hunchback Jew from Hamburg suggested better quarters in the West End and I remember vividly our drive there in one of the tiny narrow cab ABS then in use the journey lasting

Fully an hour they were built to carry two people who had to sit facing each other and we therefore had to lay our big dog crosswise from window to window the sights we saw from our Whimsical Nook surpassed anything we had imagined and we arrived at our boarding house in

Old Compton Street agreeably stimulated by the life and the overwhelming size of the great City although at the age of 12 I had made what I supposed to be a translation of a monologue from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet I found my knowledge of English quite inadequate

When it came to conversing with the land lady of the King’s Arms but the good Dame’s social condition as a Sea Captain’s Widow led her to think she could talk French to me and her attempts made me wonder which of us knew least of that language and then a most disturbing

Incident occurred we missed Robert who must have run away at the door instead of following us into the house our distress at having lost our good dog after having brought him all the way there with such difficulty occupied us exclusively during the first two hours

We spent in this new home on land we kept constant watch at the window until of a sudden we joyfully recognized Robert strolling unconcernedly towards the house from a side street afterwards we learned that our truant had wandered as far as Oxford Street in search of Adventures and I have always considered

His amazing return to a house which he had not even entered as a strong proof of the absolute certainty of the animals instincts in the matter of memory we now had time to realize the tiresome after effects of the voyage The Continuous swaying of the floor and our clumsy

Efforts to keep from falling we found fairly entertaining but when we came to take our well-earned rest in a huge English double bed and found that that two rocked up and down it became quite unbearable every time we closed our eyes we sank into frightful abysses and

Springing up again cried out for help it seemed as if if that terrible Voyage would go on to the end of our Lives added to this we felt miserably sick for after the attrocious food on board we had been only too ready to partake with less discretion than relish of tastier

Fair we were so exhausted by all these trials that we forgot to consider what was after all the vital question the probable result in Hard Cash indeed the marvels of the great City proved so fascinating that we started off in a cab for all the world as if we were on a

Pleasure trip to follow up a plan I had sketched on my map of London in our wonder and delight at what we saw we quite forgot all we had gone through costly as it proved I considered our week stay justified in view of Mina’s need of rest in the first place and

Secondly the excellent opportunity it afforded me of making acquaintances in the musical world during my last visit to Dresden I had sent Rule Britannia the Overture composed at at konigsburg to Sir John smart president of the philarmonic society it is true he had never acknowledged it but I felt it the

More incumbent on me to bring him to task about it I therefore spent some days trying to find out where he lived wondering meanwhile in which language I should have to make myself understood but as the result of my inquiries I discovered that smart was not in London

At all I next persuaded myself that it would be a good thing to look up Buller Lon and to come to an understanding about the operatic performance of his novel renzi which I had dramatized having been told on the continent that bullar was a member of

Parliament I went to the house after a few days to inquire on the spot my total ignorance of the English language stood me in good stad here and I was treated with unexpected consideration for as none of the lower officials in that vast building could

Make out what I wanted I was sent step by step to one high dignitary after the other until at last I was introduced to a distinguished looking man who came out of a large Hall as we passed as an entirely unintelligible individual Mina was with me all the time

Only robber had been left behind at the King’s Arms he asked me very civil what I wanted in French and seemed favorably impressed when I inquired for the celebrated author he was obliged to tell me however that he was not in London I went on to ask whether I could not be

Admitted to a debate but was told that in consequence of the old houses of Parliament having been burnt down they were using temporary premises where the space was so limited that only a few favored visitors could procure cards of admittance but on my pressing more urgently he relented and shortly after

Opened a door leading direct into the stranger seats in the House of Lords it seemed reasonable to conclude from this that our friend was a lord in person I was immensely interested to see and hear the premiere Lord Melbourne and brewham who seemed to me to take a very active

Part in the proceedings prompting Melbourne several times as I thought and the Duke of Wellington who looked so comfortable in his gray beaver hat with his hands diving deep into his trousers pockets and who made his speech in so conversational a tone that I lost my feeling of excessive awe he had a

Curious way to of accenting his points of special emphasis by shaking his whole body I was also much interested in Lord Lindhurst bream’s particular enemy and was amazed to see brewham go across several times to sit down cooly beside him apparently with a view to prompting

Even his opponent the matter in hand was as I learned afterwards from the papers the discussion of measures to be taken against the Portuguese government to ensure the passing of the anti-slavery Bill the bishop of London who was one of the speakers on this occasion was the

Only one of these gentlemen whose voice and manner seemed to me stiff or unnatural but possibly I was prejudiced by my dislike of Parsons generally after this pleasing Adventure I imagined I had exhausted the attractions of London for the present for although I could not gain admittance

To the lower house my untiring friend whom I came across again as I went out showed me the room where the common sat explained as much as was necessary and gave me a sight of the speaker’s wool sack and of his mace lying hidden under the table he also gave me such careful

Detail dets of various things that I felt I knew all there was to know about the capital of Great Britain I had not the smallest intention of going to the Italian opera possibly because I imagined the prices to be too ruinous we thoroughly explored all the principal streets often tiring ourselves

Out we shuddered through a ghastly London Sunday and wounded up with a train trip our very first to Graven Park in the company of the captain of the thetus on the 20th of August we crossed over to to France by steamer arriving the same evening at Balon Sur where we

Took leave of the sea with the fervent desire never to go on it again we were both of us secretly convinced that we should meet with disappointments in Paris and it was partly on that account that we decided to spend a few weeks at or near balone it was in any case too

Early in the season to find the various important people whom I proposed to see in town on the other hand it seemed to me a most fortunate circumstance that meyerbeer should happen to at balone also I had the instrumentation of part of the second act of rienzi to finish

And was bent on having at least half of the work ready to show on my arrival in the costly French Capital we therefore set out to find less expensive accommodation in the country round balone beginning with the immediate neighborhood our search ended in our taking two practically unfurnished rooms

In the detached House of a rural wine Merchants situated on the main road to Paris at half an hour’s distance from balone we next provided scanty but adequate furniture and in bringing our wits to Bear upon this matter Mina particularly distinguished herself besides a bed and two chairs we

Dug up a table which after I had cleared away my renzi papers served for our meals which we had to prepare at our own Fireside while we were here I made my first call on Meer beer I had often read in the papers of his proverbial

Amiability and bore him no ill will for not replying to my letter my favorable opinion was soon to be confirmed however by his kind reception of me the impression he made was good in every respect particularly as regards his appearance the years had not yet given his features the flabby look which

Sooner or later Mar’s most Jewish faces and the fine formation of his brow round about the eyes gave him an expression of countenance that inspired confidence he did not seem in the least inclined to depreciate my intention of trying my luck in Paris as a composer of

Opera he allowed me to read him my lto for renzi and really listened up to the end of the third act he kept the two acts that were complete saying that he wished to look them over and assured me when I again called on him of his

Wholehearted interest in my work be this as it may it annoyed me somewhat that he should again and again fall back on praising my minute handwriting and accomplishment he considered especially saxonian he promised to give me letters of recommendation to Poncho the manager of the Opera House and to HCK the

Conductor I now felt that I had good cause to exall my good fortune which after many vicissitudes had sent me precisely to this particular spot in France what better Fortune could have befallen me than to secure in so short a Time the sympathetic interest of the most famous composer of French Opera

Meer beer took me to C Marshalls who was then in balone and also frine bedka a celebr ated virtuoso whose name I had known for many years I spent a few informal musical evenings at both houses and thus came into close touch with musical celebrities an experience quite

New to me I had written to my future brother-in-law aarius in Paris to ask him to find us suitable accommodations and we started on our journey thither on September 16th in the diligence my efforts to hoist robber onto the top being attended by the usual difficulties my first impression of

Paris proved disappointing in view of the Great Expectations I had cherished of that city after London it seemed to me narrow and confined I had imagined the famous boulevards to be much faster for instance and was really annoyed when the huge coach put us down in the rud de

Laen to think that I should first set foot on Parisian soil in such a wretched Little Alley neither did the ru rishu where my brother-in-law had his Bookshop seem imposing after the streets in the West End of London London as for the chamber Garney which had been engaged

For me in the rud de lonary one of the narrow side streets which link the ru honor with the marqu de innocence I felt positively degraded at having to take up my Abode there I needed all the consolation that could be derived from an inscription placed under a bust of

Molier which read maon o with molier to raise my courage after the mean impression the house had first made upon me the room which had been prepared for us on the fourth floor was small but cheerful decently furnished and inexpensive from the windows we could see the frightful bustle in the market

Below which became more and more alarming as we watched it and I wondered what we were doing in such a quarter shortly after this avenarius had to go to leig to bring home his bride my youngest sister Cecilia after the wedding in that City before leaving he

Gave me an introduction to his only musical acquaintance a German holding an appointment in the music department of the bibliotech Royale named EG Anders who lost no time in looking us up in M’s house he was as I soon discovered a man of very unusual character and little as

He was able to help me he left an affecting and ineffaceable impression on my memory he was a bachelor in the ‘ 50s whose reverses had driven him to the sad necessity of earning a living in Paris entirely without assistance he had fallen back on the extraordinary bibliographical knowledge

Which especially in reference to music it had been his hobby to acquire in the days of his Prosperity his real name he never told me wishing to guard the secret of that as of his misfortunes until after his death for the time being he told me only

That he was known as Anders was of noble descent and had held property on the rine but that he had lost everything owing to the villainous betrayal of his gullibility and good nature the only thing he had managed to save was his very considerable Library the size of

Which I was able to estimate for myself it filled every wall of his small dwelling even here in Paris he soon complained of bitter enemies for in spite of having come furnished with an introduction to influential people he still held the inferior position of an employee in the

Library in spite of his long service there and his great learning he had to see really ignorant men promoted over his head I discovered afterwards that the real reason lay in his unbusinesslike methods and the effeminacy consequent on the delicate way in which he had been nurtured in

Early life which made him incapable of developing the energy necessary for his work on a miserable pittance of 1500 Franks a year he led a weary existence full of anxiety with nothing in view but a lonely old age and the probability of dying in a hospital it seemed as if our

Society put new life into him for though we were poverty stricken we looked forward boldly and hopefully to the Future my vivacity and Invincible energy filled him with hopes of My Success and from this time forward he took a most tender and unselfish part in furthering my interests although he was a contributor

To The Gazette musical edited by morit slesinger he had never succeeded in making his influence felt there in the slightest degree he had none of the versatility of a journalist and the editors entrusted him with little besides the preparation of bibliographical notes oddly enough it was with this unworldly and least

Resourceful of men that I had to discuss my plan for the conquest of Paris that is of musical Paris which is made up of all the most questionable characters imaginable the result was practically always the same we merely encouraged each other in the hope that some unforeseen Stroke of Luck would help my

Cause to assist us in these discussions Anders called and his friend in housemade layers A philologist my acquaintance with whom was soon to develop into one of the most beautiful friendships of my life L’s was the younger brother of a famous scholar at konigsburg he had left there to come to

Paris some years before with the object of gaining an independent position by his philological work this he preferred in spite of the attendant difficulties to a post as teacher with a salary which only in Germany could be considered sufficient for a Scholar’s wants he soon obtained work from d the book seller as

Assistant editor of a large edition of Greek Classics but the editor traded on his poverty and was much more concerned about the success of his Enterprise than about the condition of his poor collaborator lers had therefore perpetually to struggle against poverty but he preserved an even temper and

Showed himself in every way a model of disinterestedness and self-sacrifice at first he looked upon me only as a man in need of advice and incidentally a fellow sufferer in Paris for he had no knowledge of music and had no particular interest in it we soon became so intimate that I had him

Dropping in nearly every evening with Anders L’s being extremely useful to his friend whose unsteadiness in Walking obliged him to use an umbrella and a walking stick as crutches he was also nervous in Crossing crowded thorough fairs and particularly so at night while he always liked to

Make layers cross my threshold in front of him to distract the attention of Rober of whom he stood obvious Terror our usually good-natured dog became positively suspicious of this visitor and soon adopted towards him the same aggressive attitude which he had shown to the Sailor Co on board the

Fetus the two men lived at an Hotel Garney in Ruda they complained greatly of their landl who appropriated so much of their income that they were entirely in her power Anders had for years been trying to assert his independence by leaving her without being able to carry out his

His plan we soon threw off mutually every shred of Disguise as to the present state of our finances so that although the two households were actually separated our common troubles gave us all the intimacy of one United Family the various Ways by which I might obtain recognition in Paris formed the

Chief topic of our discussions at that time our hopes were at first centered on Meer Beer’s promised letters of introduction dep Poncho the director of the Opera did actually see me at his office where fixing a monocle in his right eye he read through Meer Beer’s letter without betraying the least

Emotion having no doubt open similar Communications from the composer many times before I went away and never heard another word from him the elderly conductor ha neck on the other hand took an interest in my work that was not merely polite and exceeded to my request

To have something of mine played at one of the orchestral practices at the conservat as soon as he should of leisure I had unfortunately no short instrumental piece that seems suitable except my queer Columbus Overture which I considered the most effective of all that had emanated from my pen it had

Been received with great Applause on the occasion of its performance in the theater at magniberg with the assistance of the Valiant trumpeters from the Prussian Garrison I gave H neck the score and parts and was able to report to our committee at home that I had now

One Enterprise on foot I gave up the attempt to try and C scribe on the mere ground of our having had some correspondence for my friends had made it clear to me in the light of their own experience that it was out of the question to expect this exceptionally

Busy author to occupy himself seriously with a young and unknown musician Anders was able to introduce me to another acquaintance however a certain M Duman this gray-haired gentleman had written some hundred Vaudeville pieces and would have been glad to see one of them performed as an opera on a larger

Scale before his death he had no idea of standing on his dignity as an author and was quite willing to undertake the translation of an existing labretto into French verse we therefore entrusted him with the writing of my Lee Bes forbit with a View to a performance at the

Theater de la Renaissance as it was then called it was the third existing theater for lyric drama the performances being given in the new Salvador which had been rebuilt after its destruction by fire on the understanding that it was to be a literal translation he at once turned

The three numbers of my Opera for which I hop to secure a hearing into neat French verse besides this he asked me to compose a chorus for a Vaudeville entitled L sente de Lati which was to be played at the varieties during the carnival this was a second opening my

Friends now strongly advised me to write something small in the way of songs which I could offer to popular singers for concert purposes both layers and Anders produced words for these Anders brought a very innocent doors man and font written by a young poet of his acquaintance this was the

First thing I composed to a French text it was so successful that when I had tried it over softly several times on the piano my wife who was in bed called out to me that it was Heavenly for sending one to sleep I also set Laton

From Hugo orals and ronar song Minon to music I have no reason to be ashamed of these small pieces which I published subsequently as a musical supplement to Europa leal’s publication in 1841 I next stumbled on the idea of writing a grand Bas Arya with a chorus

For labash to introduce into his part of orist in bini’s Norma L’s had to hunt up an Italian political Refugee to get the text out of him this was done and I produced an effective composition Alini which still exists among my manuscripts and went off at once to offer it to

Labash the friendly Moore who received me in the great singer’s anti- room insisted upon admitting me straight into his master’s presence without announcing me as I had anticipated some difficulty in getting near such a celebrity I had written my request as I thought this would be simpler than explaining

Verbally the black servant’s Pleasant manner made me feel very uncomfortable I entrusted my score and letter to him to give to labash without taking any notice of his kindly astonishment at my refusal of his repeated invitation to go into his master’s room and have an interview and I left the house

Hurriedly intending to call for my answer in a few days when I came back labash received me most kindly and assured me that my Arya was excellent though it was impossible to introduce it into bini’s Opera after the latter had already been performed so very often my

Relapse into the domain of Bellini Style of which I had been guilty through the writing of this Arya was therefore useless to me and I soon became convinced of the fruitlessness of my efforts in that direction I saw that I should need personal introductions to various singers in order to ensure the

Production of one of my other compositions when Meer beer at last arrived in Paris therefore I was delighted he was not in the least astonished at the lack of success of his letters of introduction on the contrary he made use of this opportunity to impress upon me

How difficult it was to get on in Paris and how necessary it was for me to look out for Less pretentious work with this object he introduced me to Maurice slesinger and leaving me at the mercy of that monstrous person went back to Germany at first slesinger did not know

What to do with me the acquaintances I made through him of whom the chief was the violinist pavka led to nothing and I therefore returned to my Advisory board at home through who whose influence I had recently received an order to compose the music to the two grenadiers

By Hana translated by a Parisian Professor I wrote this song for baritone and was very pleased with the result on ander’s advice I now try to find singers for my new compositions Madame Pauline vot on whom I first called went through my songs with me she was very amable and praised

Them but did not see why sh should sing them I went through the same experience erience with a madame Whitman a grand contralto who sang my doors man and font with great feeling all the same she had no further use for my composition a certain M Dupont third

Tenor at the grand opera tried my setting of the ronar poem but declared that the language in which it was written was no longer palatable to the Paris public m geraldy a favorite concert singer and teacher who allowed me to call and see him frequently told me that the two grenadiers was

Impossible for the simple reason that the accompaniment at the end of the song which I had modeled upon the mares could only be sung in the streets of Paris to the accompaniment of cannons and gunshots H neck was the only person who fulfilled his promise to conduct my

Columbus Overture at one of the rehearsals for the benefit of Anders and myself as however there was no question of producing this work even at one of the celebrated conservat concerts I saw clearly that the Old Gentleman was only moved by kindness and a desire to encourage me it could not lead to

Anything further and I myself was convinced that this extremely superficial work of my young days could only give the orchestra a wrong impression of my talents however these rehearsals to my surprise made such an unexpected impression on me in other ways that they exercised a decisive influence in the crisis of my artistic

Development this was due to the fact that I listened repeatedly to Bean’s 9th SYM syy which by Dent of untiring practice received such a marvelous interpretation at the hands of this celebrated orchestra that the picture I had had of it in my mind in the enthusiastic days

Of my youth now stood before me almost tangibly in brilliant colors undimmed as though it had never been effaced by the lipic orchestra who had slaughtered it under pollen spaten where formerly I had only seen Mystic constellations and weird shapes without meaning I now found flowing from

Innumerable sources a stream of the most touching Heavenly Melodies which delighted my heart the whole of that period of the deterioration of my musical tastes which dated practically speaking from those self-same confusing ideas about bethoven and which had grown so much worse through my acquaintance with that Dreadful theater all these

Wrong views now sank down as if into an abyss of Shame and remorse this inner change had been gradually prepared by many painful experiences during the last few years I owed the recovery of my old Vigor and Spirits to the Deep impression the rendering of the Ninth Symphony had made

On me when performed in a way I had never dreamed of this important event in my life can only be compared to the upheaval caused within me when as a youth of 16 I saw schroer of rean act in Fidelio the direct result of this was my intense longing to compose something

That would give me a similar feeling of satisfaction and this desire grew in proportion to my anxiety about my unfortunate position in Paris which made me almost despair of success in this mood I sketched an overture to fa which according to my original scheme was only to form the

First part of a whole fa Symphony as I had already got the Gretchen idea in my head for the second movement this is the same composition that I rewrote in several parts 15 years later I had forgotten all about it and I owed its reconstruction to the advice of

List who gave me many valuable hints this composition has has been performed many times under the title of Ein overa and has met with great appreciation at the time of which I am speaking I hoped that the conservat orchestra would have been willing to give the work a hearing but I was told

They thought they had done enough for me and hoped to be rid of me for some time having failed everywhere I now turned to me beer for more introductions especially to singers I was very much surprised when in consequence of my request Meer beer introduced me to a certain M Gwyn a post

Office official and Meer Beer’s sole agent in Paris whom he instructed to do his Utmost For Me Meer beer espcially wished me to Know M an tener Jolie director of the theater de la Renaissance the musical theater already mentioned M Gwyn with almost suspicious levity promised me to produce my Opera

Lee best forbit which now only require translation there was a question of having a few numbers of my Opera sung to the committee of the the theater at a special audience when I suggested that some of the singers of this very theater should undertake to sing three of the

Numbers which had been already translated by dumers San I was refused on The Plea that all these artists were far too busy but Gwyn saw a way out of the difficulty on the authority of Matra Meer beer he won over to our cause several singers who were under an

Obligation to Meer beer Madam darra a real Primadonna of the grand opera Madame Whitman and M do the two last named had previously refused to help me now promised to sing for me at this audience this much then did I achieve in 6 months it was now nearly Easter of the Year

1840 encouraged by Gwynn’s negotiations which seemed to spell hope I made up my mind to move from the Obscure Cartier the Innocence to a part of Paris nearer to the musical Center and in this I was encouraged by L’s fool hearty advice what this change meant to me my

Reader will learn when they hear under what circumstances we had dragged on our existence during our stay in Paris although we were living in the cheapest possible way dining at a very small restaurant for a Frank ahead it was impossible to prevent the rest of our money from melting away our friend mer

Had given us to understand that we could ask him if we were in need as he would put aside for us the first money that came in from any successful business transaction there was no alternative but to apply to him for money in the meantime we pawned all the trinkets we

Possessed that were of any value as I was too shy to make inquiries about a pawn shop I looked up the French equivalent in the dictionary in order to be able to recognize such a place when I saw it in my little pocket dictionary I could not find any other word than

Lombard on looking at a map of Paris I found situated in the middle of an inextricable Maze of streets a very small Lane called rud de lumberts thither I wed my way but my expedition was fruitless often on reading by the Light of the transparent lanterns the inscription montop payate I became very

Curious to know its meaning and on Consulting my Advisory board at home about this Mount of piety I was told to my great Delight that it was precisely there that I should find Salvation to this Mont dep payot we now carried all we possessed in the way of silver namely our wedding

Presents after that followed my wife’s trinkets and the rest of her former theatrical wardrobe amongst which was a beautiful silver embroidered blue dress with a court train once the property of the Duchess of desel still we heard nothing from our friend M and we were obliged to wait on

From day to day for the sorely needed help from konigsburg and at last one dark day we pledged our wedding rings when all hope of assistance seemed vain I heard that the pawn tickets themselves were of some value as they could be sold to buyers who thereby acquired the right

To redeem the pond articles I had to Resort even to this and thus the blue Court dress for instance was lost forever mer never wrote again when later on he called on me at the time of my conductorship in Dresden he admitted that he had been embittered against me owing to

Humiliating and derogatory remarks we were said to have made about him after we parted and had resolved not to have anything further to do with us we were certain of our innocence in the matter and very grieved at having through pure slander lost the chance of such

Assistance in our great need this is the correct translation of the words Berg deric kite used in the original dot editor at the beginning of our pecuniary difficulties we sustained a loss which we looked upon as providential in spite of the grief it caused us this was our

Beautiful dog which we had managed to bring across to Paris with endless difficulty as he was a very valuable animal and attracted much attention he had probably been stolen in spite of the terrible state of the traffic in Paris he had always found his way home in the

Same clever manner in which he had mastered the difficulties of the London streets quite at the beginning of our stay in Paris he had often gone off by himself to The Gardens of the po royal where he used to meet many of his friends and had returned safe and sound

After a brilliant exhibition of swimming and retrieving before an audience of gutter children at the K du ponn he generally begged us to let him bathe there he used to draw a large crowd of Spectators around him who were so loud in their enthusiasm about the way in

Which he dived for and brought to land various objects of clothing tools Etc that the police begged us to put an end to the obstruction one morning I let him out for a little run as usual he never returned and in spite of our most strenuous efforts to recover him no

Trace of him was to be found this loss seemed to many of our friends a piece of luck for they could not understand how it was possible for us to feed such a huge animal when we ourselves had not enough to eat about this time the second

Month of our stay in Paris my sister Louisa came over from leipsig to join her husband Friedrich Brock House in Paris where he had been waiting for her for some time they intended to go to Italy together and Louisa made use of this opportunity to buy all kinds of

Expensive things in Paris I did not expect them to feel any pity for us on of our foolish removal to Paris and its attendant miseries or that they should consider themselves bound to help us in any way but although we did not try to conceal our position we derived no

Benefit from the visit of our Rich relations Mina was even kind enough to help my sister with her luxurious shopping and we were very anxious not to make them think we wanted to Rouse their pity in return my sister introduced me to an extraordinary friend of hers who

Was destined to take a great interest in me this was the young painter Ernst Keats from Dresden he was an exceptionally kind-hearted and unaffected young man whose talent for portrait painting in a sort of colored pastel style had made him such a favorite in his own town that

He had been induced by his financial successes to come to Paris for a time to finish his art studies he had now been working in delaria studio for about a year he had a curious and almost childlike disposition and his lack of all ser ious education combined with a

Certain weakness of character had made him choose a career in which he was destined in spite of all his talent to fail hopelessly I had every opportunity of recognizing this as I saw a great deal of him at the time however the simple-hearted devotion and kindness of

This young man were very welcome both to myself and my wife who often felt lonely and his friendship was a real source of help in our Darkest Hours of adversity he became almost almost a member of the family and joined our home Circle every night providing a strange

Contrast to nervous old Anders and the grafac layers his good nature and his quaint remarks soon made him indispensable to us he amused us tremendously with his French into which he would launch with the greatest confidence although he could not put together two consecutive sentences properly in spite of having lived in

Paris for 20 years with delaj he studied oil painting and had obviously considered able talent in this direction although it was the very rock on which he Stranded the mixing of the colors on his palet and especially the cleaning of his brushes took up so much of his time

That he rarely came to the actual painting as the days were very short in midwinter he never had time to do any work after he had finished washing his palet and brushes and as far as I can remember he never completed a single portrait strangers to whom he had been

Introduced and who had given him orders to paint paint their portraits were obliged to leave Paris without seeing them even half done and at last he even complained because some of his sitters died before their portraits were completed his landlord to whom he was always in debt for rent was the only

Creature who succeeded in getting a portrait of his ugly person from the painter and as far as I know this is the only finished portrait in existence by keiths on the other hand he was very clever at making little sketches of any subject suggested by our conversation

During the evening and in these he displayed both originality and delicacy of execution during the winter of that year he completed a good pencil portrait of me which he touched up 2 years afterwards when he knew me more intimately finishing it off as it now stands it pleased him to sketch me in

The attitude I often assumed during our evening chats when I was in a cheerful mood no evening ever passed during which I did not succeed in shaking off the depression caused by my vain Endeavors and by the the many worries I had gone through during the day and in regaining my natural

Cheerfulness and Kats was anxious to represent me to the world as a man who in spite of the hard times he had to face had confidence in his success and Rose smiling above the Troubles of life before the end of the year 1839 my youngest sister Cecilia also arrived in

Paris with her husband Edward avenarius it was only natural that she should feel embarrassed at the idea of meeting us in Paris in our extremely straightened circumstances especially as her husband was not very well off consequently instead of calling on them frequently we preferred waiting until

They came to see us which by the way took them a long time on the other hand the renewal of our acquaintance with Hinrich Lobby who came over to Paris at the beginning of 1840 with his young wife iduna may budow was very cheering she was the Widow of a wealthy lipic

Doctor and Lobby had married her under very extraordinary circumstances since we last saw him in Berlin they intended to enjoy themselves for a few months in Paris during the long period of his detention while awaiting his trial this young lady had been so touched by his misfortunes that without knowing much of

Him she had shown great sympathy and interest in his case Lobby sentence was pronounced soon after I left Berlin it was unexpectedly light consisting of only one year’s imprisonment in the town jail he was allowed to undergo this term in a prison at musca in silia where he had

The advantage of being near his friend prince puckler who in His official capacity and on account of his influence with the governor of the prison was permitted to afford the prisoner even the consolation of personal intercourse the young Widow resolved to marry him at the beginning of his term

Of imprisonment so that she might be near him at mcow with her loving assistance to see my old friend under such favorable conditions was in itself a pleasure to me I also experienced the liveliest satisfaction at finding there was no change in his former sympathetic attitude we met

Frequently our wives also became friends and Lobby was the first to approve in his kindly humorous way of our Folly in moving to Paris in his house I made the acquaintance of Hinrich Hina and both of them joked good humoredly over my extraordinary position making even me laugh Lobby felt himself compelled to

Talk seriously to me about my expectations of succeeding in Paris as he saw that I treated my situation based on Such trivial hopes with a humor that Charmed him even against his better judgment he tried to think how he could help me without prejudicing my future

With this object he wanted me to make a more or less plausible sketch of my future plans so that on his approaching visit to our native land he might procure some help for me I happened just at that time to have come to an exceedingly promising understanding with

The management of the theater de la Renaissance I thus seem to have obtained a footing and I thought it safe to assert that if I were guaranteed the means of livelihood for 6 months I could not fail within that period to accomplish something Lobby promised to

Make this provision and kept his word he induced one of his wealthy friends in leig and following this example My welltoo Relations to provide me for 6 months with the necessary resources to be paid in monthly in instalments through avenarius we therefore decided as I have said to leave our furnished apartments

And take a flat for ourselves in the rud do Helder my prudent careful wife had suffered greatly on account of the careless and uncertain manner in which I had hitherto controlled our meager resources and in now undertaking the responsibility she explained that she understood how to keep house more

Cheaply than we could do by living in furnished rooms and restaurants success Justified the step the serious part of the question lay in the fact that we had to start housekeeping without any furniture of our own and everything necessary for domestic purposes had to be procured

Though we had not the wherewithal to get it in this matter lers who was well versed in the peculiarities of Parisian life was able to advise us in his opinion the only compensation for the experiences we had undergone hitherto would be a success equivalent to my daring as I did not possess the

Resources to allow of long years of patient waiting for success in Paris I must either count on extraordinary luck or renounce all my hopes forth with the long for Success must come within a year or I should be ruined therefore I must dare all as

Befitted my name for in my case he was not inclined to derive Wagner from fur workor I was to pay my rent 1,200 Franks in quarterly installments for the furniture and fittings he recommended me through his land lady to a carpenter Who provided everything that was necessary for what

Seemed to be a reasonable sum also to be paid by installments all of which appeared very simple L’s maintained that I should do no good in Paris unless I showed the world that I had confidence in myself my trial audience was impending I felt sure of the theater de

La Renaissance and dumers San was keenly anxious to make a complete translation of my Lees forbet into French so we decided to run the risk on April 15th to the astonishment of the concierge of the house in the rud du Helder we moved with an exceedingly small amount of luggage

Into our comfortable new apartments Wagner in German means one who dares also a Wagoner and furor means a carriage dot editor the very first visit I received in the rooms I had taken with such high hopes was from Anders who came with the tidings that the theater de la Renaissance had just

Gone bankrupt and was closed this news which came on me like a Thunderclap seemed to prend more than an ordinary stroke of bad luck it revealed to me like a flash of lightning the absolute emptiness of my prospects my friends openly expressed the opinion that meyerbeer in sending me

From the grand opera to this theater probably knew the whole of the circumstances I did not pursue the line of thought to which this supposition might lead as I felt cause enough for bitterness when I wondered what I should do with the rooms in which I was so

Nicely installed as my singers had now practiced the portions of leeb forbit intended for the trial audience I was anxious at least to have them performed before some persons of influence M Edward Monae who had been appointed temporary director of the grand opera after dep Poncho’s retirement was the less disposed to

Refuse as the singers who were to take part belonged to the institution over which he presided moreover there was no obligation attached to his presence at the audience I also took the trouble to call on scribe to invite him to attend and he accepted with the kindest

Alacrity at last my three pieces were performed before these two gentlemen in The Green Room of the grand opera and I played the piano accompaniment they pronounced the music charming and Scribe expressed his willingness to arrange the labretto for me as soon as the managers of the Opera

Had decided on accepting the piece all that M Monae had to reply to this offer was that it was impossible for them to do so at present I did not fail to realize that these were only polite Expressions but at all events I thought it very nice of them and particularly

Condescending of scribe to have got so far as to think me deserving of a little politeness but in my heart of hearts I felt really ashamed of having gone back again seriously to that superficial early work from which I had taken these three pieces of course I had only done

This because I thought I should win success more rapidly in Paris by adapting myself to its frivolous taste my aversion from this kind of taste which had been long growing coincided with my abandonment of all hopes of success in Paris I was placed in an exceedingly Melancholy situation by the

Fact that my circumstances had so shaped themselves that I dared not express this important change in my feelings to anyone especially to my poor wife but if I continue to make the best of a bad bargain I had no longer any Illusions as to the possibility of success in Paris

Face to face with unheard of misery I shuddered at The Smiling aspect which Paris presented in the bright Sunshine of May it was the beginning of the slack season for any sort of artistic Enterprise in Paris and from every door at which I knocked with faint hope I was

Turned away with the wretchedly monotonous phrase mure estala campaign on our long walks when we felt ourselves absolute strangers in the midst of the gay throng I used to romance to my wife about the South American free states far away from all this Sinister life life where Opera and music were unknown and

The foundations of a sensible livelihood could easily be secured by industry I told Mina who was quite in the dark as to my meaning of a book I had just read shocks die grundon Von Maryland in which I found a very seductive account of the sensation of relief experienced by the European

Settlers after their former sufferings and persecutions she being of a more practical Turn of Mind used to point out to me the necess it of procuring means for our continued existence in Paris for which she had thought out all sorts of economies I for my part was sketching

Out the plan of the poem of my fleg gender Hollander which I kept steadily before me as a possible means of making a debut in Paris I put together the material for a single act influenced by the consideration that I could in this way confine it to the simple dramatic

Developments between the principal characters without troubling about the tiresome operatic accessories from a practical point of view I thought I could rely on a better Prospect for the acceptance of my proposed work if it were cast in the form of a one act Opera such as was frequently given as a

Curtain razor before a ballet at the grand opera I wrote about it to meyerbeer in Berlin asking for his help I also resumed the composition of renzi to the completion of which I was now giving my constant attention in the meantime our position became more and

More gloomy I was soon compelled to draw in advance on the subsidies obtained by lobby but in so doing I gradually alienated the sympathy of my brother-in-law avenarius to whom our stay in Paris was incomprehensible one morning when we had been anxiously Consulting as to the possibility of raising our first

Quarters rent a carrier appeared with a parcel address to me from London I thought it was an intervention of Providence and broke open the seal at the same moment a receipt book was thrust into my face for Signature in which I at once saw that I had to pay

7even Franks for Carriage I recognized moreover that the parcel contained my Overture Rule Britannia returned to me from the London philarmonic Society in my Fury I told the bearer that I would not take in the parcel whereupon he remonstrated in the liveliest fashion as

I had already opened it it was no use I did not possess seven Franks and I told him he should have presented the bill for the carriage before I had opened the parcel so I made him return the only copy of my Overture to messers Le fit

And Galler’s firm to do what they liked with it and I never cared to inquire what became of that manuscript suddenly Keats devised a way out of these troubles he had been commissioned by an old lady of leipsig called Fine leple a rich and very miserly old maid to find a cheap lodging

In Paris for her and for his stepmother with whom she intended to travel as our apartment though not spacious was larger than than we actually needed and had very quickly become a Troublesome burden to us we did not hesitate for a moment to let the larger portion of it to her

For the time of her stay in Paris which was to last about 2 months in addition my wife provided the guests with breakfast as though they were in furnished apartments and took a great pride in looking at the few Pence she earned in this way although we found

This amazing example of old maish trying enough the arrangement we had made helped us in some degree to tide over over the anxious time and I was able in spite of this disorganization of our household arrangements to continue working in comparative peace at my renzi this became more difficult after

Frine Le’s departure when we let one of our rooms to a German commercial traveler who in his Leisure Hours zealously played the flute his name was bricks he was a modest decent fellow and had been recommended To Us by pek the painter whose acquaintance we had recently made he had been introduced To

Us by Keats who studied with him in Del larasa Studio he was the very antithesis of Keats in every way and obviously endowed with less Talent yet he grappled with the task of acquiring the art of oil painting in the shortest possible time under difficult circumstances with

An industry and earnestness quite out of the common he was moreover well educated and eagerly assimilated information and was very straightforward Earnest and trustworthy without attaining to the same degree of intimacy with us as our three older friends he was nevertheless one of the few who continued to stand by

Us in our troubles and habitually spent nearly every evening in our company one day I received a fresh surprising proof of Lobby’s continued solicitude on our behalf the Secretary of a certain count calu called on us and after some inquiry into our Affairs the state of which he

Had heard from lobby at carlbad informed us in a brief and friendly way that his Patron wished to be of use to us and with that object in view desired to make my acquaintance in fact he proposed to engage a small Light Opera Company in Paris which was to follow him to his

Russian Estates he was therefore looking for a musical director of sufficient experience to assist in recruiting the members in Paris I gladly went to the hotel where the count was staying and there found an elderly gentleman of Frank and agreeable bearing who willingly listened to my little French

Compositions being a shrewd reader of human nature he saw at a glance that I was not the man for him and though he showed me the most polite attention he went no further into the Opera scheme but that very day he sent me accompanied by a friendly Note 10 golden napoleons

In payment for my services what these Services were I did not know I thereupon wrote to him and asked for more precise details of his wishes and begged him to commission a composition the fee for which I presumed he had sent in advance as I received no reply I made

More than one effort to approach him again but in vain from other sources I afterwards learned that the only kind of Opera count cuso recognized was Adams as for the operatic company to be engaged to suit his taste what he really wanted was more a small Herm than a company of

Artists so far I had not been able to arrange anything with the music publisher slessinger it was impossible to persuade him to publish my little French songs in order to do something however towards making myself known in this direction I decided to have my two grenadiers

Engraved by him at my own expense Keats was to lithograph a magnificent title page for it slesinger ended by charging me 50 Franks for the cost of production the story of this publication is curious from beginning to end the work bore slessinger’s name and as I had afraid

All expenses the proceeds were of course to be placed to my account I had afterwards to take the publisher word for it that not a single copy had been sold subsequently when I had made a quick reputation for myself in Dresden through my renzi shot the publisher in

Mines who dealt almost exclusively in Works translated from the French thought it advisable to bring out a German edition of the two grenadiers below the text of the French translation he had the German original by Hana printed but as the French poem was a very free paraphrase in quite a

Different meter to the original hana’s words fitted my composition so badly that I was furious at the insult to my work and thought it necessary to protest against shot’s publication as an entirely unauthorized reprint shot then threatened me with an action for liable as he said that according to his

Agreement his addition was not a reprint natch Dru but a reimon abdruck in order to be spared further annoyance I was induced to send him an apology in deference to the distinction he had drawn which I did not understand in 1848 when I made inquiries of slesinger

Successor in Paris M Brandis as to the fate of my little work I learned from him that a new edition had been published but he declined to entertain any question of Rights on my part since I did not care to buy a copy with my own

Money I have to this day had to do without my own property to what extent in later years others profited by similar transactions relating to the publication of my Works will appear in due course for the moment the point was to compensate slesinger for the 50 Franks agreed upon and he

Proposed that I should do this by writing articles for his Gazette musical as I was not expert enough in the French language for literary purposes My article had to be translated and half the fee had to go to the translator however I consult Myself by thinking I should still receive 60

Franks per sheet for the work I was soon to learn when I presented myself to the angry publisher for payment what was meant by a sheet it was measured by an abominable iron instrument on which the lines of the columns were marked off with figures this was applied to the

Article and after careful subtraction of the spaces left for the title and signature the lines were added up after this process had been gone through it appeared that what I had taken for a sheet was only half a sheet so far so good I began to write articles for

Slesinger wonderful paper the first was a long essay theam musique aland in which I expressed with the enthusiastic exaggeration characteristic of me at that time my appreciation of the sincerity and earnestness of German music this article LED my friend Anders to remark that the State of Affairs in

Germany must indeed be Splendid if the conditions were really as I described red I enjoyed what was to me the surprising satisfaction of seeing this article subsequently reproduced in Italian in a Milan musical Journal where to my amusement I saw myself described as datis musico Tedesco a mistake which nowadays would be

Impossible my essay attracted favorable comment and slesinger asked me to write an article in Praise of the arrangement made by the Russian general laaf of peroli stabat M which I did as superficially as possible on my own impulse I then wrote an essay in a still more amiable vein called do

Make do virtuos El Independence to La composition in the meantime I was surprised in the middle of the summer by the arrival of meyerbeer who happened to come to Paris for a fortnite he was very sympathetic and obliging when I told him my idea of writing a one-act Opera as a curtain

Razer and asked him to give me an introduction to M Leon pet the recently appointed manager of of the grand opera he at once took me to see him and presented me to him but alas I had the unpleasant surprise of learning from the serious conversation which took place

Between those two gentlemen as to my future that Meer beer thought I had better decide to compose an act for the ballet in collaboration with another musician of course I could not entertain such an idea for a moment I succeeded however in handing over to M pillet my

Brief sketch of the subject of the Flying Dutch things had reached this point when Meer beer again left Paris this time for a longer period of absence as I did not hear from M pillet for quite a long time I now began to work diligently at my

Composition of rienzi though to my great distress I had often to interrupt this task in order to undertake certain pot boiling hack work for slesinger as my contributions to the Gazette musical proved so unremunerative slesinger one day ordered me to work out a method for the Cornet a pistons when I

Told him about my embarrassment in not knowing how to deal with the subject he replied by sending me five different published methods for the Cornet a Pistons at that time the favorite amateur instrument among the younger male population of Paris I had merely to devise a new sixth method out of these

Five as all slesinger wanted was to publish an addition of his own I was racking my brains how to start when slesinger who had just obtained a new complete method released me from the honorous task I was however told to write 14 sweets for the cornetta Pistons

That is to say airs out of operas arranged for this instrument to furnish me with material for this work slesinger sent me no less than 60 complete operas arranged for the piano I looked them through for suitable airs for my Suites marked the pages in the volumes with

Paper strips and arranged them into a curious looking structure around my work work table so that I might have the greatest possible variety of the melodious material within my reach when I was in the midst of this work however to my great relief and to my poor wife’s

Consternation slesinger told me that M Schlitz the first cornette player in Paris who had looked my eight tootes through Preparatory to their being engraved had declared that I knew absolutely nothing about the instrument and had generally adopted keys that were too high which per would never be able

To use the part of the work I had already done was however accepted Schlitz having agreed to correct it but on condition that I should share my fee with him the remainder of the work was then taken off my hands and the 60 piano for Arrangements went back to the

Curious shop in the ru rishu so my ex- cheer was again in a sorry plight the distressing poverty of my home grew more apparent every day and yet I was now free to give a last touch to renzi and by the 19th of November I had completed this most voluminous of all my

Operas I had decided sometime previously to offer the first production of this work to the court theater at Dresden so that in the event of its being a success I might thus resume my connection with Germany I had decided upon Dresden as I knew that there I should have in tiek

The most suitable tenor for the leading part I also reckoned on my acquaintance with schroer dant who had always been nice to me and who though her efforts were ineffectual had been at Great pains out of regard for my family to get my fiend introduced at the court theater

Dresden in the secretary of the theater hrat Winkler known as Theodore hell I also had an old friend of my family besides which I had been introduced to the conductor riger with whom I and my friend apil had spent a pleasant evening on the occasion of our Excursion to Bohemia in earlier

Days to all these people I now addressed most respectful and eloquent qu appeals wrote out an official note to the director Heron low as well as a formal petition to the king of Saxony and had everything ready to send off meantime I had not omitted to indicate the exact

Tempe in my Opera by means of a metronome as I did not possess such a thing I had to borrow one and one morning I went out to restore the instrument to its owner carrying it under my thin Overcoat the day when this occurred was

One of the strangest in my life as it showed in a really horrible way the whole misery of my position at that time in addition to the fact that I did not know where to look for the few franks where with Mina was to provide for our scanty household requirements some of

The bills which in accordance with the custom in Paris in those days I had signed for the purpose of fitting up our Apartments had fallen due hoping to get help from One Source or another I first tried to get those bills prolonged by the holders as such documents pass through

Many hands I had to call on all the holders across the length and breadth of the city that day I was to propitiate a cheesemonger who occupied a fifth floor apartment in the site I also intended to ask for help from Hinrich the brother of my brother-in-law Brock house as he was

Then in Paris and I was going to call at Slingers to raise the money to pay for the dispatch of my score that day by the usual mail service as I had also to deliver the metronome I left Mina early in in the morning after a sad goodbye

She knew from experience that as I was on a money raising Expedition she would not see me back till late at night the streets were enveloped in a dense fog and the first thing I recognized on leaving the house was my dog robber who had been stolen from us a year before at

First I thought it was a ghost but I called out to him sharply in a shrill voice the animal seemed to recognize me and approached me cautiously but my sudden movement toward towards him with outstretched arms seemed only to revive memories of the few chastisements I had foolishly

Inflicted on him during the latter part of our association and this memory prevailed over all others he drew timidly away from me and as I followed him with some eagerness he ran only to accelerate his speed when he found he was being pursued I became more and more convinced

That he had recognized me because he always looked back anxiously when he reached a corner but seeing that I was hunting him like a maniac he started off again each time with Renewed Energy thus I followed him through a Labyrinth of streets hardly distinguishable in the thick Mist until I eventually lost sight

Of him altogether never to see him again it was near the Church of a rock and I wet with perspiration and quite breathless was still bearing the metronome for a while I stood motionless glaring into the mist and wondered what the ghostly reappearance of the companion of my traveling Adventures on

This day might pretend the fact that he had fled from his old Master with the terror of a wild beast filled my heart with a strange bitterness and seemed to me a horrible Omen sadly shaken I set out again with trembling limbs upon my weary errand Heinrich Brock House told me he could

Not help me and I left him I was sorely ashamed but made a strong effort to conceal the painfulness of my situation my other undertakings turned out equally hopeless and after having been kept waiting for hours at Slingers listening to my employer very trivial conversations with his callers conversations which he seemed purposely

To protract I reappeared under the windows of my home long after dark utterly unsuccessful I saw Mina looking anxiously from one of the windows half expecting my Misfortune she had in the meantime succeeded in borrowing a small sum of our lodger and Border bricks the flute player whom we

Tolerated patiently though at some inconvenience to ourselves as he was a good-natured fellow so she was able to offer me at least a comfortable meal further help was to come to me subsequently though at the cost of great sacrifices on my part owing to the success of one of Don Zetti’s operas La

Favorita a very poor work of the Italian maestros but welcomed with great enthusiasm by the Parisian public already so much degenerated this Opera the success of which was due mainly to two Lively little songs had been acquired by slesinger who had lost heavily over halevy’s last operas taking advantage of

My helpless situation of which he was well aware he rushed into our rooms one morning beaming all over with amusing Good Humor called for pen and ink and began to work out a calculation of the enormous fees which he had arranged for me he put down La Favorita complete

Arrangement for piano for arrangement without words for solo ditto for duet complete arrangement for quartet the same for two violins ditto for a cornet a piston total fee F frcs 1,100 immediate advance in cash f frcs 500 I could see at a glance what an enormous amount of trouble this work

Would involve but I did not hesitate a moment to undertake it curiously enough when I brought home these 500 Franks in hard shining five Frank pieces and piled them up on the table for our edification my sister Cecilia avenarius happened to drop in to see us the sight of this

Abundance of wealth seemed to produce a good effect on her as she had hitherto been rather Cherry of coming to see us and after that we used to see rather more of her and were often invited to dine with them on Sundays but I no longer cared for any

Amusements I was so deeply impressed by my past experiences that I made up my mind to work through this humiliating albeit profitable task with untiring energy as though it were a Penance imposed on me for the expiation of my bygone sins to save fuel we limited ourselves to the use of the bedroom

Making it serve as a drawing room dining room and study as well as dormatory it was only a step from my bed to my worktable to be seated at the dining table all I had to do was to turn my chair round and I left my seat

Altogether only late at night when I wanted to go to bed again every fourth day I allowed myself a short constitutional this penitential process lasted almost all through the winter and sowed the seeds of those gastric disorders which were to be more or less

Of a trouble to me for the rest of my life in return for the minute and almost interminable work of correcting the score of donizetti’s Opera I managed to get 300 Franks from slesinger as he could not get anyone else to do it besides this I had to find the time to

Copy out the orchestra parts of my Overture to fa which I was still hoping to hear at the conservat and by the way of counteracting the depression produced by this humiliating occupation I wrote a short story on pilart zuo Boven a pilgrimage to Boven which appeared in

The Gazette musical under the title on visit a Boven slesinger told me candidly that this little work had created quite a sensation and had been received with very marked approval and indeed it was actually reproduced either complete or in Parts in a good Fireside journals he persuaded me to write some

More of the same kind and in a sequel entitled do Andy Ein musicer in Paris UNM musician a tranger of Paris I Avenged myself for all the misfortunes I had had to endure slesinger was not quite so pleased with this as with my first effort but it received touching

Signs of approval from his poor assistant while Hinrich hna praised it by saying that Hoffman would have been incapable of writing such a thing even buros was touched by it and spoke of the story very favorably in one of his articles in the journal de debats he

Also gave me signs of his sympathy though only during a conversation after the appearance of another of my musical articles entitled yubert di oicha concerning overtures mainly because I had illustrated my principle by pointing to glu’s Overture to Eugenia in Alis as a model for compositions of this class

Encouraged by these signs of sympathy I felt anxious to become more intimately acquainted with bero I had been introduced to him sometime previously at slessinger’s office where we used to meet occasionally I had presented him with a copy of my two grenadiers but could however never learn any more from him

Concerning what he really thought of it than the fact that as he could only strum a little on the guitar he was unable to play the music of my composition to himself on the piano during the previous winter I had often heard his Grand instrumental pieces played under his own Direction and had

Been most favorably impressed by them during that winter 1839 to 40 he conducted three performances of his new symphony Romeo and Juliet at one of which I was present all this to be sure was quite a new world to me and I was desirous of gaining some unprejudiced

Knowledge of it at first the Grandeur and masterly execution of the orchestral part almost overwhelmed me it was beyond anything I could have conceived the fantastic daring the sharp Precision with which the boldest combinations almost tangible in their clearness impressed me drove back my own ideas of

The Poetry of music with brutal violence into the very depths of my soul I was simply all ears for things of which till then I had never dreamt and which I felt I must try to realize true I found a great deal that was empty and shallow in his Romeo and

Juliet a work that lost much by its length and form of combination and this was the more painful to me seeing that on the other hand I felt overpowered by many really bewitching passages which quite overcame any objections on my part during the same winter buros produced his Symphony

A fantastique and his Herald Herald in Italy I was also much impressed by these works the musical genre pictures woven into the firstname symphony were particularly pleasing while Harold delighted me in almost every respect it was however the latest work of this wonderful Master his TR Zony fur die

Oper Julie Revolution Grande Zony fbra ET trium most skillfully composed for Mass military bands during the summer of 1840 for the anniversary of the obseques of the July Heroes and conducted by him under the column of the place de la bastile which had at last thoroughly convinced me of the greatness and

Enterprise of this incomparable artist but while admiring this genius absolutely unique in his methods I could never quite shake off a certain peculiar feeling of anxiety his Works left me with a sensation as of something strange something with which I felt I should never be able to be familiar and I was

Often puzzled at the strange fact that though ravished by his compositions I was at the same time repelled and even wearied by them it was only much later that I succeeded in clearly grasping and solving this problem which for years exercised such a painful spell over me it is the fact

That at that time I felt almost like a little school boy by the side of buros consequently I was really embarrassed when slesinger determined to make good use of the success of my short story told me he was anxious to produce some of my orchestral compositions at a

Concert arranged by the editor of The Gazette musical I realized that none of my available Works would in any way be suitable for such an occasion I was not quite confident as to my fa Overture because of its zeplike ending which I presumed could only be appreciated by an audience already

Familiar with my methods when moreover I learned that I should have only a second rate Orchestra the Valentino from the casino Ru honor a and moreover that there could be only one rehearsal my only alternative lay between declining altogether or making another trial with my Columbus Overture

The work composed in my early days at magur I adopted the latter course when I went to fetched the score of this composition from Ilan who had it stored Among The Archives of the conservator he warned me somewhat dry though not without kindness of the danger of presenting this work to the Parisian

Public as to use his own words it was too vague one great objection was the difficulty of finding capable musicians for the six cornetes required as the music for this instrument so skillfully played in Germany could hardly if ever be satisfactorily executed in Paris her Schlitz the corrector of my sweets

For cornetta piston offered his assistance I was compelled to reduce my six cornetes to four and he told me that only two of these could be relied on as a matter of fact the attempts made at the rehearsal to produce those very passages on which the effect of my work

Chiefly depended were very discouraging not once were the soft high notes played but they were flat or altogether wrong in addition to this as I was not going to be allowed to conduct the work myself I had to rely upon a conductor who as I was well aware had

Fully convinced himself that my composition was the most utter rubbish an opinion that seemed to be shared by the whole Orchestra buros who was present at the rehearsal remained silent throughout he gave me no encouragement though he did not dissuade me he merely said afterwards with a weary smile that

It was very difficult to get on in Paris on the night of the performance February 4th 1841 the audience which was largely composed of subscribers to The Gazette Musical and to whom therefore my literary successes were not unknown seemed rather favorably disposed towards me I was told later on that my Overture

However wearisome it had been would certainly have been applauded if those unfortunate cornette players by continually failing to produce the effective passages had not excited the public almost to the point of hostility for parisians for the most part care only for the skillful parts of performances as for instance for the faultless

Production of difficult tones I was clearly conscious of my complete failure after this Misfortune Paris no longer existed for me and all I had to do was to go back to my miserable bedroom and resume my work of arranging donizetti’s operas so great was my renunciation of

The world that like a penitent I no longer shaved and to my wife’s annoyance for the first and only time in my life allowed my beard to grow quite long I tried to Bear everything patiently and the only thing that threatened really to drive me to despair was a Pianist in the

Room ad joining ours who during the live long day practiced List’s Fantasy on Lucia D LaMore I had to put a stop to this torture so to give him an idea of what he made us endure one day I moved our own piano which was terribly Out Of Tune

Close up to the party wall then bricks with his piccolo flute played the piano and violin or flute arrangement of the Favorita Overture I had just completed while I accompanied him on the piano the effect on our neighbor a young piano teacher must have been appalling the

Concierge told me the next day that the poor fellow was leaving and after all I felt rather sorry the wife of our concierge had entered into a sort of arrangement with us at first we had occasionally availed ourselves of her services especially in the kitchen also for brushing clothes cleaning boots and

So on but even the slight outlay that this involved was eventually too heavy for us and after having dispensed with her Services Mina had to suffer the humiliation of doing the whole work of the household even the most menial part of it herself as we did not like to mention

This to Bricks Mina was obliged not only to do all the cooking and washing up but even to clean our Lodgers boots as well what we felt most however was the thought of what the concierge and his wife would think of us but we were mistaken for they only respected us the

More though of course we could not avoid a little familiarity at times now and then therefore the man would have a chat with me on politics when the quadruple alliance against France had been concluded and the situation under tier Ministry was regarded as very critical my concierge

Tried to reassure me one day by saying missure iy a cter H and Europe es appellant Lor Roy LS Philipe L Emperor de arrish L Emperor D Russi Lor Roy deas Aben CES cant C Ed news Andor paag of an evening I very seldom lacked entertainment but the few Faithful

Friends who came to see me had to put up with my going on scribbling music till late in the night once they prepared a touching surprise for me in the form of a little party which they arranged for New Year’s Eve 1840 L’s arrived at dusk rang the bell and

Brought a leg of ve Keats brought some rum sugar and a lemon pet supplied a goose and Anders two bottles of the champagne with which he had been presented by a musical instrument maker in return for a flattering article he had written about his posos bottles from that stock were

Produced only on very great occasions I soon threw the confounded Favorita aside therefore and entered enthusiastically into the fun we all had to assist in the preparations to light the fire in the salon give a hand to my wife in the kitchen and get what was wanted from the grosser the supper

Developed into a diamic orgy when the champagne was drunk and the punch began to produce its effects I delivered a fiery speech which so provoked the hilarity of the company that it seemed as though it would never end I became so excited that I first mounted a chair and

Then by way of heightening the effect at last stood on the table then to preach the madest gospel of the contempt of life together with a eulogy on the South American free states my Charmed listeners eventually broke into such fits of sobs and laughter and were so

Overcome that we had to give them all shelter for the night their condition making it impossible for them to reach their own homes in safety on New Year’s Day 1841 I was again busy with my Favorita I remember another similar though far less boisterous Feast on the

Occasion of a vis visit paid us by the famous violinist vemps an old school fellow of kitas we had the great pleasure of hearing the young virtuoso who was then greatly faded in Paris played to us charmingly for a whole evening a performance which lent my little Salon

An unusual Touch of fashion Keats rewarded him for his kindness by carrying him on his shoulders to his hotel close by we were hard hit in the early part of this year by a mistake I made owing to my ignorance of Paris customs it seemed to us quite a matter

Of course that we should wait until the proper quarter day to give notice to our landl so I called on the proprietress of the house a rich young Widow living in one of her own houses in the Mariah’s quarter she received me but seemed much embarrassed and said she would speak to

Her agent about the matter and eventually referred me to him the next day I was informed by letter that my notice would have been valid had it been given 2 days earlier by this Omission I had rendered my myself liable according to the agreement for another year’s rent

Horrified by this news I went to see the agent himself and after having been kept waiting for a long time as a matter of fact they would not let me in at all I found an elderly gentleman apparently crippled by some very painful malady lying motionless before me I frankly

Told him my position and begged him most earnestly to release me from my agreement but I was merely told that the fault was mine and not his that I had given notice a day too late and consequently that I must find the rent for the next year my concierge to whom

With some emotion I related the story of this occurrence tried to soothe me by saying J pu Vu D sa carvo m c PA elb this entirely unforeseen Misfortune destroyed our last hopes of getting out of our disastrous position we consoled ourselves for a while with the hope of

Finding another lodger but the fates were once more against us Easter came the new term began and our prospects were as hopeless as ever at last our concierge recommended us to a family who were willing to take the whole of our apartment furniture included off our hands for a few months we gladly

Accepted this offer for at any rate it ensured the payment of the rent for the ensuing quarter we thought if only we could get away from this unfortunate place we should find some way of getting rid of it altogether we therefore decided to find a cheap summer residence for ourselves

In the outskirts of Paris muttin had been mentioned to us as an inexpensive summer Resort and we selected an apartment in the Avenue which joins muttin to the neighboring Village of bellw we left full Authority with our concierge as to our rooms in rud du Helder and settled down in our new

Temporary Abode as well as we could old bricks the good-natured flutist had to stay with with us again for owing to the fact that his usual receipts had been delayed he would have been in great Straits had we refused to give him shelter the removal of our scandy

Possessions took place on the 29th of April and was after all no more than a flight from The Impossible into the unknown for how we were going to live during the following summer we had not the faintest idea slesinger had no work for me and no other sources were

Available the only help we could hope for seemed to lie in journalistic work which though rather unremunerative had indeed given me the opportunity of making a little success during the previous winter I had written a long article on Weber’s fres chuts for The Gazette musical this was intended to prepare the

Way for the forthcoming first performance of this Opera after recedes from the pen of buros had been added to it the latter was apparently far from pleased at my article in the article I could not help referring to berio’s absurd idea of polishing up this old fashioned musical work by adding

Ingredients that spoiled its original characteristics merely in order to give it an appearance suited to the luxurious repertoire of Opera House the fact that the result fully Justified my forecasts did not in the least tend to diminish the ill feeling I had roused among all those concerned in the production but I

Had the satisfaction of hearing that the famous George sand had noticed my article she commenced the introduction to a legendary story of French provincial Life by repudiating certain doubts as to the ability of the French people to understand the Mystic fabulous element which as I had shown was

Displayed in such a masterly manner in Frist chuts and she pointed to my article as clearly explaining the characteristics of that Opera another journalistic opportunity arose out of my Endeavors to secure the acceptance of my renzi by the court theater at Dresden her Winkler the Secretary of that

Theater whom I have already mentioned regularly reported progress but as editor of the Aben zun a paper then rather on the Wayne he seized the opportunity presented by our negotiations in order to ask me to send him frequent and gratuitous contributions the consequence was that whenever I wanted to know anything

Concerning the fate of my Opera I had to oblige him by enclosing an article for his paper now as these negotiations with the court theater lasted a very long time and involved a large number of contributions from me I often got into the most extraordin AR fixes simply

Owing to the fact that I was now once more a prisoner in my room and had been so for some time and therefore knew nothing of what was going on in Paris I had serious reasons for thus withdrawing from the artistic and social life of Paris my own painful experiences and my

Disgust at all the mockery of that kind of Life once so attractive to me and yet so alien to my education had quickly driven me away from everything connected with it it is true that the production of the hugenots for instance which I then heard for the first time dazzled me

Very much indeed its beautiful orchestral execution and the extremely careful and effective myen scene gave me a grand idea of the great possibilities of such perfect and definite artistic means but strange to say I never felt inclined to hear the same Opera again I soon became tired of the extravagant

Execution of the vocalists and I often amused my friends exceedingly by imitating the latest Parisian methods and the vulgar exaggerations with which the performance is teemed those composers moreover who aimed at achieving success by adopting the style which was then in Vogue could not help either incurring my sarcastic

Criticism the last shred of esteem which I still tried to retain for the first lyrical theater in the world was at last rudely destroyed when I saw how such an empty altogether UNF frrench work as done as Eddie’s Favorita could secure so long long and important a run at this

Theater during the whole time of my stay in Paris I do not think I went to the Opera more than four times the cold Productions at the Opera kique and the degenerate quality of the music produced there had repelled me from the start and the same lack of enthusiasm displayed by

The singers also drove me from Italian opera the names often very famous ones of these artists who sang the same four operas for years could not compensate me for the complete absence of sentiment which characterized their performance so unlike that of shter deant which I so thoroughly enjoyed I clearly saw that everything

Was on the downgrade and yet I cherished no hope or desire to see this state of decline superseded by a period of newer and fresher life I preferred the small theaters where French Talent was shown in its true light and yet as the result of my own longings I was too intent upon

Finding points of relationship sh in them which would excite my sympathy for it to be possible for me to realize those peculiar excellences in them which did not happen to interest me at all besides from the very beginning my own troubles had proved so trying and the

Consciousness of the failure of my Paris schemes had become so cruy apparent that either out of indifference or annoyance I declined all invitations to the theaters again and again much to Mina’s regret I returned tickets for performances in which Rachel was to appear at the theater France and in fact

Saw that famous theater only once when sometime later I had to go there on business for my Dresden Patron who wanted some more articles I adopted the most shameful means for filling The Columns of the ab and zitu I just strung together whatever I happened to hear in the evening from

Anders and lers but as they had no very exciting Adventures either they simply told me all they had picked up from papers and table talk and this I tried to render with as much peany as possible in accordance with the journalistic style created by Hana which was all the

Rage at the time my one fear was lest old hofferth Winkler should someday discover the secret of my wide knowledge of Paris among other things which I sent to his declining paper was a long account of the production of Frist chuts he was particularly interested in it as

He was the guardian of Weber’s children and when in one of his letters he assured me that he would not rest until he had got the definite assurance that renzi had been accepted I sent him with my most profuse thanks the German manuscript of my bethoven story for his

Paper the 1841 edition of this Gazette then published by Arnold but now no longer in existence contains the only print of this manuscript my occasional journalistic work was increased by a request from lewald the editor of Europa a literary monthly asking me to write something for

Him this man was the first who from time to the time had mentioned my name to the public as he used to publish musical supplements to his elegant and rather widely read magazine I sent him two of my compositions from konigsburg for publication one of these was the music I

Had set to a Melancholy poem by sterin entitled D endi der tanan Bal a work of which even today I am still proud and my beautiful carnivals lied out of Lee best forbit when I wanted to publish my little French compositions doors M and F and the music to Hugo’s a taunt and

Ronar Mion lald not only sent me a small fee the first I had ever received for a composition but commissioned some long articles on my Paris Impressions which he begged me to write as entertainingly as possible for his paper I wrote Pariser amusements and Pariser fatalita in which I gave vent in

A humorous style alah to all my disappointing experiences in Paris and to all my contempt for the life led by by its inhabitants in the second I described the existence of a certain Hermon faou a strange good for nothing with whom during my early lipic days I had become

More intimately acquainted than was desirable this man had been wandering about Paris like a vagrant ever since the beginning of the previous winter and the meager income one derived from Arrangements of La Favorita was often partly consumed in helping this completely broken down fellow so it was

Only fair that I should get back a few Franks of the money spent on him in Paris by turning his adventures to some account in leal’s newspapers when I came into contact with Leon pillet the manager of the Opera my literary work took yet another Direction after numerous inquiries I

Eventually discovered that he had taken a fancy to my draft of the fle gender Hollander he informed me of this and asked me to sell him the plot as he was under contract to supply various composers with subjects for operettas I tried to explain to pillet both verbally and in writing that he

Could hardly expect that the plot would be properly treated except by myself as this draft was in fact my own idea and that it had only come to his knowledge by my having submitted it to him but it was all to no purpose he was obliged to admit quite frankly that the

Expectations I had cherished as to the result of Meer Beer’s recommendation to him would not come to anything he said there was no likelihood of my getting a commission for a composition even of a Opera for the next 7 years as his already existing contracts extended over that

Period he asked me to be sensible and to sell him the draft for a small amount so that he might have the music written by an author to be selected by him and he added that if I still wish to try my luck at the opera house I had better see

The ballet Master as he might want some music for a certain dance seeing that I contemptuously refused this proposal he left me to my own devices after endless and unsuccessful attempts at getting the matter settled I at last begged Edward Monae the commissa for the Royal

Theaters who was not only a friend of mine but also editor of The Gazette musical to act as mediator he candidly confessed that he could not understand Pet’s liking for my plot which he also was acquainted with but as pillet seemed to like it though he would probably lose it he advised me

To accept anything for it as mure Paul fosche a brother-in-law of Victor hugos had had an offer to work out the scheme for a similar libretto this gentleman had moreover declared that there was nothing new in my plot as the story of the viso phantome was well known in France I now

Saw how I stood and in a conversation with pillet at which M foset was present I said I would come to an arrangement my plot was generously estimated by pillet at 500 Franks and I received that amount from the cash office at the theater to be subsequently

Deducted from the author’s rights of the future poet our summer residence in the Avenue de muttin now assumed quite a definite character these 500 Franks had to help me to work out the words and music of my fle gender Hollander for Germany while I abandoned the French

Viso Phantom to its fate the state of my Affairs which was getting ever worse and worse was slightly improved by the settlement of this matter May and June had gone by and during these months our troubles had grown steadily more serious the lovely season of the year the stimulating country air and The

Sensation of Freedom following upon my deliverance from the wretchedly paid musical hack work I had had to do all the winter brought their beneficial effects on me and I was inspired to write a small story entitled in glucker Abend this was translated and published in French in The Gazette

Musical soon however our lack of funds began to make itself felt with a severe ity that was very discouraging we felt this all the more keenly when my sister Cecilia and her husband following our example moved to a place quite close to us though not wealthy they were fairly well too they

Came to see us every day but we never thought it desirable to let them know how terribly hard up we were one day it came to a climax being absolutely without money I started out early one morning to walk to Paris for I had not even enough to pay

The railway Fair thither and I resolved to wander about the whole day trudging from Street to Street even until late in the afternoon in the hope of raising a five Frank piece but my errand proved absolutely Vain and I had to walk all the way back to mut again utterly

Penniless when I told Mina who came to meet me of my failure she informed me in despair that Hermon faou whom I have mentioned before had also come to us in the most pitiful plight and actually in want of food food and that she had had

To give him the last of the bread delivered by the baker that morning the only hope that now remained was that at any rate my lodger bricks who by a singular fate was now our companion in Misfortune would return with some success from the expedition to Paris

Which he also had made that morning at last he too returned bathed in perspiration and exhausted driven home by the craving for a meal which he had been unable to procure in the town as he could not find any the acquaintances he went to see he begged most piously for a

Piece of bread this climax to the situation at last inspired my wife with heroic resolution for she felt it her duty to exert herself to appease at least the hunger of her menfolk for the first time during her stay on French soil she persuaded the baker The Butcher and wine merchant by

Plausible arguments to supply her with the necessaries of life without immediate cash payment and Mina’s eyes beamed when an hour later she was able to put before us an excellent meal during which as it happened we were surprised by the avenarius family who were evidently relieved at finding us so well provided

For this extreme distress was relieved for a time at the beginning of July by the sale of my viso phantome which meant my final renunciation of My Success in Paris as long as the 500 Franks lasted I had an interval of respit for carrying on my work the the first object on which

I spent my money was on the hire of a piano a thing of which I had been entirely deprived for months my chief intention in so doing was to revive my faith in myself as a musician as ever since the Autumn of the previous year I had exercised my talents as a journalist

And adapter of operas only the labretto of the fle gender Hollander which I had hurriedly written during the recent period of distress aroused considerable interest in layers he actually declared I would never write anything better and that the fle gender Hollander would be my Don Juan the only thing now was to

Find the music for it as towards the end of the previous winter I still entertained the hopes of being permitted to treat this subject for the French Opera I had already finished some of the words and music of the lyric parts and had had the labretto translated by Emil

Dasam intending it for a trial performance which alas never took place these parts were the ballad of senta the song of the Norwegian Sailors and the Spectre song of the crew of the fle gender Hollander since that time I had been so violently torn away from the music that

When the piano arrived at my rustic Retreat I did not dare to touch it for a whole day I was terribly afraid lest I should discover that my inspiration had left me when suddenly I was seized with the idea that I had forgotten to write out the song of the Helmsman in the

First Act although as a matter of fact I could not remember having composed it at all as I had in reality only just written the lyrics I succeeded and was pleased with the result the same thing occurred within the spinner song and when I had written out these two pieces

And on further reflection could not help admitting that they had really only taken shape in my mind at that moment I was quite Delirious with joy at the discovery in 7 weeks the whole of the music of the fle gender Hollander except the orchestration was finished thereupon

Followed a general Revival in our Circle my exuberant good spirits astonished everyone and my avenarius relations in particular thought I must really be prospering as I was such good company I resumed my long walks in the woods of muttin frequently even consenting to help Mina gather mushrooms which

Unfortunately were for her the chief charm of our Woodland Retreat though it filled our landlord with Terror when he saw us returning with our spoils as he felt sure we should be poisoned if we ate them my destiny which almost invariably led me into strange Adventures here once more introduced me

To the most eccentric character to be found not only in the neighborhood of muttin but even in Paris this was M Jaden who though he was old enough to be able to say that he remembered seeing Madame dep pomidor at Versailles was still vigorous beyond belief it appeared

To be his aim to keep the world in a constant state of conjecture as to his real age he made everything for himself with his own hands including even a quantity of wigs of every shade ranging in the most comic variety from youthful flax and to the most venerable white

With intermediate Shades of Gray these he wore alternately as the fancy pleased him he dabbled in everything and I was pleased to find he had a particular fancy for painting the fact that all the walls of his rooms were hung with the most childish caricatures of animal life

And that he had even embellished the outside of his blinds with the most ridiculous paintings did not disconcert me in the least on the contrary it confirmed my belief that he did not dabble in music until to my horror I discovered that the strangely discordant sounds of a harp which kept reaching my

Ears from some unknown region were actually proceeding from his basement where he had two Harps Accords of his own invention he informed me that he had unfortunately neglected playing them for a long time but that he now meant to begin practicing again assiduously in order to give me pleasure I succeeded in

Dissuading him from this by assuring him that the doctor had forbidden me to listen to the harp as it was bad for my nerves his figure as I saw him for the last time remains impressed on my memory like an apparition from the world of Hoffman’s fairy tales in the late Autumn

When we were going back to Paris he asked us to take with us on our furniture van an enormous stove pipe of which he promised to relieve us shortly one very cold day Jaden actually presented himself at our new Abode in Paris in a most Preposterous costume of

His own manufacturer consisting of very thin light yellow trousers a very short pale green dress coat with conspicuously long tails projecting lace shirt Frills and cuffs a very fair wig and a hat so small that it was constantly dropping off he wore in addition a quantity of imitation

Jewelry and all this on the undisguised assumption that he could not go about in fashionable Paris dressed as simply as in the country he had come for the stove pipe we asked him where the men to carry it were in reply he simply smiled and expressed his surprise at our

Helplessness and thereupon took the enormous stove pipe under his arm and absolutely refused to accept our help when we offered to assist him in carrying it down the stairs though this operation not withstanding his vaunted skill occupied him quite half an hour everyone in the house assembled to

Witness this removal but he was by no means disconcerted and managed to get the pipe through the street door and then tripped gracefully along the pavement with it and disappeared from our site for this short though eventful period during which I was quite free to give full scope to my inmost thoughts I

Indulged in a consolation of purely artistic Creations I can only say that when it came to an end I had made such progress that I could look forward with cheerful composure to the much longer period of trouble and distress I felt was in store for me

This in fact duly set in for I had only just completed the last scene when I found that my 500 Franks were coming to an end and what was left was not sufficient to secure me the necessary Peace and Freedom from worry for composing the Overture I had to postpone this until my

Luck should take another favorable turn and meanwhile I was forced to engage in the struggle for a bare subsistence making efforts of all kinds that left me neither Leisure nor peace of mind the concierge from the rud do Helder brought us the news that the mysterious family

To whom we had let our rooms had left and that we were now once more responsible for the rent I had to tell him that I would not under any circumstances trouble about the rooms anymore and that the landlord might recoup himself by the sale of the

Furniture we had left there this was done at a very heavy loss and the furniture the greater part of which was still unpaid for was sacrificed to pay the rent of a dwelling which we no longer occupied under the stress of the most terrible privations I still Endeavor to

Secure sufficient Leisure for working out the orchestration of the score of the fle gender Hollander the rough Autumn weather set in at an exceptionally early date people were all leaving their country houses for Paris and among them the avenarius family we however could not dream of doing so for

We could not even raise the funds for the journey when M Jaden expressed his surprise at this I pretended to be so pressed with work that I could not interrupt it although I felt the cold that penetrated through the thin walls of the house very severely so I waited for help from Ernst

Cel one of my old konigsburg friends a well-to-do young Merchant who a short time before had called On Us in muttin and treated us to a luxurious repast in Paris promising at the same time to relieve our Necessities as soon as possible by an advance which we knew was

An easy matter to him by way of cheering us up Keats came over to us one day with a large portfolio and a pillow under his arm he intended to amuse Us by working at a large caricature representing myself and my unfortunate adventures in Paris and the pillow was to enable him

After his labors to get some rest on our hard couch which he had noticed had no pillows at the head knowing that we had a difficulty in procuring fuel he brought with him some bottles of rum to warm bus with punch during the cold evenings under under these circumstances

I read Hoffman’s Tales to him and my wife at last I had news from kyburg but it only opened my eyes to the fact that the gay young dog had not meant his promise seriously we now looked forward almost with despair to the chilly Mists of approaching winter but Keats declaring

That it was his place to find help packed up his portfolio placed it under his arm with the pillow and went off to Paris on the next day he returned with 200 Franks that he had managed to procure by means of generous self-sacrifice we at once set off for

Paris and took a small apartment near our friends in the back part of number 14 R Jacob I afterwards heard that shortly after we left it was occupied by prone we got back to town on October 30th our home was exceedingly small and cold and its chilliness in particular

Made it very bad for our health we furnished it scantily with the little we had saved from the wreck of the rud Doo holder and awaited the results of my efforts towards getting my Works accepted and produced in Germany the first necessity was at all costs to secure peace and quietness for myself

For the short time which I should have to devote to the Overture of the fle gender Hollander I told Keat that he would have to procure the money necessary for my household expenses until this work was finished and the full score of the Opera sent off with

The aid of a pedantic Uncle who had lived in Paris a long time and who was also a painter he succeeded in providing me with the necessary assistance in installments of five or 10 Franks at a time during this period I often pointed with cheerful Pride to my boots which

Became mere travesties of foot gear as the saws eventually disappeared altogether as long as I was engaged on the Dutchman and Keats was looking after me this made no difference for I never went out but when I had dispatched my completed score to the management of the

Berlin Court theater at the beginning of December the bitterness of the position could no longer be disguised it was necessary for me to buckle to and look for help myself what this meant in Paris I learned just about this time from the hapless fate of the worthy layers driven

By needs such as I myself had had to surmount a year before at about the same time he had been compelled on a broiling hot day in the previous summer to scour the various quarters of the city breathlessly to get Grace for bills he had accepted and which had fallen due he

Foolishly took an ice drink which he hoped would refresh him in his distressing condition but it immediately made him lose his voice and from that day he was the victim of a horseness which with terrific rapidity ripened the seeds of consumption doubtless latent in him and developed that incurable disease

For months he had been growing weaker and weaker filling us at last with the gloomiest anxiety he alone believed the supposed chill would be cured if he could heat his room better for a time one day day I sought him out in his lodging where I found him in the icy

Cold room huddled up at his writing table and complaining of the difficulty of his work for da do which was all the more distressing as his employer was pressing him for advances he had made he declared that if he had not had the consolation in those doleful hours of

Knowing that I had at any rate got my Dutchman finished and that a prospect of success was thus opened to the little circle of friends his misery would have been hard indeed to bear this despite my own great trouble I begged him to share our fire and work in my room he smiled

At my courage in trying to help others especially as my quarters offered barely space enough for myself and my wife however one evening he came to us and silently showed me a letter he had received from Vil main the minister of education at that time in which the

Latter expressed in the warmest terms his great regret at having only just learned that so distinguished a scholar whose able and extensive collaboration in D issue of the Greek Classics had made him participator in a work that was the glory of the nation should be in such bad health and straightened

Circumstances unfortunately the amount of public money which he had at his disposal at that moment for subsidizing literature only allowed of his offering him the sum of 500 Franks which he enclosed with apologies asking him to accept it as a recognition of his merits on the part of

The French government and adding that it was his intention to give Earnest consideration as to how he might Mater Al improve his position this filled us with the utmost thankfulness on poor L’s account and we looked on the incident almost as a miracle we could not help

Assuming however that M vilm had been influenced by daot who had been prompted by his own guilty conscience for his despicable exploitation of layers and by the prospect of thus relieving himself of the responsibility of helping him at the same time from similar cases within our knowledge which were fully confirmed

By my own subsequent experience we were driven to the conclusion that such prompt and considerate sympathy on the part of a minister would have been impossible in Germany layers would now have a fire to work by but alas our fears as to his declining Health could not be allayed

When we left Paris in the following spring it was the certainty that we should never see our dear friend again that made our parting so painful in my own great distress I was again exposed to the annoying of having to write numerous unpaid articles for the Aben

Zum as my Patron hofr Winkler was still unable to give me any satisfactory account of the fate of my rienzi in Dresden in these circumstances I was obliged to consider it a good thing that Hal’s latest Opera was at last a success slesinger came to us radiant with joy at

The success of line the sheeper and promised me eternal Bliss for the piano score and various other arrangements I had made of this newest rage in the sphere of Opera so I was again forced to pay the penalty for composing my own fle gender Hollander by having to sit down and

Write out Arrangements of halevy’s Opera yet this task no longer weighed on me so heavily apart from the well-founded hope of being at last recalled from my Exile in Paris and thus being able as I thought to regard this last struggle with poverty as the decisive one the

Arrangement of halevi score was far in a way a more interesting piece of hack work than the shameful labor I had spent on donizetti’s Favorita I paid another visit the last for a long time to come to the grand opera to hear this rain to sheeper there

Was indeed much for me to smile at my eyes were no longer shut to the extreme weakness of this class of work and the caricature of it that was often produced by the method of rendering it I was sincerely rejoiced to see the better side of halevi again I had taken a great

Fancy to him from the time of his L and had a a very high opinion of his masterly talent at the request of slesinger I also willingly consented to write for his paper along long article on halevy’s latest work in it I laid particular stress on my hope that the

French school might not again allow the benefits obtained by studying the German style to be lost by relapsing into the shallowest Italian methods on that occasion I ventured by way of encouraging the French school to point to The Peculiar significance of O and particularly to his stom Von porai

Drawing attention on the other hand to the overloaded Melodies of rosini which often resembled Soul F exercises in Reading over the proof of my article I saw that this passage about rosini had been left out and M Edward Monae admitted to me that in his capacity as editor of a musical paper he

Had felt himself bound to suppress it he considered that if I had any adverse criticism to pass on the composer I could easily get it published in any other kind of of paper but not in one devoted to the interests of Music simply because such a passage could not be

Printed there without seeming absurd it also annoyed him that I had spoken in such high terms of O but he let it stand I had to listen to much from that quarter which enlightened me forever with regard to the decay of operatic music in particular and artistic taste in general among

Frenchmen of the present day I also wrote a longer article on the same Opera for my precious friend at Dresden who was still hesitating about accepting my renzi in doing so I intentionally made Mary over a mishap that had befallen latner the conductor kustner who was theatrical director at Munich at the

Time with a view to giving his friend another chance ordered a labretto to be written for him by a Jorge in Paris so that through his paternal care the highest Bliss which a German composer could dream of might be assured to his Protege well it turned out out that when

Halevy’s Reign to sheeper appeared it treated the same subject as lner’s presumably original work which had been composed in the meantime it mattered very little that the libretto was a really good one the value of the bargain lay in the fact that it was to be glorified by lner’s

Music it appeared however that is T George had as a matter of fact to some extent altered the book sent to Munich but only by the omission of several interesting features the fury of the Munich manager was great whereupon is TE George declared his astonishment at the latter could have imagined he would

Supply a lto intended solely for the German stage at the poultry price offered by his German customer as I had formed my own private opinion as to procuring French lettos for operas and as nothing in the world would have induced me to set to music even the most

Effective piece of writing by scribe or George this occurrence delighted me immensely and in the best of spirits I let myself go on the point for the benefit of the readers of the Aben zum who it is to be hoped did not include my future friend lner in addition my work on halevy’s

Opera reain the sheeper brought me into closer contact with that composer and was the means of procuring me many and enlivening talk with that peculiarly good-hearted and really unassuming man whose Talent alas declined all too soon slesinger in fact was exasperated at his encourageable laziness halevi who had looked through

My piano score contemplated several changes with a view to making it easier but he did not proceed with them slesinger could not get the proof sheets back the publication was consequently delayed and he feared that the popularity of the Opera would be over before the work was ready for the public

He urged me to get firm hold of halevi very early in the morning in his rooms and compel him to set to work at the alterations in my company the first time I I reached his house at about 10:00 in the morning I found him just out of bed

And he informed me that he really must have breakfast first I accepted his invitation and sat down with him to a somewhat luxurious meal my conversation seemed to appeal to him but friends came in and at last slesinger among the number who burst into a fury at not

Finding him at work on the proofs he regarded as so important halevi however remained quite unmoved in the best of good tempers he merely complained of his latest success because he had never had more peace than of late when his operas almost without exception had been

Failures and he had not had anything to do with them after the first production moreover he feigned not to understand why this reain to sheeper in particular should have been a success he declared that slesinger had engineered it on purpose to worry him when he spoke

A few words to me in German one of the visitors was astonished whereupon slesinger said that all Jews could speak German thereupon slesinger was asked if he also was a Jew he answered that he had been but had become a Christian for his wife’s sake this freedom of speech

Was a pleasant surprise to me because in Germany in such cases we always studiously avoided the point as discourteous to the person referred to but as we never got to the proof correcting slesinger made me promise to give halevi no peace until we had done them the secret of his IND refence to

Success became clear to me in the course of further conversation as I learned that he was on the point of making a wealthy marriage at first I was inclined to think that halevi was simply a man whose youthful Talent was only stimulated to achieve one great success

With the object of becoming rich in his case however this was not the only reason as he was very modest in regard to his own capacity and had no great opinion of the works of those more fortunate composers who were writing for the French stage at that time

In him I thus for the first time met with the frankly expressed admission of disbelief in the value of all our modern Creations in this dubious field of art I have since come to the conclusion that this incredulity often expressed with much less modesty justifies the participation of all Jews in our artistic

Concerns only once did halevi speak to me with real cander when on my tardy departure for Germany he wished me the success he thought my Works deserved in the year 1860 I saw him again I had learned that while the Parisian critics were giving vent to the bitterest

Condemnation of the concerts I was giving at that time he had expressed his approval and this determined me to visit him at the peda L Institute of which he had for some time been permanent secretary he seemed particularly eager to learn from my own lips what my new

Theory about music really was of which he had heard such wild rumors for his own part he said said he had never found anything but music in my music but with this difference that mine had generally seemed very good this gave rise to a lively discussion on my part to which he

Good humoredly agreed once more wishing me success in Paris this time however he did so with less conviction than when he bade me goodbye for Germany which I thought was because he doubted whether I could succeed in Paris from this final visit I carried away a depressing sense of the

Inovation both more moral and aesthetic which had overcome one of the last great French musicians while on the other hand I could not help feeling that a tendency to a hypocritical or frankly impudent exploitation of the universal degeneracy marked all who could be designated as hevi successors throughout this period of

Constant hackwork my thoughts were entirely bent on my return to Germany which now presented itself to my mind in a wholly new and ideal light I endeavored in various ways to secure all that seemed most most attractive about the project or which filled my soul with longing my intercourse with L’s had on

The whole given a decided spur to my former tendency to Grapple seriously with my subjects a tendency which had been counteracted by closer contact with the theater this desire now furnished a basis for closer study of philosophical questions I had been astonished at times to hear even the grave and virtuous

Layers openly and quite as a matter of course give expression to grave doubts concerning our individual survival after death he declared that in many great men this doubt even though only tacitly held had been the real incitement to Noble Deeds the natural result of such a belief speedily dawned on me without

However causing me any serious alarm on the contrary I found a fascinating stimulus in the fact that boundless regions of meditation and knowledge were thereby opened up which hitherto I had merely skimmed in light-hearted levity in my remute attempts to study the Greek Classics in the original I received no

Encouragement from layers he dissuaded me from doing so with the well- meant consolation that as I could only be born once and that with music in me I should learn to understand this branch of knowledge without the help of grammar or lexicon whereas if Greek were to be

Studied with real enjoyment it was no joke and would not suffer being relegated to a secondary place on the other hand I felt strongly drawn to G a closer acquaintance of German history than I had secured at school I had romer’s history of the hoenen within

Easy reach to started upon all the great figures in this book lived vividly before my eyes I was particularly captivated by the personality of that gifted Emperor Frederick 2 whose fortunes aroused my sympathy so keenly that I vainly sought for a fitting artistic setting for them the fate of

His son Manfred on the other hand provoked in me an equally well grounded but more easily combed feeling of opposition I accordingly made a plan of a great five act dramatic poem which should also be perfectly adapted to a musical setting my impulse to embellish the story with the central figure of

Romantic significance was prompted by the fact of manfred’s enthusiastic reception in lucera by the sarasin who supported him and carried him on from Victory to Victory till he reached his final Triumph and this too in spite of the fact that he had come to them betrayed on every hand banned by

The church and deserted by all his followers during his flight through aulia and the ab bruzi even at this time it delighted me to find in the German mind the capacity of appreciating beyond the narrow bounds of nationality all purely human qualities in however strange a Garb they might be presented

For in this I recognized how nearly Akin it is to the mind of Greece in Frederick 2 I saw this quality in full flower a fair-haired German of ancient suian stock heir to the Norman realm of Sicily and Naples who gave the Italian language its first development and laid a basis

For the evolution of knowledge and art where hitherto ecclesiastical fanaticism and fudal brutality had alone contended for power a monarch who gathered at his court The Poets and sages of Eastern lands and surrounded himself with the Living products of Arabian and Persian Grace and spirit this man I beheld

Betrayed by the Roman clergy to the Infidel foe yet ending his crusade to their bitter disappointment by a pact of peace with the sultan from whom he obtained a grant of privileges to Christians in Palestine such as the bloodiest Victory could scarcely have secured in this wonderful Emperor who

Finally under the ban of that same church struggled hopelessly and in vain against the Savage bigotry of his age I beheld the German ideal in its highest embodiment my poem was concerned with the fate of his favorite son Manfred on the death of an elder brother Frederick’s Empire had entirely fallen

To pieces and the young Manfred was left under papal Susy in nominal possession of the Throne of aulia we find him at capua in surroundings and attended by a court in which the spirit of his great father survives in a state of almost effeminate degeneration in despair of ever

Restoring the Imperial power of the hoen Stalin he seeks to forget his sadness in Romance and song there now appears upon the scene a young sarason lady just arrived from the East who by appealing to the alliance between East and West concluded by manfred’s Noble father conjures the desponding son to maintain

His Imperial Heritage she acts the part of an inspired prophetess and though the prince is quickly filled with love for her she succeeds in keeping him at a respectful Distance by a skillfully contrived flight she snatches him not only from the pursuit of rebellious aulan Nobles but also from the papal

Band which is threatening to depose him from his throne accompanied only by a few faithful followers she guides him through Mountain fastnesses where one night the wearied son beholds the spirit of Frederick 2 passing with feudal array through the ab bruzi and beckoning him on to lyria to this District situated in the

Papal States Frederick had by a peaceful compact transplanted the remnant of his sarasin retainers who had previously been wreaking terrible havoc in the mountains of Sicily to the great annoyance of the Pope he had handed the town over to them in fee simple thus securing for himself a band of faithful

Allies in the heart of an Ever treacherous and hostile country foda as My Heroine is called has prepared through the instrumentality of trusty friends a reception for Manfred in this place when the papal Governor has been expelled by a revolution he slips through the Gateway into the town is

Recognized by the whole population as the son of their beloved Emperor and amid wildest enthusiasm is placed at their head to lead them against the enemies of their departed benefactor in the meantime while Manfred is marching on from Victory to victory in his reconquest of the whole Kingdom

Of aulia the tragic center of my action still continues to be the unvoiced longing of the love Lorn Victor for The Marvelous heroine she is the child of the great Emperor’s love for a Noble sarasin Maiden her mother on her deathbed had sent her to Manfred for

Telling that she would work wonders for his glory provided she never yielded to his passion whether Fatima was to know that she was his sister I left undecided in framing my plot meanwhile she is careful to show herself to him only at critical moments and then always in such

A way as to remain unapproachable when at last she Witnesses the completion of her task in his coronation at Naples she determines in obedience to her vow to slip away secretly from the newly ano anointed king that she may meditate in the Solitude of her distant home upon the success of her

Enterprise the sarason nedin who had been a companion of her Youth and to whose help she had chiefly owed her success in rescuing Manfred is to be the sole partner of her flight to this man who loves her with passionate artor she had been promised in her childhood before her secret departure

She pays a last visit to the slumbering king this Rouses her lovers Furious jealousy as he construes her act into a proof of unfaithfulness on the part of his betrothed the last look of farewell which foda casts from a distance at the Young Monarch on his return from his

Coronation inflames the jealous lover to wreak instant Vengeance for the supposed outrage upon his honor he strikes the prophetes to the Earth whereupon she thanks him with a smile for having delivered her from an unbearable existence at the sight of her body Manford realizes that henceforth happiness has deserted Ed him

Forever this theme I had adorned with many gorgeous scenes and complicated situations so that when I had worked it out I could regard it as a fairly suitable interesting and effective whole especially when compared with other well-known subjects of a similar nature yet I could never Rouse myself to

Sufficient enthusiasm over it to give my serious attention to its elaboration especially as another theme now laid its grip upon me this was suggested to me by a pamphlet on the to venusberg which accidentally fell into my hands if all that I regarded as essentially German had hitherto drawn me with ever

Increasing force and compelled me to its eager Pursuit I here found it suddenly presented to me in the simple outlines of a legend based upon the old and well-known Ballad of tanhauser true its elements were already familiar to me from te’s version in his fantasis but his conception of the

Subject had flung me back into the Fantastic regions creat Creed in my mind at an earlier period by Hoffman and I should certainly never have been tempted to extract the framework of a dramatic work from his elaborate Story the point in this popular pamphlet which had so

Much weight with me was that it brought tanhauser if only by a passing hint into touch with the minstrels war on the Wartburg I had some knowledge of this also from Hoffman’s account in his serapian Spen but I felt that the writer had only grasped the old Legend in a

Distorted form and therefore endeavored to gain a closer acquaintance with the true aspect of this attractive story at this juncture lers brought me the annual report of the proceedings of the konigsburg German society in which the wartbug contest was criticized with a fair amount of detail by

Lucas here I also found the original text although I could utilize but little of the real setting for my own purpose yet the picture it gave me of Germany in the Middle Ages was so suggestive that I found I had not previously had the smallest concept ion of what it was like

As a sequel to the wartbug poem I also found in the same copy a critical study lingren which gave in full detail the main contents of that widespread epic thus a whole new world was open to me and though as yet I had not found the

Form in which I might cope with lingren yet this image also lived imperishably within me when therefore I afterwards made a close acquaintance with the intricacies of this Legend I could visualize the figure of the hero with a distinctness equal to that of my conception of tanhauser at this time

Under these influences my longing for a speedy return to Germany grew ever more intense for there I hoped to earn a new home for myself where I could enjoy Leisure for Creative work but it was not yet possible even to think of occupying myself with such grateful tasks the

Sorted necessities of life still bound me to Paris while thus employed I found an opportunity of exerting myself in a way more congenial to my desires when I was a young man at Prague I had made the acquaintance of a Jewish musician and composer called desau a man

Who was not devoid of talent who in fact achieved a certain reputation but was chiefly known among his Intimates on account of his hypochondria this man who was now in flourishing circumstances was so far patronized by slesinger that the latter seriously proposed to help him to a commission for grand opera desau had

Come across my poem of the fle gender Hollander and now insisted that I should draft a similar plot for him as M Leon Pet’s viso phantome had already been given to mde the letters musical conductor to set to music from this same conductor desau obtained the promise of

A like commission and he now offered me 200 Franks to provide him with a similar plot and one congenial to his hypochondrial temperament to meet this wish I ransacked my brain for Recollections of Hoffman and quickly decided to work up his burgw work Von faen the molding of this fascinating and

Marvelous material succeeded as admirably as I could wish desau also felt convinced that the topic was worth his while to set to music his dismay was accordingly all the greater when pillet rejected our plot on the ground that the staging would be too difficult and that the second act especially would entail

Insurmountable obstacles for the balet which had to be given each time in place of this Des hour wished me to compose him an or Toro on Mary Magdalene as on the day that he expressed this wish he appeared to be suffering from acute Melancholia so much

So that he declared he had that morning seen his own head lying beside his bed I thought well not to refuse his request I asked him therefore to give me time and I regret to say that ever since that day I have continued to take it it

Was amid such distractions as these that this winter at length Drew to an end while my prospects of getting to Germany gradually grew more more hopeful though with a slowness that sorely tried my patience I had kept up a continuous correspondence with Dresden respecting renzi and in the worthy chorus master

Fiser I at last found an honest man who was favorably disposed to me he sent me reliable and reassuring reports as to the state of my Affairs after receiving news early in January 1842 of renewed delay I at last heard that by the end of February the work would be ready for performance

I was seriously uneasy at this as I was afraid of not being able to accomplish the journey by that date but this news also was soon contradicted and the honest Fisher informed me that my Opera had had to be postponed till the Autumn of that year I realized fully that it

Would never be performed if I could not be present in person at Dresden when eventually in March count reder the director of the theater Royal in Berlin told me that my fle gender Hollander had been accepted for the Opera there I thought I had sufficient reason to

Return to Germany at all costs as soon as possible I had already had various experiences as to the views of German managers on this work relying on the plot which had pleased the manager of the Paris Opera so much I had sent the labretto in the first instance to my old

Acquaintance ringel har the director of the leig theater but the man had cherished an undisguised aversion for me since my Lee best forbit as he could not this time possibly object to any levity in my subject he now found fault with its gloomy solemnity and refused to

Accept it as I had met councelor kustner at that time manager of the Munich Court theater when he was making arrangements about Laine the sheeper in Paris I now sent him the text of the Dutchman with a similar request he too returned it with the assurance that it was not suited to

German stage conditions or to the taste of the German public as he had ordered a French labretto for Munich I knew what he meant when the score was finished I sent it to meyerbeer in Berlin with a letter for count reder and begged him as he had been unable to help me to

Anything in Paris in spite of his desire to do so to be kind enough to use his influence in Berlin in favor of my composition I was genuinely astonished at the truly prompt acceptance of my work two months later which was accompanied by very gratifying assurances from the count and I was

Delighted to see in it a proof of Meer beard sincere and energetic intervention in my favor strange to say on my return to Germany soon afterwards I was destined to learn that count reder had long since retired from the management of the Berlin opera house and that kustner of Munich had already been

Appointed his successor the upshot of this was that count reeder’s consent though very courteous could not by any means be taken seriously as the realization of it depended not on him but on his successor what the result was remains to be seen A circumstance that eventually facilitated my long-desired return to

Germany which was now justified by my good prospects was the tarily awakened interest taken in my position by the wealthy members of my family if D do had had reasons of his own for applying to the minister vilm for support for layers so also avenarius my brother-in-law in

Paris when he heard how I was struggling against poverty one day took it into his head to surprise me with some quite unexpected help secured by his appeal to my sister Louisa on December 26th of the fast waning year 1841 I went home to Min

Carrying a goose under my arm and in the beak of the bird we found a 500 Frank note this note had been given me by avenarius as the result of a request on my behalf made by my sister Louisa to a friend of hers a wealthy Merchant named

Schletter this welcome addition to our extremely straightened resources might not in itself have been sufficient to put me in an exceedingly Good Humor had I not clearly seen in it the prospect of escaping altogether from my position in Paris as the leading German managers had now consented to the performance of two

Of my compositions I thought I might seriously reproach my brother-in-law Friedrich brockhouse who had repulsed me the year before when I applied to him in great distress on the ground that he disapproved of my profession this time I might be more successful in securing the wherewithal

For my return I was not mistaken and when the time came I was supplied from this source with the necessary traveling expenses with these prospects and my position thus improved I found myself spending the second half of the winter 1841 to 42 in High Spirits and affording constant entertainment to the small

Circle of friends which my relationship to avenarius had created around me Mina and I frequently spent our evenings with this family and others amongst whom I have pleasant Recollections of a certain Heron the head of a private school and his wife I contributed so greatly to the

Success of their little sarees and was always so willing to improvise dances on the piano for them to dance to that I soon ran the risk of enjoying an almost burdensome popularity at length the hour struck for my Deliverance the day came on which as

I devoutly hoped I might turn my back on Paris forever it was the 7th of April and Paris was already gay with the first luxuriant buddings of spring in front of our Windows which all the winter had looked upon a bleak and desolate Garden the trees were burgeoning and the Birds Sang our

Emotion at parting from our dear friends Anders lers and kei’s however was great almost overwhelming the first seemed already doomed to an early death for his health was exceedingly bad and he was advanced in years about L’s condition as I have already said there could no longer be

Any doubt and it was Dreadful after after so short an experience as the 2 and 1/2 years which I had spent in Paris to see the ravages that one had rought among good Noble and sometimes even distinguished men Keats for whose future I was concerned Less on grounds of

Health than of morals touched our hearts Once More by his boundless and almost childlike good nature fancying for instance that I might not have enough money for the journey he forced me in spite of all resistance to accept another five Frank piece which was about all that remained of his

Own fortune at the moment he also stuffed a packet of good french snuff for me into the pocket of the coach in which we at last rumbled through the boulevards to the barriers which we passed but were unable to see this time because our eyes were blinded with tears part 2 1842 to

1850 the journey from Paris to Dresden at that time took five days and nights